I’m straightening bedding in the bed department when a couple walks into the aisle holding a duvet cover.

Girlfriend: “I think it’s time to get a new duvet.”

Boyfriend: “Uh… why?”

Girlfriend: “I like this one. Ours is old. We should replace it.”

Boyfriend: “But you only moved in last month. I got that duvet.”

Girlfriend: “Yeah, but you’ve had it for a while.”

Boyfriend: “It’s fine. We don’t need to spend money on another one.”

Girlfriend: “It has holes in it.”

Boyfriend: “It still works.”

Girlfriend: “Why do you always do this? I’m asking for one thing.”

Boyfriend: “Because you always want to buy things we don’t need.”

The tension rises fast.

Girlfriend: “It’s a duvet, not a car. Why are you acting like this?”

Boyfriend: “Because I’m tired of you deciding everything. You don’t listen.”

Girlfriend: “I don’t listen? You shut down every time I bring up anything about our place.”

Boyfriend: “Maybe because I’m not sure I even want to keep doing this.”

A long silence. She sets the duvet back on the shelf.

Girlfriend: “Then that’s it. I’m done.”

She walks toward the exit. He hesitates, then follows her out without another word.

My coworker steps out from the next aisle, watching them leave.

Coworker: “I don’t think they were ready for a new duvet.”

CONTENT WARNING: Sexual content.

I was in a bar one night for a friend’s birthday, and our conversation was interrupted by a woman who was screaming because she was breaking up with her boyfriend.

Girlfriend: “You’re broke and useless! And… and… and every time we f***ed I f***ing faked it!”

Boyfriend: *Deadpan and calm.* “What makes you think I was f***ing you for your benefit?”

She then poured his beer all over him and stormed out. 

We were back at that bar the next weekend (two friends’ birthdays one week apart), and the couple was there again, eating each other’s faces, so I guess they worked it out?

I live in a three-generation household (Grandma, parents, two sisters). My oldest sister is in the kitchen with her boyfriend, chatting about his family’s upcoming cruise to the Caribbean. She’s been invited along and is buzzing with excitement. Grandma and I are also in the room.

Grandma: “Weren’t you gonna break up with him?”

Oldest Sister: *Shocked, nervously looking between Grandma and her boyfriend.* “What?! Grandma, what are you talking about?”

Grandma: “You said you were gonna dump him because he was too boring.”

Oldest Sister: *Hissing.* “Grandma, shut up!”

Boyfriend: “Wait… is that true?:

Oldest Sister: *Desperate.* “No! She’s just old and senile!”

Grandma pulls out her phone, scrolling for a second before playing a video. It’s the cat doing something cute… and in the background, having another conversation with her friends on the phone is my sister’s voice: loud and clear: “I’m dumping my boring boyfriend after this cruise.”

The boyfriend’s face goes red, and he storms out without a word.

Oldest Sister: “Grandma! You b****! Now I won’t get to go on the cruise!”

She runs after him. I’m left standing with Grandma.

Me: “Grandma, why did you do that?”

Grandma: “She was just using that poor boy to go on a cruise, and I do not want my granddaughters to be those kinds of people, at least if I have any control over it.”

I love my grandma so much! At Christmas, upon discovering that my oldest sister had yet to apologize to her (now ex) boyfriend, she got her a cruise ship calendar for the following year. It did not go down well.

Customer: “I’m looking for fake plants.”

Me: “We have some high-quality faux plants in this section here.”

Customer: “Oh, good! I need one that looks good from far, but you need to get real close to be able to tell it’s fake. It’s a gift for my about-to-be-ex and I am trying to make a point.”

He ended up getting yellow roses (to indicate cowardice) and black dahlias (to indicate betrayal. Ouch!

My roommate’s mother is visiting for the first time. She meets my girlfriend.

Roommate’s Mother: “So, [Girlfriend], do you have any brothers or sisters?”

Girlfriend: “Yes, I have a younger sister here in town and an older brother who lives in Colombia.”

Roommate: “Get out! I never knew you had a brother.”

There’s a pause.

Me: “I never knew you had a brother!”

We later broke up. Lack of communication was a factor.