A Good Comeback Was A Tall Order, But She Made Short Work Of It
I’m tall. Everyone in my family is also tall, so it wasn’t a big shock when I hit six feet as I went into high school. By sixteen, I’d topped off at a little over six-foot-one-inch tall. I’m female and got teased about my height a bit, but honestly, the most annoying part was trying to find clothes long enough for me.
Then, I began dating.
Classmate #1: “[My Name], is it true that you’re dating [Boyfriend]?”
Me: “Yes, for about two months.”
Classmate #1: *Giggling* “Isn’t he shorter than you?”
Me: “Yep.”
Classmate #2: “By like, a lot, though.”
Me: “Not really. He’s about five-foot-nine, so it’s only a few inches.”
Classmate #2: “Doesn’t that bother you? He’s short!”
Me: “No? If it bothered me, I wouldn’t be dating him.”
Classmate #2: “I could never date anyone shorter than me. That’s so embarrassing.”
Me: “You must be easily embarrassed if that’s all it takes.”
Classmate #1: “What does that mean?”
Me: “It means [Boyfriend] is shorter than me, and we both knew that when we decided to date each other. I’m over six feet tall; I always knew that whoever I dated would most likely be shorter than me. I’m taller than our teacher! I would only be embarrassed if we’d been dating for two months and I only just now noticed he was five inches shorter than me. Date whoever you want, and I’ll do the same, yeah?”
Classmate #1: “You can’t even wear high heels when he takes you out!”
Me: “Who says I don’t wear high heels when we go out?”
Classmate #2: “Oh, my God, that would make you like, six-four or something!”
Me: “Sometimes, yeah, if the heels are high enough.”
Classmate #1: “That’s so funny! I bet you guys look hilarious together like that!” *Laughs*
Me: “Why is that funny?”
Classmate #1: “Because you’re so tall!” *More laughing*
Me: “Oh, my God, [Classmate #1], you’re so short!” *Loud laughter* “Ha ha, wow! You’re just so short, and that’s so funny! Ha ha ha ha ha! I bet you and your boyfriend look soooooo funny together because you’re sooooo short! Ha ha ha ha ha! He’s so much taller than you! Ha ha! That’s soooo funny! Oh, my God!” *more laughter*
Classmate #2: “What is wrong with you?”
Me: “What? I thought we were making fun of people who had height differences with their boyfriends? She’s barely over five feet tall, and he’s almost my height. So, therefore: ha ha, [Classmate #1], your boyfriend is nine inches taller than you! Isn’t that just so embarrassing?! Aren’t you so embarrassed?! Oh, my gosh, you can’t ever wear flats around him! Ha ha!“
I kept up the fake laughter until they were sufficiently weirded out and moved away. I don’t miss our talks.