Making A Beerline For The Road

, , , , , , | Right | September 15, 2018

(I work in the take-away area of a popular Australian steakhouse. My job is to bring food to customers waiting in their cars, so they can drive off and take it home to eat. This exchange happens at 10:45 on a Saturday night. I have just gotten this woman’s change while she is waiting for the rest of her food to come out.)

Me: “Can I get you anything else while you wait?”

Woman: “Yeah, can I order [alcoholic beverage] from the bar?”

Me: “What?”

Woman: “Can I order something from the bar and drink it while I wait?”

Me: “No, ma’am, you can’t.”

Woman: “Well, why not?”

Me: “I’m not allowed to give you alcohol. You’re sitting in your car in the to-go area. It’s illegal to drink and drive.”

Someone’s Been Drinking The Kool Aid

, , , , , | Right | September 13, 2018

(A guy walks into our outlet store carrying a bottle of wine.)

Customer: “I want to return this bottle.”

(He takes it out of the brown bag and I see it has already been opened and some wine has been removed.)

Me: “That’s fine. Do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “Yes, here it is.”

Me: “Can I ask why you are returning it?”

Customer: “I didn’t realize it had alcohol in it.”

Off-Duty But Always On

, , , , | Legal | September 10, 2018

(I am a young male working as a cashier. Because I’m underage, I cannot sell alcohol. A woman in her 30s approaches my checkout.)

Customer: “Hello, sweetheart. Just this.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you’ll have to go to the other register. I’m underage, so I can’t sell you liquor.”

Customer: “Come on. Can’t you let it slide, cutie? I can give you a nice tip.”

Me: “Rules are rules. I cannot sell you alcohol.”

Customer: “Baby, you’re making this way more difficult than it should be. I just want some good liquor to enjoy with someone handsome, like you.”

(The customer is uncomfortably close and is trying to place cash in my jean pocket. A regular customer comes and drags her off me.)

Customer: “Hey! What gives?”

Regular: “Please step away from him.”

Customer: “Do you know who I am?”

Regular: “Yes, a woman in her thirties flirting with and trying to get a minor to sell her alcohol.”

Customer: “And who the hell are you, a**hole?”

Regular: “An off-duty cop. Want to see my badge?”

(I have never seen anyone run so fast out of a store. A report was filed and camera footage was given. I have no idea what happened to that woman.)

This Crime Has Gone Down The Toilet

, , , , , , , | Legal | September 9, 2018

(I am a shift manager for a fast food chain. We are one block off the square in a major college town with about a dozen bars, pubs, and clubs within walking distance, so on the weekends, our lobby is open until midnight. I’m in the back, when one of the girls running the lobby register runs back and says she needs me NOW. I hurry up to the counter in time to see a middle-aged guy with some sort of panel trying to get out of the lobby through the front door. As I approach the guy I realize he has somehow taken the urinal divider wall from the mens’ restroom.)

Me: “Sir, what are you doing?”

Man: *very drunk, yet extremely polite* “I’m having a hard time getting this to fit out the door; can you help me, please?”

(I’m dumbfounded.)

Me: “Why don’t you sit down for a minute and I’ll get someone to help you.”

(I sit him down and gave him a free cup of water, and just call the police.)

Police Dispatcher: “[Town] sheriff’s office…”

Me: *introduces self and provides location* “Yeah, I need some police officers here to help with a drunk customer.”

Police Dispatcher: “Is he being irate or violent?”

Me: “No, but he’s trying to steal the urinal wall from the restroom; he already has it in the lobby but can’t manage the front door”

Police Dispatcher: *long pause* “Could you repeat that?” *trying very hard not to laugh*

Me: *chuckling* “Yeah. He’s trying to take off with it. He’s being very polite and, other than the obvious, he is not being disruptive”

Police Dispatcher: *losing it by now* “Okay, hun, we will send someone out. Did he say why he wanted it?”

Me: “No, and I didn’t want to ask, but you’re right. Why would anyone want it?”

Dispatcher: “I don’t know, but a patrol will be there in a few minutes.”

(The police showed up and, after a few minutes of talking to him, took him out to the car without causing a scene, and I’m assuming they took him to the drunk tank. I wound up having to call our maintenance guy the next day to rehang the wall. We’re still not sure how he got it off the wall, or what he wanted it for.)

Setting The Snowcone Tone

, , , , , , | Right | September 4, 2018

(At age 16, I am volunteering for the first time at a concession stand at a college football game to raise money for my church. Directly above the stand, a large sign says, “SNOW CONES $6 CASH ONLY.” Two guys in their twenties, apparently tipsy, come up to the stand.)

Me: “Welcome to [University] Stadium! How can I help you?”

Customer: “Do you have beer?”

Me: “Sorry, but we only sell snow cones.”

Customer: “What? Where can I get beer?”

Me: “No alcohol is sold in the stadium, sir.”

Customer: “You’re f****** kidding me! Since when?”

Me: “As long as I know of.”

Customer: “Are you sure? You don’t have beer?!”

Me: “Quite sure. Would you like a snow cone?”

Customer: “I guess so. How much?”

Me: “Six dollars.”

Customer: “That’s so much!” *looks through his wallet* “Can I have it for five?”

Me: “Sorry, we can’t change the prices.”

(The customer hands me a credit card.)

Me: “Sorry, but the stands on this level are cash only. However, credit cards are accepted at stands on the ground floor.”

Customer: *to his friend* “What the f***?” *they start walking away*

Me: “Sorry for the inconvenience. Enjoy the game!”

Customer: “Are you sure you don’t have beer?”

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