No Credit, No Sight, No Chance

, , , , | Right | March 23, 2020

(I’m an overnight gas station attendant. It is Friday night and we are slammed. A very drunk man comes up to the counter.)

Customer: “I need a carton of Camel filters.”

(I ring up the purchase and he pays with debit. It doesn’t work.)

Customer: “Here. You do it.”

(He hands me the card.)

Me: “Sir, this isn’t a real debit card. It’s one of the cardboard ones that come with wallets.”

Customer: “How is that my fault? I’m still getting those cigarettes. Can’t you see I’m blind?”

Me: “I… I’m sorry. Do you have another card you want to pay with?”

Customer: “H*** no. Look at me. I look like I got credit cards?”

(He then stumbled over to the ATM, tried his card, and passed out. He was my second police call of the night.)

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The Kids Want Some Chicken Nuggets, Ketchup, And A Nice Bottle Of Cabernet

, , , , , , | Right | March 21, 2020

(I work in a small supermarket in a rather upmarket area of Edinburgh. Like most British supermarkets, the store has a policy where if a cashier thinks you look under 25 and you are buying alcohol, they should ask for your ID. My boyfriend and I are waiting in the queue and we overhear an argument going on at the cash desk. A very posh, spoilt-sounding young woman is arguing with a cashier and the manager because she was trying to buy alcohol and didn’t have any ID with her. The poor cashier who was originally dealing with her is standing looking terrified in the background while the manager is speaking to her. The woman has two young children with her.)

Manager: “I’m sorry, madam, but if my staff member has asked you for ID and you do not have any, the law states that they or I cannot sell the alcohol to you.”

Woman: “This is ridiculous! I’m in here practically every day and no one has ever asked me for ID before! I have a five-year-old and a six-year-old; I have to be over 25!”

Manager: *extremely patiently, but getting more and more annoyed* “I cannot change the law just for you. As I said before, if you cannot produce any ID when my staff member asks you for some, then we cannot legally sell you alcohol.”

Woman: *turning to her children* “How am I supposed to buy them their supper now?!”

(She stormed out of the shop with her children, huffing and puffing as she left, and leaving a fairly large pile of groceries on the counter. My boyfriend and I spent our entire walk home wondering why on earth not being able to buy alcohol would prevent her buying ingredients to make supper with! It’s not like the cashier was saying she couldn’t buy any groceries without ID.)

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Stout Is Out

, , , | Right | March 18, 2020

(I’m working at a tasting bar in a brewery. A customer comes up to do a beer tasting.)

Customer: “I’m ready for a taste!” *reads the beer list behind me* “Wonderful, you have a stout! Stouts are great; I’ll try one. That sounds good.”

(I pour him a taste of the stout. He looks at it critically and possibly a little confused.)

Customer: “It’s awfully dark.” *tastes it* “Ugh, this is awful! I hate stout! This is way too dark for me. What’s the lightest beer you have?”

(As I went to get him our lightest ale, my coworker whispered, “Not a stout, that’s for sure!”)

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Will Get A Good Whine At The Grocery Store

, , , , , | Right | March 17, 2020

(A young professional woman in her twenties or thirties comes through my line. She’s on her cell phone but I don’t mind as she has already indicated her bagging preferences.)

Me: “I need to ID you for the wine.”

(She hands me an expired license.)

Me: “Unfortunately, I can’t sell you alcohol without a valid ID.”

Customer: *her whole body slumps* “Why not? I’m obviously over 21, and my birth year is on the card even if it is expired.”

Me: “I’m sorry. It’s against the law, but I’ll check with a manager.”

(The manager arrives quickly and gives me the sideways eyeball since we both already know the answer is no.)

Manager: “We are unable to sell alcohol without a valid ID.” *hands the customer the expired ID*

(The customer then started loudly complaining to her friend on the phone about how they never need her ID at another large grocery chain in the area. I had to continue to fill the bags as the customer loudly “talked” to her friend on the phone about how inconvenienced she was, and on her birthday no less. It was obvious from the sideways looks and phone narration that this was for my benefit. Sorry, lady, but your $9.99 bottle of rosé is not worth losing my job and health benefits. The number of customers who drive to get wine but are driving without their license is mind-boggling.)

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So Drunk Your Body Needs To Be Towed  

, , , , | Right | March 17, 2020

(I work as a dispatcher for a towing company, and I receive this call from someone on Saint Paddy’s day.)

Me: “[Towing Company], how can I help you tonight?”

Customer: “Yeah, do you guys deliver?”

Me: *thinking I’m dealing with an ESL speaker, which is fairly common* “Deliver? Do you need me to send a tow truck to you?”

Customer: “No, do you deliver?!

Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t understand.”

Customer: “Are you deaf? Deliver! Like booze!”

Me: “Sir, this is a towing company; we do not deliver alcohol.”

Customer: “Fair enough…” *click*

(I suddenly realize that this customer is very, very drunk, but think nothing of it. Around 45 minutes later, he calls back.)

Me: “[Towing Company], how can I help you this evening?”

Customer: “Do y’all deliver?”

Me: “Sir, you called already regarding delivery; I told you we don’t provide that service.”

Customer: “Did I? Okay…” *click*

(This happens several times over the next couple of hours until finally I get fed up with him calling.)

Me: “[Towing Company], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Can I get a delivery?”

Me: *cheerily* “Yep! Let me just give you our delivery number!”

(I gave him the local PD direct dispatch number and never heard from him again.)

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