For All Mankind Except George From Across The Street

, , , , | Right | June 9, 2021

I am showcasing an Apple TV setup to a customer. One of the Apple shows, “For All Mankind,” is playing the trailer. It’s an alternative history show about what might happen if the Russians landed on the moon first and the space race never ended.

Customer: “What’s this bulls***?! We landed on the moon first! Not those d*** commies!”

I explain the premise of the show, which does little to assuage his contempt.

Customer: “Maybe if they taught the truth instead of this ‘woke’ crap, our country wouldn’t be full of so many d*** snowflakes!”

Me: “Yes, sir, nothing more dangerous than alternative facts, right?”

Customer: “That’s right!”

The customer did not buy the Apple TV. Worth it.

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Like The Phone, He’s Having An “Off” Day

, , , , , | Right | June 4, 2021

An angry customer comes up to me and slams his one-day-old expensive phone on my counter so hard he’s lucky it doesn’t crack.

Customer: “You have exactly one f****** minute to fix my phone, or I want a new one. NOW!”

Me: “All right. What seems to be wrong with it?”

Customer: “What do you mean, ‘what seems to be wrong with it’? IT’S F****** DEAD, CAN’T YOU SEE?!”

I hold the power button for four seconds and the phone boots up. I turn the screen around for the angry customer to see, trying to withhold my smug grin.

Me: “Anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “I told that little s*** son of mine to test the phone before he sent me back here!”

He stormed out, extremely red-faced.

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Grocery Grossly Out Of Order

, , , | Right | May 27, 2021

I’m working in the electronics department. I have a small line of two or three people. As I am ringing out the first customer, I notice a man with a full cart of groceries walking up to the other register behind me. We are only supposed to ring up electronics items in this department, although we can bend this rule for people with just a couple of items if they are polite.

After I have finished helping the first and second customers and started ringing up a third…

Customer: *Angrily* “Hey, aren’t you going to help me?

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t see you there. Did you have a question?”

Customer: “I’ve been waiting here for you to ring me up!

Me: “I’m so sorry, but as you can see, I’m ringing up electronics purchases on this side. If you take your groceries up to the main registers, I’m sure someone would be happy to ring you up!

Customer: “F*** you! I’ve been waiting here for ten minutes; you’re gonna ring me up right here!”

Me: “Sir, only this register is open right now, and in any case, I’m not allowed to ring up products that aren’t from electronics.”

Customer: “F*** that! The lines are way too long! You should have been f****** paying attention so you could ring me up here!”

The other customers are getting uncomfortable as I continue to ring them up as if nothing out of the ordinary is happening.

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. As I said, I only have the one till open and I didn’t see you there. And even if I had, I couldn’t ring you out for groceries here, anyway.

Customer: “F*** you, you f****** b****! I’m gonna find a f****** manager and get your a** fired!

At this, he leaves angrily, knocking down a stack of returns on the counter.

Customer At Till: “Does that happen a lot?

Me: “Every day. That will be $67.46, please.”

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Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 14

, , | Right | May 24, 2021

I’ve basically grown up in my dad’s electrical store and work there now that I’m old enough. My dad has been sick and I’ve been in charge for a few days, and we have decided to close for stock take. A customer comes to the locked door and bangs on it.

Customer: “Why are you closed? What’s happening?”

Sales Employee: “We’re closed today for stock take.”

Customer: “You’re lying! I spoke to the owner yesterday and he told me to come.”

My dad hasn’t been to work the whole week.

Me: “The owner told you to come?”

Customer: “Yeah, he did. It’s my granddaughter’s birthday and I really need coloured globes; I came from really far.”

Me: “Are you sure, sir? We’re closed and aren’t serving today.”

Customer: “Yeah, he was wearing [description of what my dad usually wears].”

Me: “He’s actually sick and hasn’t been to work all week, I’m sorry.”

Customer: “He was here! Are you calling me a liar?!”

He starts ranting about how I’m lying, he’s going to get me fired, and he personally knows the owner, etc.

Me: “Sir, I can 100% assure you that my dad has been sick at home the past week and hasn’t even left his room. Would you like me to call home?”

He turned around and abruptly walked away.

Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 14
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 13
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 12
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 11
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 10

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Not Thinking Inside The Box, Part 5

, , , | Right | CREDIT: bithxd | April 26, 2021

A customer buys two studio monitors and as a gift, we include the audio cables for free. I personally inform him that the extra cables will be placed in one of the boxes. After two days he calls back:

Customer: “Hi, I just got the monitors, everything is fine but I see you didn’t send me the cables you told me about.

I start thinking that maybe the other guy who packed the order may have forgotten the cables so I ask him to check once more if possible just to be extra sure.

Customer: “Okay sure I’ll check again but I have the boxes opened so I don’t think the cables can be somewhere else.”

After a few seconds and while I’m explaining to him that if he checked again and there are no cables we will send new ones.

Customer: “Okay, thanks but let me check the one box that I haven’t opened yet.”

Guess what was in that box…

Not Thinking Inside The Box, Part 4
Not Thinking Inside The Box, Part 3
Not Thinking Inside The Box, Part 2
Not Thinking Inside The Box

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