Customer: “I’m checking to see if my order is in. I got an email a little while ago saying that it was put on hold, but I want to see if it’s here.”

Me: “You got an email saying it was on hold? Did it say why?”

Customer: “No, something about using a credit card, but I didn’t use a credit card.”

(She shows me her receipt which tells me that she ordered it at our online kiosk in the store.)

Me: “Okay, well, I’ll check to see if it’s here, but if they put it on hold, you would have had to do something like call them or something in order for it to go through.”

Customer: “It says there’s a problem with the credit card, but I used a debit card.”

Me: “It would have been a Visa debit or a Mastercard debit, which makes the online system think it’s a credit card. But I’ll check first to see if your order is here.”

(It’s not.)

Me: “Okay, it’s not here. Do you have the email they sent you?”

(The customer shows me on her phone.)

Me: “Okay, it says that they couldn’t authorize your card, and they needed you to call them to make sure the card is yours, or for you to go to your bank and make sure there are no issues with your card.”

Customer: “You’re not listening to me. It says credit card in the email and I didn’t use a credit card.”

Me: “You used a Mastercard debit, which makes online stores think it’s a credit card. We know it’s not a credit card, but when you use a credit-debit online, it tricks the computer into thinking it’s a credit card. That’s one of the reasons they’re a thing.”

Customer: “I didn’t do it online; I did it in store.”

Me: “Yes, at our kiosk, which is essentially our online store. So, you have to call the online number, or you have to go to your bank to see if there is a problem with your card that can be fixed. But it could just be that the billing address was typed in wrong, and they want to verify it. It happens sometimes.”

Customer: “So, you’re telling me there’s nothing you can do?”

Me: “You can go to your bank and make sure there isn’t a problem with your card, or you can call the online number, which I can give you, and ask them how to sort it out. Unfortunately, I can’t do anything for you at store level because it’s an issue with the online store.”

Customer: “Yeah, but it’s saying there is a problem with my credit card, and I didn’t use a credit card!”

Me: “I know. I told you it just thinks it’s a credit card because you used a Mastercard debit on the online kiosk. Our kiosk only takes Visa or Mastercard debit cards, because it only works on credit cards, and it thinks Mastercard and Visa debits are credit cards.”

Customer: “I didn’t use a credit card!”

Me: “I know. But there is still a problem with it, and they won’t ship your item until it’s sorted out.”

Customer: “Well, then, I want to buy one in store.”

Me: “We don’t carry this item in-store; that’s probably why the associate brought you to our kiosk in the first place.”

Customer: “So, you’re telling me there’s nothing you can do?”

Me: “As I said, you can go to your bank, or you can call the online number. It’s right here in your email.”

Customer: “But it says that if I don’t reply within two days, the order will be cancelled, and this was sent to me last week.”

Me: “Why didn’t you do anything about it last week?”

Customer: “I wanted to see if it would come in, anyway.”

Me: “You may have to call online and have them place the order again.”

Customer: “So, there’s nothing you can do?”

Me: “I already gave you all your options.”

Customer: “THIS IS TERRIBLE CUSTOMER SERVICE! I’M NEVER SHOPPING HERE AGAIN!”

[I work as security for a popular electronics store. We have to stand at the front door and greet customers and because of this we get alot of random question. An older man walks in and I greet him.]

Me: Hello! How are you today?

Customer: Do you sell batteries for wireless bluetooth speakers?

[I know the answer is no but I try to help him anyways. He proceeds to give me the brand and I search for it online. I find that a competitor sells that brand but we do not.]

Me: Sorry, but that brand is sold at [Other Store] and it also says that the battery is built in and not replaceable. Do you maybe need another charger cord?

Customer:[Suddenly Irate] You’re wrong! I have one, i know.

Me: Sir, it says here tha…

Customer: No. I need a battery. I have one I know.

[The customer, repeating this over and over at the top of his lungs proceeds to walk towards the entrance doors that do not open from the inside and slams into them.]

Me: Other side sir…

Customer: F*** this store!

[The customer proceeds to go to the exit door and yells about how bad our store is until he got into the car.]

My dad is in the middle of returning a set of high-end gaming headphones since they were broken by the recipient. Note that at this store, once merchandise has been opened, the return policy no longer applies. My dad knew this and still tried to swindle the store into giving him the refund. If this particular package had, in fact, never been opened, no cords would be visible.

Dad: Yeah, I’d like to return these. They haven’t been opened.

Clerk takes poorly reconstructed box and inspects it: This has definitely been opened. The sealing tape is broken and I can see the charging cord through the package window.

Dad, suddenly angry: I can’t believe this! You just lost a valuable customer!

Cue me, trying to act like I don’t know him.

Me: “Would you like your receipt emailed to you?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay.” *goes to the next screen to give them the total*

Customer: “Actually, yeah.”

Me: “Okay.” *goes back to the email screen* “You can type your email in on that keyboard right there.”

Customer: “What? Why would I do that?”

Me: “So you can give us your email?”

Customer: “I don’t understand why you want me to type it out!”

Me: “Well, I can type it out myself if you want.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why you want my email! What will you do with it?!”

Me: “Send you your receipt. You just told me you wanted it emailed it to you.”

Customer: “Oh. Oh, yeah… No, I don’t want it emailed.”

(I am covering a break in electronics. A woman approaches with a question about a tablet.)

Customer: “Are you able to help me with my email on here?”

Me: “I’ll try my best, but I normally work in beauty and am just over here covering a break.”

Customer: “Well, I have too many emails in my inbox and now I’ve stopped being able to receive any more. I don’t want to have to manually delete 2,000+ emails. Do you think you can help me?”

Me: “I know typically the keyboard command ‘Control’ and ‘A’ will delete around 100 emails at a time. It will still take you a while but at least you won’t have to do each one individually.”

Customer: “How would I do that?”

Me: “You would bring up your keyboard while in your email.”

Customer: “I don’t know how to do that.”

Me: “Well, what type of tablet do you have? I have a Kindle and am somewhat familiar with iPads, so I should be able to figure it out.”

Customer: “Oh, I didn’t buy it here. I bought it off [TV Shopping Network] years ago.”

Me: “Then, I’m sorry, but I won’t know how to work it. Besides, I’m not sure if I can even work on something we didn’t sell because if something happens then we can’t really offer anything to you.”

Customer: “Well, the one electronics guy always helps me. The tall, skinny one.”

Me: “Ma’am, that literally describes every single guy that works in electronics. Does he have long hair? Piercings? Tattoos? That way I can kind of tell if the one you are thinking of is working today.”

Customer: “No, sorry, I just know he’s tall and skinny. So, there’s nothing you can do?”

Me: “Honestly, ma’am, your best bet is to try and go to a public library if you don’t have a computer at home. They can help you pretty much step for step and will know more than me, probably.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

(Later on, the electronics guy comes back and I ask him what he would have told her.)

Coworker: “Honestly, I don’t know if I could have helped her, either, especially because she doesn’t even know how to bring up her keyboard. The fact that it’s a five-year-old product from [TV Shopping Network] means it’s more than likely a piece of junk that will need replacing soon. I’m glad I was on my break when she came.”