A friend and I (both girls) were at a video game store just browsing and hanging out. An employee comes up to us.

Employee: “Do you need help finding anything?”

Me: “No, thank you, we’re just looking.”

Employee: “Have you seen the new Nintendo DS XL’s?”

The Nintendo DS XL has just come out.

Employee: “They’re the best handhelds, and more suitable for games that girls enjoy!”

Friend: “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Employee: “I mean, uh… well…”

Me: *Giving the guy an ‘out’ of this conversation.* “No, thank you. We’ve never been into handheld games.”

Amazingly, despite my giving this dude an easy way out of the conversation, he doubles down.

Employee: “Oh, but they really are very good!”

Me: “I said we’re not interested.”

Employee: “But they have newer, bigger four-inch screens!”

Friend: “You’re not the first guy to try to convince me that four inches is impressive.”

That was the end of his sales pitch.

I walk into a corner shop just in time to hear a manager shouting at the young guy working behind the counter:

Manager: “You must like being on the bottom in the bedroom because the only thing you can do is f*** up!” 

The young guy swore back and stormed out, and I totally forgot what I went in there for in the first place…

The people in my office, all aged twenty-five and over, aren’t the most mature bunch.

Coworker #1: “Eww! Who farted!”

Coworker #2: “He who smelt it, dealt it.”

Coworker #1: “Really? What are you, nine?”

Coworker #2: “Fart rules!”

Coworker #1: “Well, he who said the rhyme did the crime.”

Coworker #2: “He who articulated it, particulated it.”

Coworker #1: “Whoever started it sh*rted it.”

Boss: “Okay, that’s enough, you two. Back to work. [Coworker #1], stop farting in the office.”

Coworker #1: “What?! It wasn’t me!”

Boss: “The one who denied it supplied it.”

Coworker #1: “…”

Everyone got back to work after that. No one knew who provided the raspberry tart.

I overhear the waitress talking to a guy at the table next to me.

Waitress: “Sir, I know what you’re ordering, and usually I don’t do this, but I feel if I didn’t say anything, I’d be doing you a disservice. It’s pronounced beef stroganoff, not strokin’ off.”

I was walking with some friends along a crowded road. In front of me comes a couple of women, quite attractive if I may say so.

From the other side of the road, two guys slowly zig-zagging on a scooter see them and start catcalling. At first, the women ignore them, until the guy riding the scooter shouts:

Catcaller: “Hey sis, what an amazing rack you got! Is it all yours?”

One of the two women turns around and shouts back, loud enough for everyone to hear:

Woman: “Why, do you share custody of your nuts with your father?”

The guy’s passenger almost fell from the scooter from the laughter and shock, and both quickly rode away between two wings of laughing bystanders.