Stupidity On Display

, , , | Right | February 24, 2018

Customer: “Excuse me. Do you have any more of these vacuum cleaners?”

Me: *after checking my PDA* “No, sorry. We’re all out.”

Customer: “Well, can I buy the display model, then?”

Me: “No, sorry. We can’t sell the display model; it’s non functional.”

Customer: “But I want to buy it.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t sell it. It doesn’t work. All the insides were removed; it’s just an empty shell.”

Customer: “Okay, but I want to buy it. Can I just buy it?”

Me: “No, we can’t sell it. Look: even the power cord was cut off. This thing is just a display.”

Customer: “But I can still buy it, right?”

Me: “Sir, this vacuum isn’t even ours to sell. The supplier provided it for this display; it’s their property.”

Customer: “Wow. I’m never shopping here again.”

No Point Doing Flips Over Chips

, , , , , | Right | February 23, 2018

(I work the night shift at a gas station. One night, a man walks in very cautiously with glazed, bright-red eyes, in his pajamas, reeking of weed. The man slowly walks over to the drinks and gets a tea, then to the chips and picks up a bag of Fritos. The customer pays and walks towards the door.)

Customer: *stops in front of the door, examines the chips* “Aww, man! I wanted Doritos.”

(I let him put it back and grab the Doritos, since they’re the same price.)

Customer: “Gee, thanks, man… You’re the best!

(I think I made that stoner’s day!)

A Scrabble To Get The Scrumble

, , , | Right | February 23, 2018

(We are a fairly small bookstore.)

Me: “Welcome! Is there a book you would like to purchase?”

Customer: “Yes, please! I can’t remember exactly what it was called… um… Something like… Scrabble?”

Me: “Well, Scrabble is a board game, but we have the children’s book Scumble, by Ingrid Law.”

Customer: “What? You stupid b****, I’m looking for the book Scrabble, not a board game.”

Me: “Well, ma’am—”

Customer: “I can’t believe you think I’m so stupid to the point where I can’t tell a game from a book! Ugh!”

Me: “Ma’am, are you buying this for a friend?”

Customer: “Yes! Here, let me get my son to send a picture of the book.”

(A minute or two goes by, while she gets a picture of the book.)

Customer: “Here it is!”

(She shows me a picture of “Scumble” by Ingrid Law.)

Me: “Ma’am, this is the title of the book I just told you we had in stock.”

Customer: *sputter* “But… but… Whatever! Just give me the God-darned book!”

Trying To Pad Out The Sale

, , , , , , | Right | February 23, 2018

(We run a business that supplies weapons, clothing, and armour for Live Action Role Play [LARP] and re-enactment. We often set up and sell directly to customers at games, as well as participating in the combat ourselves.)

Me: “So, you want the full set of plate armour? That’ll be [price].”

Customer: “Great. I can’t wait!”

Me: “Do you have a gambeson?”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “It’s a type of padded jacket you need to wear underneath most armours. It’s great for protecting your real-world squishy meat sack from the physical force of the blows, and—”

Customer: “Nah, it’s fine. They’re just toy swords. How much damage can they do?”

Me: “Again, it’s full, steel-plate armour, and without a gambeson to pad it, a lot of the force on it is transferred straight to your body. I suppose if you have, like, a puffy winter jacket—”

Customer: “Listen. Stop trying to upsell me, all right?! I’ve been doing this stuff for years! Just… the d***… armour.”

Me: “All right. It’s your call, mate.”

(I processed the sale, and then assisted him into the armour, as it’s very difficult to achieve alone, and the customer had no friends to help. An hour after that, full combat started, and I could see this guy running down the field at full tilt. A minute later, a Code Red was called for a serious injury that required the medical officer. The customer had fallen over and cracked a rib inside his own armour, because there was no padding.)

Their Complaints Are Volumetric

, , , , | Right | February 23, 2018

(I manage a local coffee shop. Recently my boss bought a second location, and I have been managing the transition. We hired a bunch of new staff members. None of us know the regulars.)

Employee: “[My Name], can you help me with this customer? I can’t seem to get her double-cream coffee right.”

Me: “Oh, boy.” *I go up front and greet the customer* “Hey, how are you?”

Customer: *flapping her arms, fists clenched* “This is outrageous!”

Me: “What is?”

Customer: “The music! It’s too loud!”

(Here I’m thinking it’s a problem with her coffee. I turned on the music in the morning and, considering that we have 90% elderly customers in the morning hours, I left the music on a decent volume with a genre catered for their age group. I can barely hear it.)

Customer: “You are going to drive your customers away. You don’t even hire your staff properly; she can’t get my coffee straight.”

Me: “I personally put the music on the morning and did my walk around to ensure the volume was fine. As for my staff, it’s [Employee]’s second day on the job.”

Customer: “I’m going to make sure I write to the home office, and tomorrow I’ll bring my son in to talk to you.”

Me: “Sure, that’s fine; I’d love to meet him.”

Customer: “You shouldn’t say that’s fine! That’s not a manager thing to say!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m trying to help you.”

Customer: “Have you put the volume down yet?!”

Me: “No, I’m still here talking to you!”

(She left, stating she’d never be back, but she is still in, making my life Hell, every morning.)

Page 2/4,09812345...Last
« Previous
Next »