A customer comes up to the counter holding a phone charger.

Customer: “This is $24.99 here. I found it for $1.83 on Temu. You guys price match, right?”

I try not to laugh.

Me: “We match local competitors with physical stores and verified online retailers, but not third-party marketplace listings.”

Customer: “So you’re telling me you won’t match a legitimate site just because it’s cheap?”

My manager overhears and decides to nip this in the bud.

Manager: “Sir, be realistic. We won’t match a site where the charger ships from six time zones away and arrives in a bag that smells like fish glue.”

Customer: “So, you people are basically scamming customers?”

Manager: “If you want something that looks like a charger, might work once, and catches fire on day three, by all means, enjoy Temu. We’re selling the kind you don’t need a fire extinguisher for.”

I work in a big-box electronics store.

Customer: “I want a refund. This thing’s defective.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. What seems to be the issue?”

Customer: “It only blends when I press the button.”

I wait. There’s no further information provided, so all I can say is:

Me: “…That’s how it works.”

Customer: “I shouldn’t have to stand there holding it! My old one kept going on its own.”

Me: “Different models function differently. This one is manual, as shown on the box.”

Customer: “Well, that’s misleading. I want my money back!”

Me: *Checking the receipt.* “You bought this six weeks ago… and the return window is thirty days.”

Customer: *Huffs.* “Then get your manager so they can do that override or whatever!”

My manager walks over. I explain the situation.

Customer: “I’ve been a loyal customer for years, so you should give me a refund!”

Manager: “Ma’am, weren’t you here last week to return a hairdryer because it was too loud?”

Customer: “Yeah… so?”

Manager: “Ma’am, we always appreciate loyalty, but I do remember you for other reasons. I’ve been called to override a late refund for you four times in as many weeks.”

Customer: “Look, you gonna do this or not?”

Manager: “Ma’am, I will do this one more time, but this is the last time you will get a late refund override from any manager in this store.”

She shrugs, with a face that gives an unappreciative ‘whatever’ and the manager processes the refund. I then see her walk into the store, and she ends up buying a toaster.

Manager: *To me, later.* “How much you wanna bet she tries to return that six weeks from now because it burnt the bread when she left it too long?”

A customer walks in, takes one look around, and immediately starts vaping. It’s a big cloud and smells like peach and burnt battery.

Me: “Sir, we don’t allow smoking or vaping in the store.”

Customer: “It’s not smoking. It’s vaping. Different!”

Me: “Still not allowed. It sets off the detectors.”

Customer: “What, I’m gonna blow up the building with water vapor now?”

Me: “No, but you might get kicked out for being a fire hazard with attitude.”

He scoffs, blows another cloud, and strolls deeper into the store like he’s unbothered.

My manager spots him and walks straight over.

Manager: “Sir, this isn’t a hookah lounge. Take it outside or take your business elsewhere.”

Customer: “It’s just vapor! There’s no rule!”

Manager: *Pointing.* “That sign there says, ‘No smoking or vaping anywhere on premises.’ It does not say ‘No smoking or vaping anywhere on premises, except for douchebags who think they’re edgy for producing watermelon mist.”

Customer: *Turning and walking towards the exit.* “It’s peach!”

Manager: “That’s the part you take issue with?!”

A woman comes up to the counter with two printer ink cartridges. She’s holding one black, one color.

Me: “Ma’am, if you get the black and color multipack, you end up getting more ink for less money.”

Customer: “These are the ones that came in the multipack, right?”

Me: “Actually, those are the individuals. The multipack has less ink in each individual cartridge but works out cheaper overall if you’re just buying one black and one color anyway.”

Customer: “No, I’m sure these are the ones.”

Me: “It isn’t those, ma’am. You end up paying less for more if you—”

Customer: *Raising an eyebrow.* “Wow. Could you sound any more condescending? Are you mansplaining ink to me?”

Me: “Not at all! I’m just answering your question.”

Customer: “Well, I’ll trust myself, thanks.”

She walks off in the direction of the tills. My coworker, who’d been organizing the shelf beside me, leans over.

Coworker: “Should we tell her she just paid £8 more for less ink?”

Me: “Nah. Sometimes being right costs extra.”

We have a manager who has been transferred from Corporate (no customer interaction, talking exclusively with internal executives) to our store, where they now have to talk to real people. They’re still getting used to it. 

The following conversation isn’t word-for-word what happened, as I honestly don’t remember it all, but it was equally ridiculous.

A man comes up to the service desk holding a tablet still in its box. Not broken, not returned, just a basic setup question.

Customer: “Hey, I just wanna know if this model can handle a SIM card or if it’s WiFi only.”

Manager: *Stepping in enthusiastically.* “Absolutely! So, at our core, we’re all about optimizing connectivity touchpoints and empowering user autonomy. This device sits at the intersection of mobile freedom and streamlined access.”

Customer: “…So… does it have a SIM slot?”

Manager: “We like to say it’s SIMplified. It prioritizes cloud-first mobility while staying rooted in a WiFi-forward framework.”

Customer: *Blinking.* “…Did you just say ‘WiFi-forward framework’?”

Manager: *Nodding proudly.* “Exactly. It’s part of our omni-channel user journey alignment.”

The customer turns to me

Customer: “Can I just talk to someone who still has human thoughts? Preferably someone whose brain hasn’t been boiled in a corporate speak crockpot?”

Me: “Sure. Translation: WiFi only. But I’ll walk you through the specs in English…”