(I pick up the phone.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name] speaking.”

Customer: “Is [Coworker] in yet?”

Me: “No, he’ll be in at 9:30.”

Customer: “So, he’s not there until 9:30; is what you’re telling me?!”

Me: *pause* “Yes.”

Customer: “Well, this is ridiculous, because he said he’d call me when he got back from doing in-homes yesterday, but he must have just gone home when he was done with work, because he never called me! And I’m so mad because he was supposed to install my printer and it still doesn’t work; he did it wrong! It worked at the store, but then I brought it home and it’s not working, and he needs to come here to my house to do it! I don’t care! He needs to come here and fix it!”

Me: “Okay, I’ll get him to call you when he comes in for his shift.”

(She continues to yell at me about how he didn’t make her printer work, and I just continue to agree with her until we finally hang up. My coworker comes in at 9:30 and I give him the customer’s number.)

Coworker: “Oh, my God, I told her I’d call her in the morning. I didn’t say I would call her last night. I don’t understand what she’s doing wrong, because it’s not a wireless printer, so there’s no reason for it not to work. I installed it, and all she has to do is plug it back into her laptop.”

(He reluctantly takes his in-home service stuff and goes to her house to make her happy. The best part is when he gets back.)

Coworker: “Yeah, she was plugging her printer into her router.”

(I am shopping around at my local electronics store. I witness a strange conversation between a customer and an employee.)

Customer: “I want the earphones in the display.”

Employee: “For sure. Give me a moment and I’ll get the keys for the display. Which earphones do you want?”

Customer: “Black ones. I want to take them with me while I shop.”

Employee: “Sorry, we have a policy about items in displays; we have to bring them to the cashier, and then you can check them out.”

(As the employee takes out the earphones, the customer keeps trying to take the earphones from the employee like a little child.)

Customer: “You know what? Forget it. I do not want them anymore.” *storms out of the store for no reason*

Me: “Well, that was strange and funny at the same time.”

Employee: “Welcome to retail.”

Customer: “Excuse me, I have a complaint to make.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry we weren’t able to offer the best standard of service today. I’ll just call a manager.”

Customer: “No, it’s nothing to with you. It’s that young r******d boy I see wandering about the shop. People like that need to be kept on a leash, and properly restrained! Whoever is its keeper needs to be told off before it hurts someone. I just thought I’d complain before leaving. I value my life!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m afraid I don’t understand. We also don’t tolerate that kind of language here.”

Customer: “Well, umm… Oh, there it is! See!”

(I look to where she points and see one of our cleaners who has Down Syndrome.)

Me: “That’s [Coworker]. He works here.”

Customer: *shocked* “Those things are allowed to work?!”

(I didn’t get the chance to say anything else. She put a handkerchief over her mouth and ran for the exit, making sure to avoid the cleaner as much as possible. He was completely oblivious to it, thankfully.)

Customer: “Hi. I’d like a laptop. Does this one have Internet built in?”

Me: “They all have Wi-Fi built in. You’ll just need to connect to it via the password and such.”

Customer: “No, I mean a laptop that has Internet built in, so I don’t need Wi-Fi.”

Me: “No… none of them have that.”

(A customer comes to return a Wi-Fi range extender. The receipt says that it was purchased yesterday.)

Me: “Why are you returning it?”

Customer: “It doesn’t work.”

Me: “All right.”

(I open the package, and before taking the range extender out of the box, I can see that it’s extremely dirty. I have a hard time believing this was purchased less than 24 hours ago, but I continue to look it over, anyway, and take it completely out of the box. Part of the plastic next to one of the plug-in prongs is burnt and melted.)

Me: “Um, this is melted.”

Customer: “Yeah, it did that.”

Me: “It just did that when you first plugged it in?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Why didn’t you tell me that when I asked you why you’re returning it?”

Customer: “Because it came like that.”

Me: *pause* “It came burnt?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Okay…”

(I turn the item over to check the serial number and sure enough, it doesn’t match the serial number on the box.)

Me: “Well, the serial numbers don’t match, so this isn’t the item that came in the box.”

Customer: “Yes, it is!”

Me: “There wouldn’t be a melted item in a brand-new box.”

(My manager comes over and starts looking at it.)

Manager: “Was the box opened when you bought it?”

Customer: “She just opened it!” *pointing at me* “I didn’t do it!”

Manager: “Well the serial numbers don’t match, so this isn’t the item that came in the box.”

Customer: “Yes, it is! It’s the same model number!”

Manager: “Well, I can’t return this, because clearly you bought a new range extender yesterday to replace your damaged one, and you’re trying to swap them out so you don’t have to pay for your new one.”

Customer: “No, it was open when I bought it!”

Manager: “It wouldn’t have been opened when you bought it, because it would have had a sticker on it signed by a manager to say that everything was inside and working.”

Customer: “That’s how it came!”

Manager: “Well, I’m not returning it.”

(He didn’t argue anymore.)