Your First Dance Will Be Your Last

, , , , , | Romantic | May 14, 2021

I was asked to be the best man at a friend’s wedding a good twelve or so years ago. He was an ex-serviceman and she was his childhood sweetheart.

I’d been friends with the groom for upwards of twenty years and known the bride for close to ten. They’d been together the better part of a decade and they always got on, so no one was surprised when they announced their wedding, and everyone expected things to go off without a hitch.

Roll forward a couple of months. The groom showed up at my place unannounced.

Groom: “[Bride] and I just had a huge argument!”

The guy was upset, but a couple of drinks later, he laid out what had happened. He’d been happy to go along with the bride’s plans with one exception: he didn’t want to do the first dance. Why, you ask? He’d been discharged from the service due to losing a lower leg to an IED in the Middle East. He wasn’t exactly fire on the dance floor to start with, and he was as graceful as a hippo now. He also hates doing things that draw attention to his disability, which is understandable. He was going along with a lot of other things that he definitely didn’t really want to do and this was his line in the sand.

He stayed the night at my place, and the day after, we went back to his place as a duo and, with me as mediator, we managed to work it out after a lengthy back and forth with a fair amount of shouting and tears. His bride finally agreed to no dance for his sake and things moved on.

Months later, the big day arrived and it went off great. The weather was flawless, everything came together great, we got through the ceremony, the meals, and the speeches, and it was on to the reception.

It was 7:50 pm and the cake cutting was down for 8:00 pm, so I was gathering outliers back to the main room for that when I heard the DJ get on the mic.

DJ: *Loudly* “Okay, everybody, it’s time for the newlyweds’ first dance!”

I hurried into the room to find the bride centre stage on the dance floor, staring down the groom, who was just the most enraged I’d ever seen him.

Bride: “Come here, [Groom]. It’s dance time!”

He walked over to her, pulled his wedding ring off, and threw it in her face. Then, he walked out, making the “cut it off” gesture to the DJ. He left everyone in shocked silence, and a few seconds later, I got my jaw up off the floor and followed him as the bride went into a meltdown where she stood.

I found the groom stalking through the car park outside and had to physically grip him to get him to calm down. I’d got him at least calm enough to be lucid again when the bride’s mother stomped round the corner and began screaming at the groom, which prompted him to go off again.

Me: “Hey! [Bride] promised him she wouldn’t do this and embarrass him, and yet here we are!”

This shouting match went on for quite some time, until, eventually:

Groom: “[My Name], get me out of here.”

I got a taxi down and we bailed out back to my house so he could cool off.

Early afternoon the day after, the bride knocked on my door.

Bride: “I know [Groom] is in there!”

Groom: “F*** OFF!”

She tried to push past me and I blocked her.

Me: “Just to remind you, this is my house.”

She settled for screaming round me at him. He eventually got fed up and came and stood behind me and spelled it out in the kind of voice you can only manage when you’re restraining unbearable rage.

Groom: “You lied to me, put me on the spot, and shattered my trust in you. How can I continue after that? If you’re willing to lie about something like that, how can I trust you to do anything?”

She tried to counter him but ran out of steam as he kept going, and he ended by saying that he wanted the marriage annulled. She burst into tears and left.

The marriage was annulled not long after. Unsurprisingly, they don’t keep in touch. The groom remarried three years ago with the same request, this time respectfully held by his new wife. The bride moved out of the area shortly after the marriage collapsed and I’ve heard no news of her since.

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A Tough Drink To Swallow

, , , , , | Romantic | CREDIT: BlackbirdNamedJude | April 5, 2021

My last relationship was beyond bad; he was all sorts of abusive and controlling. At one point, I had the strength to break up with him, but then we got back together after we discussed some things. Stupid, I know, but love and all that. One of the things we agreed on when we got back together was that he and I would stop drinking alcohol because he was beyond crazy aggressive when he drank, and I wanted to support his sobriety. This is REALLY important.

Fast forward about eight months or so. We got into a huge fight and I not only broke up with him, but I kicked him out of the house and told him he wasn’t ever allowed back inside. We’d been living together for over a year at this point, so his mom got in touch with me about getting his stuff. While on the phone with her I could hear him in the background.

Ex: “Make sure they get everything I own or bought. I want it all back.”

Apparently, he even wanted stuff he gifted me back, but honestly, I didn’t care. I was happy to get rid of anything related to him. While cleaning our room up and gathering EVERYTHING, I started to come across numerous bottles and cans of alcohol. It seems he had been drinking again for a while and was hiding the evidence in the room. I mean, he was hiding them under the bed, in his guitar case, rolled up in his clothes, in some old backpacks of mine, and so on and so forth.

He had said he wanted everything of his, so any bottle and the few unopened cans I found went straight into one of the garbage bags of his stuff. By the time I had gathered everything up, I had three bags of stuff and one was basically all just the alcohol.

Dropping them off was just so satisfying. He actually called moments after I left his parents’ place, ranting.

Ex: “You are being so petty and immature!”

My response?

Me: “Well, you wanted all of your stuff back, and those definitely weren’t mine. Plus, I figured you’d probably need a drink to deal with the breakup.”

I promptly ended the call and blocked him on everything. That was the most satisfying thing I’ve ever done.


This story is part of our Best Of April 2021 roundup!

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Trust Should Go Both Ways

, , , , , | Romantic | January 11, 2021

My boyfriend and I settle down to watch a movie. We live together and have had no trust issues until now.

Boyfriend: “So… there’re some things on your computer that I don’t like. I want you to delete them.”

Me: “Wait, what? You looked at my computer?”

Boyfriend: “Well, yeah. If we want this to go further, we have to know everything about each other. That one guy, what’s his name? [Celebrity]? I want you to delete all those pictures of him.”

Me: *Pause*  “I think you should get out and not come back.”

Boyfriend: “Why?”

Me: “Because you invaded my privacy! If there’s something you need to know, I will tell you, but looking through my computer or phone is not okay. It’s a huge breach. You clearly don’t trust me enough to be honest with you, and now you’re trying to control me. This isn’t going to work out.”

He tried to apologize, but I told him to leave anyway.


This story is part of our Best Of January 2021 roundup!

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Time To Bite The Bullet, Part 3

, , , | Romantic | November 28, 2020

Anyone up for another Potong Jalan story?

After a day of soldiering, my section likes to sit down in bunk and play trading cards. One of my sectionmates likes using a card that is basically a seductive character that can steal another character from an opponent’s field. He calls it the “Potong Jalan Horse.”

After [Sectionmate #1] wins another game with the Potong Jalan Horse:

Me: “Dude, I don’t know why you’re so fond of using that card. Potong Jalan isn’t a joking matter.”

Sectionmate #2: “Yeah, it goes double for you. You’re one of the few that still has a girlfriend.”

Sectionmate #1: “Yeah, yeah. You’re just being sore losers.”

Me: “You’ll jinx yourself.”

Sectionmate #1: “Pffft. Like that’ll ever happen.”

Me: “Suit yourself. But I won’t lend you a shoulder to cry on later.”

Everyone Else: “Neither will we.”

Sectionmate #1: “Whatever. Anyone up for another round?”

One week later, none of us lent him a shoulder to cry on. He never touched the Potong Jalan Horse again.

A month after he stopped using that card, he triumphantly declared that he had successfully “Potong Jalan-ed back” his girlfriend. Naturally, he then started using the Potong Jalan Horse again. A month later, they broke up again. He stopped using the card. He won her back a month after that. He started using that card again…

In the end, they broke up and got back together over a dozen times before we left National Service. From what I’m told, he never played the card game — and by extension, the Potong Jalan Horse — after he left, which is possibly why, after the latest time he won her back, she never ditched him again.

Related:
Time To Bite The Bullet, Part 2
Time To Bite The Bullet

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Time To Bite The Bullet, Part 2

, , , , | Romantic | November 6, 2020

As there was another story about Potong Jalan recently, I feel that I should submit my own story on it.

Through the two years of mandatory military service (NS), most of us have lost our girlfriends. There are the lucky ones, like me, whose girlfriends were decent enough to formally break up before gallivanting off, but the majority of the guys only find out that they’ve been Potong Jalan-ed by mutual friends or social media telling them that their girlfriends are cheating on them.

Less than a month before the end of NS, one of the only two guys in my platoon who still has a girlfriend receives a text message from his girlfriend.

It is an invitation to her wedding. To another man. Who she has been seeing for a year. Oh, and she is pregnant with his kid.

Yeah. Ouch. By this point, we’ve assumed that any relationship that has survived is basically inviolable. After all, there are only three and a half weeks left until we end NS.

Needless to say, my platoon mate doesn’t believe it. He immediately calls her, only for her to tell him that she is serious. Oh, and that she expects a nice wedding gift.

My platoon mate immediately breaks down weeping, and the rest of us completely fail at consoling him. In fact, my attempt to convince him to let go and move on ends in me having to physically restrain him. A knife may or may not have been involved.

And that went loads better than the last guy with a girlfriend’s attempt to cheer him up.

I can’t tell you that one. It got classified by our bosses.

Eventually, we got the officers involved and they calmed him down and got him to go shower and sleep. Thank goodness they were trained as breakup counselors.

The rest of the fallout is another story altogether, but needless to say, that was the worst Potong Jalan I have ever had the misfortune of seeing happen.

Our guy basically got the rest of his last month in the army waived by our bosses under compassionate leave. But yeah, that was one traumatic breakup. And by traumatic, I mean traumatic. Even the rest of us were traumatised by it.

Related:
Time To Bite The Bullet

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