I used to fix EPOS (electronic point of sale) systems, so sometimes I would fix the tills in stores. I would be there with a big sign that said: “Till closed” and people would still move the sign and start to unload their items. I would just look at them, surrounded by the till and its components.

Me: “This till is closed.”

Customer: “I’m in a hurry.”

Me: “Oh, sorry, I didn’t realise you were in a hurry. Here, let me take these seventy-three separate components that I have removed from the checkout machinery and shove them back in. It’s not like they were important or anything.”

Customer: “I feel like you’re being rude.”

Me: “I feel like you’re being stupid.”

Customer: “I am going to complain about you! What’s your name?”

Me: “My name doesn’t matter because I don’t work for the store, I work for the company that fixes the tills, and I can say whatever I want to you. Now go away.”

Customer: “Hmph!” *Goes away.*

I’m clothes shopping, pushing my stroller with my daughter in it with one hand, and pulling the little basket on wheels with the other. Some dude comes up to me.

Customer: “Do you work here?”

I exaggeratedly look down at my very casual clothes, and then at my stroller with a very awake and babbling baby in it. He continues to look at me expectantly, so I just say:

Me: “Yes, but I’m restocking the baby section at the moment.”

Customer: *Tuts loudly.* “Ugh, fine. I’ll find someone who isn’t too lazy to do their job!”

He then storms off to find a retail worker victim. Even my baby looked up at me with a ‘WTF’ face.

CORRECTION: A POV error has been fixed.

I remember when I used to work in a (now defunct) famous national-chain toy store, a customer walked up to me looking a bit frazzled.

Customer: “I’ve been looking everywhere for [item]. Every store is out! Nobody’s had it for months!

Me: “Sorry, that product was discontinued.”

Customer: “No, it wasn’t.”

Me: “Oh, I didn’t know you worked for the company that made it. Could you please let me know why your message to all the stores in the country said that it was discontinued?”

Customer: “I… I don’t work for them.”

Me: “But, you just so confidently said it wasn’t discontinued. How else would you know that unless you work for them?”

Customer: “I… I just… look, I know it can’t be discontinued because I still need it!”

Me: “Oh, if only the universe worked like that.”

The customer walked away after that. I don’t know if it was because they realized just how dumb they were sounding, or my inability to give a s***, but there was no fight left in them.

Customer: “I want yam fries.”

I blink, because we have nothing even close to this on the menu.

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t have yam fries on the menu.”

Customer: “I know, but I want some anyway.”

She gestures to the grocery store across the parking lot.

Customer: “Go and buy some and make them for me.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be $100.”

Customer: “What?! But your regular fries are just six bucks!”

Me: *Monotone and as a single sentence.* “Wow those sound like a bargain I’d order those if I were you.”

She got the hint and ordered the regular fries. The audacity of some people!

I have worked in customer service for years, and as you can imagine, have suffered much abuse.

I was in a gas station I did not work at and grabbed something I needed off the bottom shelf. I habitually pulled the next couple of items forward to make it easier for the next person to get to.

Seeing this, a man assumed I worked there. He proceeds to start yelling (yes, actually yelling) at me about the price of the quarts of oil. Sarcasm is my second language, so I brightly say to him:

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, when I’m in charge of the prices, I’ll be sure to get that changed for you.”

And then I prepared for the backlash.

To his credit and my utter amazement, he stops himself and says:

Customer: “You’re right. You have nothing to do with the prices, and I apologize.”

I tell him no worries and let him know there’s a box store down the street that would have lower prices. He said that’s okay, he was in a hurry, went to the cashier, made his purchase and thanked them, and then went on his way.

I stood in shock for a moment, my faith in humanity temporarily restored. Still makes me smile when I think of him.