Ahh, Bonding

, , , , , | Legal | August 13, 2020

I was involved in… erm… liberating a family of abused dogs from a backyard breeder. This is the only time I’ve ever done something in my life that would be considered wrong in the eyes of authority; I’ve always been very straight-laced. However, my brother has fallen on the wrong side of the law quite a few times.

I call my mum to give her an update on the situation and let her know I’m safe, which she’s glad to hear, but she’s also annoyed that I’m doing something she considers to be wrong. 

Unfortunately, I decided to cheer her up by saying, “Well, I guess my brother and I do finally have one thing in common; we’re both criminals!”

I’m going to hear about this for the rest of my life.

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Crocodile Denial, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | August 13, 2020

I work as a tour guide at a wildlife park. Today, I am showing a tour group of senior high school and college students from the US around our wildlife park. We arrive at one of the saltwater crocodiles, which are bigger and more dangerous than alligators. This one is five metres long and weighs nearly a metric tonne, and he is on the bank with only his tail in the water.

We are standing on a raised platform looking down at him. I finish my talk about crocodiles.

Me: “Does anyone have any questions?”

Tourist: “How do you make the crocodile do tricks?”

Me: *Pause* “I do not make him do tricks.”

Tourist: “But he’s just sitting there.”

Me: “Yes, crocodiles save their energy for when they need it. See how he’s watching us? He won’t move unless he decides it’s worth the effort.”

Tourist: “You should poke him.”

Me: “I’m not going to poke him.”

Tourist: “C’mon, he won’t move, I bet.”

Me: “He absolutely will move; he is very territorial. We do not enter his pen without a lot of precautions; he can attack very quickly.”

Tourist: “But he looks so lazy.”

Me: “Again, because he is saving his energy.”

Tourist: “I’m going to jump in there.”

The tourist goes to swing his foot up over the railing. Whether or not he’s joking doesn’t matter; I pull him back from the barrier.

Me: “Absolutely do not do that. You will die. And I will not be going in to save you.”

Tourist: “You won’t?”

Me: “No.”

He finally moved on after that.

Related:
Crocodile Denial

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Unfiltered Story #205595

, , , | Unfiltered | August 13, 2020

Our store is closing down and has been busy for the last few months. We are about 3 weeks away from closing so our clearence stock has gone down even more. My job is to put as much stock as I can onto the floor but serve as soon as a customer comes up to the register. We only have two so the line can form quite quickly if you take longer for your purchases.
My coworker had been serving and I noticed a customer waiting so I went up to serve her. She was with a friend and had mentioned she wasn’t sure about a few things which I understood, (usually customers will look as they are putting it down and then tell me if they want it or not). She had about 11 items in her trolley. I scanned 4 that she wanted and waited for her to make a decision on the rest. She asked the prices for the remaining items which I told her and then she turned back to her friend and starting talking to her about the item. At this point she had been there for 5 minutes. I looked at my manager across the store and she gave me a sympathetic look. The customer asked the prices again, so I scanned them again and told her. She turned again and started speaking again. At this point it had been 10 minutes, the line was quite large and my coworker was trying to go as fast as she could. Not knowing what to say to the customer, my manager stepped in and told her to make a decision or step aside as we have other customers to serve. So she made a decision and only took the 4 items I scanned first. I quickly finished the purchase and handed her the receipt, thinking it was over so I could serve others waiting, but she took the receipt and did the math in front of me making me double check if the prices she paid for was correct and it added up fine. When she was satisfied, she finally left taking up 20 minutes of our time and leaving the store a mess!

Mom Sets Another Unrealistic Expectation

, , , , | Related | August 12, 2020

My mother has a bad habit of changing subjects mid-conversation and then getting upset that we haven’t followed along with her train of thought. 

We are talking about a recent illness outbreak that is not very far from us. She then mentions that they had a lady come out to care for my invalid father, that she didn’t wear a mask, and that she mentioned that she had been to the outbreak hotspot that day so they had made a complaint to the care providers.

Mother: “She recently had a baby; she should have known better. She named him Joe. Joe! Joe’s got lung cancer that’s gone to his brain.”

I am horrified to hear that about a baby.

Me: “Oh, my God! Was he born with it?”

Mum: “What are you talking about?”

Me: “Was the baby born with cancer?”

Mum looks at me as if I am the dumbest person on earth and talks to me the same way.

Mum: “No, you remember Joe, your sister’s stupid ex-husband? That’s who I am talking about. You’re as bad as your father; he never listens to me, either.

Me: “What did you expect? One moment you are talking about a baby named Joe and the next you tell me that Joe has cancer. I couldn’t tell that you were talking about two different people.”

Mum just shrugged. She can’t understand how we get so frustrated with her when she does things like this. It makes sense to her, so why wouldn’t it make sense to others?

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Unfiltered Story #205581

, | Unfiltered | August 12, 2020

I have the after hours emergency phone for my clinic. Our clinic day time phone number is only one digit different from the human hospital, so during the day it is not uncommon to get calls for the human hospital. Normally these callers don’t cause an issue afterhours as they deterred by our message bank which gives our clinic name, my name and title and says veterinarian about four times.
Me: veterinary hospital after hours, this is (my name)
Caller: Hi, its Name, i had a line put in my heart yesterday and now its really itchy.
Me: at this point I’m frantically trying to remember if we sent any patients for heart surgery recently. I see and where was the procedure performed?
Caller: over in (nearby large town)
Me: I see…sorry did you say into your heart?
Caller: yeah and its really itchy.
Me: sir you’ve called the veterianary hospital, you need the human hospital. Their number is (number). I think you need to talk to them.
Caller: sounding very subduded. Oh, ok. Hangs up.

About an hour later. The phone rings again.
Me: veterinary hospital after hours, this is (my name)
Caller: hey, the line in my heart is still itchy.
Me: sir you have again called the veterinary hospital. You need to call the human hospital, there is nothing i can do for you.
Caller: after a long moment of silence. But it is really itchy, its kind of burning now.
Me: sir please, the phone number you are looking for is (number). Please call it and talk to the human doctor.
Caller: are you sure?
Me: yes sir, i am a veterinarian, i can only treat animals. Please call the human hospital. Do you need me to repeat the number?
Caller: no thats ok. Thanks anyway.
His number was blocked so I couldn’t check back with him in the morning, but I do have to wonder what drugs he was on to keep calling the vet for help with his heart condition.