(I work for a store that has a lot of self-check machines, and every day I hear the same phrase like a broken record: “Those things steal jobs!” Recently, I got into an argument with an older customer over whether or not they do.)

Customer: “Aren’t you afraid these take jobs? Machines will ruin the world. You’ll be out of a job soon anywho.”

Me: “Sir, do you use a cellphone?”

Customer: “Yeah, but what’s it matter?”

Me: “Used to be that people had to phone operators, right? What happened to those jobs?”

Customer: “Machines took over.”

Me: “But it’s more convenient, right?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “And do you use an ATM?”

Customer: “Well… yeah…”

Me: “People used to pump gas for you, too, right?”

Customer: “F*** you.”

(This story happens when I’m working as a supervisor at a call center, on an account which provides inbound customer service for an electronics company. In this case, a call is being escalated to me regarding a customer who is demanding service for his in-warranty TV without being willing to do any of the basic, required troubleshooting. This user’s TV is having an issue with the picture intermittently experiencing interference or jumpiness, across all connected devices — a problem which has become more and more frequent for him. I’ve been on the phone with the user for about twenty minutes before he says something which triggers my “spidey-senses,” and which the front-line agent didn’t mention.)

User: “I know it’s your TV’s fault! My A/V guy hooked everything up; it’s six feet in the air, and I can’t get to the power plug or any of the cords! I’m not taking it down to do anything! Just send someone to fix it!”

Me: “I understand the frustration. There are some troubleshooting steps we must take before sending a technician out, however, just to ensure the problem really is with the television. Additionally, based on what you’ve described, the TV would need to be taken down prior to the technician’s arrival anyway. I did want to ask, though — you mentioned you have an A/V guy; are all of your connected devices running through a single system, such as a receiver or surround system?”

User: “Yeah, so what?”

Me: “Out of curiosity, have you tried connecting something directly to the TV, instead of running it through the receiver, and seeing if the problem continues?”

User: “I’m not doing that! I told you I can’t get to any of the cords; everything’s behind the TV and the wall!”

Me: “I understand that; however, this is something we’d need to do in order to rule out the possibility that the problem is actually the receiver or surround system.”

User: “It’s not! My guy is a professional and this was expensive equipment! Just send someone out!”

Me: “Again, the TV will need to be taken down before a technician could look at it anyway. Also, the first thing they’re going to do is connect something directly to the TV and see if the problem happens there. Could I have you get hold of your A/V guy to take the TV down and try connecting something directly to the TV? If you do, and the problem continues on that device, we’ll gladly send someone out to take a look.”

User: “Fine! I’ll call him tomorrow, but it’s not my equipment; it’s your TV! When it doesn’t work, I’m calling back and demanding you, and you will send someone out to replace it with a brand-new TV!”

Me: “We can definitely look into that, but if this is an issue with the TV — and I’m not convinced it is — we would first try to repair it.”

User: “Ugh, whatever. I’ll be calling back to talk to you!” *click*

(Out of curiosity, I followed up on their case file periodically over the next couple of weeks. They never called back. Guess my hunch was right. I’ll never understand how people can insist it’s not their $2,000 surround system that’s broken, it’s their TV… which also cost them about $2,000.)

(I’m a driver for a particular rideshare company. I have a passenger in my car who’s been quiet, for the most part, until I approach an intersection where I’m to turn right. The light is red and there’s a blind corner, meaning I can’t see what’s approaching from the left until it’s right in front of me. For this reason, I’m waiting for the light to turn green before I make the turn. I mean, duh.)

Passenger: “Uh, I don’t see a ‘no right turns on red’ sign here.”

(I’m about to say something like, “Excuse me?” when all of a sudden a wave of cars comes zooming along from the left. There was no warning. If I’d been in the intersection they definitely would have hit me.)

Me: “Yeah, as you can see, the corner’s blind.”

(Later on, she berated me for pulling over on the right side of the street to let her out instead of making an illegal — and dangerous — U-turn. Sadly, she’s not even the first passenger I’ve had who seems to think I’m immune to the laws of physics and traffic. One star for her.)

(I work in a bank. We have an annual mandatory training meeting, and this year it is scheduled on my day off, so I have to drive into work for an hour. Two days before the MANDATORY meeting:)

Coworker #1: “Hey, [My Name], you’re coming to the meeting, right?”

Me: “Yes, of course.”

Coworker #2: *twenty minutes later* “Are you going to come to the meeting on Saturday?”

Me: “Yes, I’m coming.”

Coworker #3: “What is your favorite flavor of cake? I’m thinking of making one for our potluck next week.”

Me: “I like chocolate cake, but you should ask our other coworkers because most of them don’t really care for chocolate.”

Coworker #3: “Okay, thanks, I’ll make chocolate. You are coming to the meeting on Saturday, right?”

Me: *super confused about why I keep getting asked about whether I will come to a mandatory meeting* “Yes.”

(Thirty minutes before the mandatory meeting starts:)

Supervisor: *texts me* “Hey, [My Name], are you going to come to the meeting today?”

Me: *wondering if the mandatory meeting suddenly became optional* “Yes, I am on my way.”

(When I got to the bank, I could see everybody in the lobby staring at me as I walked up. I started to panic, thinking I got the time wrong, and walked in. As soon as I got in the door, everybody started singing “Happy Birthday.” There was a chocolate cake on one of the desks. My birthday was a few days away, but I hadn’t really talked to anyone about it, so I was totally shocked. My coworkers said my face went completely purple, and they were so happy they’d surprised me. Then, we started the meeting. I have awesome coworkers.)

I work for an optometrist and my job involves phoning people to let them know that their glasses have arrived from the lab, and are ready for pickup. This is done in between all my other tasks, and, theoretically, should only take a few minutes.

Very few people actually answer their telephones, so if their voicemail is activated, I leave this standard message: “Hello. I’m calling from [Company] to let you know that the prescription glasses ordered for [Customer] have been checked in. Please pick them up at your convenience. We are open today until 5:00 pm, and we are open tomorrow from 9:00 until 5:00. Thank you.”

As I am dialing the next person on the list, I get an incoming call, so I disconnect the call I’m trying to make to answer the incoming call. Nine times out of ten, the incoming caller says, “I got a missed call?”

I say, “And you are…?” After a peeved pause, as if I should recognize them somehow — we don’t have caller ID at the office — the customer says their name. I look on my list, and sure enough, it’s the person I just left a message for.

If you’re too occupied or too lazy to answer your phone when it rings, then listen to your voicemail message. I don’t have time to backtrack through the list when I’m trying to call twenty people. If you’re not going to listen to your voicemail, why do you have voicemail?