Back when 3G was the highest of G’s our phones were transmitting data at, I had a customer come in with his laptop.

Customer: “I want you to install a 3G card into my laptop.”

Me: “Okay, I see the laptop. Where is the 3G card?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t have it with me. You need it?”

Me: “If you want me to install it, then yeah.”

Customer: *Eye roll.* “Fine.”

When he came back the next day, he brought his 3G card, but not his laptop. He yelled at me.

Customer: “You never told me I needed both!”

Customer: “I want to return my [Refurbished Computer]. I found a cheaper one on Craigslist.”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t do returns on refurbished units, only store credit or exchanges.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! I wasn’t made aware.”

Me: “We tell you multiple times during the transaction.”

Customer: “Prove it.”

Me: “Here’s a paper with your signature saying you agreed to those terms.”

Customer: “That doesn’t count. I didn’t read it.”

Me: “Doesn’t matter, you signed it, and it’s your own choice to sign stuff without reading it.”

Customer: “Well, I’m just gonna leave the computer here so you have to give me a refund.”

He put the computer on the counter and walked out.

He ended up calling us a few times asking about the refund status, and we kept telling him no and “pick up your s***!”. 

This was six months ago. We still have it, and we’re just gonna repurpose it at this point.

A customer is looking at a $199 low-end laptop.

Customer: “Can this play Cyberpunk 2077?”

Me: “That is a game I have at home that just about runs on 32GB of RAM.”

Customer: “So… can this play Cyberpunk 2077?”

Me: “That has 4GB of RAM, so… no.”

Customer: “What if I play it on low settings?”

Me: “Let me put it this way. If you want to spend under $200 for a gaming laptop, I really hope you like Solitaire…”

Had a client call today; she has a new computer she got a couple of months ago, but it wasn’t booting all of a sudden. 

She brings in the tower, plugs it in, turns it on, and it boots up.

I do a quick check for Windows updates, and everything is fine.

Me: “Did you have any devices plugged in, like an external drive, tablet, phone, etc?”

Client: “I didn’t.”

She takes the computer home. I get a call an hour later; her computer is plugged back in but stuck on the Dell screen.

Me: “And is there anything else plugged into the computer?”

Client: “I have this thing that says Seagate.”

Seagate is a major manufacturer of external drives.

Me: “That’s… an external hard drive. Remember I asked if you had anything like that plugged in earlier?”

Client: “I thought it had something to do with the video card.”

Me: “No. No, it doesn’t. Turn the computer off, unplug the Seagate, turn the computer back on.”

Miraculously, the computer boots normally.

Client: “So I don’t really need this since I have Dropbox, right?”

Me: “Right, plus the fact that the drive is apparently failing since it’s preventing your computer from booting.”

It’s almost as if people could try listening when I ask them questions or at least ask for clarification.

Back in the nineties, I worked for a national chain of computer stores. I saw a customer looking confused at our selection of keyboards.

Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yeah, none of your keyboards have ‘I’ on them!”

I point out the “I” on the nearest keyboard.

Customer: “Oh… I thought it was a small ‘L’.”