(I work in the mobile phone department. When upgrading or starting a new account, phone ID is necessary. A customer comes in, wanting to upgrade to the new Apple iPhone 6. I ask for his driver’s license. He hands me his license and I begin the transaction.)

Me: “Thank you so much. It will be just a minute while I enter in your information.”

(As I am typing in the information, I see that his license has expired.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir, but your driver’s license has expired. I must have an up to date phone ID in order to complete the transaction.”

Customer: “I never got my new license from the DMV. I paid the fee a few weeks ago but it hasn’t arrived yet.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but without an expiration date on the driver’s license, I cannot continue.”

Customer: “But I need a new phone! Mine barely works anymore!”

Me: “There’s nothing I can do, sir. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “I have a picture of the temporary license they gave me.” *he starts to look up the picture on his cell phone*

Me: “I cannot use that, sir. It has to be on the photo ID.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you just add five years to my birthdate? That’s how often you have to renew your driver’s license.”

Me: “No, sir, I cannot do that. It would be considered fraud and I could lose my job.”

Customer: “But my cell phone is falling apart! I need a new one!”

Me: “Sir, I suggest you call the DMV and have them send you a new license ASAP. There is nothing I can do.”

(This went on for another minute or two. A line was forming, so I had to tell him that I needed to tend to other customers. This guy came back two-three weeks later and pulled the same story on one of my associates!)

(Just because we thought it was funny, Coworker #1 and I would call each other silly nicknames when we passed each other in the main aisle, using a tone of mock flirtation. He’d use something common, and then I’d make an exaggerated response.)

Coworker #1: *to me* “Hey, Muffin.”

Me: “Hi, Cinnamon-Raisin Bagel with Cream Cheese.”

(Later that same day.)

Coworker #1: “Lookin’ good, Pumpkin.”

Me: “Well, hello, Butternut Squash.”

(Suddenly, Coworker #2 leans out of a nearby aisle, looking slightly annoyed.)

Coworker #2: “Would you two fruits knock it off?”

Coworker #1: “Wait, is a pumpkin a fruit?”

Coworker #2: “Actually, I think it’s a legume.”

Coworker #1: “I thought those were beans.”

Me: “[Coworker #2] thinks I’m a legume!”

(I enter from the back room and see a customer yelling at my young, female coworker.)

Coworker: “You cannot open these earbuds due to hygienic reasons.”

Customer: “But I want to know if it will fit my phone.”

(I look at the phone and his existing headphones. All standard 3.5mm stereo. I stand next to her.)

Me: “Those earbuds should fit your phone.

Customer: *calmer* “She says your store won’t let me open the package on these earbuds, which is ridiculous because I cannot see if the tip will fit my phone.”

(I look at the packaging and the end part is hidden. I go and show him a 3.5mm cable, which can be opened, and show the customer that the back of the earbud packaging matches the cable.)

Me: “See? This cable has the same jack as these earbuds, and will fit your phone. It’s on the back of these earbuds the specifications. I’ll even open these up.”

Customer: *yelling* “You don’t need to open them up. It’s your fault for selling earbuds where you cannot see the plug.”

Me: “We don’t make these headphones. If you want to complain, complain with [Earbud Brand], not my coworker.”

Customer: “But you were the one who stocked these earbuds. You should have realised people cannot see what they are buying, and they cannot open them! You shouldn’t sell these.”

Me: “Well, it’s the law that we cannot sell opened boxes on earbuds for hygienic reason. I can’t change the law.”

(He pays for them and still goes on a rant about how it’s our fault.)

Customer: “When you go to [Grocery Store], do you not see the food you’re buying?

Me: “Some pasta comes in boxes and you cannot see it. Same with some of the sauces”

(He then stormed off. I finished my shift ten minutes later and walked by a grocery store: chocolate bar wrappers and soup cans caught my eye. All things one cannot see in before buying.)

Customer: “I want to return this ink because my printer doesn’t work anymore, and I want to get the ink for my new printer in exchange.”

Me: “Okay, do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Oh. Do you know how you paid for it? Maybe I can look up a receipt for you.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you know when you bought it?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Um… okay… Well, I guess I can give you store credit since it isn’t open, but I just have to check the cheapest price it’s sold at in the last six weeks and give it to you back at that price.”

Customer: “Why would you do that? It wasn’t on sale when I bought it.”

Me: “But without a receipt, I don’t have proof of that, so I have to give it to you at the cheaper price if there is one.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! This brand of ink doesn’t even go on sale!”

Me: “It does, just not as often.”

Customer: “It wasn’t on sale when I bought it!”

Me: “Okay then, do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “NO!”

Me: “Then I’m going to check the computer for the last sale price. It’s store policy.”

(I check and it was in fact on sale for 10% off a month ago, so I tell her this.)

Customer: “I can’t believe you’re going to take $5 off my ink for a stupid store policy! It wasn’t on sale when I bought it! And don’t tell me you need to see a receipt because that’s ridiculous! I want to exchange it for this new ink so there shouldn’t be any money being exchanged!”

Me: “Well, the two brands of ink here aren’t the same price, so we have to either give you the sale price or you have you pay whatever the difference is. Just because you’re getting a new item at the same time doesn’t mean you don’t have to pay full price.”

Customer: “FINE! Look up my receipt! I paid for it on this credit card!”

Me: “Okay, I’ll get my manager to get it.”

(I page my manager to come over and she is just finishing up with a customer.)

Customer: “What are we waiting for?!”

Me: “My manager. I said she had to find the receipt.”

(My manager comes over and the customer gives her the credit card.)

Customer: “WHERE ARE YOU TAKING MY CARD!?”

Manager: “To the office, to look up your receipt on our computer.”

Customer: “NO! YOU ARE NOT TAKING MY CREDIT CARD INTO A DIFFERENT ROOM!”

(The customer continued to yell at my manager and me for another few minutes, until finally my manager said we would give her the full price back but only in store credit. I then go to process the exchange.)

Me: “Okay, so just because there’s no receipt, I need some information. Your first and last name?”

Customer: “EXCUSE ME?! I’m not giving you my name!”

Manager: “It’s store policy to take all this information without a receipt.”

(The customer reluctantly gives me her information and I process the exchange. After she leaves:)

Manager: “WOW, you think she had something to hide?”

Related:
Refunder Blunder, Part 29
Refunder Blunder, Part 28
Refunder Blunder, Part 27

(Recently my store has been having a sale on the original iPad mini in order to liquidate the remaining stock for the newer iPads.)

Me: “Hi, ma’am, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hello, yes, I’d like to buy one of your iPad Minis in black, please.”

Me: “No problem, ma’am, please wait at the cash register and I’ll bring it right out to you.”

(I go out the back and grab the iPad and bring it to the register to ring it up for her.)

Customer: “Now, I’m just making sure I’ve got this right. iWave works on this iPad, right?”

(iWave is a hoax that has been going around the Internet as of late, about being able to charge your Apple products in the microwave, but just to make sure I ask to find out what she meant.)

Me: “I don’t quite understand. iWave, what’s that?”

Customer: “Well, my son had the iPad 2 but when he used iWave and placed it in the microwave it just caught fire instead of charging. So I want to make sure this model will work with iWave.”

Me: “I don’t think any Apple product is designed to do that, ma’am. Where did your son find out about this? It sounds like something from a hoax website.”

Customer: “Facebook…”

(She ended up buying the iPad and leaving nervously. Unfortunately she came back into the store a week later to return the fried mini as her son tried ‘charging’ it again. Sadly, microwaving isn’t included in the warranty.)