I Hate Mundays

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Right | May 27, 2017

(I receive a call from a member to see if a doctor is participating on her policy.)

Member: “Is Dr. Monday a participating doctor?”

Me: “I can check that for you. Is ‘Monday’ spelled like the day of the week.”

Member: “Yes, it is. M-U-N-D-A-Y.”

Me: “…”

It’s Blue, Not Green, But Making You See Red

| AK, USA | Right | May 26, 2017

(I am ringing out a customer. Everything has gone normally until we reach the end of the transaction, where the customer has swiped her card and then needs to press the appropriate button for Credit, Debit, or EBT.)

Customer: “Credit.” *stands there*

Me: *realizing she probably didn’t notice the prompt* “Oh, credit is the blue button.”

Customer: “…which button for credit?”

Me: “It’s the blue one.”

Customer: “Green?” *presses green*

Me: *sighs internally*

Wish You Could Be Three Of Them

| OR, USA | Right | May 26, 2017

Customer: “It looks like you rang up three of [product].”

Me: “I accidentally double scanned it, but then I took one off.”

Customer: “But it looks like I’m paying for three of them.”

Me: *pointing to the screen* “See, there’s three of [product], minus the one that’s marked in red, where I voided it off.”

Customer: “…but I only bought two of them, and there’s three up there.”

Me: *wondering if I need to explain that 3-1=2* “…right. And then I took one off, so it won’t even show up on your receipt.”

Customer: “Okay… but it still doesn’t seem right to me.”

Think Before You Ink, Part 2

| USA | Right | May 26, 2017

(I am a tattoo artist. A female client comes in asking if we can cover up a tattoo on her arm. She shows me a large tribal cross and rose; it’s very dark and badly done. Also a little crooked. We discuss what she wants and she’s looking for a girly anchor piece with flowers. I draw out a black anchor with flowers and explain that this may take 3 sessions and it won’t look complete right away. She agrees with the design and I do the first session. She pays and we schedule her to come back in a few weeks for the 2nd session. She comes in on her appointment day a few hours early and storms up to the counter.)

Me: “Hi, [Client], how’s the tattoo looking?”

Client: “It looks like s***. I can’t believe you did this to me.”

Me: *quite in shock* “What do you mean?”

Client: “It looks unfinished and like crap. I demand my money back!”

Manager: “Ma’am, your tattoo isn’t done. Your second session is in a few hours.”

Client: “No, she told me it was done. It looks nothing like what I wanted!”

Me: “I explained the entire process several times during the first appointment. You walked out knowing it wasn’t complete.”

Client: “You’re lying! I want my money back! Where’s the owner?!”

(At this point the owner stepped in and took her outside to talk. He came back in and said she agreed to let him finish the piece but they had to reschedule as he had other appointments. I tried to let it go and write it off as a crazy customer, but right after she left, she posted on social media a pic of the unfinished tattoo and a drawing she pulled off the Internet of a completely different design. With it was a scathing review. Thankfully my existing clients all jumped in to my rescue. I heard she tried other shops in the area and they all pointed her to us as we specialized in cover-ups.)

Think Before You Ink

The ‘Check Brain’ Light Hasn’t Stopped Flashing

| San Jose, CA, USA | Right | May 26, 2017

(I am a trained and certified mechanic who is currently working as a service advisor at a dealership. I am also female. A customer has a ‘Check Engine’ light come on in her car. The faulty component we replace is part of a monitoring system that looks for other issues. When she is picking up her car I explain to her that because before the part was not doing its job but now is functional, there is a chance that the ‘Check Engine’ light may come on again if the computer finds a leak in the system since now it is able to look again. She gets confused.)

Me: “Think of it like a smoke detector that’s beeping because the battery is getting low. If you replace the battery, it may beep again in the future if it sees a fire.”


Me: “Oh, no, I’m sorry if I confused you! I was comparing your ‘Check Engine’ light to a smoke alarm beeping.”


Me: “…no. A smoke detector is completely separate from your car. It was a metaphor.”

Customer: “Well, you shouldn’t do that! Metaphors are confusing! That’s stupid! So what are you trying to say if there’s no fire? AND DON’T CONFUSE ME BY COMPARING IT TO SOMETHING ELSE! Tell me about my car!”

Me: “The ‘Check Engine’ light can come on for literally thousands of different reasons. The part we fixed is designed to look for leaks; for instance if a gas cap is left loose. We don’t think there are any leaks, but now that the part works again if there is one it will find it. And the ‘Check Engine’ light would come on again.”

Customer: “BUT I NEVER LEAVE MY GAS CAP LOOSE! It’s REALLY offensive that you would say I would do something like that!”

Me: “That isn’t the ONLY thing that can turn on a Check Engine light; it’s just a common example and it’s exactly the sort of thing that the part we replaced is there to find.”


(I eventually manage to finish the conversation and have her heading out the door to her car. But, as she is walking away, she turns around to say one more thing.)

Customer: “And by the way, I REALLY don’t appreciate how you talked to me when you called to tell me what was wrong with my car. You should just tell me what’s broken instead of trying to CONFUSE me with your explanations. I’m an INTELLIGENT WOMAN. And you should talk to me like I’m an INTELLIGENT WOMAN!”

(Sure, lady. Sure.)

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