I’m an author. At a poorly-attending book signing at a local library, an older gentleman comes to my table and proceeds to tell me his life story. I try to be attentive, but when he starts reciting his grandson’s bowling scores, I’ve had enough.

I text my teenage daughter, who wandered off when he started talking.

Man: “And then he bowled an eighty-three, his highest score yet. But the next game, he only bowled a fifty-two.”

Me: *Texting* “Come save me.”

Daughter: *Texting* “How?”

Me: *Texting* “Say you need help getting something out of the car.”

My daughter comes to the table.

Daughter: “I need to get something out of the car.”

She takes my keys and leaves.

Daughter: *Texting* “Wait. How will that help you?”

Me: *Texting* “It won’t.”

Man: “But the next game he bowled a ninety! Then, the game after that…”

My husband and I usually spend Thanksgiving with a close friend instead of going to our families’ homes. This year, our friend’s fifteen-year-old son invited his girlfriend, also fifteen. She is about as mentally stable and secure as most fifteen-year-old girls. She thinks [Son] should only do things they can do together, he should always hold her hand, and he should absolutely never talk to any other women.

As the only woman at the meal that [Son] is not related to, I am obviously a threat and she treats me as such. I was seventeen when [Son] was born and babysat him a lot growing up, so we are pretty close, but I’ve never looked at him as a prospective boyfriend.

I stopped drinking several months ago because of a complication with one of my medications, so I have been trying out different non-alcoholic substitutions. I bring a four-pack of this substitution to the gathering and put it in the garage. [Son] and [Girlfriend] are sitting out there by themselves. [Girlfriend] sees me and starts crawling in [Son]’s lap and trying to kiss his neck.

Me: “Hi there.”

Girlfriend: “Bye there.”

She waves me off.

Me: “What’s going on?”

She sits back in her seat and glares at me while [Son] gives me a fist bump and laughs.

When the meal is ready, we are all seated at the table. [Girlfriend] strolls in last, drinking one of my non-alcoholic beers and looking right at me.

Friend: “[My Name]…?

Me: “Yeah, that’s mine. What are you doing, [Girlfriend]?”

Girlfriend: “It’s not real beer, so it’s not illegal.”

Friend: “It’s also not polite to help yourself to things that aren’t yours.”

[Girlfriend] shrugs and keeps drinking.

Son: “Sorry, [My Name]. I’ll give you some cash for it.”

Girlfriend: “Why?”

Son: “Because you just stole that!”

Me: “Let’s just eat.”

Girlfriend: “It’s basically soda, anyway.”

[Girlfriend] chugs the rest of the drink. I don’t know if you know what happens when you down a carbonated beverage in a few seconds, but [Girlfriend] learns. She burps so loud, I think her throat is sore. [Son] laughs out loud and [Girlfriend] glares at me.

Throughout the meal, [Girlfriend] continues intercepting dishes as I ask for them, talking over me, and just being a classic mean girl.

When dessert comes, I bring out my pies and set one at each end of the table. When they come to her, [Girlfriend] picks one up and shouts. The glass plate lands on the floor upside-down.

Girlfriend: *With mock sadness* “Oh, no! It was too hot.”

The pies have been cooling for several hours by this point and are not hot at all. I’ve had enough, but I’m not going to yell.

Me: “That’s why grownups touch hot plates and children wait their turn. Go get—”

Girlfriend: “I’m not a child!”

Me: “Go get some towels to clean up.”

Girlfriend: “Kiss my a**, you ugly whore.”

Friend: “Hey! Absolutely not! You can go call your mom and have her pick you up.”

Girlfriend: “F*** you, too! This b**** is—”

Son: “Shut up!”

Girlfriend: “What?”

Son: “Go home.”

[Girlfriend] leaves the table and is picked up a few minutes later. Her mother is apologetic. It sounds like [Girlfriend] is a terror at home, too. As they leave, [Girlfriend] looks out the car window and waves, tears streaming down her face. [Son] turns away and walks back inside. We can hear (Girlfriend) screaming down the block.

Son: “When are girls less crazy?”

Me: “Ohhhh… probably a ten-year minimum.”

Son: “Oh, my God!”

When I was a teenager, I sometimes drank alcohol, and though it is illegal to give or sell alcohol to teenagers, technically, it is not illegal for teenagers to drink here in Sweden, though many think of it as equivalent.

Two friends and I were having some drinks on a very small pier by a lake one evening. We also brought some food, like sandwiches and fruit; it was like a picnic, with alcohol involved.

The beach was a very small one; however, if you continued along the lake, there was a big beach not far from this one. There were no houses nearby and, as such, the empty beach felt like a very isolated place, so we talked and had a lot of fun.

At one point, one of my friends was peeing up by the woods, and we saw two flashlights approaching the beach. She came running down to us, still putting her skirt in place.

Friend #1: “It’s the police!”

Both my friends started to panic. I told them to calm down, having been taught that the police are just doing their jobs and are not out to get us like some people seem to think.

As the police arrived, I smiled at them. I couldn’t really see their faces seeing as it was dark, and they were behind flashlights, but I could see enough to see that they were in uniforms.

Me: “Good evening.”

Police: “Good evening. We’ve gotten a call about a disturbance. Apparently, a bunch of teenagers are drinking, screaming, and having a big, loud party. Do you know anything about that?”

Me: “No, we are just having a picnic, and it is just the three of us. If there is a party, I hear it is usually over by the big beach.”

Police: “Oh, we see. But you are drinking.”

Me: “Yes, we are.”

My friends were pale; they didn’t say a word.

Police: “Is everyone all right? Does anyone need to go to the hospital?”

Me: “No, I don’t think so.”

I looked at my friends. They still didn’t say anything, but frankly, I didn’t think any one of us was beyond tipsy.

Me: “We’re fine.”

Police: “All right, well, be careful. Here by the water, you can fall in, and if you do, you might not get out; it is cold at this time of night, and your body might go into shock. You are quite far away from the road, so it would take time for help to get here.”

Me: “Yes, thank you. We’ll be careful.”

Police: “All right, well, have a good evening, and don’t hesitate to call if you need any help.”

Me: “Have a good evening!”

Then, they left, and my friends looked at me.

Friend #2: “Wow! You were so calm!”

Me: “Well, there was no reason to worry. Worst case scenario, they would’ve taken our drinks.”

Then, we started wondering what disturbance they had come for. We would’ve noticed a big party, seeing as some people would’ve most likely gone past our beach to get there. Also, we should’ve heard it.

Looking out at the lake, we saw the lights of the houses which were basically on the other side of it. We concluded that someone probably heard the echo of three girls laughing over the water and felt that it disturbed their evening.

I was in an electronics store browsing through laptops when I noticed a young man standing near me. He looked to be somewhere between sixteen and eighteen, neatly dressed in a dress shirt and tie with polished shoes, hair slicked and gelled back, and he was wearing a name tag that said, “Steven”. (Name has been changed.)

Me: “Hi. Would you recommend the AMD or Intel processors for graphics design?”

Steven: “Is this for like a commercial setting? Home office?”

I explained exactly what it was I was looking to do. He launched into a very thorough and detailed explanation of what sort of computer hardware was appropriate for what. He brought me to a couple of display laptops and gave a well-formulated recommendation of what he’d personally go with. He ended it by taking out his phone and directing me to some tech websites that would further help. I was so impressed with his professionalism and courtesy that I decided to buy the laptop to make it worth his while.

Steven: *Smiling brightly* “Great! Let me know how it works out, or if you have any questions or whatever; here’s my Twitter and Facebook.” *Scribbling them down and handing the note to me* “Gotta run now, though. Take it easy!”

Thinking his shift was over and that he’d helped me more than enough, I smiled and thanked him.

I bought the laptop and later left a five-star review, specifically mentioning Steven and praising his excellent job. The store responded to the review.

Store: “Do you have the right business? We don’t have anyone named Steven who works here.”

Oh, it gets better. I checked out his Facebook… and discovered that he was only fourteen years old!

I work in a restaurant. One day, I serve a group of teenagers who look around sixteen or seventeen. They order around $120 worth of food and eat pretty fast. Overall, they’re an “eh” table and I don’t expect to get a decent tip from them.

When it is around time to pay the bill, all of them get up at the same time and basically run out the door. The hostess and other servers try to stop them, but they claim:

Teenager: “Our mom is in the bathroom, and she will be paying.”

I didn’t even see them leave; they waited until I was busy before they dipped.

Here’s the funny part: at our restaurant, we have an online order system and customers (or whoever gives the name for the order) are able to pick up orders. We realize that one of the kids signed for and picked up an order before they got seated. We have the email and phone number of the person they picked up for, so we call up the number, and sure enough, a lady picks up. We tell her that her online order is ready to be picked up.

Lady: “Oh, my son should’ve already picked it up.”

Uh-huh.

Me: “Ma’am, your son and his group of friends dined and dashed. We’ll be calling the police if they don’t come back and pay their [$120-something] bill.”

Lady: *Sounding nervous* “Oh, they will come back to pay!”

Maybe a half-hour later, these annoying kids showed up again. They were loud and tried to make jokes about the situation, even joking about coming to drink next time. Not one of them apologized when they all took turns paying their part of the bill. No tip, either. Unbelievable.