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You Can’t Bend Time To Your Will… Or The Night Worker

, , , | Right | September 19, 2021

I’m working in a hotel when the front desk phone rings. I am about five minutes into my audit shift. I haven’t even grabbed a cup of coffee. So, I pick up and get the delightful, “Do you have any rooms?” Lucky for them, I do! It’s my last room: a king standard. I do the routine, tell them the rate, and:

Guest: “So, if I come in now, what is my checkout time?”

Me: “Checkout is 11:00 am.”

Guest: “Why?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but why what?”

Guest: “Why is checkout eleven in the morning when I’m coming at eleven at night?”

Me: “That’s just standard checkout policy? I usually offer a noon checkout to later arrivals, but I don’t have any available tonight due to a large group coming tomorrow.”

They hang up. So, I putz around, doing my thing, killing time until something interesting happens. About 12:30, I’m going to lock the main doors as a guest walks through.

Guest: “Hey, I’m checking in.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll take care of you in a couple of seconds here.”

I finish locking the door and head up to the desk.

Me: “What was the name on your booking?”

Guest: “[Guest].”

Me: “Weird. I don’t see a booking for you. Do you have your confirmation number?”

We do this for a few minutes until they’re finally able to find it. Welp, that explains it. It’s for tomorrow. I apologize and let them know their booking is for tomorrow. Before I can finish, they cut me off.

Guest: “I know. Some idiot told me I’d have to check out at eleven if I came in last night, so I booked it for today.”

Me: “Well, that idiot was me. So, here’s what I can do. I can check you in now, but you’ll be charged with two nights. Or I can change your arrival date for today, and you can stay the night and checkout at eleven.”

Guest: “That doesn’t make any sense. You told me if I came last night, I had to leave at eleven. Now it’s the next day and you want to charge me for two days?!”

Me: “Yes. That is because you’re checking in fifteen hours before our check-in time for today. So, I have to charge you for the extra night.”

Guest: “What the f*** ever. Check me in and I’ll deal with your manager in the morning.”

They take a big ol’ wad of cash out.

Me: “We don’t accept cash for room payments on check-in. You have to have a credit or debit card. You can use cash when you check out, though.”

Guest: “Oh, no. You are taking my motherf****** money and giving me my f****** room.”

I ended up having to call the police after twenty minutes of being screamed at. They bailed before the cops showed up, unfortunately. My shift was stupid quiet after that nutball.

If I Want Your Outdated Opinion, I’ll Ask For It

, , , , , | Working | September 1, 2021

I am female. I normally have my hair in a short style — pixie cut or shorter. Part of the reason why is that my hair type quickly results in it being a knotted mess with the slightest breeze, and living coastal means we get a lot of breeze. With the current circumstances, I’ve not been able to go to the hairdressers, so my hair is now just above shoulder-length. For me, this is long.

We’re leaving the lockdown and hairdressers are threatening to open, so I’m talking excitedly to [Coworker #1], a woman in her late forties who has hair down to her lower back, about getting my hair cut when I can. [Coworker #2], a man in his late fifties, cuts in.

Coworker #2: “You should grow your hair out.”

Me: *Turning to him* “Oh, sorry?”

Coworker #2: “You’ll look much prettier with longer hair; you should grow it out.”

Me: “But I want short hair.”

Coworker #2: “But boys won’t like you if you have short hair. Girls should have long hair.”

Coworker #1: “She’s not a girl. She’s a woman.”

Coworker #2: “She’ll still turn off boys with short hair.”

Me: “Good. I don’t want to date boys, anyway. That would be gross. I want to date adults.”

Coworker #2: “I don’t mean little boys! I mean boys your age.”

Coworker #1: “They’re called men.”

Coworker #2: “They’re younger than us.”

Coworker #1: “They’re still called men.”

Coworker #2: “It’s the same thing. Anyway, don’t you think she should have long hair?”

Coworker #1: “I don’t think it matters what I think, as she didn’t actually ask for opinions on what haircut she should get. She knows what she’s getting, and at thirty, she knows she likes it.”

Coworker #2: *Huffs* “You’re gonna look like a boy if you do that.”

I roll my eyes.

Me: “I’m not continuing this with you. You have absolutely no say in my life and I’ve known you for a month.”

Coworker #2: *Yelling across the room* “Hey, [Co-Worker #3]”

[Coworker #3], a woman in her early twenties, has literally just entered the building. She always wears a cap.

Coworker #3: “What do you want?”

Coworker #2: *Gesturing to me* “Don’t you think she’d look better with long hair?” 

Coworker #3: *To me* “Do you want long hair?”

Me: “Nope. Gonna get a pixie.”

Coworker #3: “Sweet!”

Coworker #2: “She’s gonna look like a boy with that”

[Coworker #3] takes off her cap to reveal her freshly shaved head.

Coworker #3: “Guess my name is Kev now, hey!”

We Didn’t Want Her Staying With Us Anyway

, , , , | Right | September 16, 2021

I work in a hotel. A lady comes in.

Lady: “What is your AAA rate tonight?”

Me: “It’s $115, plus tax.”

Lady: “Did you say $91?”

Me: “No, it’s $115, ma’am.”

Lady: *Laughing* “I can get it cheaper online.”

Me: “Okay, go ahead.”

I then have one of my guests already in-house come up asking for two more rooms for his coworkers. While I’m getting him his rooms, I can see the lady fidgeting around the corner, playing on her phone.

After I get the guy his rooms, the lady comes back.

Lady: *With attitude* “I’ve made my reservation.”

I looked in my system, and there were no new reservations. I refreshed and still no new reservations. She then tried to shove her phone at me. (Why do people do this? Seriously, stop it!) I could see right away what the issue was. She’d made her reservation for a property ten miles away.

Of course, I had my mask on, but you’d better believe I had a big smile when I told her that she was going to have to drive another ten miles to get to her hotel. Seriously, if you’re going to get a room somewhere, make sure you know where you are and that the hotel you’re booking is the one you actually want. Talking to me with attitude definitely isn’t going to help you out.

Lounging About In Your Underwear Is The Cat’s Pajamas!

, , , , , , , | Friendly | September 29, 2021

We used to live in an apartment with a balcony facing the street. There was a unit next to us, so their balcony was a few feet down from us along the side of the building, facing the same direction. It was a busy street and that was our only “outside area,” so my boyfriend and I liked to spend time out there, and we noticed that our neighbor had some odd habits.

He would put up tall pieces of plywood on the side of his balcony when he was out there, facing toward our balcony only, not toward the street. Despite this, it was easy to see that he would sit outdoors, shirtless and only wearing tighty-whity style underwear, and rub his bald head while watching the foot traffic and cars below.

It seemed harmless enough — we could always see his hands, at least — so what did we care? 

Our big ginger cat loved going out on the balcony and would sit for hours on the railing and watch the birds. One day, I had the sliding door open to let the cat in and out as he pleased and not play butler every five minutes. I saw that the cat was sitting on my boyfriend’s grill. It was closed, but it still was probably not the most hygienic place for a giant cat. 

I poked my head through the open screen door and told him sternly, “Get your butt off of there!”

I had barely noticed that the next-door side partition was up and our neighbor must have been enjoying a head rubbing session because, the next thing I knew, there was a half-naked-and-tighty-whity blur visible in the gap between the door and the makeshift partition, diving headfirst into his apartment at my remark!

Thankfully, his apartment’s access was on the opposite side of the building and we never ran into him other than on the balcony, but we’d glimpse him in the parking lot occasionally, always in a very straight-laced banker-type suit!

This Editor LOVES Strawberry Mojitos

, , , , | Right | September 1, 2021

It is during graduation week, the busiest time of the year for restaurants in my city. Generally speaking, this specific crowd, which consists mostly of parents and families from out of town, can be quite demanding, impatient, and stingy.

My boss always gives me large parties because I can handle them. My trick is to handle large tables as if they are a kindergarten class. I make a seating chart on my server pad and no one orders “out of turn.” I also communicate everything, e.g. “Now I’m setting your silverware for your main course,” or, “I’ve just checked on your order and the chef said it will take about another five minutes. Anything I can bring you in the meantime?” etc.

I have a super obnoxious family of fourteen. They’re indecisive and ask a lot of questions and take their sweet time ordering. They also interrupt and talk over each other. But on top of that, they’re very impatient and demanding. One of the sons is also trying to hit on me while I’m taking his drink order:

Customer: “Uh, so, what’s, like, the manliest drink on the menu?”

I personally don’t like to categorize drinks this way. Alcohol is alcohol and everyone has their own personal taste. I always try to ask after customer’s preferences.

Me: “Well, what do you normally like to drink? Gin, vodka, bourbon, tequila?”

Customer: *With a dumb smirk* “What do you like to drink? I bet you like something sweet.”

Me: *Internally rolling my eyes* “Actually, I’m more of a bourbon or whiskey girl. If you’re looking for something a bit strong, I would recommend [particular drink]. It’s one of my personal favorites and it’s actually quite popular with a lot of customers.”

Customer: “Oh… umm… how about this strawberry mojito?”

Later, as I’m bringing their food, many of the customers at the table interrupt me to ask for little extra things before I have everyone’s meal on the table. For example, while I have my arms full of hot plates, the grandma asks me for “ready cheese.” I’m not completely sure what she means, but I assume she means Parmesan.

Me: “Of course. I’ll bring that for you as soon as I’m done getting this hot food out.”

Note to customers: please wait until everyone at your table has been served before you ask for extras like ketchup, napkins, extra sides, etc. That way we can ensure that everyone gets their food while it’s hot. Otherwise, you end up complaining later that not everyone got their food or that your food is cold.

Even though the table was difficult, I was able to organize everything pretty well and still attend to my other tables. The customers later called back that evening and they apparently told my manager that it was “the best service they ever had, but they were terrified of me.” Honestly, that’s the best compliment I’ve ever received as a server!