Communism Is An Uphill Struggle

, , , | Working | June 11, 2018

(I have the greatest boss ever. He is over seventy years old and has owned and run part of a theme park for about forty years. I am driving the tourist train fully loaded with people up a very steep hill, and have to stop in the middle because someone has left a wheelbarrow right in my path. After the wheelbarrow is moved, I can’t get the train moving again, since it is full of people and going up a steep hill.)

Me: *calling my boss, slightly stressed out* “I can’t get the train up the hill!”

Boss: “It’s all right. Just ask everyone to get off and walk up the hill, and then drive the train up when it’s empty so they can get on again at the top of the hill. I’m sending [Coworker] to help you.”

(At the end of that day, he is comforting me because I thought I had really messed up when I got the train stuck:)

Boss: “A lot of people have gotten stuck on that uphill with the train, actually. I got stuck there in the seventies when I was driving Mao Zedong and the Chinese Communist Party. But I just asked them to get out and walk up, and they thought it was fun!”

(That turned out to be true!)

The Biggest Plague In This Store Is You

, , , | Right | May 16, 2018

(I’ve just been getting over a nasty cold. I am still a little worn out and have a bit of a runny nose. Because of this, I have tissues with me and take care to use them if I need to. This takes place while I’m looking for dish soap and other cleaning products.)

Old Woman: “Excuse me, you need to leave!”

Me: “What? Why?”

Old Woman: “You’re disgusting, spreading disease all over the store; I will report you for this!”

(The woman then follows me around for five minutes, ranting and insisting I’m going to infect her, that I’m sickening and that I need to leave. I start out by interjecting several times that I have tissues with me, that I’m not really sick anymore, and that I’m just looking at cleaning products and not touching or being near food. She eventually leaves before quickly coming back with a confused-looking worker.)

Old Woman: “Here she is. Make her leave!”

Worker: “I’m sorry, ma’am. What is it you’d like me to do?”

Old Woman: “She is filth. She’s been infecting the entire store, rubbing snot everywhere, and she will make me sick and I might die. Tell her to leave!”

Worker: “I can’t; she’s not doing anything wrong, ma’am.”

Old Woman: “I will file a complaint. I will have your job! And YOU!” *turns to me* “You make me sick and I hope you die.”

Me: *finally fed up* “Lady, shut up and leave me alone before I blow my nose on your ugly f****** jacket.”

(The worker started laughing, and the old woman left, screaming about how filthy I was and how I was going to kill everyone around me.)

Wi-Fi Is Not In The Cards

, , , , | Working | April 19, 2018

(I’m Canadian and living in Sweden. My bank introduced the tap feature on debit and credit card a few years before it came to Sweden. I’m in a store buying some school supplies, and I hand the cashier my card. The tap symbol on cards looks very similar to the Wi-Fi symbol. He takes my card and pauses to look at it.)

Me: *thinking he was trying to figure out where it’s from* “Oh, I’m from Canada and still use a Canadian bank.”

Cashier: “Oh, no, I… Um… ” *pauses and turns a bit red* “Do Canadian bank cards have Wi-Fi?”

Me: *gives the cashier a confused look* “Do our bank cards have… Wi-Fi?”

Cashier: *blushes* “Yeah, I mean, you have this here.” *points to the tap symbol on my card*

Me: *suddenly realizing that the tap symbol and Wi-Fi symbol look alike* “Oh, that! It’s a tap symbol. In Canada, I can just tap my card instead of using the chip reader.”

(I take my card and demonstrate.)

Cashier: “Ah, okay. Well, that’s not nearly as exciting.”

(We both had a good laugh. Now every time I see the tap symbol, I always think of that cashier.)

It’s The Stray Details That Matter

, , , | Hopeless | April 15, 2018

I work in an animal shelter, and I know how difficult it is to find owners for certain pets. The older a pet is, the harder it is to get them adopted.

One day, a man walked in to give up an animal, and I sighed inwardly because it was an adult female cat. They are some of the hardest to find homes for. The cat was a beautiful torbie, young and in perfect health, but absolutely terrified.

She never really calmed down around us. She did nothing but hide and freak out whenever someone got too close. We could tell that she wasn’t doing well, as she was losing weight, and her fur was getting a lot thinner.

Then, after almost two months, a girl walked in. She looked like she was about to cry; she was shaking and biting her lip and blinking rapidly. She asked to look at our cats, especially if we had any nervous females. I was surprised and confused by her very unusual request, but I immediately thought of the torbie and took the girl to see her.

As soon as the girl saw the cat, she broke down in tears. To my surprise, the cat responded by letting out a meow, the only sound I’d ever heard her make, and instead of trying to run away, she started to carefully sneak closer.

I couldn’t think of anything to do but watch silently as the girl grabbed the cage, sobbing and blubbering incoherently, and the cat pressed herself against the girls’ fingers.

It took close to twenty minutes before the girl calmed down enough to explain things to me. The cat used to be hers, but her dad gave it away, because neither the cat nor the girl got along well with the rest of the family. Apparently, the cat was a stray that had snuck into their house and stuck around, eventually growing close to the girl, but never really settling in with the rest of the family.

The father had threatened to get rid of the cat and eventually went through with it. Now, the girl had moved out and she’d been looking all over for her cat, desperately hoping she was still alive.

I was overjoyed to see the cat return to her rightful owner. By pure coincidence, I ran into the girl a few months later at a grocery store. She showed me pictures of the cat in their new home. She had adopted an older female cat who got along famously with the first one, and both cats looked like they loved their life. The girl was even buying a grilled chicken just for her cats!

He Decided To Throw In The Towel

, , , | Right | April 15, 2018

(I work as a receptionist at a water park. A customer walks in with his wife and children.)

Me: “Hello and welcome to [Water Park]!”

Customer: “Hi, I would like tickets for my family and myself. I also want to rent some towels.”

Me: “Oh, we don’t rent out towels. They are only for sale.”

Customer: *absolutely shocked* “What?! You don’t? This is the first time I’ve ever heard of that!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir.”

Customer: “So you just let your customers leave with wet towels?!”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: *stares*

Me: “…”

Customer: *looks at wife* “They don’t rent out towels. We have to go home and get the towels.” *walks away*

Me: “Um…” *looks at coworker*

Coworker: “Wow, that is some serious first world problem!”

(They never came back.)

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