The best of our most recent stories!

Having A Gay Old Time

, , , , | Working | March 1, 2021

I am in college and have to go to a certain office to meet with a person named Gay. Up until this point, I have only corresponded with Gay via email, so I do not know what they look like or even their gender. I am in the waiting room when this happens.

Employee: “[My Name], please come back with me.”

Me: “Are you Gay?”

Employee: *Shocked* “Excuse me?”

I suddenly realize what I have asked and decide to phrase it better.

Me: “I have an appointment with Gay. Is that you?”

Employee: “No, just follow me and I’ll take you to her.”

I could have phrased that a little better, but if they knew my appointment was with Gay, surely they could have realized what I was asking?

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Take The Train(ing)

, , , , | Working | March 1, 2021

I am moving departments and have to hand over my responsibilities to a new starter. I don’t have long and I’ve had it bite me in the a** before so I am super careful of how I do it.

After three attempts to arrange a meeting, the new starter shows up and tells me he already knows what the job entails. I give him a tour of the department; he barely acknowledges his surroundings. 

I set up another session in the office to go through the job in detail. I ask him if he needs training on any of the software. “No.” Showing how to make the monthly presentations. “No.” Anything he needs to know. “No.” He insists that he already knows what to do and rolls his eyes.

Fair enough. I wish him the best of luck and tell him that I will be contactable for the next three weeks.

A few months later, I bump into my old boss and ask how things are going,

Boss: “Your replacement is still finding his feet.”

Me: “Oh, really? Anything I can help with?”

Boss: “Well, could you show him how to create the monthly reports.”

Me: “I did try. He refused.”

Boss: “Oh, that’s not what he said.”

Me: “Yeah, tried several times. I’ve got it all on email and calendar invites. He refused everything: the presentation, the software, the reporting tools… I’ve not had any requests for help despite offering.”

Boss: “Do you have those emails still?”

Me: “Of course.”

I sent it all over to him. It turns out that anything the new guy got wrong or couldn’t do, he just blamed me. He just assumed that he could pick everything up and just change everything that he didn’t want to do his way. Some of the work I used to do was business-critical and HAD to be done that way for several other departments to do their job. He just stopped doing it. He didn’t last long and left a few months later.

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Do As I Say, Not As I Do

, , , , | Related | March 1, 2021

Like all dads, my dad hates when lights are left on when you’re not in the room. This exchange occurs as I’m walking back into my bedroom after getting up to blow my nose. My dad is standing at the kitchen counter pouring a drink.

Dad: “Hey… why is your bedroom light on if you’re not in there?”

Me: “Because I left it on?”

Dad: “But you’re not in there.”

Me: “Maybe the bed likes the light; you don’t know.”

He starts to argue when I happen to glance over and see his bedroom light on.

Me: “HEY, WHY IS YOUR BEDROOM LIGHT ON?!”

There’s a long pause.

Dad: “Now, listen here, you little s***…”

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I’ll Take One Scoop Of Vanilla, And One Scoop Of Changing The Laws Of Thermodynamics, Part 2

, , | Right | March 1, 2021

A customer I served about two hours ago comes back in and approaches the counter. Before I get a chance to say anything, she starts talking.

Customer: “I don’t want a refund but I would like you to know that your [Store Brand Ice Cream] is faulty.”

Me: “Oh, what’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “It’s soup.”

Me: *After pausing for a moment* “Okay?”

Customer: “I just got home with it and went to have some but it was soup. It still tasted good, though.”

Me: “You bought this a couple of hours ago, right?”

Customer: “Yeah, and then I put it in the car while I went to the gym. Can you pass it on to your manager or not?”

Me: “Yeah, I’ll pass it on.”

For reference, this was in the middle of summer in Australia. The manager shook his head when he heard the story.

Related:
I’ll Take One Scoop Of Vanilla, And One Scoop Of Changing The Laws Of Thermodynamics

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Let’s Hash This Out

, , , , , | Friendly | March 1, 2021

I am shopping at a local grocery store and I’m in the canned food aisle grabbing a couple of cans of corned beef hash. A woman who appears to be in her mid-seventies stops and stares at me as I put the cans in my basket.

Woman: “Ugh. How can you eat that stuff?”

I look her right in the eye.

Me: “Usually with a fork, but if all my forks are in the dishwasher, a spoon works just fine.”

She goes from disgusted to offended in a split second and starts to sputter out something, but I interrupt her.

Me: “Ask a stupid question, get a smarta** answer.”

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