(I am working the desk when an elderly man approaches. He hands me a piece of scratch paper with a website written on it and asks me to go there on my computer. Mind you, he has already had me look up a music festival, and become frustrated when I couldn’t find a map, directions, location, and contact information within the first thirty seconds.)

Me: “Okay, this website sells gifts for musicians. Was that what you wanted?”

Patron: “Yeah, yeah. Give me whatever you’ve got on there.”

Me: “Okay… Well, it’s a very large website. What did you want from it?”

Patron: “I want trumpets. They got any trumpet stuff on there?”

Me: *types “trumpet” into search bar* “Yes, they have trumpets.”

Patron: “Okay, great! Just print off whatever you’ve got.”

Me: “Sir, there are nine pages of trumpet-related merchandise here.”

Patron: “Well, then give me the nine pages!”

Me: “I’m not allowed to print off that much—”

Patron: “Then print off whatever you can and give it to me!”

Me: “Sir, this is an online store. If you want to buy from them, you’ll need to get on a computer and browse their inventory yourself.”

Patron: “I don’t know how to use a computer. Just give me whatever they’ve got.”

Me: “Our library offers free computer classes. I could register you.”

Patron: “I don’t have that kind of time! Just get me the nine pages!”

Me: “Sir, even if I did that, you wouldn’t be able to purchase any of the items. You would have to go online and purchase them from the store.”

Patron: “Well, if you can’t do it, just say so!”

Me: “I can’t do it, sir.”

(He left in a huff.)

(I live in New England, it’s the end of October, and it’s snowing out. It’s not unheard of to be snowing this time of year, but it’s also not very common. This exchange happens at the front desk of the library.)

Patron: “It’s snowing out!”

Me: “I know! I hope it doesn’t last long.”

Patron: *disappointed* “Aw, I wanted to surprise you.”

Me: “Oh, sorry! Wait, say it again.”

Patron: *exaggerating* “IT’S SNOWING OUT!”

Me: *exaggerating back* “WHAT?! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!”

I have recently moved to a new city. I go to the closest library to get a register and get a card. I am shown to a computer stall to fill out the forms electronically, before returning to the desk.

At the desk, two middle-aged, female librarians are waiting for me. One of them stands up and sternly tells me I must now make a very difficult decision, one which will affect my experiences at this library for the rest of my life.

She then holds up two cards: one that is purple with the name of the city and library printed in business script, one with the characters from Maurice Sendak’s Where the Wild Things Are. Her coworker then gravely adds, “Choose wisely.”

I agonize over the decision, but eventually choose Where the Wild Things Are, thereby forever cementing my path. The two librarians nod their heads in sage approval.

The first librarian activates my card and I immediately check out five books.

I can’t wait to go back and see them again!

(I work at a small public library, this is a phone conversation. )
Me: Public Library, how may I help you?
Customer: Hi, I was wondering if you have *specific book*?
(I search the card catalog and discover we have a copy on the shelf.)
Me: We apparently have a copy on the shelf.
Customer: Great! I’d like to come pick it up.
Me: Alright. Would you like me to make sure it’s here before you head in?
Customer: Sure, that would be great.
(I go to the shelf, quickly find the book and return to the desk.)
Me: Alright, I have the book. Can I have your name to reserve it and when will you be in the pick it up?
Customer: (Gives me his name) We are eating at the Pizza Hut right now, so I’ll be there in about an hour.
(The Pizza Hut is literally next door to the library.)
Me: Yummy! I’m totally jealous. Well enjoy your food and I’ll see you in a bit. I’ll keep the book at the desk for you.
Customer: Great, thank you!
(About an hour later a man and woman come in, the man is carrying a Pizza Hut box. I immediately grab the book, figuring it has to be the same person I spoke with.)
Me: Hi! Are you *customers name*, here to pick up *specific book*?
Customer: I am. Thank you so much, I really appreciate it!
Me: No problem, I’m here to help.
(I go through the process of checking out the book and give it to the customer.)
Me: Have a great night!
Customer: (Puts the pizza box down on the desk) Here, this is for you!
(I just look at him, shocked.)
Me: Excuse me?
Customer: You were so helpful and my wife and I wanted to thank you, so we got you a pizza. It’s just cheese, we weren’t sure what you liked.
(I’m not sure what to say. Usually the most anyone ever does is say thank you, if I’m lucky.)
Me: You didn’t have to do that. Thank you so much!
Customer: It’s the least we could do. My son needs this book for a school project and waited till the last moment, you saved the day.
Me: Well I’m glad to help.
(Thank you, sir! You made my day.)

(Our library has a snack machine in the lobby, and like many snack machines it occasionally malfunctions, leaving the snack hanging from the coils instead of dropping it. When this happens we can either refund the patron’s money or open the machine and retrieve the snack, so at least once a day we usually get someone coming to the counter requesting help. Sometimes these requests get a little giggle-worthy.)

Boy: *comes up to the counter* “My Skittles are hanging!”

Me: “Um… What?”

Coworker: “The candy machine, right?”

Boy: “Yeah.”

Coworker: “I’ll go fix it.”

(The coworker opens the machine, retrieves the boy’s Skittles, and comes back to the counter.)

Me: “Sorry… I wasn’t expecting him to say that, and my mind immediately went someplace weird.”

Coworker: “Oh, don’t worry; it happens to me, too. The other day a boy came to the counter and said really loudly, ‘My nuts are stuck!’ I had to work so hard not to laugh at him!”