Customer: “I have an extended warranty for my shredder here.”

Me: “Okay.” *I look at receipt* “Um, this is from 2006.”

Customer: “No, it’s from 2009.”

Me: “Nope, this is from 2006. See the date here, how it says, ‘09/01/06’? That means it was purchased on September 1, 2006.”

Customer: “No, the ‘09’ is the year. The year is listed first.”

Me: “No, the year is last.” *I grab a recently-printed receipt to show her* “See?”

Customer: “Then it must have changed.”

Me: “It didn’t change. But, either way, even if this was from 2009, it’s still too long ago; the extended warranty is only good for an extra year.”

Customer: “No! This shredder is warrantied for five years, so this gives me six years total! So, even if it was purchased in 2006, you can still use it! It’s good for six years!”

Me: “2006 was nine years ago. It’s 2015.”

Customer: “It doesn’t matter! It’s from 2009!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but it’s not. It’s from 2006. I haven’t even actually seen these warranty pamphlets, and I’ve been working here for seven years.”

Customer: “Well, that’s weird, because it’s from 2009!”

Me: “I don’t know what else to tell you… because it’s from 2006.”

Customer: “I don’t know what else to tell you, either, because it’s from 2009! The year is listed first!”

Nearby Associate: “No, the year is always last. I’ve actually never seen the year listed first. Anywhere.”

(I work as a salesman in the computer section of an electronics store. We have a separate department that specializes in fixing and troubleshooting most problems. Despite this, many people think the salesmen at the store are miracle workers, and come to us for advice. I see a customer wandering into my section and I approach her.)

Me: “Can I help you find anything, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes, can you find the Wi-Fi password?”

Me: “For the store?”

Customer: “No, for my house. I can’t connect to the Internet.”

Me: “Do you have the router with you?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you know model your router is?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you know what brand your router is?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Did you buy it at our store? Maybe you can point it out to me.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Most routers have a sticker with the password on it. Do you have one or know where it is on your router? Seeing as I have absolutely nothing to work with, the only thing I can suggest is to go home and take a look at that.”

Customer: “So, you can’t help me? [Troubleshooting Department] couldn’t help me, either!”

Me: “We’re not wizards.”

(This story takes place after I have gotten off work at a well-known box store. I am still wearing the uniform: blue-collared shirt and khaki pants. Since the store I work in doesn’t have a device I am looking for, I go to the electronics store, which features the same colored uniform. At this moment, I’m the section for the devices, comparing prices and specs.)

Customer: “Hello.”

(As I have just gotten off work, my head instinctively goes up and I look around for a few seconds, only to chuckle as I remind myself that I’m just a customer at this store.)

Customer: “Hello!”

(Having finally decided which device I am going to buy, I turn to head out of the aisle and towards games to browse for a little bit while I’m suddenly stopped by a middle-aged man.)

Customer: “Hello! Didn’t you hear me calling for help?! And what do you think you’re doing? You’re not supposed to be shopping!”

(I take a step back in shock as I shake my head a little bit, confused.)

Me: “Huh?” *light bulb* “Oh, sorry, sir! I don’t wo—”

Customer: “Don’t give me that ‘I don’t work here’ bulls***. Why else would you be wearing that getup?!”

Me: “Sir, I don’t wo—”

Customer: “And besides, where’s your name-tag? I want to talk to your manager!”

(Realizing I’m not going to get anywhere with the man, I sigh softly before trying to find an employee, but as I’m walking away…)

Customer: *fuming* “WHAT? YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR RADIO ON YOU, EITHER?!”

(That is loud enough to cause an employee to approach with a confused expression.)

Employee: “Is something wrong here?”

Me: “Yes. This gent—”

Customer: “I WANT YOU TO CALL YOUR MANAGER RIGHT NOW!”

(With a little bit of reluctance, the employee radios for a manager, forcing me to wait and taking up all of our time. Once the manager shows up, the customer goes into a full rant about how I was rude to him, shopping on the clock, not wearing my name-tag, etc.)

Manager: *finally able to answer* “He doesn’t work here. I’ve seen him at [My Store].”

Customer: “Oh! So, you admit you know he’s moonlighting! What’s your corporate number and your names?!”

(The manager, looking a little uneasy himself now, gives the number and we, just wanting to humor the guy now, give our names as he proceeds to call corporate to have us all fired.)

Customer: “Yes, I’m at your [Location] store, and three of your employees–” *lists our names* “–are prov…”

(I start to tune him out and stare around at other things, wanting to distract myself from the ignorance of the customer until I hear…)

Customer: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT YOU DON’T HAVE A [MY NAME] AT THIS LOCATION? HE’S RIGHT HERE AND COMPLETELY IGNORING ME!”

Me: *now getting pissed off as it’s been at least 15 minutes, if not longer* “I… DO… NOT… WORK… HERE! SEE?!”

(I hope for the best and pull out my store employee discount card. The customer sees that and hangs up, turning red.)

Customer: “WHY THE F*** DIDN’T YOU SAY YOU WORKED AT [BOX STORE]?! AND WHY WOULD YOU BE SHOPPING HERE IF YOU DID?!” *storms out*

Me: “I… tried… Never mind. Well, this’ll be the last time I come here in my [Box Store] outfit. Sorry. Though, would you mind if I headed to the checkout to pay for this?”

Manager: “Sure. Let me get you the ’employee’ discount, too.”

(I chuckled, but sure enough, he ran his card through for me and saved me quite a bit on the device. I have kept my promise and not worn my [Box Store] uniform in [Electronics Store].)

Related:
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 30
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 29
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 28

(An older gentleman has brought back his Blu-Ray player.)

Elderly Customer: “I can’t get this to work. The red light comes on, but the remote isn’t working.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll just check it out.”  

(I connect it to a handy television, and sure enough, the set-up menu comes up, but the remote won’t work.)

Elderly Customer: “I brought a disc to test it.”

(I take the recent release, an Oscar-winning disc, but check the remote first and find one battery is put in backwards.)

Me: “There’s your problem, sir. The battery was in the wrong way; it should be fine now.”

Elderly Customer: “Could you check that it works, please?”

Me: “Sure!”

(I hit eject, and out popped the tray with a “Combat Zone XXX” porn DVD in it.)

(It’s been a while since I’ve had to buy ink for my printer, so I write down my printer’s information and go to the store. I find an ink cartridge box that claims to be compatible with my make and model. When I get home, I find that it’s not compatible at all, even though I double-checked the information on the box against my printer. So, I go back to the store.)

Me: “Hello, I’m afraid I need to make an exchange.”

Employee: “This ink has been opened. What’s wrong with it?”

Me: “Unfortunately, it’s not compatible with my printer, despite what it says on the box.”

Employee: “You should really make sure it’s compatible before you open it.”

Me: “How? The box says it is, but the cartridge itself isn’t.”

Employee: “Maybe you should try actually reading the box instead of saying you did.”

Me: *sighs* “Look, I just want to exchange it for a cartridge that is compatible. Call a manager if you need to.”

Employee: “Or you can own up to your mistakes and just pay for a new one. I’m not returning this.”

Me: “I can also stand here and make a huge fuss until a manager comes over, anyway. Your choice.”

(The employee huffs and stalks off. A manager comes to the register. I explain it to him, I point out the make and model that says it is compatible with, and that I have a receipt, and that I would just like an ink cartridge that is compatible.)

Manager: “Oh, boy, one of these. Yeah, it seems a whole batch of these got the wrong compatibility instructions printed on the box. What’s your make and model? I can run and grab that for you in two minutes.”

(The transaction happens smoothly. As I’m walking away, the employee snipes:)

Employee: “Next time, read the box!”

Manager: “[Employee], come with me to the back, please…”