I used to work for a church as an audio technician and a general hand for weekend services and things. A few years ago, the church pulled enough money together to record a live worship session to put on sale.

It was a really important thing that had been in the works for months, and in case you don’t know, it was really expensive to do. So, the decision was made to not allow children under the age of twelve into this recording service under the logic that kids that young can’t be quiet the entire night with the entire crowd being recorded with a ton of microphones as well. And this was advertised as the rule well in advance.

I am standing at the main entrance, welcoming people and explaining what to expect, when I see a mother walking up with her kids.

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but children under a certain age aren’t allowed in the service tonight. We have activities and alternative arrangements ready for them in the other building.”

Mother: “Um, what?!”

I explain again while still getting stared at.

Mother: *Trying to end the conversation.* “My kids are really mature and grown up. They will be fine, don’t worry!”

Me: *Still somehow being polite.* “Ma’am, that could probably be true, but if I let your children in, I would have to let other children in who wouldn’t be, and they could ruin the recording. I have to apply the rule equally.”

Mother: “I don’t care about other people’s kids. I want my kids with me!”

She sees my supervisor walking to the door to the audio booth next to me.

Mother: “Hey! This guy won’t let my kids come in, but you know they are fine, right!?”

Supervisor: “…no? You know the rules for tonight. He’s right, they can’t come in.”

Mother: *Looks at both of us, fuming.* “Well, if they can’t come in, then we ARE GOING HOME!”

Supervisor: “That is certainly your right.”

She stormed away with her embarrassed kids. We went on with the night without a care in the world.

The recording turned out great, and the church raised a lot of money for charity with it.

I am browsing through the Christmas displays when I hear a woman calling to her companion, who is in the aisle behind me. We can all see each other as the fixtures are low.

Woman: “Come and look at these ornaments, they are so cute.”

Man: *Scoffs.* “Did you just say ornaments? It’s ordaments, you’re saying it wrong.”

He’s walking toward her as he’s talking.

Woman: “No, I’m not, the word is ornament.”

Man: “What sort of word is ornament? It’s ordament, you’re saying it wrong.” *Lowers his voice.* “It makes you sound dumb.”

Woman: “Okay, then why don’t you try reading the tag?”

Man: “Okaaay, I will… Oh, umm… they aren’t that cute.”

He quickly leaves the area, as she shakes her head, following after him.

I did look at the ornaments that she was indicating. He was right that they weren’t that cute.

My daughter and I are on vacation. We have afternoon tickets for a koala bear (and other animals) park. We decided to leave early for the bus so we could walk slowly and stop at places when we wanted. We got to the bus stop forty minutes early, with no one else there yet. As we waited, more people showed up.

The bus finally arrived, and about ten people swarmed to the bus doors ahead of us. Not totally polite, but to us, it didn’t matter because we would still get a seat.

Then a guy’s voice beside us said loudly to the gathering:

Guy: “These two women were here first. We should let them get on first.”

What a surprise. But you know what? We did take the front seats on one side of the bus. Best thing. The driver kept up a conversation with the people in the front four rows (probably only ones who could hear over the bus noise). Entertaining as well as throwing in some educational tidbits.

Best bus ride for sure.

I work at the cheese counter in a grocery store.

Customer: “Do you have dairy-free?”

Me: “Vegan cheese? That’s in the ‘free-from’ department. I don’t have that at the cheese counter.”

Customer: “No! Not vegan! Dairy-free!”

Me: “Do you mean lactose-free?”

Customer: “Ugh, you have no idea what I want!”

Me: “Babe, I don’t think you know what you want.”

I’m on a flight from Sydney, Australia, to Santiago, Chile. The flight is usually about thirteen and a half hours, but we’ve diverted quite significantly to avoid a big storm just north of us, so we’re diverting south for a little bit, adding an hour to our journey.

Passenger: *Calling a flight attendant.* “I’m looking at the map on my screen! Why are we going so far south?”

Flight Attendant: “We had to divert south to avoid a big storm out in the South Pacific. We’ll be pushing north again very soon.” *Then, trying to lighten the mood.* “Don’t worry, it’s not like we’re doing the Strait of Magellan in reverse or anything!”

The flight attendant moves on to help someone else, and I hear the passenger turn to their companion and say:

Passenger: “What’s she talking about Magellan for? Didn’t he take the Panama Canal?”