Customer: “I want chicken tacos.”

Me: “Okay, so one order of the chicken tinga tacos?”

Customer: “Yup.”

Customer’s Son: “I want pizza and fries.”

Me: “Pizza and fries. So together we’re doing one order of the chicken tinga tacos and one order of pizza with fries?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s right.”

Later, when the food comes out:

Customer: “What is this?”

Me: “Your chicken tinga tacos.”

Customer: “I ordered fish tacos!”

Customer’s Son: “No, you ordered the chicken tinga tacos, mom!”

Customer: “I don’t even know what chicken tinga is! Why would I order that?!”

Customer’s Son: “I don’t know, Mom, but you ordered it.”

Customer: “No!” *Sour twisted face.* “She said chicken tinga. I never said chicken tinga. I don’t know what that is!”

Customer’s Son: “So you heard her say chicken tinga tacos when she was taking our order and you agreed to it?”

Customer: *Realizes she’s been caught and turns to me.* “Oh, you’re right, that’s my mistake, I’m so sorry.”

During one of my swimming classes, a ten-year-old child is a bit rough and accidentally hits me with a foam swimming board. While it was not major, I do want to teach the child a lesson about being rough around the pool.

Me: “Ow, that hurt, [Child’s Name].”

Child: “Oh, are you all right?”

Me: “Yes, but it really hurt.”

Child: “Oh…”

Me: “So, what do you say?”

Child: *Cheerful.* “THANK YOU!” *Realization and horror.* “No, no, sorry, I mean sorry!” 

I couldn’t keep a straight face after that.

A mum and her young child are coming through my lane when the child spills a lot of juice all over the floor and part of my register. The mum, without hesitation, says to the child:

Customer: “Don’t worry. It’s their job to tidy up.”

My shoulders sink as I’m about to accept my fate, when my manager, who happened to be nearby, runs over with a wet mop (we keep one by the registers at all times just in case) and hands it to the mum.

Manager: “Nope. Your monkey, your circus.”

Customer: *A bit discombobulated.* “That… that’s not how it works!”

Manager: “You don’t clean up your kid’s mess?”

Customer: “Keeping the shop clean is not my responsibility, it’s yours!”

Manager: “I see.”

He leans down to the child.

Manager: “Hear that? Mummy says we’re not responsible for our own messes, so go and make as much mess as you want when you get home!”

Instead of grabbing the mop, the customer grabs her child and starts storming out, leaving her shopping behind. My manager starts to clean up the spill.

Manager: “She’ll be too embarrassed to come back, and she’s wasted an hour shopping here and not buying anything. Life’s little pleasures.”

My manager, bless him, also took her shopping trolley away to do all the put-backs.

I’m replying to a post on a social media music forum.

OP: “So, what was the last concert you guys went to? Who was the artist?”

Commenter #1: “I saw Ozzy’s last show. RIP Prince of Darkness.”

Commenter #2: “John Legend.”

Me: “Trans Siberian Orchestra.”

Commenter #3: “They have an orchestra for [anti-transgender slur]s?! F****** woke s***!”

Content Warning: Mention of death

For complicated reasons, I find out that my dad is dying and has a matter of days left.

Me: “I need this weekend off.”

Manager: “No, that’s too last-minute.”

I explain why.

Me: “So, I want to say goodbye to him.”

Manager: “Hmm, well, I don’t really want to work two Saturdays in a row.”

Me: “And I don’t want to say bye to my dad for the very last time, so I guess we’re both in for some sucky weekends.”

Manager: “Yeah, but I mean if yours is gonna suck anyway, you might as well work.”

Me: “I have never ever said this to another human being before, but I think this warrants it. You are a monster.”

I quit on the spot and didn’t give my manager or that job another thought until after the funeral.