(I’ve just come off of my lunch when the phone rings with a customer query.)

Me: “Good afternoon. [Library], how can I help?”

(A gentleman with a strong Eastern European accent proceeds to ask for a book; after a bit of effort I manage to work out that he is after a copy of “Mein Kampf.”)

Me: “Okay, sir, let me just see if we have a copy of it in stock.”

(A search of the catalog shows that every book is either on loan, missing, or long overdue. I inform the customer of this.)

Customer: “What do you mean? Do you know who’s got the books?”

Me: “I’m afraid I don’t know who has them, sir.”

Customer: “It’ll be the Germans taking them all.”

(I look bewildered at the phone, a little shocked at what I just heard.)

Me: “I- I really couldn’t say, sir.”

Customer: “What did you call me?!”

Me: *confused* “I said I really couldn’t say, sir.”

Customer: “Well, it’s not good enough.”

(The customer hangs up on me and I just stare at the phone in surprise and confusion.)

Coworker: *having heard my side of the call* “What was that all about?”

Me: “I have no idea.”

When I was in my last year of high school, my family got into huge economic problems and I couldn’t afford any kind of luxuries. I had to walk everywhere because even bus fare was beyond our means. I loved to read, but buying any new books was completely out of the question, and I grew tired of re-reading the ones I had at home.

There was only one library within walking distance to my school or home, but I couldn’t afford the very small amount of money needed to become a proper member, so I would hurry there to grab a book and read inside the building for the half-hour between the time I left school and the time the library closed. I would memorize the page I had reached and grab the same book to continue reading the following day. I had managed to read a couple of books after a few weeks of doing the same thing when the librarian called me over one day. To my great surprise, she told me that she had noticed me coming in every day and how enthralled I was in my reading, and offered to let me take out books with her membership, since I couldn’t afford one of my own.

Thanks to her, I was able to take out as many books as I liked during a very hard time in my life and have something new to read comfortably at home whenever I wanted. My family moved cities after that year and I never saw that librarian again, but to this day, I can’t forget her and her act of kindness that brightened my days in a very dark time.

(I am in the computer lab at the help desk when a patron walks up from a computer to ask a question. This is edited for brevity; it actually took a few minutes to get this point across.)

Patron: “I have a question for you! Is there a password I can use to get around blocked sites?”

Me: “No. Only my boss and I can unblock sites. If the website block is a genuine false positive I can unblock it for you. Just let me know and I will check it.”

Patron: “Okay.” *wanders back to PC*

(Five minutes pass:)

Person: “Can you come and unblock this?”

Me: *saunters over and looks down at screen* “No. No, sir. I’m afraid I cannot unblock that.”

(The URL contained “XXX Dating.”)

(There has been some recent heavy rain. A library patron alerts us to an elderly woman with a walking frame who has slipped outside in front of the library. We call an ambulance and I sit with her until it arrives; she is in a lot of pain. The ambulance eventually arrives and they are trying to transfer her to a stretcher. She seems to be a little confused, won’t let go of my hand, and thinks I’m her daughter. At this point, one of our more demanding regulars approaches:)

Regular: “Ah, [My Name], good, you’re not doing anything. Your Wi-Fi is very slow today; can you fix it?”

Me: “No, I can’t right now. Can you ask someone who is inside?”

Regular: “There is a line inside.”

Me: “Well, go and stand in it.”

(He walks back inside.)

Paramedic: “Wow.”

Me: “Yeah.”

(Working at a library and council service, we cater to people of all walks of life and come across some colourful characters.)

Patron: *approximately fifty years old* “Do you have the Star Wars movies available in the library at the moment?”

Me: “I’ll have a look at our system. Which ones were you after?”

Patron: “The first ones in the series.”

Me: “So, A New Hope and—”

Patron: “No, no, no, the first ones. With The Empire Strikes Back… and one with clones I think?”

Me: *becoming confused* “So… The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith?”

Patron: *becoming frustrated* “No, the original ones. You’re young; surely you watched them as a child?”

Me: “Sir, that would be the trilogy beginning with A New Hope… Regardless, we don’t have any of the first six movies available right now.”

Patron: “No the first one was just called Star Wars. You know what, never mind. I’ll just look it up myself.”

(Ten minutes later:)

Patron: “How do I log into the Wi-Fi?”

Me: “Here is a pamphlet with details of the security key and how to input your password.”

Patron: “It won’t let me log in, see?” *server error page comes up* “I think my password is wrong; I don’t remember it. I thought it was just the last digits of my membership number.”

Me: “It could be. There’s no way for me to check that as it’s kept private on our system. However, I can change it to something you’ll remember.”

Patron: “But how can I change it? I just want to use the Wi-Fi on my phone.”

Me: “Sir, I will change it for you on our system. Would you like me to set it to the last digits of your membership number so it’s easy to remember? You can always change it to something else yourself once you log in.”

Patron: “Oh, I guess I should make it something different or people could do funny business with it, otherwise.” *chuckles to himself*

Me: “Right… so, what would you like me to change it to?”

Patron: “Just make it the last four digits of my member number, love.”

Me: “All righty, then.”

(We then go to test the login.)

Me: “All right, now exit out of the Wi-Fi settings and go to your internet browser.”

(The patron presses the home button on his phone, bringing up his phone’s wallpaper of a young naked woman with her arms and legs in strategic places.)

Patron: *laughs nervously* “Oh, haha, don’t look! There’s a naked lady there; you shouldn’t be seeing that.”

Me: *trying desperately to refrain from rolling my eyes and thinking to myself* “I encounter that image literally every day when I get changed. I’m not the one who should be averting my eyes.”