She Stole My Books, Not My Brain

, , , , , | Friendly | January 16, 2020

(I am sharing an apartment with a now ex-friend. We get along well until one day, without warning, she ends up taking around $200 worth of my stuff and selling it off so she can have some pocket money. I am, naturally, really upset with this. The police get called, and we recover about two-thirds of the stuff, and she ends up being required to pay the difference. Among the stuff we manage to recover are a few older books that were a gift from my late grandfather, which were the things that I was most afraid to lose. After this, I cut ties with that friend very thoroughly. However, we have mutual friends that still are in contact with each other. I never tried to force them to cut ties with her or anything, but I likewise never shied away from being up-front about what she had done.)

Mutual Friend: *via text* “Hey, [My Name]. Do you have a copy of [Book]?”

Me: “Yeah. I have the whole series.”

Mutual Friend: “It’s a series?”

Me: “Yep. It’s really good.”

Mutual Friend: “Cool. Hey, can [Ex-Friend] borrow it? We were talking, and she mentioned how much she enjoyed it when she was living with you.”

Me: *kind of shocked at what I’m reading* “Are you kidding me?”

Mutual Friend: “What?”

Me: “She stole from me! This was one of the things she tried to steal! Why would I ever lend it or anything to her?”

Mutual Friend: “Oh. Well, that was a while ago, though.”

Me: “No no no no no no no. I am not lending her anything.”

Mutual Friend: *after about twenty minutes of silence* “Could you lend me the book?”

Me: “Are you planning to turn around and hand it to her?”

(Total silence after that, and that particular mutual friend is now looking like another ex-friend, as she has stopped speaking with me. Sooo sorry for being defensive after being burned by a thief in the past.)

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The Opposite Of Happy Hour

, , , , , | Romantic | December 21, 2019

I am serving a table of two women for a few hours. They’re having a great time and getting pretty drunk. Nothing unusual, as I work at an Irish pub. 

Eventually, a man sits at the table with them, one of their husbands. I walk over and ask if I can get them any drinks and they order a round. When I come back out, the table is completely silent. I go back to the little staff area outside on the patio a few metres away. I then hear the man at the table absolutely rip into his wife; she has been cheating on him. She starts sobbing. Her sister looks incredibly uncomfortable and comes over to ask me for a lighter so she can go have a smoke.

I have to stand idly by and listen in great discomfort as a marriage dissolves in front of me. The husband accuses her of cheating with her coworker and pulls up the texts to prove it. She says it means nothing; he disagrees. He eventually tells her he will leave her.

They all get up to go, forgetting the $80+ tab they still have running with me. I awkwardly have to ask them to pay it. They tip me poorly, definitely not enough for someone who just waited on their very public and messy divorce.

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Sounds Like Evidence In A Future Legal Case, But Okay…

, , , , , | Right | November 30, 2019

(I see this unfold while helping at the donation door of my thrift store. A woman is donating what looks like a full camping set for one person: a tent, a sleeping bag, various camping accessories, etc.)

Customer: “I went camping with my boyfriend and came back single.”

Me: “Um…”

(After the customer leaves…)

Coworker: “Yeah, that doesn’t sound suspicious at all!

(A day later…)

Coworker: “Remember the lady who ‘came back single’?”

Me: “Yes?”

Coworker: “She says she accidentally donated a shovel and pickaxe…. and wants them back.”

Me: *pause* “We’re going to be talking to a police officer who has many, many questions, aren’t we?”

(My coworker did return the shovel and pickaxe to her, after taking care to be the only one to handle them. I’m not even sure whether the lady just phrased it wrong, or whether there’s a shallow grave somewhere nearby. It’s been a few weeks, and no one has come up missing in the local news yet, so I’m hoping it was just bad phrasing.)

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That Relationship Was Over In A Flash

, , , , , , , , | Romantic | June 12, 2019

A boy I dated in college thought it was great fun to try to get girls to flash him while he and his friends were driving down the highway. He never did it while I was in the car because that was disrespectful to me. But when he was with his buddies, it was okay because that’s what boys do. I tried to explain that it really wasn’t acceptable behavior, but he brushed me off. (Yes, I know, I should have dumped him right there, but I was young and dumb.)

The day after this conversation, he came to my dorm room to study before going out with his buddies. I asked if he intended to play this flash game again, to which he angrily replied that it wasn’t a big deal and I was overreacting. To quote him, “Tits are tits. You have them. So what?”

His friends arrived and crowded into my room, ready to go on their adventure. Before they left, I asked for everyone’s attention and lifted my shirt, showing my breasts to my boyfriend and all of his friends.

They cheered and clapped. He was livid. How could I do something so trashy? Why was I being such a w****? Did I want to bang all of his friends? What was wrong with me?

I stood there calmly waiting for him to run out of air before I replied, “So, you can look at other girls, but other guys can’t look at me?”

He gaped like a fish out of water while his friends stood there in awkward silence. I told him if he thought his game was acceptable, I was going to continue showing off my body to anyone who asked. He stormed out without saying another word.

When he returned that evening, he said he was willing to forgive me if I promised to never act like that again. I shut the door in his face.

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Random Acts Of Kindness

, , , , , , | Hopeless | June 1, 2019

(I have just broken up with my mentally abusive boyfriend, and his friends have started harassing me online and whenever they see me in person. This happens on my way to class one day.)

Man: “Hey, [My Name]!”

(I turn to see a man about thirty yards away from me.)

Man: “You’re a cheating w****!”

Girl: *walking past me* “Hey, [My Name], I don’t know you, but I think you’re pretty awesome.”

(Thank you, anonymous girl. I have never forgotten your random words of kindness!)

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