Makes You Wish You Could Just Die(al)

, , , | Right | December 6, 2019

Me: “Thank you for calling [Tech Support]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “My landline phone is not working. It’s got no dial tone.”

Me: “Oh, I know what you mean; it can be a hassle.”

(We go through troubleshooting.)

Me: “Is one end of your phone cord plugged to the phone port?”

Customer: “Yes, it is.”

Me: “Is the other end plugged to the modem?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Well, that’s why you have no dial tone; let’s insert that end to the back of the modem just like we did with the phone.” *after several minutes of trying to walk the customer through*

Customer: “I don’t know how to do it; send someone over!”

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His Speaking Speed Keeps Dublin And Dublin  

, , , , | Right | December 6, 2019

(I work as a waiter and bartender at an Irish pub in Spain that also serves restaurant food. I don’t speak Spanish but have picked up enough to get by when working — food, drinks, numbers, etc. I generally don’t have any language problems while working, but it’s obvious Spanish is not my native language. A Spanish customer has come in with his wife and son to eat lunch.)

Wife: *in Spanish* “I’ll have the chicken burger and a lemonade, please.”

Me: *in Spanish* “That’s fine.”

Son: *in Spanish* “And I’ll have fish and chips and a Coke.”

Me: *in Spanish* “Certainly.”

Husband: *speaks in Spanish too quickly and unintelligibly for me to understand*

Me: *in Spanish* “I’m sorry?”

Husband: *still speaks too quickly*

Me: *in English* “I’m sorry, I can’t quite understand that.”

Husband: *still speaking too quickly*

Me: “Maybe if you show me on the menu?”

Husband: *more unintelligible Spanish, getting annoyed*

(His wife then attempts to tell me what her husband wants, but he silences her.)

Husband: *more unintelligible Spanish*

(I think I finally understand the order and leave to give it to the cooks. When it’s ready, I bring the order back. The husband looks at his meal and then at me.)

Husband: *in perfect English* “I said I wanted the Irish Breakfast!”

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Victory For This Alphabet  

, , | Right | December 6, 2019

(In the process of moving out of a shared flat in Germany and going back to the UK, I call my ISP to cancel the contract. My flatmate is on the phone with me on speaker.)

Staff: “We just need an address for you in the UK in case we need to be in touch about unpaid bills or anything.”

Me: “Okay, it’s 123 Saxon Avenue.”

Staff: “Okay, that’s 123 [badly pronounced take on the address].”

(I suspect it isn’t spelled correctly, so I ask the staff member to read it back to me, letter by letter, and it is a bit mangled.)

Me: “Sorry, I’ll go over that again letter by letter for you just to make sure.”

(I realise that I don’t know the Alpha-Bravo-Charlie alphabet system that well, so I just make up most of the words.)

Me: “That’s 123, S for ‘Sugar,’ A for ‘Alpha,’ X for ‘X-Ray,’ O for, uh, ‘Orange.’”

(For some reason, I am starting to get a serious mental block as I try to come up with words that start with each letter.)

Me: “N for, um, ‘Nuremberg.’”

Flatmate: *stunned silence followed by a suppressed giggling fit*

Staff: *pause* “Okay, and the second word?”

(I am still in a state of disbelief that my brain supplied that particular word to give to a German, but I continue.)

Me: “Okay. Then, it’s Avenue. A for ‘Alpha,’ V for… um… ‘Victory.’”

Flatmate: *bursts out laughing and runs away from the speakerphone*

(I had genuinely no intention to offend the staff member. I face-palmed instantly and they graciously declined to make any comment on my poor choice of words!)

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That Just Crossed A Line  

, , , , | Right | December 6, 2019

(It is a slow night. I have no one in my line. My coworker behind me has two customers. One is taking very long to finish.)

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name], can you take her?” *points to the other customer*

Me: “Sure!”

(The lady and I start to put stuff on my line. I have my back turned to the register, and when I put some of the lady’s stuff down, I see that someone has just come on my line.)

Me: “Oh! Hello, I’m sorry but this lady is—”

Customer: *on my line* “WHAT THE H*** ARE YOU DOING?!”

Me: “I… I am taking this lady’s stuff on my line because she has been waiting. I’m sorry, but I did not see you. You can go to register five if you—”

Customer: “Where is your manager?”

(By this time, I am starting to check out the lady.)

Me: “I… I don’t know. I think he left.”

(I finish up with the lady and start to ring the other customer up.)

Customer: “I am going to talk to your manager. You should have not done this.”

(I finish and she goes to the front end. I am about to cry because I have only had this job for a few months and need money. My coworker behind me is trying to calm me down. One of the front end people comes to me and asks what happened. I tell her.)

Me: “I was just trying to help.”

Front End Coworker: “Okay, don’t worry about it.”

(She goes back, and I see the customer leave the store. My front-end coworker comes back and tells me that I am not in trouble.)

Me: “Thank you.”

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Wobby

, , , , , | Right | December 6, 2019

(My husband immigrated to the US as a child from a non-European nation. In order to fit in a little better, his cousins suggested that he go by an English name instead of his more difficult to pronounce legal one. Thus, I’ve gotten accustomed to having to spell his name whenever dealing with official matters at the bank, doctor’s offices, etc. Once in a while, I get to have the following exchange.)

Employee: “And what’s your husband’s name?”

Me: “I’m just going to spell it. It’s—” *spells distinctly non-English name starting with a W*

Employee: “Oh, what an interesting name! How do you say it?”

Me: “Bobby.”

Employee: *laughs*

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