Town And Country: The Dungeon Issue

, , , , | Right | July 16, 2018

(I’m at the public library. A librarian is approached by a female patron.)

Patron: “Do you guys carry Playboy or Penthouse magazines?”

Librarian: “No.”

Patron: “Well, there are a bunch of them in the back under a table.”

Librarian: “Okay, I’ll go take a look in a minute. Thank you.”

Patron: “You should get back there, because some kids could see them!”

(The librarian walked back to the area that the patron pointed out and surprisingly saw a few magazines. However, they were all copies of the magazine, “Town and Country.” The issue in question had a cover featuring a female celebrity in a modest dress.)

The One Place Where You’re Always Carded

, , , | Friendly | July 10, 2018

(I work in a library. I happen to be serving my neighbor.)

Neighbor: “I’ll take these.”

Me: “Very well, sir. May I see your library card?”

Neighbor: “My what?”

Me: “Oh, if you don’t have one, I could register you.”

Neighbor: “What’s a library card?”

Me: “Uh, you make an account and receive a card. That’s how we keep track of items and due dates.”

(Not the best explanation, but I’m still surprised a man in his fifties doesn’t know what a library card is.)

Neighbor: “But I thought the books were free.”

Me: “They can be borrowed for a certain of time, and bringing them late or losing them results in a fee.”

Neighbor: “Forget it. If I wanted to pay for paper, I would’ve gone to the bookstore.”

(He leaves the books and walks out. The woman and child behind him can finally step forward.)

Woman: “I wonder if he’s the type to get angry and ramble about identity fraud when asked for contact information.”

Child: “What would Nana say?”

Woman: “I think something like, ‘older doesn’t necessarily mean smarter.’”

(I get people that grew up with the Internet might not know much about a library, but how does that happen to an old man? My grandpa said he’d lived in town his entire life.)

Not Displaying Much Military Intelligence

, , , , , | Right | July 6, 2018

(I work at the reference desk at a public library. A man rushes over to the desk holding a piece of paper.)

Man: “I used to be in the Navy, and I need to send them a fax right away!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t have a public fax machine. The package store on [Main Street] has one that you can pay to use.”

Man: *waving dismissively at me* “No, no, I know how to use the fax.”

(He goes over to our public photocopier, opens the top, and places his paper inside. He presses the green “copy” button, and the machine makes the beeping sound that indicates an error detecting the copy size. He then removes his paper with a flourish and comes back to me.)

Man: “There! The Navy should receive that in a few days! I used to work for the Navy!”

What Happens When You Kill Spider-Man’s Dog

, , , , | Right | July 6, 2018

(I work in a library. A patron approaches the counter with a DVD.)

Patron: “Is this Spider-Man?”

Me: “No, that’s a movie called Spiderwick.”

Patron: “Oh… Well, my son wanted Spider-Man; do you think this will be all right?”

Me: “Well, it’s a completely different movie, so I couldn’t tell.”

Patron: “Yeah, well… it has spiders in it, at the very least. Also, it says I can have the movie for a week, but would it be okay if I return it tomorrow, instead?”

Me: “Well, sure.”

A Knee-Jerk Reaction

, , , , | Right | July 5, 2018

(To reduce strain on my back, I often kneel down while reshelving books on the lowest shelves in the library. Whilst I am doing so, a woman — who must be in her 60s or 70s — has been browsing the fiction section, and she walks past me.)

Elderly Woman: “The best place to be is on your knees.”

(I don’t know if it was a poor choice of words, or if she’d actually intended it for it to sound like it sounded, but either way I was left at a loss for words at her remark; my colleagues, on the other hand, had a good laugh.)

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