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My Eyes Are Up Here, Seriously!

, , , , , | Working | November 12, 2021

I’m a 5’0″ tall woman with G-cup breasts, so my boobs are very noticeable. While I don’t do things to deliberately draw attention to them, there is no way to hide the fact that I have them.

I went to an eye doctor/eyeglasses store for a fresh eye exam and new eyeglasses. I wore a shirt with a mild scoop neck. Even with such a moderately modest shirt on, I couldn’t help but show a lot of cleavage.

After the examination, the eye doctor was assisting me in picking out new frames.

Me: “Which of these two frames do you think looks better on my face?”

He pointed at one.

Doctor: “I think those go better with your boobs. Ummmm, I mean eyes!”

Fortunately, I have a good sense of humor and his slip only made me laugh.

An Awkward Situation Becomes Exponentially More Awkward

, , , , , , , , | Related | November 8, 2021

I was asked by a lesbian couple to donate sperm for them so they could have a child. I was personally quite honored that they had chosen me and agreed to help with the promise I could visit their kids on occasion and play with them after the birth but with the understanding that I would not try to play the role of a “father” since the child would already have two parents. They didn’t want to go through the expense of a doctor visit, so we were doing artificial insemination at home without a doctor present.

The second or third month of trying, I came to visit them as usual for the donation. I did my regular playtime with their son for a while before finally heading into the bathroom to “do my part.” Usually, once I finish, I hand off my donation and immediately leave so my friend can go do her part immediately without worrying about wasting time on awkward pleasantries. I’ve already said my goodbyes to everyone ahead of time so I can make a quick exit.

This time, just as I came out and handed off the little container with my donation, there was a knock on the door. It turned out that my friend’s father had decided on a surprise visit. After stashing the donation in her room so he wouldn’t see it, my friend answered the door, and eventually, she introduced us.

Friend: “This is my father. Dad, this is our friend, [My Name].”

Father: “Oh, I’ve heard a lot about you. It’s really nice to finally meet you.”

I had honestly never thought to ask how much detail my friend had given her father about trying to conceive. I didn’t know whether her father was aware of the fact that I was donating sperm or if it was just the general stuff you would hear about a friend.

To make matters worse, the father then held out his hand to shake with me. I should point out that there are conflicting claims online that sperm being exposed to air for too long will harm the donation. I honestly think this isn’t an issue for the length of time it takes to hand it off, but just to be safe, I try to rush the donation to my friend after producing it, and amongst other things, that means I put off washing my hands after producing it until I get to my car and can use my hand sanitizer there. While I admit I’ve never been taught what the proper social etiquette is for meeting the father of the lesbian you’re trying to impregnate, I’m pretty sure that, given what I had just been doing in the bathroom, shaking his hand is not recommended.

Me: “Oh, sorry, I’d prefer not to shake hands right now, but it’s really nice to meet you, too.”

Father: “Oh, ’cause of [health crisis]? No problem.”

We were all vaccinated at this point. Considering I’d just been manhandling their son, roughhousing, tickling, throwing him on a couch, and dangling him by his toes, etc., I could hardly claim to have been the most cautious about the crisis; I thought our vaccination was sufficient protection. Still, this seemed as good an excuse as any for not shaking his hand, so I settled for a non-committal sound before my friend came to my rescue.

Friend: “[My Name] was just leaving, actually.”

Me: “Yeah, sorry to run so fast, but I really have to go to get home on time. It was really nice to meet you, though!”

With that, I fled like a coward, mentally wishing my friend good luck with figuring out how to handle her father’s visit while on a deadline to use the donation.

The Naked Truth Is That There’s Only So Much We Can Do

, , , | Right | CREDIT: barbellseed6969 | November 6, 2021

In our hotel, at 12:00 pm, we send security to all the departing rooms to let them know that it’s checkout time. We have a deal with a third party that allows a 2:00 pm checkout for their VIP members. We still send security to these rooms because if they check out without informing us, we can send housekeeping to the room and not wait until 2:00 pm. If the guest indicates that they will be using the late checkout, we don’t go in the room until 2:00 pm. If they don’t mention it, we send security up at twelve to check if they will be using it.

I sent security to a room with that 2:00 pm checkout. The guest wasn’t answering after three knocks, so security announced himself and peeked his head into the room. The guest then screamed for security to leave.

Shortly after, the guest called down.

Guest: *Angry* “Security walked in on me while I was naked!”

His tone of voice really bothered me; it was like a “Gotcha!” like he thought he would get compensated for this. The way he was talking was as if the hotel had messed up big time and he was about to get a comped stay or even more.

Guest: “Have a manager call me now!

I hung up the phone, waited a few minutes, and then called him back. I explained to him that what we had done was the hotel’s policy, and then I explained why we do it.

Guest: “That policy makes no sense!”

I just pretended to sound concerned: “Mmm, right, I see, okay.” Then, after he was done complaining, it got quiet.

Guest: “Sooo, uhhh…”

Me: “Was there any other question you had?”

Guest: “Well, no, but I just disagree with the policy.”

Me: “I understand that, sir.”

Guest: “Like, he literally saw me naked.”

Me: “He knocked three times, but you didn’t answer. He then announced himself before opening the door. Once it hits 12:00 pm, our security staff has the right to enter the room.”

Guest: “I was in the bathroom. How can I hear a knock from the bathroom?”

Me: “Well, he told me that he didn’t actually see you; he just heard you yell so he closed the door. If you were in the bathroom, then how did he walk in on you naked?”

Guest: *Stutters for a minute* “After I heard the door open, I stepped out of the bathroom naked.”

Me: “Well, sir, as I mentioned, he had knocked multiple times and had the right to enter the room at 12:00 pm.”

Guest: “Okay, well, I don’t think your policy is right. What’s the point of 2:00 pm checkout if someone is still going to come to your door? Doesn’t make sense.”

Me: “I’ll definitely pass your dissatisfaction with our policy on to a manager.”

Guest: *Silence*

Me: “Did you have any other questions?”

Guest: “You know, I’m not expecting anything, I just need to know that my complaint is heard.”

Me: “As I explained, I will be passing this on to a manager, so your complaint is heard.”

Guest: “Well, everyone just says they’ll pass it on. How do I know something will actually come of this?”

Me: “This is our hotel policy; I can’t guarantee that we will change it, especially since this is the first complaint anyone has ever had on it. But like I said, I’ll let a manager know.”

Guest: “I don’t want you to give me anything free or anything like that, but you’re not going to do anything for me?”

Me: “If you aren’t expecting any compensation, then what else can I really do for you other than pass your feedback onto a manager? Did you have something specific in mind?”

Guest: *Pauses* “So, you’re basically telling me you’re not going to do anything for me.”

Me: “What I’m doing for you is giving a manager your feedback as you asked. As for compensation, we can’t compensate someone just because they disagree with our policies.”

Guest: “So, basically, you’re not going to do anything.”

Me: “That is correct.”

He hung up.

Just to clarify, the 2:00 pm checkout is not a paid perk. It’s comped since they’re a member of the third-party service. The guest didn’t specifically pay to get a later checkout.

This Person Doesn’t Deserve Beer Delivery

, , | Right | November 6, 2021

I am making a beer delivery. I knock on the door and hear a man inside say, “Come in!” I walk in and see a man sitting there naked.

Me: “That is not cool, man. What if I’d been a female?”

Guy: “If you were a cute girl, I’d have offered you a beer.”

I made sure dispatch knew not to send girls there.

Where Would She Even Keep A Pen, Anyway?

, , , | Right | CREDIT: Xdemonamo177 | November 5, 2021

In my previous workplace, in a hotel, we had this stupid rule that if anyone wanted a refund, they had to sign an additional paper stating that they indeed wanted their money back. I don’t know what the reasoning was behind this policy and honestly, I don’t care.

One pleasant evening, I was tasked to print this lovely paper and go get the guest’s signature. I went and knocked on the door and instantly, without any reply, the door was opened by a smiling naked lady. I didn’t even manage to say a word.

There was a second or two of shock for both of us. I wasn’t expecting THAT, and as it seemed like she wasn’t, either.

Lady: “Oh, my gosh!”

And she slammed the door in my face. I stood there for a moment wondering what I should do next, and just as I decided to knock again and say sorry, I saw her husband bouncily walking in my direction with a bottle of wine. Evidently, he was the one the naked lady was waiting for.

“That’s my chance to get a signature and get out of here,” I thought, and I did. Fortunately, my shift was about to end, so I never saw them again. I wonder if she told her husband about that incident at all.