Skimpy Clothes, Skimpier Morals

, , , , , , | Working | CREDIT: viodox0259 | April 30, 2021

I work in a casino. The waitresses at this casino have to wear very thin, sexy clothes. They aren’t borderline legal, but it is noticed. One day, management calls all the waitresses to come in and explain that they are changing their outfits to something even sexier. Now, these new dresses are very, very borderline legal.

Staff: “No way. We’re not wearing that.”

So, Friday night came, and the staff worked their whole shift. Then, at the end of their shift, they were all called into a meeting and they were all fired. We had no waitresses for a couple of days.

Welp, the father of one of those ladies was a pretty big-time lawyer. He brought the casino to court and won. They won big. Good for them!

This story is part of our Best Of April 2021 roundup!

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Getting The Clerk That Talks Back Really Blows

, , , , | Right | April 28, 2021

I work at a major hardware store, specifically dealing with lawn equipment. I approach a young couple looking at some leaf blowers and ask if they have any questions. The ones they are examining double as vacuums.

Me: “Good afternoon, folks! Do you have any questions about any of these leaf blowers?” 

The woman says nothing, but the guy…

Guy: “So these things suck and blow? Blow and suck?”

He chuckles at his own jokes. I don’t really have a problem with these jokes if they’re done well enough, but I find most of them to just be low-hanging fruit.

Me: “Yes, yes, very mature. But yes, they do indeed double as a vacuum to save you the trouble of picking up leaves yourself.”

Guy: “So they do suck and blow! Kinda like that old joke.”

At this point, his girlfriend rolls her eyes. He prods me with his elbow and chuckles.

Guy: “She doesn’t get it.” 

Me: *Unable to help myself* “Does that mean you don’t, either?” 

He shut up and grabbed the one he was looking at off the shelf. His girlfriend was laughing at him the whole way down the aisle.

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We Really, REALLY Don’t Want To Know

, , , , , , | Friendly | April 27, 2021

I rent a room in a house with a few other women. It’s a typical setup — a communal area and a small bedroom each. I don’t spend a lot of time in the communal area, but even less when [Roommate]’s boyfriend is there.

We shouldn’t even have visitors, but everyone looks the other way, especially if it is only for a night. But [Roommate] has him around for almost a week at a time. He’s creepy and obnoxious and I’m sure he steals food from the fridge. I only have one more year left at uni and then I will move, so I kind of switch off and just keep a distance.

I grab myself something to eat and cannot find my spatula anywhere. It’s a big, pink, silicone one, so it’s hard to miss. I make do without, but I’m keen to know where it is or if I need to replace it. I’ve asked everyone, aside from [Roommate], so I ask her when I see her next.

Me: “Hey, you don’t know where my spatula is, do you?”

Roommate: “Oh, we used it, sorry. I’ll wash it up.”

Me: “No worries. I just couldn’t find it in the kitchen anywhere. I don’t mind washing it. Where did you put it?”

Roommate: “Oh, yeah. It’s in my room.”

Me: *Oblivious* “Why would it be in your room?! You can’t cook in there with the smoke alarm.”

Roommate: “Well, sometimes we borrow it. Well, not all the time, but when he’s over, we—”

Me: “Oh, God, I cook with that!”

Roommate: “I’ll wash it!”

Me: “You will buy me a new one and never borrow anything from me again!”

Disgusted, I stopped talking to [Roommate]. A couple of weeks went by and she still hadn’t replaced the spatula. I reminded her and reminded her. She eventually refused, as the one I bought was “too expensive” and “no one needs a spatula as expensive as that.” 

I was going to leave it there, but she lied to the rest of the house and made me look like the bad guy. I told them what actually happened and they “banned” her from having guests around.

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Best To Stick To A Single Phone Call

, , , , , | Right | April 23, 2021

I work at a help desk for a company that has employees use an automated phone system to enter the time they worked, while their employers, who are mostly elderly or disabled, use the same system to approve them. Because it’s a phone system that we often need to train these clients on, we recommend they call the system with a separate phone and put it on speakerphone so we can guide them through the system, and therefore train the clients.

I’m on the phone with an elderly client.

Me: “Does this phone have speakerphone capability?”

Caller: “Yes, it does.”

Me: “Okay, please call [phone number].”

The caller dials the number and puts the second phone on speaker so I can hear. An automated system picks up, but it’s a perkier voice than the system our company uses.

Automated System: “Are you looking to talk with hot singles? We have the hottest men just waiting to take your call!”

Caller: “Oh, my!”

Me: “Ma’am, please disconnect the call. That’s not our system!”

Caller: *Hangs up the second phone.* “Oh, dear, I definitely didn’t call the right number.” *Pause* “Maybe later, but not now!”

We both had a good laugh over that one. I wish I had more callers like her!

This story is part of our Best Of April 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of April 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of April 2021 roundup!

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Do You Even HAVE A Brain-To-Mouth Filter?!

, , , , , | Working | April 12, 2021

I work in a restaurant. One of our worst employees — notoriously bad attitude, rude to guests and coworkers — is working as the expediter. She runs food out to a young couple. The guy had ordered a steak salad with grilled shrimp added on top. The expo says this as she’s putting their food down.

Expo: *To the guy’s date* “I hope you weren’t planning on sleeping with him, because he’s going to be farting all night.”

Obviously, their server was horrified when they told her what happened and she comped their entire meal.

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