No Agency To Pay Until It’s With An Agency

, , , , , | Right | July 19, 2018

(I’m in accounts receivable, and my company has been back and forth with a customer for several months about $20,000 they owe us. After months of broken promises about payments, we put their company on hold, meaning they can no longer place orders with us until they start paying. Two months later, still no payment, so I reach out one more time before sending their case to a collection agency.)

Me: “Hi. I’m [My Name] from [My Company], and I’m looking to speak to [Owner] about—”

Owner: *enraged* “Oh, I know who you are! Listen, [Their Company] is no longer buying from you! Say goodbye to our business! Is this how you treat long-time customers? You cut us off two months ago with no warning or explanation as to why, and now you’ve come crawling back to beg for our business? You’ve got some nerve!”

(While he is ranting, I pull up his case notes, where we’ve documented every interaction regarding their $20,000 balance.)

Me: *cutting in* “I’m very sorry you feel that way, [Owner], but we have actually spoken with you every month for the last seven months about a $20,000 balance on your account. Just this year, you spoke to [Colleague #1] in January, and [Colleague #2] in February. You and I actually spoke three weeks ago, where you personally promised me a check was going in the mail towards the balance that afternoon. This was a courtesy call to let you know that, unless we receive a payment toward your balance by the end of the week, we will forward your case to a collection agency.”

(Maybe twenty seconds of silence.)

Owner: “How much can I put on a credit card?”

Won’t Be Credited For Trying

, , , , | Right | July 16, 2018

(I work for a fairly large Internet company who provides free emails addresses for our customers. In customer service, we can only change the email password, nothing else. Tech support actually troubleshoots.)

Me: “Hi, thank you for calling customer service and billing. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I forgot my email password.”

Me: “No problem. Let me secure your account with your username and I’ll give you a temporary password… Okay, so, I’ve got your temp password set up; go ahead and try to log on.”

Customer: “It’s still not working; this is a scam!”

Me: “Go ahead and tell me what the page is showing, and we’ll go from there.”

(Our customer reads off a fairly common system error, which usually happens after his account has been locked out for quite some time. It just needs a simple reset, but only tech support can put in that order. I explain this to the customer.)

Customer: “Well, this is just bulls***! Get me your supervisor. Even better yet, get me my bill for free!”

Me: “Sir, I know this is frustrating, but this will be solved in five minutes if we get you in the correct hands. I can’t credit off your bill, because your free service has been down only because you forgot your password. Tech support will finish what I started with you, okay? I’ll even stay on the line until the issue is resolved.”

Customer: “And you’ll credit my bill?”

Me: “No, I cannot credit your bill.”

Customer: “But it’s only $220 dollars, and today’s my only day off. Your supervisor will credit my bill! Get him on the line!”

Me: “No, we cannot credit for your free service being temporarily down. We cannot credit for inconvenience. We’re a big center, sir; waiting to speak to my supervisor will be approximately a 45-minute wait, and he’ll only reiterate what I said just now. I’m connecting us with tech support. In five minutes, you’ll be on with your day.”

(I called tech and the first thing the customer screamed was, “That b**** in billing didn’t apply my 300-dollar credit!” while I was still on the line. As promised, his email was up in minutes. He’ll never get that credit.)

Unfiltered Story #116490

, , | Unfiltered | July 16, 2018

[I am a web developer but also perform some level two technical support for our customers. Fortunately I mostly get to deal with them via a ticket system rather than in person or on the phone. The following ticket was passed up to me as it has to do with game design program that correlates to a student workbook.]

Customer ticket: I’m disappointed when trying to do Activity 5-2 from [Workbook] with my students and we cannot find the “fruit” that is supposed to be added to the game. Is there a solution to this? Is this going to be an issue in other Activities as well?”

My reply: The [Program] library contains two Miscellaneous categories. The first in the local library contains only 8 files and does not contain the Fruits library file.

The second Miscellaneous category can be found within the “Games” category. Select the + icon next to Games to expand this section. The Miscellaneous category listed within this Games category location contains a great many libraries. It is here that the “Fruits” library you are looking for is located.

Customer response: We were not able to get the [Program] software, but had to go to the [Different Program] Free software. Does that make a difference? I still cannot find the second Miscellaneous category.

[It took me quite some time to formulate a response that said “Yes, that makes a difference and will affect use of the entire Workbook” in the most diplomatic way possible…]

The Guessing Dead

, , , , | Related | July 12, 2018

(I am at a picnic with family members and somehow get on the subject of phone backgrounds with a much older cousin.)

Me: “My background right now is a picture of an actor from an old black and white movie from the 50s. I think he’s attractive.”

Cousin: “Who’s the actor?”

Me: “[Actor]. He’s British.”

Cousin: “Oh, he doesn’t look very good now.”

Me: “Wait, you know who he is?”

(I am surprised, because nobody else has recognized the name.)

Cousin: “Yeah, and he’s not very good-looking now.”

Me: “Yeah, I know.”

Cousin: “Well, he’s not.”

Me: *getting a little fed up* “Yes, I know. He died in 1991.”

Cousin: *pause* “Which is why I said he’s not very good-looking anymore.”

Filling In Her Memory

, , , , | Healthy | July 12, 2018

(When I was a teenager I had two fillings put into separate back molars. The dentist didn’t wait until I was properly numb to do it, and both of them ended up coming out within the next few days while I was just watching TV. My family wasn’t exactly the best and didn’t believe me when I told them they came out, so I didn’t go back. Fast-forward to about a year ago. I’m out on a date, and I bite down with one of the teeth and the whole thing shatters into five pieces. I make an emergency appointment with the only dentist in town that can take me on such short notice — the dentist from before — and suffer for a day or two until I go in. When the dentist comes in and asks me why I’m there, I tell her about the tooth being shattered. She visibly rolls her eyes at my expense and takes a look, only to freeze in shock.)

Dentist: “Oh! It’s actually shattered. You know, that happens when you don’t get your cavities filled.”

Me: “I’d had it filled before, but it wasn’t done right and came out the next day. I was under eighteen, and my family wouldn’t bring me back.”

Dentist: “And you didn’t eat anything you weren’t supposed to?”

Me: “No, it wasn’t my first filling, and I followed the instructions.”

Dentist: “Well, whoever did the filling obviously didn’t know what they were doing.”

Me: “Well, you’re not too far off the mark, since you’re the one who did it.”

(She suddenly remembered me and actually looked embarrassed. She never apologized, but she was extra careful with explaining my options and giving me a crown — making sure I was properly numb this time — and when I went to pay, she’d knocked down the price a bit. This isn’t the only horrible story I have about her, but this was the last time I let her work on me. I’m glad we finally got a new practice in town and I can go somewhere else.)

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