Customer: So I just made an appointment for a tutorial, but I forgot to ask if I could bring in my screen, too?

Me: No, you don’t need to do that, we have a monitor we can hook your computer up to.

Customer: Yes, but I want to see how it will look exactly on my screen.

Me: It will look the same. The set up is based on your computer, not your monitor.

Customer: But last time they showed me how to do something by hooking my computer up to their screen, and when I got home and hooked it up to my own screen, it was different, so I didn’t know how to do anything.

Me: It was different, how? Were the icons smaller?

Customer: No, it was layed out differently.

Me: hmmm, that doesn’t really make sense.

Customer: I’m telling you it was different! I just want to see how it will look on MY OWN screen!

Me: ok. just bring your screen in.

I work as the assistant manager at a popular Canadian electronics store. We sell, among other things, laptop computers and subscriptions to antivirus programs. All of our laptops and desktops come with a free 30-day trial of a certain antivirus software. 

My store manager calls me to the cash to assist with a French-speaking couple who are clearly angry. My manager does not speak French, so I have to explain what happened after they left. 

It turns out the couple bought a laptop last night along with a subscription to an antivirus program and a few other odds and ends. As they were setting it up, they received a scam call from “Microsoft Support,” who then charged them well over $200 to remove the existing 30-day free subscription and install the new one they had purchased. It seems this individual led the couple to believe that we scammed them into buying the subscription since the laptop already came with it, apparently not telling them they would have had to buy it anyway after 30 days and telling them we were just trying to take advantage of them to increase our sales commission.

I try to explain that they were scammed but not by us. They insist they spoke to Microsoft, and no matter how I explain that Microsoft would never call them or ask for money they aren’t having it.

The couple is now demanding a full refund on their used subscription which I cannot do, and as they leave, they give me a big smile and inform me that their son and grandson work at [local French radio station] and that we will be out of business within the week.

We never hear anything and never see the couple again. We do hear that the radio station has begun making announcements warning people of these phone scams and providing a number where they can be reported. I feel bad for that couple and I’m sure they are embarrassed to realize they have been had.

I’m talking to my sister about computers. Recently, our grandpa bought a new computer and needed help setting it up. He was surprised when my very tech-savvy sister offered to help. Upon setting up his computer, she found he had been sold a bunch of add-on programs that my sister could have downloaded legitimate open-source copies of for free.

He also happened to show her the receipt. On the receipt, there was a £20 charge for “tablet set-up.” My grandpa doesn’t own a tablet, and the store didn’t offer computer set-ups, so this was quite obviously the store hoping he wouldn’t notice.

Upon noticing when he got home, he rang up the national helpline for this store and demanded a refund for a service he had never received. In the end, after much arguing, the helpline agreed to refund his card manually — they tried to say that it could only be done if my grandpa took the 40-minute drive to the store and they refunded him at the till. In the end, my sister decided not to tell him that they had also scammed him in terms of the add-on programs he had been sold. Regardless, my grandpa has vowed never to shop there again and to ask for my sister’s advice the next time he needs computer help!

Customer: “Do you have any of the computers that they use on NCIS?”

(I don’t watch “NCIS.”)

Me: “What brand do they use?”

Customer: “Dunno. They’re the kind you can throw images from a table to a wall and hack stuff with, though.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m pretty sure those are fake.”

Customer: “No, I’ve seen them on other shows, like CSI and NCIS: LA!”

(I work for a very large electronics retailer. My department is accounts receivable, so I mainly deal with giant corporations, government offices, or schools. Every once in a while a regular customer gets transferred to our department by mistake; either they enter the wrong extension or someone in the company who doesn’t know any better sends them to us. It’s usually not such a big deal, as we can access the entire company system and can generally help with order status, payment problems, refunds, etc. But we cannot do anything that relates to actual sales like selling things, taking returns, or things like that. This happens after a customer calls into my direct extension.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Accounts Receivable] department. My name is [Slightly Uncommon Name]; how can I help you?”

Customer: You sold me a broken camera! I was at an extremely important event last night with [Famous Actor] and [Famous Politician], and when I checked my camera today I couldn’t access any of my pictures! You better fix this right now!”

Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that your camera isn’t working right. May I transfer you to tech support or customer service, as they can help you with this problem? You are speaking to accounts receivable and unfortunately, I can’t help with this problem. I don’t even know anything about cameras.”

Customer: “Your name is [My Name], right?”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Then I’m speaking to the right person! You sold me this camera! I remember your name!”

(My company has over 2000 employees; it’s very possible that some of us have the same name.)

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but as I said, I work in accounts receivable. I don’t sell any of our products. I don’t even know what most of our products are, let alone how to work or fix them. Now, it sounds to me like you went to a very prestigious event, and I don’t want you to lose your photos; please allow me to transfer you to someone who can help!”

Customer: “You f****** b****! You just don’t want to deal with me yourself! You know you sold me a broken piece of s*** and now you don’t want to take responsibility! Well, guess what. I know your father! Bet you didn’t know about that! Wait until he hears how you treat customers! He will punish you!”

Me: *thinking* “You’re claiming you know my father? I’m not sure how that is relevant, as I am an adult who does not live at home.” *out loud* “I am very sorry that you feel like you are being mistreated. Once again, you have called into the accounts receivable department; if you will give me a moment I may be able to find out exactly who sold you the camera.”

Customer: *starts screaming and cursing*

(I put him on mute and begin to search our company directory to see if there is someone in sales with my name. Lo and behold, there is someone from our sales team who shares my name. Her phone status says she isn’t currently taking customer calls, which also helps explain how the customer got to me. I was the only available person with my name when he called in.)

Me: *to my coworker* “Hey, I know you aren’t taking calls right now, but I have someone calling in that says I sold him a faulty camera and, as I don’t work in sales, I figure he probably meant to speak with you. Also, fair warning, he’s pissed and claims he knows your father.”

Coworker: “Oh, boy. Is it [Customer]?”

Me: *after checking caller ID* “Yes, how did you know?”

Coworker: “He knows my husband, not my father, and he always tells him to punish me after he buys anything from me. Apparently, I only sell him faulty stuff. I bet he didn’t put his memory card in the camera.”

Me: “Can I transfer him to you? He probably won’t notice that he’s speaking to a different person.”

Coworker: “Sure! Let me just change my status to available and then send him my way.”

(I check on the customer and he’s still yelling, so I take him off mute.)

Me: “Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I found the other [My Name], and she’s willing to take your call. I’m transferring you now.”

Customer: “DON’T YOU DARE TRANSFER ME, YOU B—“

(I transferred him. Coworker, I’m so sorry you had to deal with him! I hope you were able to resolve his camera issues!)