Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

The best of our most recent stories!

Better Than Soylent Green, I Guess

, , | Right | April 19, 2022

I worked for a company that made those seasoning blends you see in foil envelopes at the supermarket, as a hostess and tour guide. Four or more times a day, I took groups through the factory, explaining things. Now and then, I’d get someone in the group who just wanted to argue or who I felt was trying to get me to make a statement they could later use to sue us.

One time, we were stopped at the window to the packaging line, and a woman asked a perfectly ordinary question.

Woman: “How do you keep bugs out of the packages?”

Me: “Great question! See the doorway there?” *Pointing* “There’s a curtain of air blowing across it that bugs can’t fly through. And if one did, those would take care of them.”

I pointed at the giant bug zappers all around the space.

Woman: “What if a bug did get in a package?”

Me: “We test random samples of every batch for contamination.”

Woman: “Well, what if a customer found bugs when they opened a package?”

Me: “They should take the package back to the store for a full refund.”

Woman: “Why do bugs get into spices, anyway?”

Me: “Another great question! Spices are actually very nutritious, and when you’re as small as a bug, an ounce of, say, spaghetti mix is a lifetime feast.”

The rest of the group was losing interest.

Me: “So, if there are no more questions—”

Woman: *Interrupting* “What about at home?”

Me: “Ma’am, our products come in sealed foil packages. There’s no way bugs can get in.”

Woman: “What about if the package has been opened?”

Her tone was a little too eager, and my spidey sense told me she was up to something.

Me: “Ma’am, we’re not responsible for how you store our products after they’ve been opened.”

Woman: *Still in that eager tone* “But what if a bug got in anyway?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I guess you just consider it protein.”

This Kid Is Going Places. Maybe Jail. But Places.

, , , , | Right | April 13, 2022

In 2007, I was working for myself as a PC technician. I put up some fliers, and a couple saw them and called me.

Couple: “Our daughter is eleven. She keeps bypassing our parental software and going online. Would you take a look and see what you can do?

I went in and looked at their XP setup, and of course, the software was garbage. I tested it out and was able to kill it via the device manager. I went online, looked for a better one, and installed it.

I saw the kid peeking from around a corner just… smirking. I knew she’d done something. I opened the new software and everything seemed fine. Basically, it blocked any attempt to open non-whitelisted websites.

Still, that smug look made me more curious. I looked around the programs folder, but nothing stood out. Checked running processes and everything was okay. Looked in the service list, fine. Okay, time for a reboot.

As the computer rebooted, I noticed something. For a brief second, it said that the first boot device was disabled and loaded the secondary. Since I had been hired to investigate, I did so. I rebooted again and loaded the BIOS menu. There was a second hard drive listed in the BIOS as primary. I booted it up and it brought me to a very familiar Linux screen I had been using at home.

The kid had somehow managed to install a second hard drive, hide it in Windows, load it with Linux, and hide all of this from her parents. I was incredibly impressed. I wrote a short note to her because I knew she would figure out a way past what I was about to do eventually. I then went into the BIOS and locked it with the Linux boot device disabled. I thought about giving her up and handing her parents the hard drive, but I just couldn’t.

I wrote down the password to the BIOS, handed it to the couple, and told them I had locked the BIOS so it couldn’t be changed without the password. I still wonder how long it took her to find that slip of paper and get back online.

Oh, She’s A Speaker All Right!

, , , , | Right | April 14, 2022

I am working security for a big show. It is simple work: check the tickets and deal with anyone acting up. We deal with most of the visitors, and as it gets closer to the start time, the majority of the crowd is dealt with and only a few latecomers are left.

Out of nowhere, a smart-looking woman makes a beeline to the door.

Me: “Ticket, please.”

Woman: “Gah! Don’t you know who I am?”

Me: “I don’t, but I do know you need a ticket.”

Woman: “I can’t believe this! I’m the guest speaker!”

I have no way to confirm this. We expect speakers to get here early, and she’s coming through the main entrance, not the big guest entrance.

Me: “Then we need to see your ID, please.”

Woman: “This is stupid. Just let me in!”

Me: “I need to see a ticket or an ID pass for speakers.”

Woman: “If you don’t let me in, there won’t be a show!”

I don’t flinch. She eventually calls someone, and it sounds like she has forgotten her ID. From what I can make out, it sounds like the person is telling her to go to the main entrance, which she is now arguing about. Eventually…

Woman: “They said you have to let me in.”

Me: “I’m sure they will call me on my radio if that’s the case.”

She tries to push past.

Woman: “This is stupid. I’m going to get you fired!”

She ranted and raved and then made another phone call. Eventually, someone from the main entrance came and got her. It turns out she wasn’t even a speaker; the organisers had asked her to join a panel but she didn’t tell anyone she was going to be there!

Better yet, the panel was about dealing with conflict in stressful situations. Sounds like she could have been better in the audience for that one!

Great Scot! Confusing Accent.

, , , | Working | April 15, 2022

I am a Scottish woman, and I’m spending a university summer working as a counsellor at a very ethnically diverse summer camp aimed at low-income, inner-city teenage girls.

Me: “Come on, girls, everyone queue up for lunch.”

I notice a few surprised looks but don’t think anything of it. I continue calling groups of campers “girls” for the next few days, until I am called into a meeting with my boss and other senior staff members.

Boss: “I don’t know how to say this, but you have to stop calling the kids ‘ghettos’.”

Me: “Sorry, what?”

Boss: “This is serious. I don’t know why you think it’s acceptable, but it has to stop.”

Me: “I don’t call them ghettos. I call them girls.”

Boss: “Wait, what?”

It turns out that the rolled Scottish R is very similar to the soft D sound a lot of Americans make instead of a double T. So, my very Scottish accented “gehr-lls” sounded to an American ear a lot like “ghettos”. It took some persuading to convince the senior staff that I wasn’t being offensive; I was just Scottish!

I explained what happened to the teenagers, who found the misunderstanding hilarious, but I only called them “kids” or “ladies” for the rest of the summer.

That’s An… Interesting Security Measure

, , , | Working | May 5, 2022

Several times a year, I make rather long round trips in my vehicle. I stop at the same gas stations every time and use my credit card to pay for the gas.

All of the stations want extra information when I try paying at the pump for the gas. Usually, the requested info is my zip code. No problem. However, recently, some stations want a PIN (which is normally assigned to debit cards). Since I pay with a credit card, no PIN is available, and a couple of additional button presses get around this request, and the pump is turned ON.

However, one station decided to go further. It asked for a PIN but did not turn the pump ON unless the PIN was provided, even though credit cards have no PIN. Eventually, after several tries, the display told me to “prepay inside”. So, I went inside, left my card with the attendant, and filled my tank. The attendant never asked for a PIN.

After recovering my card and signing the card payment device, I checked to assure the bill was correct. It was, and there appear to be no unwanted charges added to my card bill.

Me: “Prepaying inside with a credit card that should have been accepted at the pump is rather strange, isn’t it? Credit cards have no PIN.”

Attendant: “There were some false payments using credit cards, and the new system prevents future false payments.”

Me: “If I used my debit card and PIN at the pump, I would not have to come inside to prepay?”

Attendant: “Yes.”

I really wonder about their understanding of card safety, since the only real difference was me scribbling my name on the inside device.