The More Grisly The Threat The Less Seriously It’s Taken

, , , , , | Right | September 21, 2020

A customer’s young son, maybe age three or so, is standing in the shopping trolley dancing and jumping around.

Mother: “If you don’t sit down, you will fall out. You will fall out and crack your head open when you hit the ground, and your brains will fall out, and you will need to go to the hospital and go to intensive care, and I will not take you!”

Little Boy: “Okay!”

He kept jumping around.

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The Great Brain Shutdown of 2013

, , , | Right | September 21, 2020

Just as I am leaving the post office on October 1st, 2013, a man comes in.

Man: “Why are you guys still open? The government is shut down. You’re supposed to be closed!”

Teller #1: “We’re not owned by the government.”

Man: “Yes, you are. The government owns the United States Postal Service.”

Teller #2: “We’re actually an independent establishment; we’re not owned by the federal government. So we’re still open.”

Man: “You ladies don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Teller #2: “Whatever you say, sir.”

Teller #1: “Yeah, the customer is always right.”

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Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 41

, , | Right | September 21, 2020

This was around 2003 when most, if not all, cellphones had removable batteries. It was also my first tech support call in my first call center job.

Me: “Hello! Thank you for calling [Company]! My name is [My Name]; how may I help you today?”

Customer: “Your store sold me a broken phone!”

Me: “Oh no! That’s no good! Let’s get this figured out okay?”

Customer: “Fine! Whatever!”

We spend the next twenty minutes going through a basic tier 1 troubleshooting guide–which getting her to actually do is like pulling teeth with the occasional “Your store sold me a broken phone!” rant, which is missing a very VERY important step!

Me: “Well, huh. This is a doozy. Let’s get you to our tier-two support because we may need to order you a new phone.”

Customer: “There’s also this black box in the box the phone was in.”

Me: *Lightbulb moment* “Really? Could you do me a favor and take off the back cover and tell me what you see inside?”

I hear the sounds of her doing so.

Customer: “Nothing! I see nothing! Not even a battery!”

I am now definitely feeling like the idiot you all think I am.

Me: “That little black box, does it have little metal pieces that line up with the little metal pieces in the back of the phone?”

Customer: “Yeah. What of it?”

Me: “Can you put the box in the phone, making sure the metal pieces all align. The put the back cover on and try turning on the phone?”

Customer: *Huffs* “I don’t know what this will do but—hey! It works!” *Instantly nicer* “It came on! Thank you so much!”

Me: “Not a problem! Have a nice day, ma’am, and thank you for calling [Company].”

Yes, the battery was removed from the phone when the store sent her home with it. Yes, I made sure to raise a stink about the guides so checking for a battery was added in case of other scared newbies like myself. I still have NO idea why the store took the battery back out.

Related:
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 40
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 39
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 38
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 37
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 36

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This Story Starts At A Ten And Gets Better

, , , , , | Right | September 21, 2020

I am working in a small electronics aisle in a superstore. A sweet old lady has approached me.

Old Lady: “I am looking for this thing for my grandson. Let me see here…”

She pulls a piece of paper out of her pocket from one of our ads, and a $10-bill accidentally falls out with it. A middle-aged woman standing nearby sees it, her eyes go wide, and she grabs it and stuffs it in her pocket before the old lady can see.

The poor old lady is looking around very confused, wondering where her wayward bill has gone. I approach the woman.

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, I believe that money you just picked up belongs to this customer here.”

Woman: “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Me: “Ma’am, I saw you—”

Before I can finish, the woman struts off. The old lady is looking at me, slightly shocked.

Old Lady: “Did she just take my money?”

Me: “I’m afraid so, ma’am. Would you like me to call security? I am sure if the camera saw it, we can—”

Old Lady: “No need, she’s not worth it. I just need this item in the ad for my grandson, please?”

The item she’s looking for is a computer tablet, so I open the small cabinet where we stock them.

Old Lady: “Actually, could I have two? This ad is a really good deal!”

Me: “Certainly, ma’am!”

I hand her two boxes, advise her that the security tags will be removed at the checkout, and wish her well.

About ten minutes later I am running an errand that brings me near the registers when I hear the alarms going off near the exit. I quickly have a look to see what is happening. The thieving woman from before is shouting at the security guard, and pointing at her receipt.

Woman: “I’ve paid for everything! It’s your f****** broken sensors! This is f****** embarrassing!”

Security: “Ma’am, I can see that everything in your bag matches the receipt. May I search your bag?”

Woman: “Absolutely not! I am not a thief! I am leaving!”

She tries to leave but more security has arrived. She eventually relents and opens her huge designer bag for Security to search… and out comes a box for an electronic tablet, security-tag still attached.

As the woman is screeching that she didn’t put that tablet in there, I see the old woman from before nonchalantly walking past, an ever-so-slight smile on her face, with her just-purchased tablet in her bag.

Just the one tablet, mind you…


Share your experience today! Ever witness a perfect piece of karma? Share your story with the NAR community! We all love to read about the deserving getting their comeuppance!

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With No Bacon, Comes No Legal Responsibility

, , , | Right | September 21, 2020

I’m brewing coffee at a hospital cafeteria when a guy walks in. It is 10:20 am.

Customer: “Where is the breakfast?! I came down here for pancakes and bacon! Get me pancakes and bacon!”

Me: “Sir, the hot food ends at 9:30; you’re about half an hour late.”

Customer: “Bull! Your menu says you serve breakfast until 10:30. I’m a lawyer and I will sue you for false advertising.”

I point to the large-print menu right behind him.

Me: “As you can see, we have hot breakfast until 9:30, and then continental breakfast until 10:30. Maybe that’s what you saw.”

I show him the bagels, cold cereal, coffee, and fruit. He makes me explain three times what a continental breakfast is, interspersed with vague threats and “I’m a lawyer.” 

Me: “I’m sorry, but I am sure you aren’t a lawyer. The only people who say that are trying to bully people. Also, sir, are you really suggesting you would try and sue a hospital cafeteria because you couldn’t get some bacon?”

He huffed, grabbed his free coffee, and left while mumbling something about “lawyer…”

Related:
With No Bacon, Comes No Responsibility, Part 5
With No Bacon, Comes No Responsibility, Part 4
With No Bacon, Comes No Responsibility, Part 3
With No Bacon, Comes No Responsibility, Part 2
With No Bacon, Comes No Responsibility

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