Drunk Guys Will Pay Anything For Pizza

, , , , , | Working | March 19, 2019

(My grandpa once told me a story from when he delivered pizza. One night, he had an especially big order to a house in the suburbs. When he arrived, there was a party in full swing and lots of talking and music. After he knocked on the door, this happened.)

Grandpa: “Hello, order of pizza!”

Drunk Man #1: “Oh, [Someone Else] has the money! Hold on!”

([Drunk Man #1] stumbles away, leaving the door open. As [Grandpa] stands there waiting, another drunk guy wanders by.)

Drunk Man #2: “Oh, you the pizza guy?”

Grandpa: “Yep.”

([Drunk Man #2] pulls out a twenty and hands it to him, then wanders off. Unsure what to do, Grandpa stands there, waiting for the rest of the money. Then, another drunk guy walks past.)

Drunk Man #3: “Oh, pizza’s here!”

(Grandpa gets another twenty and [Drunk Man #3] wanders off. Still waiting, more drunk men wander past the open door, some more than once, and each time they hand him money. Not wanting to get into it with the drunks, Grandpa just politely takes the money. Finally, the first guy gets back.)

Drunk Man #1: “Okay! Here’s the money for the pizza and here’s a tip!”

(He hands Grandpa two twenties for the tip.)

Grandpa: “Oh, actually…”

(The guy slammed the door shut. After a minute, Grandpa just got back in the car and counted out all the “tips.” It totaled almost $300!)

Drinking Since I Was Knee-High To A Grasshopper!

, , , , , | Working | March 15, 2019

(I am 22 years old. The legal age to drink alcohol in the US is 21 years old, and people are supposed to check IDs of those who look under 30. I am a customer that has walked up to the bar and taken a seat. I put my wallet down on the bar, but make no room to open it just yet.)

Me: “Hi. Can you make a grasshopper?”

Bartender: “What is that?”

(That’s not an unusual response as it’s not a common drink, and many bars here do not stock all the ingredients.)

Me: “It’s a mixture of crème de menthe, crème de cacao, and cream.”

Bartender: “No, I’m sorry. We don’t have the crème de menthe.”

(He hands me a bar menu with the specialties and points them out.)

Me: “I’ll take [vodka-based drink].”

Bartender: “Coming right up.”

(I never was asked for my ID, and I was only one year older than the legal limit. My wallet was faced down, and even then, I keep my ID inside of it, so it doesn’t appear when closed. The bartender was very nice, and I think he probably just forgot. Or maybe he assumed I was over 21 because I knew a drink he didn’t! As someone who works in a bar myself, I know the repercussions of serving under-aged minors for both the server and business. If you’re not 100% sure, always ID!)

Demanding ID Has Become A Throwaway Line

, , , , , | Right | March 4, 2019

(I used to work at an alcohol stand at a popular theme park. Whenever somebody wanted alcohol, I’d need to check their ID even if they were clearly older than 21, then give them a wristband so security would know that they bought it legitimately. 99% of customers totally understand this, and even when they don’t, most are fine with it when I explain it. Now, I speak with an Aussie accent, which is fun for both me and the customers, as they have a good time trying to guess where I’m from. During one shift, a woman who’d already come up came back for more alcohol, but without the wristband I’d given her, with two other people who also want drinks.)

Customer #1: “Hi, I’d like to get another drink.”

Me: “Certainly, can I see your ID again?”

Customer #1: “What? Why? You already saw it!”

Me: “I understand, but it’s the policy.”

Customer #1: “Well, I don’t have my ID. My husband has it.”

Me: “Then I’m sorry, but I can’t give you your drink.”

Customer #1: “Where are you from?”

Me: “What does it sound like?”

(She shoots off a few guesses like Ireland and England.)

*Me:” “No, none of those.”

Customer #1: “Can I get my drink?”

Me: “I need to see ID.”

Customer #1: “You didn’t ask for it last time!”

Customer #2: “It’s true! I saw that.”

([Customer #2] wasn’t even there the previous time. Eventually she storms off, but not before guessing Ireland and England as my country of origin a few more times. I even sing a few words from a song involving kangaroos, then try the Aussie national anthem, but she still doesn’t get it. A few minutes later, she storms back up with her husband and her two friends again. The husband is glaring at me, but he pulls out a bag of IDs.)

Husband: “One.” *tosses ID* “Two.”

(He repeats the process until there are four IDs in front of me. Having had enough of this nonsense by this point, I pick up the IDs and look at them before tossing them out on the counter, one by one, after checking them. His glare hardens.)

Husband: “Where is your manager?”

(They complained and my manager gave me a talking to for a minute, but I think she knew they were being ridiculous. I served them their drinks without further incident. Even though they kept guessing, including Ireland again, they never figured out where I was from, and kept cutting me off every time I tried to tell them.)

Be Careful Driving In Margaritaville

, , , , , | Right | March 3, 2019

(A customer is making an order at our restaurant. At the end, he says:)

Customer: “Can I get a regular and a strawberry margarita?”

Me: “Sure.” *writes it down on his ticket* “Is there anything else I can get for you today?”

Customer: “No, and I want it to go.”

Me: “All right, and your name?”

(He gives his name.)

Me: “Okay, I’ll make your margaritas, and then you can have a seat while they start on your order. Can I see your ID?”

(He shows it.)

Me: “And who’s the other margarita for?”

Customer: “My wife.”

Me: “All right, I might need to see her ID, as well.”

Customer: “She’s at the house.”

Me: “Oh. Is she on her way?”

Customer: “No, I’m bringing the margaritas to go.”

(I’ve had a lot of people get drinks while they wait for a to-go order, but usually they don’t order one for someone who isn’t there, you see. They’re smarter than that.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t make margaritas to go.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “I can’t make alcoholic drinks to go.”

Customer: “Oh… Why not?”

Me: “Because you can’t drink and drive? And then we could be held liable.”

Customer: “Oh. Never mind, then.” *leaves the store*


They Left In Good Spirits, And Wines, And Cocktails…

, , , , | Right | February 27, 2019

(A group of woman out for a hen-do have just left my pub. I see them walking around the building through the windows. They spot our side entrance and come back in. They spend another hour with us until they ask to pay their tab.)

Woman: “Hey, do you know there’s a pub just around the corner that looks just like this? You should be careful, or you’ll get arrested for copying.”

Me: “Actually, this is the same building you left an hour ago. See? You left one of your balloons on the table you were sat at.”

(They all looked, screamed in shock, and then drunkenly tried to retrieve the balloon. Some of the workers thought they were probably a little too drunk, and we called for a community officer to help them get home. They left in good spirits. We found out a week later, from the same officer, that he was called for them another three times after he saw them off in a taxi. Two were bars and one was a fast food place. They weren’t troublesome, but the bars assumed, like us, that they were too drunk. They either sobered up or went home after the fast food place, as there were no more calls.)

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