A Riot Of Color

, , , , | Right | November 16, 2017

(Within our copy store there are about twelve copy machines. Every machine prints in black and white, except one. Our only colour copier is right next to our office. On its cover, and on the wall right above it, there are two large warning labels to advise people about it, since colour copies are six times more expensive than black and white. One thing about our copy cards: first, you buy one for 2€ — 1€ for the card itself, 1€ for the credit, so six black and white copies or one colour one. Then you can add credit on it for a whole year.)

Customer: *holding a perfect copy* “Excuse me?”

Me: “Yes? Can I help you?”

Customer: “I just bought a card. I did just one copy, and now it says my credit isn’t enough.”

Me: *knowing where this is going, and pointing to the colour copier* “Did you use that specific machine?”

Customer: “Yes! But I don’t understand what’s the matter.”

Me: “This one is a colour copier. Copies are 0.92€ a piece when you use it.”

Customer: “Oh, no! I only wanted a black and white copy! I needed the text, without pictures! Well, now, I guess you have to refund me.”

Me: “I’m truly sorry, but we use only a card system. Hence, we don’t keep any money in our office, and anyway, we’re prohibited to do any kind of refunding.”

Customer: “Come on! Why not?”

Me: “This is a self-service. We can help you to do your copies, but if you don’t ask for our help, if the copier works fine — which it did — we can’t do anything at all, even if you mess your copy. I’m sorry!”

Customer: “But I’m asking for your help right now!”

Me: “I mean help before doing any copy.”

Customer: *angry* “But it’s false advertisement! You didn’t warn me about it!”

Me: “Actually, we did.”

Customer: *angrier* “Really? And how was I supposed to know that it was a colour copier?”

Me: “There are labels on it, and on the wall in front of you.”

Customer: *getting more and more angry* “Nobody f****** reads these posters!”

Me: *now bored out of my mind* “Yes, I think you’re right. And that’s the main issue there. We are in a library where nobody even bothers to read.”

(In a way, I guess being a smart-a** didn’t help me to keep that job more than four months.)

Maybe The Library Has Books About What Libraries Are

, , , , | Right | November 15, 2017

(A man in an extremely dirty jacket approaches the counter holding a copy of a reference-only Banksy art book.)

Customer: “Ey, mate, how much for this book? There ‘ent a price on it.”

Me: “Er… This is a library. I’m afraid I can’t sell you any of the books.”

Customer: “Eh? How much for this, then?”

Me: “No, it’s… This isn’t a shop. It’s a library. The books aren’t for sale. I can sign you up for a library card, if you want.”

Customer: *stares blankly*

Me: “I can give you a library card, so that you can borrow books, but not that one; that one has to stay here.”

Customer: “Are you not gonna serve me ’cause of how I’m dressed, eh? I have loads of money: look.” *waves around a couple of £10 notes*

Me: “I can’t sell you the book because this is a library.”

Customer: “What the h***’s that, then?”

(This went on for a couple more minutes. He finally left, clearly still convinced that we were a bookstore and confused about why we refused to serve him.)

Mad About Madeline

, , , , , , | Related | November 15, 2017

(A father and daughter walk into the library with an armful of books.)

Father: “Hi. You accept donations, right?”

Me: “Sure, as long as they are in good condition and are not textbooks or phone books.”

(I go through the small stack, sorting them into children’s, adult fiction, etc, as well as pulling out a tablet case.)

Father: “You can just sell that or something.”

Me: “Sure.”

Me: *jokingly to the daughter as I pull a Madeline picture book out of the stack* “Are you sure you wanted to give this to us?”

Daughter: *alarmed* “NO! Nobody said we were going to give this to you!”

(She grabbed it from my hand and bolted for the doors. I apologized to her father, waited until they were out of sight, and only then began laughing.)

Precious Time It To The Music

, , , , | Right | November 14, 2017

Me: “Sir, I’m asking you again: please stop whistling. This is a quiet area.”

Patron: “I was listening to a song!”

Me: “You don’t have headphones on, and there’s no music playing.”

Patron: “Well, it was earlier, but I was listening to one!”

Hello Happy!

, , , , , , | Related | November 13, 2017

(My mom is a children’s librarian and is in charge of creating read-along programs for the kids. As she has partial hearing loss, she is not a big music fan, save for her kids’ songs she learns for her programs. I am visiting her at work one day when I see a picture book by Pharrell Williams with the words to his song “Happy.”)

Me: “Hey, Mom, did you see this? I know you’ve heard the song somewhere along the way. That’d be kind of cool for one of your programs!”

(I flip through the book, kind of humming the tune, while my mom tries to place it. She also flips through the book, mulling the idea over.)

Mom: “I don’t know who Pharrell Williams is. Is he popular in today’s music? Would the kids recognize the song?”

Me: *laughing* “I definitely think the kids would recognize the song. And yes, he is pretty popular, or at least some of his songs are. About as well-known as Adele.”

Mom: *blank stare* “Adele? Who’s he?”

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