Toddling Over To The Truth

, , , , , , | Right | October 14, 2019

(I am in my early thirties and have recently taken a part-time job in a bar so I can spend more time with my young children but still earn money.)

Young Coworker: “I can’t believe you’ve never worked in a bar before! It’s like you’ve been doing this for years.”

Me: “I’ll tell you a secret. Drunk people are basically toddlers.”

Drunk Customer: “I want crisps! No… I want crisps and a shot! No… I want another beer. Now! Now! Now!”

Me: “See?”

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Never Been So Un-App-y To See Cash

, , , , , | Right | October 12, 2019

(I work for the national railway company. A drunk customer approaches me, asking how she can get a ticket. They have not been sold on the train since June 2017.)

Me: “Tickets can be bought from the ticket machines over there, the kiosk over there, or with a mobile application.”

Customer: *demanding* “Help me with the application!”

Me: “Okay… Are you sure you don’t want to use the kiosk? It’s probably the easiest way and you can check out the application later with more time.”

(She is considerably drunk and her train is going to leave quite soon.)

Customer: “Yeah, yeah, just show me how it works.”

Me: *helps the customer download, install, and set up the application for the next five minutes* “Now all you need to do is to choose which ticket you need and your payment method.”

Customer: *chooses her ticket type and stares at her phone for half a minute before pulling out a 10€ bill* “So, where do I put this, then?”

(It took me all my mental strength to not tell her to put it where the sun doesn’t shine. After recomposing myself, I told her to just use the d*** kiosk, that her train was going to leave in a minute, and that the next one would leave in an hour. At least she sobered up a bit during the wait.)

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It’s Really Beerly Early

, , , , | Right | October 8, 2019

(It’s illegal in this particular area for anybody under 21 to serve alcohol. Nobody that age is on the clock, but as it’s the Sunday morning breakfast rush we don’t think it will be a problem.)

Elderly Man: “I’d like a short stack special, please.”

Me: “Sure thing! And what would you like to drink? Coffee, tea, juice—”

Elderly Man: “I’ll have a beer.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Elderly Man: “A beer. I’d like a beer with my pancakes, please.”

Me: “Um, I don’t know if I can do that.”

Elderly Man: “Why not? There’s beer up there in that cooler.”

Me: “But people don’t typically order beer with breakfast. I don’t even think we have anybody here right now who can serve it to you.”

Elderly Man: “What? Why not? Are you just trying to shove your job on someone else?”

Me: “I’m nineteen. I can’t serve you a beer. You need to be 21.”

Elderly Man: “Then go find someone over 21!”

Me: “I don’t think there is anyone at the moment.”

Elderly Man: “Why on earth not?”

Me: “Because it’s pretty unusual for someone to want to drink with breakfast.”

Elderly Man: “This is ridiculous! All I want is a beer with my pancakes!”

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Drunk On The Rules

, , , , | Right | September 26, 2019

(The soft play area I work at recently started serving alcohol — with some VERY strict regulations. We have signs up, but obviously, customers don’t read them. I have just taken a food order from a customer when she asks about cider, which I am allowed to sell because she has ordered an adult-sized meal and is visibly over 25.)

Me: “Have you ordered alcohol here before?”

Customer #1: “No, this is my first time here.”

Me: “All right, so, I’m going to give you this—”

(I hand over a non-slip tray with her cider, a glass, and a plastic sign which our cleaning staff look out for to know there’s alcohol about.)

Me: “And basically, if the alcohol is left unattended at any time, it will be taken away.”

Customer #1: “That seems fair.”

Me: “That’s… the politest anyone’s ever been when I’ve told them that.”

Customer #1: “Really?!”

(Roughly thirty minutes later, I am taking drink orders from a small group of parents.)

Customer #2: “I’d like a hot chocolate, please, and what would you like, dear? That isn’t beer; I don’t think they sell that here.”

Me: “We do, but only with a full adult meal and ID.”

Customer #3: *ignoring me and pointing at the fridge behind me* “Yeah, they do! I’ll have a beer then.”

Me: *more insistently this time* “We only serve alcohol with a full adult meal and ID.”

Customer #3: “Oh, what?! What’s the point of selling it, then?”

Customer #2: “Wouldn’t you like something else, instead?”

Customer #3: “No, I won’t bother.”

(He sulked off muttering to himself and I finished the transaction politely. Sorry, parents! If we’re not allowed to get drunk while we’re looking after your children, you’re not allowed to, either!)


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No More Room To Drink

, , , | Right | September 13, 2019

(I work night audit at a decent-sized hotel. One night when I come in to work, my manager briefs me on a family staying with us that had a few — perfectly legitimate — problems with their stay. First, one of their third-party reservations did not come through in our system, and we had no record of it existing anywhere. Just to be nice, we comped their night, since we couldn’t charge the third party without proof but didn’t want to possibly double-charge them, but the only room we had available was a specialty suite. The next day, it turns out that our sales team input a contracted reservation incorrectly, and so the specialty suite needs to be made available. Now, we have to move this already upset family out of their upgraded room, though we do comp that night, as well, for the continued issues. However, my manager does warn me that she heard them muttering about “finding some more things wrong” after being given the second comp, suggesting they are looking for more to complain over to get more freebies. Just after my manager leaves, a young man comes up to my desk.)

Me: “Hello!”

Guest: “Hi… Um… So, I’m in this room… and… and my sister forgot her phone…”

(It is immediately apparent that the guest is VERY inebriated.)

Me: “Okay… so…”

Guest: “Yeaaaah… She forgot it… so… I need her room…”

Me: “Erm, well, I can’t just give out room numbers…”

Guest: “It’s under [Last Name]. I’ve got the keys to umm… to [Room #1] and [Room #2]… and I need her room number… ‘cause we got kicked out of [Specialty Suite].”

(I’m immediately groaning internally, because now I know who I’m dealing with, but my manager didn’t give me all of their room numbers because the whole issue should have been resolved.)

Me: “Umm, well, I see two rooms under [Last Name].”

Guest: “Nope! That’s wrong; there are three! But that’s okay; that’s how we get free stuff.”

Me: “Erm… Well, hang on… Is there another name it could be under?”

Guest: “Noooo… It’s [Last Name]. Or [Other Name] Or…”

(The guest proceeds to rattle off a string of names, some of which are surnames and some of which are first names, and some could be either one. I try to type them in as fast as he says them to check for them. Finally, on about the sixth one he offers, I find another reservation, with notes connecting it to his room.)

Me: “Ah! [First Name, Completely Different Last Name]?”

Guest: “Yeaaaahhh… that’s my sisterrrrr…”

Me: “Okay. Now just let me check your ID… okay, she’s in [Room #3].”

Guest: “Okay… okay… so we’re in [Room #1], and [Room #3], but we should have three.”

Me: “Yes, that’s [Room #2], like you said earlier.”

Guest: “Okay… um… yeah… huh… okay…”

(He wanders off… only to return five minutes later.)

Guest: “So, that was, uh… [Two Incorrect Room Numbers].”

Me: “No, no… You said you had keys to [Room #1] and [Room #2], and your sister is in [Room #3]. You have three rooms.”

(Worth noting, the guest is actually holding a key packet with at least one of the room numbers written on it.)

Guest: “Okay… [Incorrect room number].”

Me: “Noooo…” *lists the three numbers again*

Guest: “Okay…” *correctly recites room numbers* “You know, it’s okay. It’s okay. This is how we get free stuff… You just made a mistake, woke up too late or something… It’s okay… We’ll just get more stuff…”

Me: *thinking about how it’s not my mistake that he’s too sloshed to get to his room* “Okay, sir, you all right now?”

Guest: “Yeahhh…”

(He wanders off again… and returns again, this time throwing the keys on my desk.)

Guest: “I got the keys to [string of a mixture of correct and incorrect room numbers] and just… just all the keys and they don’t work!

(I can see he has a bunch of keys all shoved into one packet. He probably mixed them all up and can’t match them to their correct doors.)

Me: “Okay, sir… Hang on one second…”

(I then very carefully write out a new key packet for each room, writing the numbers very large, make exactly one key for each room, and place them in their respective packets.)

Me: “There… This one is your sister’s room, and these two are the ones with your name on it, okay?”

Guest: “Okay… it’s okay… We’ll just get more free stuff…”

(Finally, he wandered off and stayed away this time. But I did let the morning crew know that, once he slept it off, he was not to be given further discounts for being too drunk to remember or locate his rooms!)

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