Very Overbeering

, , , , , , | Working | December 3, 2019

(My wife and I are ordering at a restaurant with our best friends, another married couple. We are all in our late 20s. Everyone else at the table orders a beer with their meal, but I order a cola with mine. Although I do drink beer, I am very thirsty from a grueling day doing physical work, and beer tends to just make me more thirsty. The waitress seems to think this is hilarious, and laughs at me at every interaction.)

Waitress: *after I order the cola* “Oh, you’re sure? No beer for you? Just a cola?”

Waitress: *when bringing over the drinks* “[Beer #1] for you, the [Beer #2] was for you, here’s your [Beer #3]. And, of course, I didn’t forget your cola!” *laughs* “Just the cola for you?”

Waitress: *when noticing I need a refill* “Oh, I’ll get you another cola. Or are you sure you don’t want to get a real drink?” *laughs*

Waitress: *when checking on the table* “Everything tasting all right, so far? Anyone need another drink? Or a refill for you? It’s just the cola, right?” *laughs* “Just the cola?”

(To be clear, it was a mocking, condescending tone used every time she referred to me or the drink. I must have had about five refills, and she brought it up every time. It was if I was just not “man enough” to drink alcohol, like the rest of the table. Did it never occur to her that some people may be a DD, or recovering from an addiction, or just genuinely wanted to drink a cola, instead?)

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We Can Relate In Spirit

, , , , | Right | November 22, 2019

(Driving for Uber late one night, I pick up a rider after the bars close.)

Me: “So, how was your evening?”

Rider: “Well, it started out pretty good. Then, it got bad. Then, I poured tequila on it.”

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Forever 21

, , , , , | Working | October 29, 2019

(I’m at a local liquor store buying a nice bottle of wine for a family get-together. I bring my purchase up to the register. I’m 30 years old.)

Clerk: “ID please, sir.”

(I give her my driver’s license. She reads it and then hands it back to me.)

Clerk: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t sell this wine to you.”

Me: “Is there something wrong?”

Clerk: “You’re not 21 years old, sir.”

Me: “I know that. I’m 30 years old.”

Clerk: “Sir, you can’t buy this wine if you’re not 21.”

Me: “I understand, but again, I’m older than that, so yes, I can buy the wine.”

Clerk: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. You are not 21 years old, so you cannot buy the wine. I am not going to risk my job selling wine to someone who isn’t 21 years old. Now get out!”

(The manager overhears the conversation and approaches us.)

Manager: “Is something wrong?”

Clerk: “This customer isn’t 21 years of age and he wants to buy this wine!”

Manager: *to me* “May I please see your ID, sir?”

(I hand my license to the manager, who studies it. He then turns to the clerk, visibly angry.)

Manager: *to the clerk* “Seriously? Again? Read the customer’s license. What year does it say he was born?”

Clerk: “[Year].”

Manager: “And that makes him how old?”

Clerk: “Uh, 30.”

Manager: “Precisely.”

Clerk: “But he’s not 21! It would be illegal to sell him wine!”

Manager: “Just go to the office and wait for me there. I’ll handle this myself. We’ll have a little talk together in a moment.”

(The clerk goes to the office. The manager hands back my driver’s license and rings up my purchase.)

Manager: “I’m very sorry about that sir. It’s her first day here, and you’re not the first person she’s pulled that stunt on.”

Me: “She actually tried that on someone else?”

Manager: “Yep. I have absolutely no clue how she came up with the idea that you have to be exactly‘ 21 to buy alcohol, especially when we have posters practically everywhere saying you have to be 21 or older, which you clearly are.”

(I paid for my wine and left the store. The clerk still works there, but I’ve only ever seen her fronting off the shelves and doing cleanup duties since then.)

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They’re Not Exactly Gagging For Your Business

, , , , , , , | Working | October 16, 2019

(My friends and I have been to a nightclub in the city, and instead of getting the train, I offer to drive everyone. I am stone-cold sober as I don’t like to drink alcohol; I don’t like the taste. We exit the club and see a food truck on the curb. All of my friends are a bit too drunk to want food, but I go over and join the queue. There are a few people in front of me, and finally the queue thins and it’s just me and a man that is so drunk that he can’t stand. At one point, he hunches over and gags but luckily isn’t sick.)

Server: “Anyone not had their order taken yet?”

(The drunk man in front of me ignores him and continues to gag.)

Server: “Anyone?”

(This goes on for two minutes and in the end, I roll my eyes and step forward to order. The second I open my mouth…)

Server: “Get back in line! That man was in front of you.”

(I shrugged and decided to walk away, because I had already been in the queue for ten minutes and it didn’t look like I was going to get any food any time soon. The second I stepped out of line, the man vomited over the curb and up the side of the truck.)

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Toddling Over To The Truth

, , , , , , | Right | October 14, 2019

(I am in my early thirties and have recently taken a part-time job in a bar so I can spend more time with my young children but still earn money.)

Young Coworker: “I can’t believe you’ve never worked in a bar before! It’s like you’ve been doing this for years.”

Me: “I’ll tell you a secret. Drunk people are basically toddlers.”

Drunk Customer: “I want crisps! No… I want crisps and a shot! No… I want another beer. Now! Now! Now!”

Me: “See?”

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