(This year, Boxing Day falls on a Wednesday, and our local newspaper is delivered on Thursdays. This takes place on the Saturday before Christmas, and therefore not Boxing Day.)

Customer: “Um, actually, that item is [price]!”

Me: “Oh, did you see it that price on the shelf?”

Customer: “No, it was in the flyer!”

(She shoves it in my face and I take it. It looks like the Boxing Day flyer, but before I say anything about it, I look for the date on the flyer.)

Customer: “What are you doing!? I had it open to the item that’s on sale!”

Me: “I’m just looking for the date to be sure, because this looks like the Boxing Day flyer.” *finds the date* “Yup, here it is; it starts on the 26th.”

Customer: “Are you serious? But the flyer is already out; we got it in the paper on Thursday! You’re telling me you’re not going to honour a price from a flyer that’s already out?”

Me: “Um, yes, because it says right on it that it’s for Boxing Day.”

Customer: “Well, maybe you shouldn’t put the flyer out before the sale starts, then!”

Me: “If we did that, you wouldn’t have gotten it until next Thursday, and by then, the sale would be over.”

Customer: “Oh… Yeah… Right…”

(I and another customer are browsing a selection of televisions. Incidentally, both of us wear eyeglasses.)

Customer: These TV’s aren’t as good as they advertise. Seriously, with glasses on, you can see the pixels.

(Curious, I glance over my lenses to tell if I can see the difference. I come to a realization.)

Me: Well, to be fair, your eyesight’s better with your glasses on.

(He conceded to that)

(I am the customer in this story. My sister and I are shopping for a laptop in a local electronics store. Note that I have mild social anxiety and while most days I’m fine, this day was a particularly bad one.)

Sales Rep: “What can I help you ladies with today?”

(Unthinkingly and without realising I’m doing it, I side-step the employee so that I can hide behind my sister, not wanting to make conversation.)

Sister: “We’re fine, thanks. [My name], what are you doing?”

Me: *suddenly realising what I’ve done* “Oh, my god! I’m so sorry. That was the worst reaction.”

(The Sales Rep laughed and left us to our shopping!)

(I work at a big-box electronics store and we’re not allowed to tell people that we’re closing or ask them to leave once we have already closed. This takes place twenty-five minutes after we’ve closed for the day. This woman has been here for almost an hour trying to return something without a receipt and exchanging it for something else.)

Manager: “Hey, [My Name], can you do this return and web order?”

(I have a bad feeling that it might take a while and I am off in five minutes, but I’ve been told off for talking back to managers before, so I have no choice.)

Me: “Okay.”

(I try to get the woman’s phone number to do the return, but she turns to my manager and starts whining about not getting a free gift along with the new thing she is buying. After five minutes of my manager saying that there is no gift but that he will take $15 off the already on-sale item, she finally lets me do the return. It’s now over half an hour after we’ve closed and there are no more cash tills in the store open.)

Me: “Okay, your total is $73.85.”

(The woman tries to give me cash.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we can’t take cash anymore since we’ve been closed for too long.”

Customer: “I don’t know if I have enough in my bank account for it. Are you sure you can’t take the cash?”

Me: “No, ma’am. All of our tills have been put away. It would take another fifteen minutes to open them up again to take the cash.”

Customer: “Could you just give me a straight exchange, then? Just take more money off so that they’re the same price?” 

Me: *thinking to myself: “No f****** way!”* “I can’t say yes to that; I’ll have to grab my manager.”

(I head over to my manager and tell him what’s going on. He comes over.)

Manager: “I’ve already given you a discount on top of the sale. I can’t do anymore.”

Customer: “Aw, come on, [Manager].”

(She starts giving him puppy dog eyes and flipping her hair, trying to get him to say yes. Thankfully, this manager is better than that.)

Manager: “No, I can’t take anymore off. [My Name], you go clock out, since you were off fifteen minutes ago.”

(I did exactly that and the woman left pretty quickly since she wasn’t getting what she wanted.)

(I am selling a customer a podcast microphone, and I suggest it needs a pop shield.)

Customer: “What’s that for?”

Me: “It blocks out plosive sounds.”

Customer: “There won’t be any explosions, it’s an interview.”

Me: “No, ‘PIH’s and ‘BIH’s. PLOSIVE, is the word.”

Customer: “I think you mean ‘expletive.’”

(At this point I’d begun to wonder if I’d made up the word, plus it was a minute to closing, so I let it hang as we both looked bemused. Of course, now this guy’s off to do his interview, thinking I just tried to sell him some gizmo that stops him recording swear words and explosions. Also, I can’t pronounce ‘expletive’. DUHR…)