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The Couponator: You’ve Been Couponated

, , , , , , , | Right | October 2, 2023

We have a regular customer who is always friendly and happy to see us. She remembers our names and genuinely asks how we’ve been, remembering details we might have mentioned in small little conversations months earlier.

One time she approaches me at the service desk.

Customer: “Oh, hi, [My Name]. I don’t suppose anyone has handed in a wallet have they? It’s brown and plastic.”

Me: “I don’t think so, at least not since I’ve been here. When did you lose it?”

Customer: *Near tears* “About half an hour ago, I think? I must have dropped it in the parking lot. Please hold on to it for me if you find it?”

Me: “Absolutely! I’m so sorry that happened to you! Let me write your number down and I’ll call you if it’s found. Was there a lot in it?”

Customer: *Holding back tears* “I’m on a fixed income, so not a lot to most people, but that $60 I had in there was my food budget for the week.”

Me: “That’s awful! I’ll tell everyone, and I mean everyone, to keep an eye out.”

Customer: “Thank you. I appreciate it.”

She walks out looking like the weight of the world is on her shoulders. What makes it worse is that she’s a single mother (widowed), and I know how it feels to be living on the breadline and losing what feels like a fortune to your budget.

I mention this to my manager, who agrees to alert all staff to keep an eye out for the wallet. He also has another idea. Our manager has a “keep customers happy” budget, and this time, instead of using it to calm down raging entitlement monsters, he could use it for something good.

He authorizes the use of some store vouchers and asks me to call the customer back.

Customer: “Did you find my wallet?”

Me: “Not yet, but we’re still looking! However, we did find something else that belongs to you, so come and find us at the customer service desk whenever you decide to come back.”

Customer: “Something… else? But I don’t think I dropped anything else? What is it?”

Me: “You… qualified for some coupons! No rush. Come collect when you can.”

The customer accepts this but remains confused. The next day, she comes in with a friend, and sadly, I’m not working, but my manager relays to me what happens later.

Customer: “Hi, [Manager]. I was told I had left behind some coupons, or something?”

Manager: “Oh, hi, [Customer]! Yes, we found these with your name on them!”

He hands her $120 worth of store vouchers — intentionally double the amount that she lost in her wallet.

Customer: “What?! But… how?”

Manager: “[Store] likes to show its appreciation for customers that show appreciation for us. Think of this as a reward for being such a respectful customer all these years.”

Customer: “But… I don’t understand.”

Manager: “This is for you to spend in the store, for anything you want!”

Customer: “But… why?”

Customer’s Friend: “Seriously, [Customer], don’t you get it?! They like you, and they want to make sure you’re okay! Just take the d*** coupons and say thank you!”

When it (finally) dawned on the customer what was happening, she broke down into tears. She had brought her friend along as she didn’t have any money and her friend was going to help get a few essentials. Now she had enough to tide her over and recover the money that was lost and then some! Felt nice to be able to give back!

The Couponator 41: The Saga Of The Long-Suffering Wife
The Couponator 40: Armageddon
The Couponator 39: The Yarn Of Time
The Couponator 38: The Sandwich Of Frustration
The Couponator 37: The Year Of Reckoning

It’s Not The Size; It’s The LEGS!

, , , , , | Working | October 2, 2023

I’m originally from a large city. The place I’m working at is in a very small town. I’ve heard more than my fair share of comments and snarky asides about being a city girl. I also hate large bugs, which has fueled some of these comments.

I’m at my desk when I hear a coworker let out a yell from her desk.

Me: “Are you okay?”

Coworker #1: “SPIDER!”

Me: “It must be massive if you’re yelling about it.”

Coworker #1: “SOMEONE KILL IT!”

Me: “If it’s that big, I’m not going over there!”

Coworker #1: “HELP ME!”

I grab a can of bug spray and a rolled-up magazine and cautiously approach. I see the tiniest spider ever sitting on her desk.

Me: “Where is it?”

She points at the tiny thing.

Coworker #1: “That’s it!”

Me: “Oh, I see. I ran away from that wasp yesterday, and now you’re trying to prank me.”

Coworker #1: “Kill it!”

I look down and it’s gone.

Me: “I don’t see it.”

She looks around frantically.

Coworker #1: “Where did it go?!”

Me: “Seriously, are you messing with me?”

Coworker #1: “Of course not! I hate spiders!”

Me: “Well, call me if it comes back, I guess…”

I go back to my desk, not entirely convinced that she wasn’t messing with me. A few minutes later, I hear [Coworker #2] shriek.

Coworker #2: “SPIDER! It’s huge! [My Name], get the bug spray!”

Me: “I’m not falling for that again!”

Coworker #2: “Seriously! It’s huge, and it’s on the ceiling!”

I grab the can of bug spray and head into her office. I look up and see… spider #2, chilling on the ceiling. It’s a little bit bigger than the first one but still not anywhere in the realm of large. I put down the bug spray and give her a look.

Me: “You two are hilarious.”

Coworker #2: “This isn’t a joke! Get it out!

I can tell she is serious. I sigh, grab the broom from the supply closet, knock the spider off the ceiling, and sweep it out the door. Meanwhile, [Coworker #2] has retreated to [Coworker #1]’s work area.

Coworker #2: “So gross!

Coworker #1: “How are you not afraid of that?! You’re afraid of everything else that crawls or flies!”

Me: “The real question is, how are both of you afraid of that? Weren’t both of you raised out here with much larger bugs?”

Coworker #2: “Well, yes, but I don’t see how that’s relevant.”

Me: “Do the itsy bitsy spiders only exist in large cities?”

There were no more city girl jokes after that.

When “Me Time” Becomes A Bloody Horror Show

, , , , , , , , | Friendly | October 2, 2023

I used to live in an apartment in San Francisco’s Haight Street district. While the area used to be known for Hippies and Flower Power, over the years, Flower Power wilted, and it became known for drug users and unmedicated homeless people with mental health issues, and it took on a generally “scuzzy” feeling. 

I would take my laundry to a laundromat about three blocks from my apartment. The place was not the prettiest, but I didn’t mind as there were a lot of machines and it was my me time. I would get a snack, and I admit I often did my laundry a little stoned.  

While people in the neighborhood used the place, a lot of the patrons were clearly homeless, and some of them were also clearly a few quarters short of a buck. 

One day, I was doing my laundry, and I noticed that everyone was staring at me and giving me space. I was not sure what was going on as I was no different than other weeks, wearing my Unabomber Chic outfit of leggings, a black hoodie, and large sunglasses. 

I loaded up my clothes and waited, and people kept looking at me out of the corner of their eyes. Someone moved when I sat next to them. I was so confused but still minding my own business.

About twenty minutes into my wash, a guy with a puppy came in and it came running up to me. I petted it and then noticed that I seemed to have blood all over my hands. I freaked out, thinking I had cut myself or something, but nope, I seemed fine, so I tried to get it off, I admit using a dirty sock to clean my hands. I then took a second to do that scratch-your-nose thing where you run your finger under your nose and discovered my hand covered in blood.

Yep, my nose was the thing bleeding. It then hit me that I had been scratching my nose that way the whole walk over and while washing, meaning my face was covered in blood and I’d had no idea. Pair that with the black clothes, the glassy eyes from the edible I’d taken, the “random” laughing caused by my YouTube video playing over the earbuds under my hair, and I was giving off clear “I am a crazy serial killer” vibes to people.

Part of me felt bad for scaring people, but at the same time, it is not often that a woman with G-sized boobs can go and wash all her undies and not have a single guy make a snide remark.

A Fine-Tuned Lie

, , , , , , | Right | October 2, 2023

Three young guys are in the store, looking over the “rockstar” games that come with a guitar peripheral with buttons so you can “rock” while you play the rhythm-based music games.

Two of the guys are giggling, and they send the third up to talk to me.

Guy: “Hi. We were wondering, do you tune up the guitars that come with the rock star game, or do we have to do that at home?”

Me: “Uh, tune a plastic guitar that doesn’t have any strings?”

The guy stared at me, and then the penny dropped as his friends laughed out loud and their trolling became apparent. I barely managed to not burst out laughing as he slunk off to kill his friends.

Should Also Check For Brain Damage

, , | Right | October 2, 2023

I work in roadside assistance. I get a caller and verify their details and membership status.

Caller: “I need a tow.”

Me: “I can get that out to you.”

Caller: “But I don’t want them to damage my car!”

Me: “All of the towing companies we use are licensed professionals and are trained to take care of the cars they tow.”

About an hour later, a call is passed on to me; it’s the same caller.

Caller: “You said you hired professionals!”

Me: “What is your issue, sir?”

Caller: “The guys you called are refusing to tow my car!”

Me: “Are they there right now, sir?”

Caller: “Yes!”

Me: “Can you pass me on to them?”

He mutters a little but passes me over to the tow truck driver.

Tow Truck Driver: “Yeah, we have an issue here.”

I can still hear the caller in the background loudly moaning, “Don’t damage my car!”

Me: “What’s the issue?”

Tow Truck Driver: “His car is currently wrapped around a telephone pole. I can, of course, haul the car away, but it’s totaled.”

Me: “I… see.”

Tow Truck Driver: “I’m assuming he didn’t tell you that?”

Me: “No, he did not. He simply said he needed a tow.”

There’s the sound of a scuffle, and the caller grabs the phone back.

Caller: “He’s telling me he can’t tow my car without damaging it! You said they wouldn’t damage it!”

Me: “Sir, you didn’t tell me you were involved in a crash. I’m afraid this changes things somewhat. We will need to get a police report, talk to your insurers, and—”

Caller: “I’m going to sue the towing company if they damage my car!”

Me: “Sir, your car is totaled! You deliberately didn’t tell me that, and I suspect you did so to try to shift the blame to other parties. I will be contacting the authorities on your behalf, and I recommend you contact your insurer. Goodbye!” 

I hung up and went through the process. It turned out that the guy thought if he didn’t say anything on the phone, the tow truck driver would be liable. The things people think they can get away with!