With Waves Of Rainbows And Sprays Of Glitter

| England, UK | Friendly | May 23, 2017

(I am swimming with a few friends on a hot day. A ball splashes next to me and I see a woman swimming up. I hold onto it until she gets to me. I am male.)

Me: “Sorry, but balls aren’t allowed in the water on this part of the beach. You can use them on the sand though.”

Woman: *snide* “And how would you know!”

Me: “My husband is a lifeguard on duty. I know a lot of the rules.”

(Her eyes widen and she looks me up and down before turning and swimming away.)

Woman: “Kids, get out of water! Quick!”

(Her children protest.)

Woman: “There’s a [slur]! It’s in the water. It’ll turn the whole ocean gay!” *turns back* It’s already happening!”

(My friends and I watch as three children and the mother sprint out of the water and into their car. They’re still wet as they drive off.)

Friend #1: “That was really weird.”

Me: “What did she mean, ‘It’s already happening?’”

Friend #2: “Oh, [Friend #3] and I decided to start snogging when we realised where it was headed.”

Baiting You Into A Conversation

| Savannah, GA, USA | Friendly | January 10, 2017

(I’m with my Girl Scout troop visiting Savannah, GA. We’re walking along a beach and basically just talking with locals and getting to know people and the area. We come across someone sitting on a dock, fishing, and he seems friendly enough so we chat a bit. It should be noted that we’re originally from Wisconsin. While fishing is an incredibly popular hobby in Wisconsin, there’s not really a lot of huge fish, especially for amateur fishing. Depending on the species, it’s not uncommon to catch fish only a foot or two long and consider it a successful haul.)

Us: *noticing the bucket beside him* “Oooh, are those the ones you caught?”

Him: *slightly offended* “That’s the bait.”

(And that’s how we learned about shark fishing.)

The Lack Of A Sign Was A Bad Sign

, | Portage, IN, USA | Friendly | December 28, 2016

My husband, son, I, and our very large dog (100lb+) have decided to spend the morning at the beach. We’ve been to that beach several times before and none of the signage said dogs are forbidden; the only sign to mention dogs simply states that they must be leashed at all times.

After we have been there for about two hours, two teenagers in [National Park] t-shirts approach and rather rudely orders us off the beach, claiming that dogs aren’t allowed.

We are more than a bit put out by the unnecessary attitude and their claims, so we tell them that we will be waiting right where we are for their supervisor to come speak with us. After an almost 20 minute wait the supervisor comes over and, with no attitude at least, tries telling us the same bit about dogs not being allowed. After a bit of conversation we finally find out that there, supposedly, is in fact a “no dogs allowed on the beach” sign… buried under a rock slide at the end of a closed off, dead end walkway, the rockslide having happened two years before! I still don’t know how on earth we were expected to have known about that.

The icing on the cake was when at least three different people walked by us, their very small dogs with them, while we were talking with the supervisor, and she wouldn’t say a word to them despite us pointing it out.

If a rule is a rule then it should apply to everyone. It also shouldn’t be hidden like a game collectable either.

When I Went Down To The Inflatable Pool To Pray…

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Right | August 26, 2016

(I am a lifeguard at the beach. For the summer, my bosses install a big inflatable circuit where people try to go through without falling. Of course, all the water around it is reserved for the activity; people need to go further to swim in the lake. During the day, a man all dressed in black is entering the restricted water zone. He’s followed by many women, all dressed in white. They start to sing hymns and pray.)

Me: *on the walkie talkie* “Erm… inflatable lifeguard one to manager.”

Manager: *on the walkie talkie* “Manager tuned.”

Me: *trying really hard to speak, I’m laughing so much* “There… is… a… bap… baptising …in the water…”

Manager: “What? Can you repeat?”

Me: “There is a BAPTISING in the inflatable water.”

Manager: “…”

Me: “They are singing and praying. The preacher is baptising every woman, one by one.”

Manager: “I’m… I’m coming…”

(I see all other lifeguards looking and laughing from their chair. Finally, the manager comes after ten minutes. He just leans on the “Denied Access” notice and looks at them, dumbfounded. They finally leave the water, but not before another woman comes up to me, angry.)

Woman: “Soooo, we can baptise in the beach, now?!”

Not So Smartphone, Part 12

| CA, USA | Related | August 17, 2016

(I am at the beach with my mom. My mom has a nice newer iPhone, while I have an old third generation iPhone. I can’t take picture on my phone while she can.)

Mom: “Take a picture and send it to me now!”

Me: “I don’t have any data on my phone so I can’t.”

Mom: “Take the picture now or I WILL ground you.”

Me: “You have a phone with data and can take better pictures on your phone than mine.”

Mom: “Don’t back talk. Take the d*** picture. Or give me your phone for a month.”

Me: “If you take my phone then I can’t take a picture.”

Mom: “I’m done with this s***. Give me your phone and take a picture.” *says this while taking my phone out of my hand*

Me: “I can’t take a picture now.”

Mom: “WHY?”

Me: “You took my phone.”

Mom: “Get in the car NOW.”

Related:
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 11
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 10
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 9

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