No ID, No Idea, Part 36

, , , , | Right | July 17, 2018

(I am a manager, cashiering one night, when a young guy walks in and grabs a beer. He looks younger than 25.)

Me: “Hi. Will that be all?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Okay, can I see your ID, please?”

(The customer pats his pockets but does not find what he is looking for.)

Customer: “I’ll be right back; forgot my wallet in the car.”

(He leaves, and I have a feeling he is not as old as he says he is. I watch him walk to his car and get in, and out comes someone else. I have put the beer up when the second person comes in, goes to the cooler, and grabs the same beer.)

Me: “Sorry, but I am unable to sell you this beer.”

Customer: “Why? I have ID, and this is for me.”

Me: “I am sorry, but I saw you get out of the car that the same person just got in, and get the same kind of beer as he did.”

Customer: “This is bull! It was for me!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but since the first person came in and got the same beer and did not have ID, I can’t sell this to you, but when you go to another store make sure that you go in first instead of your friend.”

(Mad, he ended up throwing our lotto machine at me and storming out. I called the police to report it. I later came to find out that his aunt works for the sheriff’s department!)

Related:
No ID, No Idea, Part 35
No ID, No Idea, Part 34
No ID, No Idea, Part 33

Sunscreen: Factor 40%

, , , , , | Right | July 6, 2018

(I work as a lifeguard on a beach resort. The beach is privately owned, but there is no admission; the resort makes money off of vendors. No outside alcohol is allowed in the area, and any alcohol must be drunk in the bar. Absolutely no alcohol is allowed on the beach itself, but people try to sneak stuff in all the time. They think they are being sneaky by putting it in strange bottles, but it’s pretty obvious to us when you start drinking out of your sunscreen. I see one woman pouring something out of her sunscreen into a cup. I approach her and realize she reeks of alcohol.)

Me: “Ma’am, you need to leave. We don’t allow alcohol on the beach.”

Drunk Woman: “What? What alcohol?”

Me: “In your sunscreen.”

Drunk Woman: “That’s sunscreen!”

(She picks it up and waves it in my face.)

Me: “Please show me.”

Drunk Woman: “I don’t have to show you anything. You work for me; I pay your salary!”

Me: “This is a free park. You haven’t paid anything.”

Drunk Woman: “I pay my taxes, and you work for the park!”

Me: “My salary is paid by the vendors, who ban outside alcohol. I need that bottle.”

(The drunk woman throws her bottle into the water.)

Drunk Woman: “F*** you! I don’t have any alcohol anymore; you can’t do anything!”

(I page security, and go after the flask, so a kid doesn’t get to it. Suddenly, she runs past me and frantically begins splashing around, screaming:)

Drunk Woman: “You can’t prove anything without the bottle!”

(Security attempted to stop her, but it’s hard to restrain someone in the water. She kept wriggling out of their grip, and managed to lose her swimsuit along the way. Eventually I found the bottle and held it up, and she came after me. I ran for the lifeguard tower with the drunk woman and security following. I climbed up the tower and watched as security chased her on the beach until they tackled her and hauled her away. Later, I heard the police charged her with public drunkenness and assault.)

In Uncharted Waters

, , , , | Related | July 5, 2018

(In the early to mid-90s, our family is on a barbecue picnic outing with several other families in a park. I’m around nine or ten, and the other families all also have kids about my age, or even younger. The adults are all busy putting together side dishes, arranging picnic supplies, and grilling meat. Meanwhile, us kids are just milling around or playing. There’s a bunch of supplies people brought just lying around on the ground and tables. After running around a bit, I happen to become thirsty, but we don’t have individual water bottles back then. So, not wanting to bother the adults, I just go over to the supplies and pick out what looks like a perfectly normal liter-sized soda bottle with clear water in it, and begin taking a drink, not touching the bottle itself with my mouth. All of a sudden:)

Adult #1: “Noooo!”

Adult #2: “Stop!”

Adult #3: “No! No! No!”

Adult #4: “Oh, my God, [My Name]! Don’t drink that!”

(Totally confused, I pull away from the bottle while several adults come running over in a panic, and take the bottle away with shocked faces.)

Me: “What? I just wanted some water!”

Adult #2: “Oh, Lord!”

Adult #4: “[My Name], that’s vodka!”

Me: “What?!”

Adult #4: “Didn’t you notice the taste?”

Me: “…”

(I somehow managed not to notice. Even as an adult, I can’t tolerate the taste of alcohol, so I can’t figure out how I wouldn’t have noticed it then. Maybe I never actually got any in my mouth. The other kids thought it was very funny and kept asking me afterwards what it tasted like. That bottle was completely unmarked regarding what it really contained, though, and during the brouhaha, no one seemed to own up to having brought it, though clearly everyone knew what was in it. Who does that on a picnic outing with young kids?)

Being Unable To Count Is A Sign You Should Stop Drinking

, , , , | Right | June 25, 2018

(I work as a cashier at a big, popular grocery store. We have customers who constantly try to buy alcohol although they aren’t 18, which is the legal age here. A couple walks up to the register. The man, who is much older than the woman and almost looks like he could be her dad, is on his phone and seems very distracted. The woman looks about 23, is dressed in a fluffy fur coat, and wears lots of trendy jewellery, visibly trying to look a lot older than she actually is. Store policy says that we have to card anyone that looks younger than 30, so when I see her loading several cans of cider and long drink — a bitter-tasting alcoholic beverage popular in Finland — onto the belt, I automatically ask her for her ID.)

Woman: “Do you really think that is necessary?!”

Me: “Yes. We have to card anyone who looks younger than 30. May I please see your ID?”

Woman: “How dare you?! It’s actually my 22nd birthday today! Do I f****** look like I am under 18 to you?”

Me: “Well, happy birthday. But I still need to see proof.”

(At this point, the man with her — who has been on the phone all this time — finishes his call, and looks confused.)

Man: *leaning in to whisper quite loudly to the woman* “Babe, just say you’re with me.”

(He then proceeds to show his own ID, and I see that he is born in January of 1973. When I ask about her ID for the third time around, she screams at me, loud enough for half the store to hear.)

Woman: “What is wrong with you?! What’s your name? I’m going to report you to your manager for age discrimination!”

Me: “Uh… What? It’s my duty to card anyone who doesn’t look older than 30.”

Woman: “Just because an ugly little b**** like you can’t find a rich boyfriend like mine doesn’t mean you’re allowed to discriminate just because my boyfriend is older than me!”

(I can now see the way out of this situation, if she is dumb enough not to see where this is going.)

Me: “How much older?”

Woman: “Twenty-seven years!”

Me: “Ma’am, your boyfriend just showed me his ID, and he is born in January 1973. With simple math, I came to the conclusion that you’re either 16 or 17 years old, not old enough to buy alcohol for at least a year, depending on which month you were born in. Please remove yourself from the store before I call security.”

Woman: “AAARGH!”

(She then stomped off, screaming at her boyfriend for “being dumb enough” to show me his ID. To be honest, I think she was the dumber one, in this case!)


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It Rums In The Family

, , , , | Related | June 21, 2018

(I am about nine and our family is on vacation in the Caribbean. I have spent most of the day down at the beach, and with the heat and the salt water I am very thirsty. There is only one stand that sells soda, and it is down on the other end of the beach. My Mom and I start walking toward it. Along the way, we run into my grandparents walking the opposite way.)

Grandma: “Where are you two going?”

Mom: “[My Name] is really thirsty, so we’re going to get her a soda.”

Grandma: “Well, I have a coke here she can have. It’s diet, though.”

Me: “I don’t care.”

(I’m just eager to drink anything. My grandma hands me her cup and I take a huge drink, and a second later I start spitting it out on the ground.)

Grandma: “It’s just diet; it’s not that bad.”

(My mom takes the cup out of my hand and takes a small sip.)

Mom: “There’s rum in this.”

Grandma: “Oh! I forgot about that.”

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