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Stick It To ‘Em!

, , , | Right | CREDIT: itssmeestephh | July 5, 2022

I have worked in customer service for over six years, and what I’ve never lost is my sense of humor. You deal with the most outspoken people in life. More than most I’ll dare to protest because they really get their panties in a twist when something doesn’t go right. But humor saves me every time; even if the customer doesn’t laugh, it was still great for me. 

One time, an older gentleman gave me a quarter for a tip. I’m not saying you HAVE to tip generously, but anything under $2 is still a slap to the face. It really makes you feel so low as a person and makes you question everything you did. It sucks, to say the least.

Gentleman: “Now don’t go spending it all in one place!”

His wife looks horrified at her husband’s remark. I’m a cocky kid with no feelings to care about, so I snap back.

Me: “Oh, yes, that gumball machine looks real great!”

I ended with a wink and walked away with a “Have a great day.”

I came back to the table later, and there were five dollars and a quarter left on it. I’ve always assumed it was the wife that left it, but it could have very well been the man. I’ll never know.

Sarcasm Comes In Many Sizes

, , , | Right | April 7, 2020

(I am known for exaggerating when I talk, but even strangers can usually tell that I am joking by my voice and completely unrealistic exaggerations. I am at a well-known burger joint to exchange a T-shirt I bought for a smaller size.)

Clerk: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Me: “Actually, I’m here to see if I can exchange a shirt that I bought the other day for a smaller size since this one was like eight sizes too big.”

(The clerk goes pale and her eyes get really wide.)

Clerk: “Eight… sizes…?”

(She looked completely terrified for a moment and I realized she had no idea I was joking. I awkwardly recovered and explained the situation, but I felt very silly after that conversation!)

Misunderstanding Of A Technical Support Wizard

, , , , , , | Right | April 1, 2020

(I work for a company that produces, among other software, a word processor. A customer calls in, sounding frantic.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Software Company] technical support. My name is [My Name]. Can I have your case number?”

(The customer is very stressed and barely restraining himself.)

Customer: “SRX…”

(I check that I have the right customer.)

Me: “I’ll be happy to help you. What is the issue?”

Customer: “My word processor is not loading up, and I have to give this report to my boss in ten minutes! I demand that you repair your f****** software before that!”

Me: “Sir, I cannot promise any time frame but I will certainly work as fast–”

Customer: “NO! I NEED THIS FIXED IN NOW NINE MINUTES!”

(I stand my ground, as I’m going to be fired if I commit to a specific time frame. After two more minutes of pointless arguing…)

Me: “ABRACADABRA HOCUS POCUS SHAZAM!”

Customer: “What the f***?”

Me: “Is it fixed?”

Customer: “You think you’re funny? Of course not!”

Me: “Sir, I tried the magic way and it doesn’t seem to work. How about you let me work at it as fast as I can?”

Customer: “FINE!”

(Two minutes later, the problem was fixed and he was happily printing.)

Sarcasm Is Not His Calling

, , , , | Friendly | January 8, 2020

(We’ve just finished a long day of rehearsal and the coordinator is giving us some final reminders for the next day.)

Coordinator: “Make sure you remember to bring… Wait, is that a phone I hear?”

(Sure enough, we can hear a phone ringing and vibrating. An actor raises his hand, slightly embarrassed.)

Actor: “Um, yes, sorry, it’s mine. Should I hang up?”

(The coordinator thinks he’s joking and laughs.)

Coordinator: *sarcastically* “Oh, no, don’t worry. Answer it; we’ll wait for you.”

Actor: “Oh, all right!” *answers his phone and starts talking*

(The coordinator is left with a wild look on her face and some crew members start chuckling. The actor, however, keeps talking on the phone, completely oblivious. When we realize this, the laughter stops.)

Actor: “Yeah, I know… Uh… Hey, I think I’ll call you later; everyone’s staring at me.”

A Cashless Karmic Transaction

, , , , , | Friendly | June 22, 2018

(It is December, and holiday gift shopping is in full swing. I’m minding my own business, paying with cash in a store.)

Customer: *behind me, scoffs* “Who uses cash anymore these days? Get with the times.”

(I ignore her and continue on my way to another store nearby. I’m in line to pay when the cashier announces that the electronic payment system is down. Later I learn this isn’t just the store’s problem, but stores across the entire country are having issues. They’re currently serving all customers who can pay with cash first while working on a solution for those who can’t. Coincidentally, the same customer is in the line in front of me. As I pass her to go pay, I can’t resist.)

Me: “Who pays cash these days? People who aren’t screwed right now.”

(The look on her face was absolutely worth it.)