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Socially Inept

, , | Right | August 31, 2021

I work for a third-party company that assists employees in filling out their time cards online. Since we are a third party, our access to the main company’s systems is extremely limited. In order to assist these callers, we need their employee ID numbers and can’t look up their accounts using any other information of theirs.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Help Desk]. May I have your ID number, please?”

Caller: “I don’t have that on me. Can you look it up using my social?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. I can only look up accounts using the ID number.”

The caller finds the ID number. Procedure then dictates that we verify their information before continuing with the call.

Me: “…and may I have the last four digits of your social security number?”

Caller: “I don’t have it.”

I swear, at least three or four times per week. I weep for humanity.

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Barking Up The Wrong Pipes

, , , , | Right | August 10, 2021

I work as a property management assistant. I show properties and do inspections, but I also handle other work as necessary whenever someone is out of the office, meaning I know how to do mostly everything. This means that I can tag in whenever someone needs help. In person, I’m a pushover, all sweetness and light, but over the phone that changes, and that’s where I get tagged in most frequently.

I get tapped by the maintenance coordinator. A tenant has been charged for an after-hours maintenance call, the most expensive kind there is. The tenant has called in an emergency, and now he is getting charged for it, and he is not happy. There’s only one way the tenant gets charged for that, though, and that’s if it’s their fault. I get the quick rundown: he called the emergency phone on Sunday night to say that there was a break to a water line. Instead of turning the water off at the main and waiting for someone to come over first thing in the morning, he wanted them there right away. He was warned that if it was his fault, he’d be charged, but he didn’t care, so the technician went out, turned off the water main, and said they’d be back to fix it in the morning.

Then, we got a report from the contractor: the break was caused by the tenant’s dog. There’s no info on how, so I call the contractor to find out what evidence he has. After talking with him, I hop back on the phone with the tenant.

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid that I can’t reverse the charge. I just spoke to the contractor, and he says it was definitely your dog that broke the water pipe.”

Tenant: “That’s ridiculous! How dare you take his word over mine?! I’ve been a tenant here for six years!”

Me: “We’ve been contracting out to them for nine years, sir, and they have no reason to lie to us; they get paid either way.”

Tenant: “I don’t see what that has to do with it! And how could he even know what broke the pipe? How would my dog even do that?!”

Me: “Sir, he found your dog’s leash tied to the pipe.”

There’s a moment of silence.

Tenant: “Well, that’s just stupid! Who would tie their dog to a water pipe?!”

Me: “Apparently you, sir.”

He hung up.

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You Can’t Game A Gamer

, , , | Right | August 15, 2021

During the convention season, my small game company has a booth selling our products in the dealer’s room. We have a rather hot and heavy four days of sales activity with hyper-kinetic gamer geeks flush with cash and caffeine buying everything.

Customer: “We saw [Expensive Luxury Game] at [Other Store] and it was $50 cheaper.”

Me: “Great. You should buy it.”

Customer: “Don’t you want to beat their deal?”

Me: “I am literally the manufacturer of [Expensive Luxury Game]. [Other Store] bought their game either from me or from a distributor, who bought it from me. In either case, I already got paid for it once.”

Customer: *Looking victorious* “Then why should I buy it from you?”

Me: “No reason, really. Most of those games are bought from other sellers, not from my company directly. Maybe it’s cool to get it directly from the designer. I can sign it if you want.”

The customer walked off, kind of annoyed. Later, they came back and bought a copy from me without any discount.

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His Last Order Is Already In The Past

, , , , | Right | August 9, 2021

In the UK, most bars can only serve alcohol until 11:00 pm. This usually results in a surge when “Last Orders” are called, as customers try to cram in several rounds before they’re forced to go home. I’m ethnic Chinese and have just rung the bell for last orders when a sweaty young man forces his way to the bar, clicking his fingers at me.

Customer: “Oi, Charley Chan, I’ll have eight pints of [beer] and eight double [whisky]s.”

I ignore him and turn to another customer who was ahead.

Customer: “Oi, [ethnic slur], get me my f****** drinks!”

I continue serving other customers but nod my head at my manager, who also acts as a bouncer. This customer is now using various expletives interspersed with racially charged language.

Customer: “Hey, get me my drinks or I’ll f*** you up!”

Manager: *Leaning over the bar* “Listen, mate, you don’t speak to anybody that way, least of all my staff, so you’re going to get out and you’re never coming back. You’re barred forever.”

Customer: “Yeah, you going to throw me out? C’mon, make me! Make me?”

The customer was satisfyingly led out of the bar. I wish I could say it was the last time I was abused at that job, but it was great to know my manager and most of the regulars always had my back.

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Mom Does Not Compute

, , , | Related | August 27, 2021

I’m a teenager in this story. My laptop has a persistent hardware issue; every time I get it repaired, the issue gradually recurs over the course of several months, starting as an annoyance and eventually rendering the computer unusable.

I’ve noticed the problem starting again and have decided to be proactive about it for once. I don’t want to send the computer back to the manufacturer, wait several weeks, and get my hard drive wiped, so I start looking for other options. I learn that a nearby major retailer with a good reputation has a repair service that will even work on computers they didn’t sell.

Since I’m not driving yet, I ask my mom to take me there. We’re standing in line when Mom decides to start eavesdropping. An employee is talking to a customer several places ahead of us.

Employee: “That will be $200.”

Mom: “That’s way too much! We’re not getting your computer fixed here.”

Me: “But Mom, we don’t even know what the other customer got done! Shouldn’t we at least find out what they’d charge me for my problem?”

Mom: “No, we’re going to look somewhere else.”

We leave the store and start driving around town. Mom spots a building by the side of the road with a sign saying, “We repair computers/phones/tablets.” She pulls into their parking lot.

Me: “I don’t like this. I never even heard of this place, and it looks kind of sketchy.”

Mom: “Let’s at least talk to them and then you can decide what to do.”

We get out of the car and go into the shop. Mom seems inexplicably excited to learn that it’s run by a couple of guys who recently graduated from the local university. Granted, we both went there, too, but it’s a BIG school. It’s not like we know these guys.

Mom: “Can you help my daughter? Her computer isn’t charging right.”

Repair Guy: “Sure, show us the computer.”

I left the computer in the car because it was heavy, so Mom gives me her keys and tells me to go get it. I’m gone for maybe five minutes, if that. When I get back inside, the repair guy and my mom are in the middle of a conversation.

Repair Guy: “So, it’s $190, and you can pick it up in a week.”

First of all, that’s almost exactly the amount Mom said was too much, and second of all, wasn’t I supposed to have a say in this? Or at least a minute to talk to the repair guys about what’s actually wrong? I’m about to point out all of these issues when Mom shoots me a “Shut up” look.

Mom: “That sounds good! [My Name], give them the computer.”

I really didn’t have a good feeling about this, but it’s rarely worth the trouble to argue with Mom, so I handed over the computer and we left.

On the ride home, Mom proudly told me how, while I was outside and unable to participate in the conversation, she “explained” to the repair guys what was wrong with the computer. Of course, since she didn’t use it herself, she left out a couple of important symptoms.

A week later, we picked up the computer. To their credit, the repair guys had at least finished on time, and the computer did work when I picked it up. They claimed that they’d found the underlying cause of the problem and the computer should work fine now.

The problem recurred in two weeks and I was never able to get the computer to work properly again. I was now out the cost of a new laptop PLUS two hundred dollars.

I didn’t complain to the repair shop because it may not have been their fault. I have no idea what my mother, convinced she knew what she was talking about, actually told them. Of course, I’ve never been able to convince her that any part of this is her fault, either.

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