I take care of lost and damaged books in our library.

When a patron loses or damages a book, they can either buy a new copy themselves and bring it to us or we can buy a new copy and then send them an invoice.

One patron, in particular, has been a big problem. She borrowed six books that were very, very late. After months of trying to reach her by email, phone, and physical letters, she finally brought five of the books back. Those books were all very damaged — torn pages and covers, some coffee spills inside, scribblings everywhere, etc. We knew for sure that she was the one responsible because those were all new books and she was the first patron to borrow them.

We told her that she would have to bring back the last book she still had and that she would have to pay for all the damaged book,s as well as the late fee.

She finally did pay her invoice, after months of constant reminders once again.

She still hadn’t brought back her last book, though. But she finally did bring it back, weeks after paying her first invoice, this one also very damaged.

So, I told her that once again, she would have to pay for it. She then sent me an email saying the following :

“Dear Madam,

This book is actually written by a group that has it available for free on their website. To avoid cutting down more trees and to do something for our planet, I suggest you could put the PDF on your catalog instead of making me buy a new copy.”

Obviously, I’m going to send her an email back saying that even if we decide to take the PDF instead of buying a physical copy, she still has to pay for the book she damaged. But I am just baffled at the nerve she has. If she cares so much about trees, then maybe she should take care of the books she borrows.

(I’m a library director in a small town. Our library collection is joined up with many other libraries in our area, and we will regularly send our books to other locations for people to pick up. One day, I get a call from another library; their patron has borrowed one of our books and claims she returned it, but it’s not marked “returned” in the system. The other library asks me to make sure it didn’t somehow end up back at our library without being scanned in. I check, but it’s definitely not there. I tell the other library to renew it and ask the patron to keep looking, because usually when patrons think they returned something they find it a few weeks later under the passenger seat or whatever. A little while later the patron calls me, very annoyed.)

Patron: “I need to speak to someone about [Book] and someone who can actually help!”

Me: *already annoyed with her huffy tone* “Well, ma’am, I can help. What seems to be the problem?”

Patron: “I returned [Book] weeks ago and it’s still on my account! The stupid people at my library say it’s not there, so I thought I would have you look for it.”

Me: *even more annoyed at the insult to my friends at the other library* “Well, ma’am, I actually spoke to the staff at your library earlier today, and we have both looked for it and have not been able to find it.”

Patron: “Well, it’s those darn computers! They don’t scan right!”

(I take a moment to try to figure out what that has to do with anything, no luck.)

Me: “The computers have nothing to do with it at this point, ma’am; the physical book can’t be found at either library.”

Patron: *scoffs* “Well, what happens now?”

Me: “I have asked your library to renew the book, so you won’t be charged any fines while we all continue to look for the book. I recommend you look around your home and your car one more time, just to be sure.”

Patron: “I’m not looking anymore; I returned it! There must be something else that can be done!”

Me: “Did you have a suggestion?”

Patron: “Take the book off my account!”

Me: “I can’t take the book off your account until someone finds it.”

Patron: “Well, it’s not here so I don’t know what you want me to do!”

Me: *done with this conversation* “Well, it’s not here, so I don’t know what you want me to do.”

(She hung up on me. No one’s found the book yet, so guess who got charged a lost book fee?)

(I am a librarian. One day when I’m working at the information desk, I see a woman with a cigarette in her mouth and a lighter in her hand, getting ready to light up.)

Me: “Ma’am? I’m sorry, but smoking isn’t allowed inside the library.”

Patron: *points to the cigarette* “It’s not lit, is it? Do you see smoke coming out?”

Me: “Ma’am, if you have it in your mouth, I have to assume you intend to smoke it by default.”

Patron: “Oh! Uh… sorry, my mistake.”

Me: “That’s fine. But no smoking in the library, okay?”

(At least she apologized. But yeah, I totally stick cigarettes in my mouth with no intention to smoke them all the time.)

Oh geez…

(I was in the school library finishing up homework and decide i needed a break, so i pulled out my phone to go onto this app called iFunny. While swiping through I come across a vine with my audio FULL BLAST as it continued to play,
GO SUCK A D***, SUCK A MOTHERF***ING D***)
Embarrassed with my face red and smiling awkwardly.

Librarian (about 60 or so): HOLY SHIT IFUNNY!!!

Randm person: That made my f***ing day!

Glad my clumsey, embarraing self can bring smiles to others
:”)

I am a Librarian in a busy municipal library. Generally, I do not get many crazy interactions in the Children’s Dept. but this one happened.
Me: Children’s Department, [name], speaking.
Male Caller: HI, is this [name]?
Me: Yes, what can I do for you?
Caller: I want your phone number.
Me: Excuse me?
Caller: I want your phone number.
Me: I’m sorry, I can’t give you that information.
Caller: Why?
Me: That is personal information. You are welcome to talk to me at the Library. Is there a library-related question I can help you with?
Caller: No, I can’t come in, I am at the grocery store buying meat.