The Beach Is Full Of Little Nippers

, , , | Friendly | July 14, 2017

(I am sunbathing on the beach when a shadow hovers over me. I open my eyes and see it’s a young girl, probably four or five years old.)

Me: “Are you all right? Are you lost?”

Girl: “You have hairy nipples.”

Me: *taken aback* “Ugh, yeah.”

Girl: “Why?”

Me: “Because I’m a man?”

Girl: “Can I have hairy nipples?”

(Before I could respond, a woman (presumably her mother) appeared, grabbed her by the arm, and dragged her away, screaming so loudly about nipples that the entire beach stopped to take notice.)

Their Demands Are Making Waves

, , , | Right | June 5, 2017

(I work part-time in the summer season as a lifeguard at a public beach. The waves have been a bit choppier than normal, so I am watching pretty carefully from the chair for anyone that might need help. A lady comes stomping up to me, dripping wet, and I brace myself for a demand to ‘turn down the waves.’)

Woman: “I lost my earring!”

Me: “…I’m sorry to hear that?”

(The woman just stares at me for a second.)

Woman: “Well?”

Me: “I’m very sorry to hear that?”

Woman: *grunts* “Go find it!”

(I stare at her, then down at the beach. She has a tiny little stud in one ear. The chances of me finding the matching stud if it was laying out on the sand would be bad; add in the waves, and it is effectively zero.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I have to stay on duty to keep an eye out for anyone who might be in danger.”

(That is literally the line they gave us in training for when someone invites you to play volleyball or have a drink with them. The lady stared at me, wide-eyed, before she started making a noise like a steaming teapot. Her shrieky whistle rose up to a full scream, and she just stood there, screaming at me for moment, before she spun around and stomped away, still screaming. I found out from a friend that works in a food stand nearby that she came up to the stand to try to file a complaint against me.)

With Waves Of Rainbows And Sprays Of Glitter

| England, UK | Friendly | May 23, 2017

(I am swimming with a few friends on a hot day. A ball splashes next to me and I see a woman swimming up. I hold onto it until she gets to me. I am male.)

Me: “Sorry, but balls aren’t allowed in the water on this part of the beach. You can use them on the sand though.”

Woman: *snide* “And how would you know!”

Me: “My husband is a lifeguard on duty. I know a lot of the rules.”

(Her eyes widen and she looks me up and down before turning and swimming away.)

Woman: “Kids, get out of water! Quick!”

(Her children protest.)

Woman: “There’s a [slur]! It’s in the water. It’ll turn the whole ocean gay!” *turns back* It’s already happening!”

(My friends and I watch as three children and the mother sprint out of the water and into their car. They’re still wet as they drive off.)

Friend #1: “That was really weird.”

Me: “What did she mean, ‘It’s already happening?’”

Friend #2: “Oh, [Friend #3] and I decided to start snogging when we realised where it was headed.”

Baiting You Into A Conversation

| Savannah, GA, USA | Friendly | January 10, 2017

(I’m with my Girl Scout troop visiting Savannah, GA. We’re walking along a beach and basically just talking with locals and getting to know people and the area. We come across someone sitting on a dock, fishing, and he seems friendly enough so we chat a bit. It should be noted that we’re originally from Wisconsin. While fishing is an incredibly popular hobby in Wisconsin, there’s not really a lot of huge fish, especially for amateur fishing. Depending on the species, it’s not uncommon to catch fish only a foot or two long and consider it a successful haul.)

Us: *noticing the bucket beside him* “Oooh, are those the ones you caught?”

Him: *slightly offended* “That’s the bait.”

(And that’s how we learned about shark fishing.)

The Lack Of A Sign Was A Bad Sign

, | Portage, IN, USA | Friendly | December 28, 2016

My husband, son, I, and our very large dog (100lb+) have decided to spend the morning at the beach. We’ve been to that beach several times before and none of the signage said dogs are forbidden; the only sign to mention dogs simply states that they must be leashed at all times.

After we have been there for about two hours, two teenagers in [National Park] t-shirts approach and rather rudely orders us off the beach, claiming that dogs aren’t allowed.

We are more than a bit put out by the unnecessary attitude and their claims, so we tell them that we will be waiting right where we are for their supervisor to come speak with us. After an almost 20 minute wait the supervisor comes over and, with no attitude at least, tries telling us the same bit about dogs not being allowed. After a bit of conversation we finally find out that there, supposedly, is in fact a “no dogs allowed on the beach” sign… buried under a rock slide at the end of a closed off, dead end walkway, the rockslide having happened two years before! I still don’t know how on earth we were expected to have known about that.

The icing on the cake was when at least three different people walked by us, their very small dogs with them, while we were talking with the supervisor, and she wouldn’t say a word to them despite us pointing it out.

If a rule is a rule then it should apply to everyone. It also shouldn’t be hidden like a game collectable either.

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