Weeding Out The Junkies

, , , , | Right | October 13, 2017

(For a future program, we’re having a conversation about medical marijuana being sold in our state. We have the program advertised on the bulletin board when this happens. A woman sees the advertisement, and then begins screaming across the lobby at us.)

Woman: “YOU’RE SELLING WEED?!”

Us: “No, it’s a conversation!”

Woman: “BUT IT SAYS YOU’RE SELLING WEED!”

Us: “It’s a conversation about selling weed!”

(The woman comes to the front desk.)

Us: “You got excited, didn’t you?”

Woman: “Yeah…”

Strap On Some More Creativity To Your Next Prank

, , , , , | Right | October 11, 2017

Me: “Hello, [Library]. How can I help you?”

Woman: “Yes, I’m wondering if you’ve found some lost property.”

Me: “I can check. What was the item you lost?

Woman: “A big, black strap-on.”

Me: “Could you repeat that please?”

Woman: “A strap-on.”

Me: *deciding to see if I could wind them up in return* “I’m not sure what that is.”

Woman: “Well, it’s big and black… Are you sure you don’t know what it is?”

Me: *trying not to laugh or give the game away* “No, could you tell me more about it? What is it used for?”

Woman: “It’s a toy.”

Me: “So, you lost this in the children’s library?”

Woman: *sounding a bit put out* “No! Why would it be there?”

Me: “You said it was a toy.”

Woman: “But…”

Me: “Let me just go and have a look in our lost property drawer.”

(I put the call on hold, waited ten seconds, and disconnected the call.)

You Said It Wrong, Son

, , , , , | Right | October 11, 2017

(Granted, southern people tend to blur words together or pronounce them differently, but this one takes the cake. It is busy at this time at the library; we have just finished our story hour we have every week for preschoolers, so there’s a ton of people at the desk waiting to be checked out. A grandmother comes up to my desk to check out books for her grandson.)

Grandmother: *sweetly* “Do I have anything else out?”

Me: “Just one called The Son, by Philipp Meyer.”

Grandmother: *suddenly irate* “I’ve never checked that out!”

(I go through the spiel about her double-checking at home to make sure she really doesn’t have it there, and I offer to check upstairs on the bookshelf for it and call her later since we are so busy.)

Grandmother: “Go check. Now.”

(I am irritated because there are lines of people and she’s being so rude, but I know she probably left it at home. Most patrons who claim to have never checked out a particular book really do have it somewhere. While upstairs, I overhear a coworker ask her if she is being helped. She says yes in a snippy tone, pointing upstairs to me, but asks my coworker for the name of the book again.)

Coworker: “It’s The Son, by Philipp Meyer.”

Grandmother: “How’s it spelled?”

Coworker: “M-e-y-“

Grandmother: “No, the title.”

Coworker: “S-o-n.”

Grandmother: “Oh! I thought she meant The Sun, kinda like the one in the sky. Oh, yeah, I still have that at home by the bed.”

(With that, she left. I wondered how different I said “son” from “sun,” seeing as we’re both from the same Deep South town.)

All Opinions Matter, But Some Matter More

, , , | Right | October 9, 2017

(I work at a public library at the front desk, checking out books to patrons. I’ve seen many different characters, but this guy takes the cake. It’s a relatively busy Friday afternoon and I’ve just finished serving a few people when an older man in his 60s approaches me. He doesn’t have any books with him, so I just assume he has a question or two. It’s important to note that we have a “teen night” once a week, and they often help create displays to put up in the library.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Man: “I just wanna say, it’s nothing against you or the staff here, but I’m really disappointed that the library would choose to support this ‘Black Lives Matter’ nonsense. I can’t believe you support that racist and violent propaganda! You really have to take that display down!”

(I just stand there in shock as he continues to rant about “violence propaganda,” and how “people in the United States are killed because of this movement,” and other unnerving things. As soon as he stops to catch his breath, I jump at the chance to offer to get my manager.)

Me: “I can go get my manager for you right now, if you’d like to complain.”

Man: “I’m not making a complaint; it’s just my opinion. It looks like some kids did that display so maybe they don’t know, but the staff should know better! It’s disgusting!”

(I ran and grabbed my manager anyway. After hearing another rant, she told him that the circulation staff don’t have any voice in what displays the library chooses, and offered him a meeting with our branch manager, who is the head of our library. He refused and left. My manager said after he left, “For someone who was so offended and wanted us to do something, he sure left quick!”. It’s been a few days and I haven’t seen him back. Hopefully, I won’t see him again.)

POP Goes Your Mooching Plans

, , , , , | Right | October 2, 2017

(Our library has a soda machine in the lobby to generate extra revenue. It’s been popular with patrons, especially the after-school crowd. My coworker is at her desk in the children’s room when this exchange happens.)

Girl #1: “I don’t have enough money for the pop machine.”

Coworker: “Oh, gee, I’m sorry!”

Girl #1: “I’m just a quarter short.”

Coworker: “That’s too bad, isn’t it?”

Girl #1: “I sure would love a pop, but I just need one more quarter!”

Coworker: *realizing the girl’s trying to mooch a quarter* “Well, maybe tomorrow you can remember to bring enough change.”

Girl #1: “But I want a pop now!”

(Meanwhile the girl at the front desk was much more direct.)

Girl #2: “Can I have a dollar to get a [Soda]?”

Me: “We don’t give out money here. Sorry.”

Girl #2: *huffs and stomps off*

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