(I work in a library. A patron approaches the counter with a DVD.)

Patron: “Is this Spider-Man?”

Me: “No, that’s a movie called Spiderwick.”

Patron: “Oh… Well, my son wanted Spider-Man; do you think this will be all right?”

Me: “Well, it’s a completely different movie, so I couldn’t tell.”

Patron: “Yeah, well… it has spiders in it, at the very least. Also, it says I can have the movie for a week, but would it be okay if I return it tomorrow, instead?”

Me: “Well, sure.”

(I’m Canadian and living in Sweden. My bank introduced the tap feature on debit and credit card a few years before it came to Sweden. I’m in a store buying some school supplies, and I hand the cashier my card. The tap symbol on cards looks very similar to the Wi-Fi symbol. He takes my card and pauses to look at it.)

Me: *thinking he was trying to figure out where it’s from* “Oh, I’m from Canada and still use a Canadian bank.”

Cashier: “Oh, no, I… Um… ” *pauses and turns a bit red* “Do Canadian bank cards have Wi-Fi?”

Me: *gives the cashier a confused look* “Do our bank cards have… Wi-Fi?”

Cashier: *blushes* “Yeah, I mean, you have this here.” *points to the tap symbol on my card*

Me: *suddenly realizing that the tap symbol and Wi-Fi symbol look alike* “Oh, that! It’s a tap symbol. In Canada, I can just tap my card instead of using the chip reader.”

(I take my card and demonstrate.)

Cashier: “Ah, okay. Well, that’s not nearly as exciting.”

(We both had a good laugh. Now every time I see the tap symbol, I always think of that cashier.)

(I have been working at the same family-owned business for over seven years, and am two weeks away from starting a new job at another company. The owners, a husband and wife, both from the Middle East, are notoriously miserly when it comes to wages and benefits, and they have a well-earned reputation for empty promises. This has resulted in nearly constant turnover of staff and extremely low morale among those of us who remain. I am working late to make up a deficit in flex-time, and the wife and I are the only ones in the office.)

Boss: “Are you sure you wouldn’t be able to come in on the weekends for consultations about [Software Program I Administer] after you start your new job, if we have questions?”

Me: *having long had enough of these antics* “I am afraid that won’t be possible. I’ll need to focus on the new job, exclusively.”

Boss: “What are you working on, anyway? Why are you here so late?”

Me: “I have a big deficit on my flex-time, and I want to reduce it as much as possible before my last day so I don’t take as big a hit on my paycheck.”

Boss: “Tell you what; I’ll forgive that deficit if you’ll do some consultation work for us.”

Me: “Sorry. The answer is still no.”

(There is an uncomfortable pause.)

Boss: “You know, I don’t want to believe this about you, but I’ve been hearing around — I don’t want to say from whom — that you’re bigoted against Arabs.”

Me: *standing up and starting to shut down my workstation* “That’s absolutely ridiculous. I had Lebanese in-laws from my first marriage, my late stepfather was half-Lebanese, and I loved them all like family.”

(The boss immediately began back-pedaling, saying she hoped we could at least say hello to each other if we met on the street by chance. I shut down my workstation, packed up, and left for the weekend. You have no idea how much I’m looking forward to my last day there at the end of the month.)

(I work on a cruise ship as a dishwasher and we’ve just arrived in Stockholm. We’re in quite a rush, and it’s only my coworker and me left to do a huge pile of dishes before we have to lock down the pentry. The bar is already locked down and our supervisors have left. The only set of keys to the bar is three decks down. A few minutes before closing, one of the bartenders brought in a cheap toy — something you get for free when you pick up a piece of candy sold everywhere — which was left behind by some parent and then put it in the now locked-down bar section. The parent suddenly appears in the kitchen, holding his happy-looking baby.)

Parent: “Excuse me, have you guys seen a toy somewhere? I must have left it behind and we need to get off the boat.”

Coworker: “Yes, actually. One of our bartenders took it into the bar, and we’re closed now. They’ve locked all the doors; I’m sorry.”

Parent: “You have to do something! You need to kick in the door! My baby won’t stop crying; he loves that toy!” *the very happy-looking baby laughs*

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but we don’t have the keys to the bar, for security reasons. There’s nothing we can do. You can pick up the toy in Stockholm, too; it’s cheap and comes with [Candy].”

Parent: *shouting* “NO! HE WANTS THIS TOY! HE WON’T STOP CRYING! DO SOMETHING!” *the baby giggles*

Coworker: *looks at me, then nods* “All right, sir, I’ll try and call one of our supervisors to bring up the keys.”

Parent: “YES! THANK YOU!”

(No one answers my coworkers call, which isn’t unexpected, since we’ve all been up since 2:00 am and everyone usually goes straight to their cabin to catch up on their sleep.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry, but they’re not answering. I guess I could run down to the reception and see if the keys are there.”

Parent: *yelling even louder* “YES, YOU WILL! BRING ME MY CHILD’S TOY!”

(My coworker leaves and I’m left alone to try and rush through all the tasks, moving as fast as I can in the very small kitchen. The parent steps in.)

Me: “Sir, please, if you could just wait outside. My coworker is trying to find the keys and we’ll try to help, but I really need the space to do our tasks. She’ll be with you as fast as she can.”

Parent: “When will she get back?”

Me: “As fast as she can.”

Parent: “In two minutes? When will she be back?”

Me: *losing my temper a bit* “Sir, it will take the time it takes. The reception is three decks down and about 750 people are between her and the desk, getting off the boat. Are you sure you can’t pick up the toy in Stockholm? They sell it literally everywhere.”

Parent: “NO! HE WANTS THIS ONE! IT’S VERY IMPORTANT!”

(After a few minutes, my coworker arrived with the keys, looking flustered but happy to be able to help, opened the bar, and handed the toy to the baby. The parent did not say thank you, and the happy-looking, giggling baby started crying the moment he saw the toy. Thanks for nothing, I guess.)

I was browsing through a popular gaming store, looking for games for my new console when I hear a family talk to the employee

Dad: “does this *really popular new* console connect to the TV or is it just handheld?

Employee: “Uhm.. Well… I think so?”

Dad: “We have *other brand console* will it run this game?

Employee: ” I’m pretty sure it’s *brand* exclusive.. I think?”

At this point, the employee is looking visibly anxious and I, who am very familiar with the brand step in.
I answer all of their questions, small talk to the child about the game in question and other games about to be released.
The family happy leaves and the child promise to wish for one for their birthday. When I turn around I notice that the employee is looking at me with wide eyes and mouth open

Employee: “why don’t you work here already?”