The Kind Of Open-Carry Laws That Americans Aren’t Used To

, , , , | Right | March 20, 2018

(I work as a hostess at a restaurant and bar next to a hotel in a touristy area. Two very sweet-looking girls holding wine glasses approach the host stand.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me. Can I tell you something?”

Me: “Of course! How can I help you?”

Customer #1: “We’ve seen a lot of people leaving with glasses of alcohol. We wanted to let you guys know, so you don’t get in trouble.”

Me: “Thanks for letting us know! I’ll send someone out with go-cups for them.”

Customer #2: “What?! You mean they can just leave and drink out in the open?”

Me: *chuckles* “Welcome to New Orleans! Y’all can even get daiquiris at a drive-thru window down here.”

Unable To Face Themselves

, , , | Right | March 7, 2018

(It’s way after last call. I start to clean up tables and overhear this little gem between two of our last guests:)

Customer #1: “Dude! Are you as s***faced as I am?”

Customer #2: “No, what about you?”

They’re Actually Allergic To Self-Control

, , , , , | Healthy | March 5, 2018

(I work at an eye institute. One day, my coworker tells me about the following exchange.)

Coworker: “Do you have any allergies?”

Patient: “I’m allergic to whiskey.”

Coworker: “Okay… What kind of reaction did it give you?”

Patient: *completely serious* “It made me throw up.”

Coworker: “…”

That Stabbing Pain Is A Customer

, , , , | Right | March 1, 2018

(It’s just after eight am and a slovenly man walks into the shop where I work and asks for a large bottle of vodka that is kept behind the counter. It is illegal in this country to sell alcohol before ten am.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t sell you this before ten o’clock.”

Customer: “What?”

Coworker: *points at clock* “We cannot sell alcohol before ten.”

Customer: *suddenly angry* “But I want it.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t sell you this until ten.”

Customer: “I can’t wait until ten; I’m getting the bus in five minutes.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, but I could be fined up to £5,000 for selling this before the allowed time, and our shop could lose its licence.”

Customer: “I won’t tell anyone.”

Coworker: “That isn’t the issue, sir. It is illegal, and I won’t sell you the alcohol. Our tills won’t even allow them to be scanned before ten o’clock, either, so I cannot process the transaction, even if it weren’t against the law.”

Customer: *irritated* “What if I just leave you the money and you can put it through later?”

Coworker: “That is still an illegal sale and can result in me losing my job.”

Customer: *leans over counter* “I don’t f****** care if it’s illegal; give me the drink or I will f****** stab you!”

(At this point, I am now afraid for the safety of my coworker and I’ve grabbed the phone to call the police. My coworker on the other hand is unfazed, and merely crosses his arms over his chest.)

Coworker: “Well I’m not selling you it. So I guess you’ll just have to stab me.”

Customer: *flustered and red in the face* “Fine!” *leaves the store*

(I ran to the window and, after checking the number of the bus he was getting on, I called the police. He was apprehended by the police twenty minutes later at the next bus stop.)

Pray That’s Just Dry Humor

, , , , , , | Working | February 16, 2018

(I work in a bar with a coworker who is absolutely lovely, but can be quite feather-brained. Still, I wouldn’t have believed this if I hadn’t witnessed it myself! I’m sat off to the side on my break while [Coworker] is behind the bar. A customer approaches and asks for a dry white wine. I watch my coworker walk back and forth along the row of wine fridges, looking increasingly confused. Eventually she turns back to the customer.)

Coworker: “I’m so sorry; I think we’ve only got wet ones!”

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