A customer brings his laptop into our computer repair shop. It’s about a two- or three-year-old model by this point.

Customer: “My laptop has died. It won’t turn on.”

Me: “Okay, let’s have a look.”

I put the laptop on the bench in front of us, plug it in, and press the power button — which on this model is located fairly conspicuously just next to the keyboard. Lo and behold, it powers right up on the first try.

Customer: “Oh, I had no idea that there was a button there!”

Yes, he genuinely had no idea that the power button even existed and had simply never turned the computer off since his wife had turned it on a few years ago when it was new.

Related:
Laptop Flop, Part 35
Laptop Flop, Part 34
Laptop Flop, Part 33
Laptop Flop, Part 32
Laptop Flop, Part 31

I got my first computer in 1998 and quickly downloaded the ICQ messaging software. Yes, I’m old! A few hours after setting it up, I heard a sneeze. Then another sneeze. I called the computer store.

Me: “I think my new computer has a virus!”

Store Employee: “Why do you think that?”

Me: “It keeps sneezing!”

Store Employee: *Obviously trying not to laugh* “Have you installed ICQ?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Store Employee: “Someone is messaging you!”

He then gave up and laughed at full volume into the phone while I hung up, embarrassed.

Client: “I bought this Mac from you only eighteen months ago, and it’s not working anymore. This is ridiculous!”

I inspect it.

Me: “Well, if you see here, the insides are pretty well full of Coca-Cola.”

Client: “That’s impossible. I drink Pepsi.”

Throughout most of my working life, I’ve worked in IT. I’ve done it for myself for a bit and worked for a couple of local businesses. Of course, like any IT job, you’re going to come across your fair share of users and customers who are not so technically minded. But I find the funniest ones to be the simple terminology mix-ups.

Customer #1: “I need help with Microwave Word.”

Me: “…No problem, we can assist you with Microsoft word.”

Customer #2: “I need a cartilage for my printer.”

Me: “No worries, we sell ink cartridges for quite a few models of printers.”

Customer #3: “I need a fluffy disk.”

Me: “Yes, we can sell floppy disks.”

Customer: “Hey! I need help!”

He puts down his laptop and shows me his “issue.” He types “boobs” into Google.

Customer: “I only get articles about breast cancer and some saggy drawings! Where is the good stuff?!”

Me: “Uh… I… Can you please turn the screen away? Thanks. It looks like you have safe-search on. If you turn it off, it will show you results that have been marked as… explicit.”

Customer: “Oooh! How do I turn it off?”

Without looking at the screen, I explain the process.

Customer: “Okay, I have done that. Now what?”

Me: “Refresh your screen.”

Customer: *Does so* “Boobies!” 

Related:
Making A Boob Of One Self, Part 11
Making A Boob Of One Self, Part 10
Making A Boob Of One Self, Part 9
Making A Boob Of One Self, Part 8
Making A Boob Of One Self, Part 7