Why Don’t You (Law &) Order The New CSI-NCIS-H50 Computer?!

, , , , , | | Right | July 3, 2019

Customer: “Do you have any of the computers that they use on NCIS?”

(I don’t watch “NCIS.”)

Me: “What brand do they use?”

Customer: “Dunno. They’re the kind you can throw images from a table to a wall and hack stuff with, though.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m pretty sure those are fake.”

Customer: “No, I’ve seen them on other shows, like CSI and NCIS: LA!

A Camera By Any Other Name

, , , | | Right | June 27, 2019

(I work for a very large electronics retailer. My department is accounts receivable, so I mainly deal with giant corporations, government offices, or schools. Every once in a while a regular customer gets transferred to our department by mistake; either they enter the wrong extension or someone in the company who doesn’t know any better sends them to us. It’s usually not such a big deal, as we can access the entire company system and can generally help with order status, payment problems, refunds, etc. But we cannot do anything that relates to actual sales like selling things, taking returns, or things like that. This happens after a customer calls into my direct extension.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Accounts Receivable] department. My name is [Slightly Uncommon Name]; how can I help you?”

Customer: You sold me a broken camera! I was at an extremely important event last night with [Famous Actor] and [Famous Politician], and when I checked my camera today I couldn’t access any of my pictures! You better fix this right now!”

Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that your camera isn’t working right. May I transfer you to tech support or customer service, as they can help you with this problem? You are speaking to accounts receivable and unfortunately, I can’t help with this problem. I don’t even know anything about cameras.”

Customer: “Your name is [My Name], right?”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Then I’m speaking to the right person! You sold me this camera! I remember your name!”

(My company has over 2000 employees; it’s very possible that some of us have the same name.)

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but as I said, I work in accounts receivable. I don’t sell any of our products. I don’t even know what most of our products are, let alone how to work or fix them. Now, it sounds to me like you went to a very prestigious event, and I don’t want you to lose your photos; please allow me to transfer you to someone who can help!”

Customer: “You f****** b****! You just don’t want to deal with me yourself! You know you sold me a broken piece of s*** and now you don’t want to take responsibility! Well, guess what. I know your father! Bet you didn’t know about that! Wait until he hears how you treat customers! He will punish you!”

Me: *thinking* “You’re claiming you know my father? I’m not sure how that is relevant, as I am an adult who does not live at home.” *out loud* “I am very sorry that you feel like you are being mistreated. Once again, you have called into the accounts receivable department; if you will give me a moment I may be able to find out exactly who sold you the camera.”

Customer: *starts screaming and cursing*

(I put him on mute and begin to search our company directory to see if there is someone in sales with my name. Lo and behold, there is someone from our sales team who shares my name. Her phone status says she isn’t currently taking customer calls, which also helps explain how the customer got to me. I was the only available person with my name when he called in.)

Me: *to my coworker* “Hey, I know you aren’t taking calls right now, but I have someone calling in that says I sold him a faulty camera and, as I don’t work in sales, I figure he probably meant to speak with you. Also, fair warning, he’s pissed and claims he knows your father.”

Coworker: “Oh, boy. Is it [Customer]?”

Me: *after checking caller ID* “Yes, how did you know?”

Coworker: “He knows my husband, not my father, and he always tells him to punish me after he buys anything from me. Apparently, I only sell him faulty stuff. I bet he didn’t put his memory card in the camera.”

Me: “Can I transfer him to you? He probably won’t notice that he’s speaking to a different person.”

Coworker: “Sure! Let me just change my status to available and then send him my way.”

(I check on the customer and he’s still yelling, so I take him off mute.)

Me: “Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I found the other [My Name], and she’s willing to take your call. I’m transferring you now.”

Customer: “DON’T YOU DARE TRANSFER ME, YOU B—“

(I transferred him. Coworker, I’m so sorry you had to deal with him! I hope you were able to resolve his camera issues!)

Trying To Discount The Idea Of A Discount

, , , | | Right | June 27, 2019

(This story was told to me by my coworker. I witness the interaction happening but don’t understand what is going on at the time. A customer purchases two light bulbs at a discount and comes back the next day to return them.)

Coworker: “You’ll have $14.50 credited back to your card.”

Customer: “No, the bulbs cost $10 each; it should be $20.”

Coworker: “Yes, but it shows here on your receipt that you were given a discount.”

Customer: “Yes, but the bulbs cost $10, so I should get $20 back.”

Coworker: “You only paid $14.50 for the bulbs.”

Customer: “Yes, but they cost $10.”

Coworker: “I can’t give you back $20 for something you paid $14.50 for.”

Customer: “Why not?”

About As Much Chance As Getting A PS5, Too

, , , , | | Right | June 25, 2019

(It is a few months before the release of the PlayStation 4. I work at a large electronics dealership. I see a couple in their early forties checking out our PS4 display.)

Me: “Hello, folks! Checking out the PS4, huh?”

Customer: “Yeah, I want to get one for my son today, so if you could grab this and bring it over to the register, that’d be great.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the PS4 doesn’t get released until November 15th, and even then, we sold out of pre-orders in May.”

Customer: “What? That’s ridiculous! You have five available right here!”

(The customer then points to the various empty display boxes with the PS4 logo on them.)

Customer: “AND WHY IS THE CONSOLE SO F****** EXPENSIVE?! $1100 FOR THIS S***?!”

(I am confused, but I realize that he thinks the price tag for the TV that is displaying the PS4 demo is actually the price for the PS4.)

Me: “I’m sorry for the mix-up, sir, but that price is for the display TV. The PS4 costs $399 without tax, but it still doesn’t get released until November 15th. I really wish I could help you out there, but there’s really nothing I can do.”

Customer: “Do you think I’m an idiot?! I can see all the PS4s on display here! Are you trying to cheat me out of my money?!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry to hear that you think I’m trying to cheat you. I could sell you one of these empty boxes for $399, but I don’t think you’d be very happy with it.”

(I pick up one of the display boxes and toss it to a coworker who overheard the conversation. They catch it and unfold it, revealing nothing inside.)

Me: “Now, is there anything else I can help you folks out with today?”

(The couple then started to leave without saying a word, with the man flipping me off on his way out. My supervisor saw the whole thing and gave me a high-five and complimented me on keeping a level head.)

Back-Of-The-Trucking Mad Prices

, , , , | | Right | June 19, 2019

(A customer comes in that has a reputation for being a bit on the shady side. The customer is looking at a TV that has a price of $2,500. When the customer comes in, there are only a couple of other people in the store as it is a very slow day today.)

Customer: “I’d like to purchase this TV, but you have it priced way too high. I can get this for $500.00 at [Electronics Store], where my buddy works.”

Me: “The only way you could get it for that price is if it fell off the back of a truck.”

Customer: “No, that’s what it’s priced at; go ahead and check their website.”

Me: “There is absolutely no way that they sell that TV for only $500. From time to time they are a little less expensive than us, but not that much.”

Customer: “You guys are a rip-off.”

Me: “If you know you’re able to get the TV for $500 from the other store, why are you even in here looking, then?”

Customer: “I thought I’d give you guys a chance to get my business. Now, I want that TV and I want it for $500.”

Me: “I’ll tell you what. I’ll look up the price on their website and we’ll go from there.”

(I go to their site and I see that they are selling the TV for $2 less than what we are selling it for.)

Me: “They are selling the TV for less than what we are selling it for.”

Customer: “See, I told you.”

Me: “You know what? Just so I can gain your business I’ll even match their price.”

Customer: “Well, that’s more like it. About time.”

Me: “That will be $2,498.”

Customer: “No way. You said you’d match their price, and I know they’re selling it for $500!”

Me: “No, they sell it for $2 less than what we sell it for. Here, have a look.”

(I turn the computer monitor around so he can see the price and TV on their site.)

Customer: “Well, their site’s wrong. My buddy said I can have that TV for $500.”

Me: “Again, I’m telling you the only way you are getting that TV for that low of a price is if it falls off of the back of the truck.”

Customer: “You’ve just lost a customer; I will never shop here again.”

Me: “Why, thank you for making my day. See you.”

(Sadly, he did not keep his promise; he continued coming back and pestering all of the workers. The odd time he would buy something, but for the most part, he just tried to get absolutely ridiculous deals on the electronics.)

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