(A woman is calling to check on the status of her order. She has given me her name and company.)

Me: “Do you have your order number with you today?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: *after leaving a short pause so I won’t talk over her if she starts giving the number right away* “And what is your order number?”

Caller: *no reply*

Me: “Ma’am?”

Caller: *no reply*

Me: “Are you still there, [Caller]?”

Caller: “I’m still here.”

Me: “May I have the order number, please, ma’am?”

Caller: “Oh, I thought you were waiting for something.”

I am standing in a long line for a roller coaster on a hot day. A lady takes an object out of her purse and passes it to her teenage son, who uses it, passes it on to two teenage daughters, and then to the husband, who each use it in succession. Finally, it goes back to the wife and back into her purse.

It’s a deodorant stick.

Customer: I see a bunch of defects on this shoe. *customer explains* I want a discount on them.

Me: I can’t reduce the price of any shoe, I could be fired-

Customer: Don’t care. Give me a discount.

Me: Ma’am, I can’t, because we can’t reduce the price of a shoe for any reason. It’s the company’s policy. I can give you the number to corporate, if you’d like.

Customer: No. Get me the manager. *I actually was the manager on duty*

Me: I am, and I’m telling you I can’t do anything for you, unless you have a coupon.

Customer: Oh, never mind. I’m never shopping here again.

Me: You never did…

(I work at a fast food place at a highway rest stop. Since our prices are higher than others of our kind, I usually tell customers certain combinations they can do to save money. This happens during one of my breakfast shifts. An elderly couple walks up to the counter.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Husband: “Can I get [Breakfast Platter] but without the pancakes?”

Wife: “And I just want an order of pancakes.”

Me: “Okay, well, if you want to make it cheaper, we can just do the [Breakfast Platter] with the pancakes. That way, you can sav—“

Husband: “I don’t want pancakes. She does.”

Me: “Yes, but the end result would be the same. I could even tell them to plate it sep—“

Husband: “I don’t want the pancakes. She does.”

Wife: “He’s telling you that you can save money by—“

Husband: “I don’t want pancakes. We’ll do it like this.”

Me: “…Okay, then.”

(I rang them up and gave them their change. They left me standing there in utter confusion. I hope the guy realized he could have saved $4 and me a lot of headache.)

(I’m working as a cashier a month or two after the holiday season, like late January or February. A lot of customers come in without receipts — not even gift receipts — and want full refunds in the form of cash; both of these things are against store policy. A family walks in with a bag so I assume they’re going to return or exchange.)

Me: “Hello. How are y’all doing today?”

Customer: “I need to exchange this shirt I got as a gift; it’s too big.”

(It’s a large, and this dude is RIPPED, but he wants a medium.)

Me: “Okay, no problem. Can I see your receipt?”

Customer: “I don’t have one. It was a gift.”

Me: “Okay. If you don’t have a receipt or a gift receipt, can I have the name of the person who purchased it so I can see if they are enrolled in our rewards program?”

Customer: “Look. I just want to switch the shirt out.”

Me: “I understand, but without a receipt or the ability to locate the purchase, I will have to do a no-receipt return for you, and I can only give you the lowest price this shirt has ever been. I’d like to do an even exchange, if you could just give me the name of the person who purchased this for you, please.”

(The customer gives me the name, and I find it, so I explain that the shirt was purchased on sale and I can do an even exchange for that exact shirt in a different size. He comes back to the register with a gray shirt; I have already explained that he needs to get the same red shirt in his desired size.)

Me: *starting the return, hoping maybe the shirt is still on sale, only to find out it isn’t* “Okay. For the gray shirt, you will owe the difference, which is $10.”

Customer: “No, I’m not paying that.”

Me: “Unfortunately, I can’t correct the price unless it is the exact same item.” *as I had previously explained.*

Customer: *proceeding to yell and cuss at me in front of his wife and child* “This is bulls***! Whatever. I’ll pay the difference.”

Me: “Again, I apologize, but there is nothing I can do to lower the price unless you want to get the red shirt.”

(I take his money, complete the transaction, and tell them to have a good day.)

Customer: “Actually, I want that red shirt I just returned for the price it was purchased at the time my friend got it for me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but this since it has been returned, I can only give it to you for the price it rings up now, which is the same price you just paid for the gray one.”

(He BLEW up, and my manager heard him and came up. She ended up having me give him the red one and his $10 back just to get him out of there, but a little bit of me died inside as he walked out calling me stupid because my manager backed down to him.)