So this customer walks in looking for a screen protector, I show her where they are and go back to what I was doing. When the woman is ready she comes up to the till…

Customer: Can you put this on my phone for me?

Me: no sorry ma’am I’m not trained to do that (my excuse for not doing things I’m going to fuck up royally)

After she pays she continues to put the screen protector on right in front of me, wiping the sticky side of the protector with the screen cleaning wipe in the process.

Customer: why does it look dirty like that???

Me: well you wiped the adhesive with the screen cleaning wipe so that probably what caused that…

Customer: I want a refund!

Me: I’m sorry ma’am I can’t do that.

Customer: well I’m going to call your head office and I’m going to complain about you and your life will be OVER !!

Me: okay… have fun with that. ……

So she storms out screaming “f*** you” and flips me off, so I screamed fuck you right back at her…. 10 months later and I still have my job.

(I work for an electronic store in the service department in 2013. A couple walks up to me with a five-year-old iPod Nano.)

Customer: “This got some water on it; is it busted?”

(The iPod has water in the screen sloshing around and no power at all.)

Me: “Was this dropped in a sink or something?”

Customer: “It got some food on it.”

Me: “Yeah, I’m sorry, but it’s done for.”

(The customer turns to look at the guy she is with.)

Customer: “This is all your fault! If it wasn’t your motherf****** food I had to get… You owe me a new iPad!”

(Again, she had a very old Nano, not an iPad. The man looked at me while the customer walked away cursing and gave me a look that said, “Kill me now,” before turning and walking away.)

(A customer comes to return two items from two different receipts. We always have to process refunds on the exact method of original payment, down to the last 4 digits on the cards, for fraud prevention)

Me: Ok, so since these were both bought at different times and on different cards, I’ll have to do two transactions, ok?

Customer: No you can just do one, because I’ll put it all back on just one card.

Me: Well we actually have to return it to the exact same card it was purchased on.

Customer: Yeah and that’s a debit card.

Me: But two cards were used for these transactions, so I have to put the money back on each card.

Customer: (all of a sudden getting extremely rude and raising her voice) that’s ridiculous! I don’t have the other card with me; it’s my son’s and he’s at home! What am I suppose to do?

Me: You can either come back later with the card or I can give you store credit.

Customer: No way this is absurd, this has never happened before!

Me: Yes, this has always been our policy.

Customer: No way where does it say that!? Does it even say *anywhere* that that’s your policy?

(I turn around and read the huge sign on the wall that states our return policy. the customer I guess is reading it too)

Customer: oh… it does say that.

Me: yeah.

Customer: (rude again) it’s still ridiculous! I don’t want it on my son’s card, I want it on my card! And these things don’t even work anyway so what are you going to do?

Me: I’m going to give you store credit, or let you return it later with the right card.

Customer: Well what would you do if someone didn’t have their same card anymore!? what would you do then!? Huh!?

Me: We would give them store credit.

Customer: It’s not even an expensive item!

Me: It doesn’t matter how much it costs, we’re preventing fraud.

Customer: Well I’m not frauding you!

Me: It doesn’t matter if you’re not. This also prevents fraud from the associates. If it goes back on a different card, there’s nothing saying that I didn’t return this to my own card.

Customer: Well don’t you have a manager or something who can override it!?

Me: I’m the manager.

Customer: (suddenly all nice) oh! Well then nevermind! I’ll just come back with my son’s card later. Have a good day!

Customer: “Do you have a washroom in this store?”

Me: “Yes, it’s all the way at the back of aisle eight, past the clearance section.”

Customer: *all snippety* “Yes, but I’ve never been in this store before.”

Me: “Um… okay… Just go to aisle eight and go all the way to the back… past the clearance section.”

Customer: I need help finding ink for my granddaughter’s printer. She said she needs this one *hands me a paper with the cartridge number on it*
Me: Ok, it’s over here. It says here that she want you to get the colour and the black, so here’s the combo pack.
Customer: Oh. Hmm. I don’t think she wants colour.
Me: Ok, it just says on the paper here that she does.
Customer: Oh. Ok. I have $40. Will it be more than 40$?
Me: Yes, the combo back is $63. But actually, I’m sorry I forgot that our single packs are on sale. If you buy 2, then you save $10. So it might be cheaper for you to get them individually. It’ll still be more than $40, though.
Customer: Oh. How much?
(I look at the prices and do the quick math in my head)
Me: Buying the colour and black individually will be about $55 plus tax.
Customer: Oh. But I only have $40
Me: Yes, unfortunately if you buy both, it’ll cost more than $40
Customer: What about the combo pack?
Me: The combo pack is even more expensive. Buying them individually will be less expensive right now, but it will still be more than $40
Customer: Oh no… Oh, maybe this person can help us. (she turns to another customer looking for her own ink) Excuse me, maybe you can help us instead. I’m looking for this ink cartridge here.
(The second customer looks at her strangely and then sort of looks at me, and then back to the first customer)
Me: Um… I don’t… I don’t understand. What’s the problem?
Customer: Oh, well I don’t know. How much to buy the ink separately?
Me: like I said before, it will be about $55 plus tax
Customer: Oh. Well ok.