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Someone This Stupid Should Not Be Behind The Wheel

, , , , , | Legal | September 22, 2021

My friend is a police officer. He and his partner are driving behind a car that isn’t doing much to attract their attention, but their onboard computer tells them that the owner’s driving licence has been suspended for multiple DUI offences.

They pull the car over for a licence check, and the young man driving explains that it is his mother’s car and she allows him to use it. That’s no problem, but just to make sure, they ask for his licence as identification.

The Provisional Licence — one step up from a Learner’s Permit — he only had for three months has been cancelled for many unpaid speeding fines.

Police Officer: “Since you are driving without a valid licence, we are impounding the vehicle.”

Young Man: “Do you have to? I need to take the car home so that my mother will have it to go to work tomorrow.”

Police Officer: *Stunned* “You want me to let you drive home tonight, without a licence, so that your mother can drive to work tomorrow, also without a licence?”

The young man apparently doesn’t see any problem with this.

Young Man: “Yes, that would be very good of you. It would save me getting told off by my mom and she wouldn’t stop me borrowing the car.”

The officer turns to his partner, who is trying to stifle a laugh.

Police Officer: “It’s not funny!”

Trying not to laugh himself, he shakes his head and turns to the young man.

Police Officer: “I think we had better take you into the station and have a long talk with you and your mother when she comes to get you.”

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When Will They Realize Not Coming Back Is An Incentive Not A Threat?

, , | Right | September 17, 2021

I am working on setting up a new store. The owners are desperate to open as the setup has taken longer than they expected due to the store being larger than any they have opened in the past. They decide to get all the staff to concentrate on finishing most of the departments and blocking off an unfinished area so that they can open on the advertised date.

We have built walls using cartons of stock to block off the area, leaving a roped-off opening for staff to access. I am part of the team that is assigned to finish off the area, and as we complete an area, we move the wall of cartons. At one stage, the wall doesn’t quite span across the area blocked off; there is a gap of about twenty to thirty centimetres. Most customers just peer through the gap to see what we are doing, but not one woman.

I hear the sound of the carton wall moving and look up to see a woman squeezing herself through the gap. I rush up to stop her from doing so as the cartons are full of stock and could harm her if she pushes the wall over.  

Me: “I’m sorry, but you can’t come through that way.”

Customer: “Why not? I want to shop in here!”

Me: “This area isn’t set up for customers yet.”

Customer: “What do you mean, ‘not set up yet’? The shop is open and I want to shop!”

Me: “This part is not open yet; we are still working on getting it done.”

Customer: *Screaming* “How dare you open this place if it’s not completely finished?! I am so disgusted! I will be telling people not to shop here!”

She stomps off. I turn to see my store manager watching from the other end of the area. I explain to him that I stopped her from squeezing through the gap and possibly knocking the cartons onto herself and what she said to me.

Manager: “So, she’s not coming back? Good. We don’t need crazies in here. You handled that well.”

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All Maroon Five People Said The Same Thing

, , | Right | September 15, 2021

I sell travel cards and certain ones need certain IDs. For example, green cards are only sold to pension cardholders and students. Maroon is only for senior cardholders and has a few more discounts. If I sell the wrong card, I could get in trouble and the customer ends up with a $261 fine.

I have an elderly gentleman come up to my desk who tells me he was sold the wrong card yesterday and he wants to get it fixed. He pulls out his green card with his pension card, which means he has the right card. 

Me: “Okay, so you gave her your pension card, which means she gave you the correct card.”

Customer: “No, she didn’t! I want the maroon one!”

Me: “Do you have a senior card?”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “Well, I can’t sell you the maroon one.”

Customer: “Yes, you can!”

Me: “No, I can’t. You need to show me your senior card!”

I show him the card I need.

Customer: *Slamming his hand down on the desk* “That’s not right! You don’t know what you’re doing. Neither did the girl yesterday! I want the maroon card!”

Me: “You don’t have a senior card so I can’t sell you a maroon card!”

Customer: “Listen to me! I’ve spoken to five people and they’ve all told me the same thing, and now you are, too, and you all know nothing! Give me the maroon card! I’m unsatisfied with your service!”

This went on for another five minutes. He carried on about how I wasn’t giving him what he wanted and we were going around in circles. In the end, I told him to call and complain about my “poor service.”

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And A Slight Sprinkling Of Homosexuality

, , , | Right | September 14, 2021

I’m working as a waitress. Our restaurant has a small booth table which only seats two people, so it usually contains couples on a date.

I am serving two girls sitting at this table, and they each order a small bowl of ice cream.

On a whim, I ask:

Me: “Would you like sprinkles on your ice creams?”

[Girl #1]’s eyes light up and she enthusiastically answers.

Girl #1: “Yes!”

We all laugh a little, before [Girl #2] suddenly exclaims:

Girl #2: “We’re not lesbians, though!”

“Sprinkles = lesbians” turned into a long-running inside joke with my coworker, after we spent the rest of the night wondering what prompted her to clarify their sexualities.

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Such A Cone Head

, , | Right | September 9, 2021

A woman enters our shop and checks the flavours and then the prices list.

Customer: “How much is the single cone?”

Me: “$4.00.”

Customer: “Does it come with the ice cream?”

Me: *Pauses* “Usually they do?”

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