An Old Fashioned Set Of Standards

, , , , , , | Working | May 18, 2018

(My husband and I go to the hotel bar, which is attached to the check-in desk. One of the clerks comes over to serve us.)

Clerk: “What can I get for you?”

Me: “I’ll take an old fashioned.”

(The clerk looks at me like a deer in the headlights.)

Me: “Are you okay with that? I can tell you how to make it.”

Clerk: “I’m okay with that. Are you okay with that?”

Me: “Well… Yeah?”

Clerk: “Is he okay with that?” *gesturing to my husband*

Me: “Well, I’m over 21, so I can drink whatever I want, and he doesn’t get a say in it.”

(Another clerk then comes to his rescue and he runs away.)

Me: “I never thought I’d have someone ask my husband for permission to give me a drink!”

Clerk #2: “Yeah, I don’t know what that was about.”

You Have No Idea And I Have No Words

, , , , , , | Right | May 18, 2018

(I work in a restaurant.)

Guest: “My girlfriend is only 20 years old. But I’m 21 years old. So I’m going to order a piña colada and give it to her. Okay?”

Me: “…”

That’s A Hard Pass

, , , , , | Right | May 14, 2018

(I work in a local drugstore very close to the college football stadium. We do not sell alcohol of any kind. On a game day, a coworker and I spot a lady walking down the center aisle, wearing a team sweatshirt and looking lost.)

Me: “Excuse me, can we help you find something?”

Customer: “Yeah, where’s y’all’s beer?”

Me: “Oh, sorry, we don’t sell beer.”

Customer: “You sell hard liquor but you don’t sell beer?!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, if we sold hard liquor I’d have a lot more fun at this job.”

Should Run A Pool To How They Want To Get In The Pool

, , , , | Right | May 8, 2018

(I work audit at a popular hotel chain. I am warned immediately when I get in one night that there is a VERY large bachelor party renting four rooms, and that they announced they were going to a strip club and getting drunk before they all left. I am prepared to field all manner of weird requests when they get back, but have been told that more than likely they will want to get in the pool. The first thing I do is block the pool, so only a master key can get in, and then settle down to wait. Sure enough, they come back, and the entire party is drunk. They are carrying various open containers of alcohol, and not a single person in this party is quiet.)

Me: “Hey, guys, just a reminder that it’s after midnight. I’m going to need you to be quiet in the halls and be courteous of other guests!”

Guest #1: “Okay. Hey, will you let us into the pool?”

Me: “No, sorry, the pool is closed.”

Guest #2: “We only need it for, like 15 minutes! We just want to throw the groom in!”

Me: “Unfortunately, I can’t open it, even for 15 minutes. Sorry.”

Guest #1: “We could bribe you? We still have lots of singles from the strip club!”

Guest #2: “Yeah, the strippers were kind of ugly.”

Me: “Sorry.”

Guest #1: “Or you could have a shot?” *holds up bottle of raspberry vodka*

Me: “Oh, that does sound tempting, but I’m on the clock, and I can’t drink on the job.”

Guest #2: “Beer? [Brand] Energy Drink?” *holds out box of energy drinks*

Me: “No, sorry, I still can’t let you in the pool. If you really want to throw the groom in, you can do it at six o’clock tomorrow morning.”

Guest #1: “Well, never mind, I guess. Do you want a shot, anyway?”

Me: “Like I said, I’m working, so I can’t. I’d get fired.”

Guest #2: *hands me a can of energy drink* “Here. You should have this.”

Me: *takes can* “Okay? I’m still not opening the pool.”

Guest #1: “It’s okay. I’m going to go yell at everyone to be quiet. Bye!”

(This was not the last time I heard of or from them that night, either, and all my encounters went much the same way.)

No ID, No Idea, Part 35

, , , , , | Right | April 28, 2018

(I work in a small convenience store that is family-owned. We’re located out in the country, so most of our customers also live in the country or are families traveling. We get a lot of teenagers that think that, since we’re out of town, we don’t hold up rules as in-town stores would. A very young-looking man comes up to the counter with a case of beer.)

Customer #1: “I need this and [Snuff Brand].”

Me: “Sure thing. May I see an ID?”

Customer #1: *looking shocked* “What? Don’t I look 21?”

Me: “I’ll be honest; you look 15. But either way, I have to ID everyone that looks under 40.”

Customer #1: “Well… uh… I don’t have my ID on me, but it doesn’t matter. It’s not for me. It’s for my grandpa. He’s in a wheelchair and can’t drive.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but even if it’s not for you, I can’t sell to you.” *I take the case of beer and put it behind me to restock later* “Again, sorry. Have a good night.”

(He stammers, trying to find an excuse, but walks back out to his truck and just sits there, talking to anyone that passes by him. Then, a regular of mine comes in after the boy stops him. He grabs the same type of beer and comes to the counter.)

Customer #2: “Can I also get [Snuff Brand]?”

Me: “Sorry, I saw that boy talk to you after failing to show ID for these same things, so I’m going to have to refuse today. I don’t think either of us want to go to jail.”

Customer #2: “All right, no problem. See you later.”

(A couple hours go by and another young man comes in and walks straight to my counter.)

Customer #3: “Can I get [Cigarette Brand]?”

Me: “Do you have an ID?”

Customer #3: *with a confident smile* “Oh, it’s not for me. It’s for my grandpa back home.”

Me: *jokingly* “Let me guess. He’s in a wheelchair and can’t drive.”

Customer #3: “Yeah! How’d you know?”

Me: *long pause* “Without a legal ID, I can’t sell to you. Sorry, have a good night.”

(He leaves, looking defeated, but I notice he is in the same truck as [Customer #1]. It’s now an hour before closing. A police officer is chatting with me and just hanging out to make sure I’m all right as I shut everything down. He generally stands off around the side to stay out of the way, which in turn means he’s not usually noticed right away. A truck pulls in. It’s the one the boys were in earlier. I quickly give the officer an overview of what’s been going on. Then, yet another young man exits the truck, comes in, and walks to my counter.)

Customer #4: “I need a [Snuff Brand] and a case of [Beer]. It’s for my grandpa; he can’t drive himself here.”

Me: *mentally beating him already* ” Do… you… have… an ID?”

Customer #4: “Yup. Here you go.”

(I take the ID. And he looks similar to the picture, but enough to look like a brother. But it’s also law to have the person state their age aloud as a precaution when checking ID. According to the year on the ID, he should be 25.)

Me: “All right, can you state your age?”

Customer #4: “…23?”

Me: “All right… Obviously you and your friends think I’m stupid. All of you have come in here trying to buy alcohol or tobacco, and to make it worse, I keep getting the same story of a sick grandfather. Now you bring me a fake ID. I can’t confiscate this, but you or your friends come in here again tonight, I’m sure a police officer would love to hear about how badly an old man in a wheelchair needs a beer. Have a good night.”

Customer #4: “I don’t know what you’re talking about! That’s not a fake ID! You just can’t do math! That’s probably why you work here and not at a real job, you dumb b****! Now sell it to me or I’ll get you fired!”

(The police officer now steps around the corner to be clearly seen.)

Officer: “Hi. Maybe I can help?”

(He bolted out so quickly he hit his face on the door because he was running faster than it would open. The officer told me later that he was arrested after he tried the same thing at a different store, became unruly, and refused to leave without his beer. Nights like that make me so happy that I’m about to finish school and that my job field will not include entitled con ”artists.”)

No ID, No Idea, Part 34
No ID, No Idea, Part 33
No ID, No Idea, Part 32

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