Give A Dog A Bone

, , , , , | | Healthy | July 11, 2019

(One day at work, I hear my pharmacist and another technician talking about an unusual prescription that’s come in. Curious, I switch to a computer nearby and find them discussing a dog who’s been prescribed the generic for Viagra. Apparently, a recent study has indicated that it may be helpful for relieving coughing in dogs, for some reason, and we spend some time discussing how it might work in that regard. Later, as I’m working on the computer and she’s filling prescriptions behind me, she glances up and leans toward me, chuckling.)

Pharmacist: “You know, it’s hard enough for a person to talk to their doctor about this type of medication. I’d think it’d have to be even harder for a dog!”

Me: *playing along* “Well, yeah. Besides not being able to talk, it’s gotta be way more embarrassing for them, with everything all hanging out and no way to disguise it.”

(After a few moments.)

Me: “I can totally see the commercials, though. This gorgeous Golden Retriever stud going ‘Once, I was the laughing stock of the breeding kennel. But now, I’m back to being top dog, thanks to Viagra!’”

Pharmacist: *cracking up* “See, none of the other health care professions get to enjoy jokes like this.”

(I love my coworkers.)

The Strangest Story Ever Toad

, , , , , | | Friendly | July 6, 2019

(This story is told to me by my husband who works in a greenhouse. He went into work this morning around five am. On his way to the greenhouse, he saw something in the path. Thinking it was a rock, he kicked it. It turns out it was two toads mating. The one toad followed him into the greenhouse, croaking at him loudly while the other came in and changed color. He put gloves on and chased the two of them all over the greenhouse. When he picked them up, they peed on him. Finally, he took them out back and let them go. Later, he was telling his coworker about this. His coworker’s response?)

Coworker: “Did you at least offer them a cigarette?”

Gross-eries

, , , | | Right | July 1, 2019

(I work delivery at a small restaurant. I’ve dealt with all sorts of clients but one, in particular, bothers me.)

Manager: *hands me the food and address*

Me: “Oh, no. Can’t someone else deliver to this address? I know she requested me but I really don’t want to.”

Manager: “What’s the matter?”

Me: “That woman has answered the door naked every time I’ve delivered. The first time, I was surprised, so I didn’t say anything. The second time, I told myself that I have a job to do and whatever the client’s lifestyle is, it’s none of my business, but the third time, she got a little too close for comfort.”

Manager: “I see. You can switch with [Coworker].”

Coworker: “Why does it bother you so much? Aren’t you gay?”

Me: “That doesn’t mean I’m comfortable with a naked person flirting with me. I might be overreacting, but still.”

(We did switch. The woman called to complain about it. The owner had a nice, civilized talk with her about sexual harassment. Haven’t heard from her in a while.)

Context Is Everything

, , , , , , | | Related | June 26, 2019

(My eight-year-old sister and I are playing with some action figures I have where you can take the armor off, leaving only a skeleton-like figure. She wants to play with an armor-less one, and she comes up with this gem.)

Sister: “Can I play with the naked man?”

Innuendo Is Priceless; For Everything Else…

, , , , | | Right | June 25, 2019

(I’m checking out an older gentleman who pays for his purchase with a debit card with a chip attached, but the machine doesn’t read the card.)

Me: “Sir, could you put the card back in? You took it out too soon.”

Older Gentleman: “Story of my life!”

(I held it together until he left. It was a good thing it was slow, as after he left I laughed really hard!)

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