Leaving Your Wallet Somewhere Is One Thing…

, , , , | Right | November 21, 2019

(I am running the self-check area on a very busy Friday afternoon. A lady, accompanied by two small children — a one- or two-year-old and a three- or four-year-old — approaches one of the registers and checks her groceries through without incident, but she calls me over.)

Customer: “I’m so sorry, but I think I’ve left my wallet in my car.”

Me: “Oh, okay…”

Customer: “Can I just leave these groceries here and run out to the car for my wallet?”

Me: “Sure, no problem!”

Customer: “Do you think I could leave my kids here, too, while I run out to the car?”

Me: *with an expression of utter shock* “No, I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

Customer: *disappointed* “Oh…”

(She wanted to leave her children with a complete stranger, in a busy store. Really?!)

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Weefee Rye Guy

, , , , | Right | November 21, 2019

(I am working in the front near the registers, with my manager manning the register itself. I see an older gentleman walk in and begin to place his order.)

Customer: *after finishing his order* “And I would like to get a side of the free weefee.”

Manager: *confused* “I’m sorry, what?”

(I immediately shoot my manager a look, knowing exactly what he is referring to, and she responds back with one that means, “Don’t you dare.”)

Customer: “You know, the free weefee. It’s mentioned on the sign at the entrance of the store.”

(He gestures to the sign which clearly denotes our free WiFi service.)

Manager: “Uh, sir, that is the WiFi service. It means you can access the Internet from a computer in here.”

Customer: *somewhat dejectedly* “Oh. Well, then, can I get some of the rye bread, without the seeds in it?”

(My manager shoots me a look that says, “Go. Now,” as we’re both struggling to hold our composure.)

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, the bread simply comes like that. There is no way to get the seeds out of the bread.”

Customer: “Well, that sucks.”

(Luckily, there were no further customers in the back so we could let our laughter out. It became a meme of sorts around the restaurant to be the “weefee guy.”)

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Always The Bridesmaid, Never The Bigot

, , , | Right | November 21, 2019

(I’m at a locally-owned florist shop looking for flowers when I overhear one of the employees talking excitedly with a lesbian couple about their wedding. After the couple leaves, another shopper approaches the employee.)

Customer: *to the employee* “God, I didn’t think they’d ever leave! They don’t pay you enough to serve people like that!”

Employee: “Like who, sir?”

Customer: “Like them! Those women were gay!”

Employee: “Oh, I know. I’m a bridesmaid. Personally, I think they look absolutely adorable together.”

(The customer looks appalled and leaves the store in a hurry. The employee sees me watching and raises an eyebrow in my direction.)

Me: “Are you really a bridesmaid?”

Employee: *breezily* “Nope! Never seen those women before in my life!”

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They Must Really Like Tea

, , , , , | Right | November 21, 2019

(I work at an amusement park. It just finished raining heavily. I’m all alone at a teacup ride — one of the few rides open since it is still storming — when a group of teens approaches me.)

Teen: “Hey, are you open?”

Me: “Yes.”

Teen: “Can we ride?”

Me: “No.”

Teen: “Why not?”

Me: “You’re too tall.”

Teen: “We’ll pay you?”

Me: “No.”

Teen: “We’ll buy you a pretzel?”

Me: “No.”

Teen: “She’ll sell you her body?”

Me: “…”

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They Didn’t Get The Prize Drawing When The Brains Were Handed Out

, , , | Right | November 21, 2019

(We have a raffle for a mountain bicycle on display.)

Customer: “Hey, can you tell me about that bike I see hanging from the ceiling?”

Employee: “Oh, that’s a prize drawing.”

Customer: “No, that was a real bike I saw, not a drawing of one.”

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