Fighting For “Equals” Rights

, , , | Right | December 11, 2018

(I am cutting fabric at the fabric counter, and I call for the next number to be served. A woman approaches with a bolt of faux fur, which is currently 40% off.)

Customer: “I would like one yard, please.”

(I scan the label on the bolt. Note: the original, non-sale price listed on the bolt is $14.99. We always let the customers know what the price is and if it’s on sale before we cut, in case they were planning on using coupons, etc.)

Me: *with my usual chipperness* “Okay, it’s $8.99 a yard, and it is on sale today!”

Customer: *suddenly scowling* “No, that’s not right. I thought you said it was on sale?”

Me: “Yes. It’s $8.99 on sale, normally $14.99.”

Customer: “It’s supposed to be 40% off!”

Me: “It is—”

(Before I can finish, she storms away, mumbling about finding the section to check the sale sign. She walks to the fur aisle, with the 40% off signs posted, and marches back, looking even more perturbed. At this point, I’m thinking perhaps she’s confused about what the original price was.)

Me: “Ma’am, $8.99 is the sale price at 40% off; it’s originally $14.99.”

Customer: *looking at me like I’ve just told her the earth is flat* “No, that’s not right! That’s too much!”

(She pulls out her phone to piddle on her calculator while I pull up the calculator on my hand-held and re-calculate it multiple times, coming up with the same figure. When I show her, she still doesn’t believe me, and smugly shows me her phone calculator.)

Customer: “See?! It should only be $5.97! You’re wrong!”

Me: “That’s not 60% of $14.99. Fifty percent of $14.99 is $7.50 if you think about it, so it would have to be more than that.”

(She starts punching numbers into her phone again. I’m biting back frustration and looking for a pen and a piece of paper to go full-on School House Rock on this lady and draw a diagram or something. Suddenly she stops and her face falls flat as she looks at her phone.)

Customer: “Oh. I see. I had, uh, just forgotten to hit the ‘equal’ button. Whatever.”

(I went on to cut her fabric without mentioning another word about it, and resisted the urge to bang my head on the fabric counter.)

Easiest… Turnaround… Ever

, , , | Right | December 11, 2018

(I work in the retentions team of a UK television provider. I specifically deal with customers that have changed their mind prior to installing.)

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Supplier]. My name is [My Name]; how can I help?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know. I think I want to cancel.”

Me: “Okay, that’s no problem. Why are you looking at cancelling? What’s changed your mind?”

Customer: “Hmm… Err, oh, I really don’t know. Hmm… I just don’t know; I don’t know what to do.”

(Usually, customers know why they want to cancel, so it’s fairly easy to handle, but this customer really is just humming and uh-ing to himself. I take a chance.)

Me: “Okay, have you thought about not cancelling?”

Customer: “Yeah, okay, that sounds good.”

Me: “Great! Hope you enjoy your services when they are installed!”

Customer: “Thanks. It’s nice you lot are all so reasonable and understanding.”

Me: “My pleasure. Have a good day.”

This Money Holds No Quarter With Me

, , , , , | Right | December 11, 2018

Me: “Your total is $10.15.”

Customer: *hands me $9.40*

Me: “I’m sorry; you’re a bit short. I need $10.15.”

Customer: “I gave you $9, a quarter, and 15 cents.”

Me: “Yes, a quarter and 15 cents equals 40 cents.”

Customer: “No, it says, ‘quarter dollar.’ It’s worth a dollar.”

Me: “No, ma’am. It’s a quarter of a dollar, meaning ¢25.”

Customer: “Well, my friend told me it’s worth a dollar.”

(I still don’t know how a middle-aged American had never used a quarter before.)

Uses The Key Very Sparingly

, , , | Right | December 11, 2018

(The phone rings; I answer.)

Me: “Good morning. [Auto Shop]. This is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. So, my wife just locked the keys in the car.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “So, the problem is that she left the car running.”

Me: “Okay. How can I help you?”

Customer: “We have a spare key. Will that open the door?”

The Value Of Victory

, , , , , | Right | December 11, 2018

(I’m a manager at a clothing company that offers a lifetime guarantee on its products. The policy is pretty loose, and to accompany the policy we have the ability to make adjustments for “difficult” customers. It’s two minutes before close when a customer walks in.)

Customer: “Am I too late?”

Me: “No, what can I do for you?”

Customer: “I don’t want to return this; I just saw that it’s 50% off now, so I want to get the price adjusted.”

(She hands me a receipt, which I notice is over a year old.)

Me: “Ma’am, our policy for price adjustments is two weeks; this was purchased over a year ago.”

Customer: *snaps* “Yeah, but this is [Company], so I’ll just return it and buy it back.”

(Not in the mood for arguing, I begin to process the adjustment.)

Customer: *in a smart tone* “Are you having a good night?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. So, it looks like it’s the same price today as it was a year ago.”

Customer: “Um, no, I paid [current price plus tax].”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, well, it’s half off of the original.” *pulling out a calculator to show her the math* “So, half of [price] is—”


Me: “Okay, yes, so the extra was for taxes. Unfortunately, there’s nothing I can do about taxes.”

Customer: “YES, I KNOW THAT!”

Me: “All right, ma’am, sorry about that, but just for future reference we do price adjustments for up to two weeks.”

Customer: “I don’t care. I will just return whatever and repurchase it. This has been sitting in my dining room just like this for a year!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, have a great night!”

(Ah, the sweet taste of victory.)

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