TMI: The Older Generation

, , , | Right | October 14, 2019

(I am working at the customer service desk at a grocery store when an older lady between 55 and 65 years old comes up to do a return.)

Lady: “I’d like to return these.” *plops down one open box and five unopened boxes of generic personal lubricant* “They didn’t satisfy my needs.”

Me: *needs brain bleach*

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Before Adele Was Famous She Worked In A Furniture Shop  

, , , , | Right | October 14, 2019

(I work front desk reception for a furniture store.)

Me: *answers phone* “Thank you for calling [Furniture Store]. How can I help you?”

(Silence.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Hello? That’s how you answer the phone at a business?! You guys are so unprofessional!” *click*

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These Online Shoes Are Going To Walk All Over You

, , | Right | October 14, 2019

(While my coworker’s working registers, a woman comes up with this story.)

Customer: “Hello. I bought these shoes online and they just arrived today. I would like a discount.”

Coworker: “Was something wrong with them?”

Customer: “Oh, no, they’re perfect. It’s just, I need them for my trip to Vegas, and they took too long to arrive.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry about that. When do you leave?”

Customer: “The day after tomorrow.”

Coworker: “Um, then you should be able to take them with you. When did you order them?”

Customer: “The first. They took way too long to arrive. I was really worried they wouldn’t make it in time, and I think I deserve a discount for my emotional distress.”

Coworker: “Well, ma’am, we do make sure to tell everyone the shipping takes up to seven business days. Today is the seventh.”

Customer: “They did tell me that, but I didn’t know that doesn’t include weekends. Listen, I forgot to use my coupon on this, anyway, so if you could just put $20 credit on my account or something, that would work.”

(At this point, I step in as a manager.)

Me: “I’m very sorry; we don’t have the ability to do that. And unfortunately, we can’t give discounts as long as the shoes arrived on time.”

Customer: “But I had to have these shoes for my vacation. I just want a discount for the stress you guys gave me that I might not have them.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but—”

Customer: “Can I have the number for corporate?”

(Unfortunately, these are the magic words. If someone wants to file a complaint, we have to do everything we can to make sure they don’t.)

Me: “You know what, we’ll do a one-time appeasement and give you $10 off.”

(The customer is happy as we process the refund.)

Me: “Have a wonderful trip.”

(I hate that being part of a large corporation means the customer is always right. Had she complained, she probably would’ve gotten the shoes for free while my coworker and I got written up.)

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The Needs For Biscuits Usually Follows After The Bong

, , , , | Right | October 14, 2019

(I walk down to the corner store to pick up a few things. While I am browsing, a young woman enters the store.)

Customer: *to cashier* “Do you have biscuits? Like, dough-in-a-can type biscuits?”

Cashier: “No, we don’t, sorry.”

(The woman pauses to look at the glass case at the front counter containing various smoking paraphernalia.) 

Customer: “You do have bongs, though… but I need biscuits!”

(She then exited the store.)

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Part Of The Whole App Game

, , , , | Right | October 13, 2019

I answer customer feedback emails. Here is one of my silliest:

“To Whom It May Concern,

My phone has [Game App] installed on it. As I am sure you are aware, your company has chosen to advertise with [Game App Company]. Your ad decided to impact my loading time, causing me to lose my game. I guarantee you, I will never purchase a single one of your products. Ever. Either choose lighter ads or better companies to advertise with.

Thank you for your time,

[Fake Name]”

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