I’m on the closing shift at my restaurant. A couple is sitting at the last table in the entire building. I’m not upset because I’m just cleaning around them, and we’d had such a good rapport all night.

Lights are up, chairs are on tables, they finally leave, and I’m sweeping when I hear knocking on the locked door. Now, I’m not allowed to open that front door, so I go over and let them know I’m not allowed to, but what do they need?

They didn’t pay. We have these table-side screens, so watching your table leave without tabbing them out personally is the norm. 

I go print their check, take it out through the patio, and run her card. He says:

Man: “I’ve got cash for the tip!”

He hands me a $20 and four $1s. I’m grateful because it’s above the 20% mark, and I’m thinking they appreciated all my suggestions they raved about, as well as the service they received.

The woman he’s with looks up from signing the check, snatches the $4 out of my hand, and says:

Woman: “No, just give her the $20.”

And then she walks off with my pen.

The tip was still over 20%. I’m still grateful. But my god, the ovaries on that woman to straight up take HIS MONEY out of my hand just to make some point I still don’t fully get. 

It seemed like a very new relationship. I hope he was as put off by that behavior as I was.

My husband and I are at his parents’ house for a long family lunch. His younger brother has brought a date, and things are going well… until Mom starts in on the embarrassing childhood stories. 

Mom: “And there was that time he took a s*** so huge he was proud of it! He wanted everyone in the house to come and see it!”

Brother-in-Law’s Date: *Laughing nervously.* “Oh wow, that’s so funny and gross!” *To [Brother-In-Law].* “Don’t worry, [Brother-in-Law’s Name], my mom will probably tell you all the embarrassing things I did when I was a little kid.”

Mom: “Little kid?! This was when he was seventeen!”

The table goes dead silent.

Me: *Forcing a smile.* “Uh… could someone pass the gravy?”

My plate is already swimming in gravy, but I had to do something.

We never saw his date again, and my mother-in-law has been a lot more careful with her “funny” stories since.

I’m tall. Everyone in my family is also tall, so it wasn’t a big shock when I hit six feet as I went into high school. By sixteen, I’d topped off at a little over six-foot-one-inch tall. I’m female and got teased about my height a bit, but honestly, the most annoying part was trying to find clothes long enough for me.

Then, I began dating.

Classmate #1: “[My Name], is it true that you’re dating [Boyfriend]?”

Me: “Yes, for about two months.”

Classmate #1: *Giggling* “Isn’t he shorter than you?”

Me: “Yep.”

Classmate #2: “By like, a lot, though.”

Me: “Not really. He’s about five-foot-nine, so it’s only a few inches.”

Classmate #2: “Doesn’t that bother you? He’s short!”

Me: “No? If it bothered me, I wouldn’t be dating him.”

Classmate #2: “I could never date anyone shorter than me. That’s so embarrassing.”

Me: “You must be easily embarrassed if that’s all it takes.”

Classmate #1: “What does that mean?”

Me: “It means [Boyfriend] is shorter than me, and we both knew that when we decided to date each other. I’m over six feet tall; I always knew that whoever I dated would most likely be shorter than me. I’m taller than our teacher! I would only be embarrassed if we’d been dating for two months and I only just now noticed he was five inches shorter than me. Date whoever you want, and I’ll do the same, yeah?”

Classmate #1: “You can’t even wear high heels when he takes you out!”

Me: “Who says I don’t wear high heels when we go out?”

Classmate #2: “Oh, my God, that would make you like, six-four or something!”

Me: “Sometimes, yeah, if the heels are high enough.”

Classmate #1: “That’s so funny! I bet you guys look hilarious together like that!” *Laughs*

Me: “Why is that funny?”

Classmate #1: “Because you’re so tall!” *More laughing*

Me: “Oh, my God, [Classmate #1], you’re so short!” *Loud laughter* “Ha ha, wow! You’re just so short, and that’s so funny! Ha ha ha ha ha! I bet you and your boyfriend look soooooo funny together because you’re sooooo short! Ha ha ha ha ha! He’s so much taller than you! Ha ha! That’s soooo funny! Oh, my God!” *more laughter*

Classmate #2: “What is wrong with you?”

Me: “What? I thought we were making fun of people who had height differences with their boyfriends? She’s barely over five feet tall, and he’s almost my height. So, therefore: ha ha, [Classmate #1], your boyfriend is nine inches taller than you! Isn’t that just so embarrassing?! Aren’t you so embarrassed?! Oh, my gosh, you can’t ever wear flats around him! Ha ha!“

I kept up the fake laughter until they were sufficiently weirded out and moved away. I don’t miss our talks.

I dated this girl in high school. We were sitting and watching the news, and the shot was a reporter reporting on the Iraq war.

Under her picture, it said, “Via Satellite”.

Girlfriend: “That’s such a unique name! She must be Italian.”

She’s a doctor now.

I am a woman and have been chatting with a guy I connected with on a dating app. Then, he does the thing that is all too common on these apps. (I swear it’s over half of guys.) Completely and without any kind of warning or flirtation, he sends a d**k pic.

Guy: “So… you into it?”

Me: “Oh, my God! You need to go see a doctor ASAP! I’m a nurse, and that spot looks extremely dangerous and should be checked out immediately!”

Guy: “Wait, what spot?!”

Then, I just ghost them.

They likely won’t actually go see a doctor, but hopefully, it will scare the s*** out of them for a bit.