His Lack Of Computation Is Astounding

, , , | Right | June 1, 2017

(My first job in IT, around 1993, was in a small PC shop that did not have any field support for our clients but I did help out clients over the phone in order for me to decide whether or not they should bring in their equipment.)

Me: “Good day. Thank you for calling [Shop]. My name is [My Name]. How may I assist you?”

Client: “I just bought this game and the music sounds extremely garbled.”

(It is one of the early Command and Conquer games.)

Me: “It should not sound like that. Have you tried reconnecting the speakers?”

Client: “Yes, I have done that and it still sounds like s***. But my other discs all sound fine.”

Me: “Would you be able to bring in your computer so that we can diagnose it on site?”

Client: “Unfortunately, I cannot as I don’t have a car and only ride bikes.”

(I remember that the client has signed up for our monthly newsletter.)

Me: “I see that you have signed up for our monthly newsletter and notice that your home address is on my way home as I live nearby. I am knocking off in about 15 minutes and can be at your home in another 10 minutes, so I can be there in 25 minutes. How does that sound?”

Client: “That sounds good.”

(I then knock off and get to the client’s house. He shows me to his study and he reproduces the steps that he had followed earlier. But the ‘device’ that he is playing the ‘computer game’ on is definitely not a computer. It is a hi-fi with a CD player.)

Client: “I heard from a friend that the music on the disc was awesome. Not scratchy and irritating like this.”

Me: “Well, sir, what you are actually listening to is actual computer data. Your hi-fi won’t be able to read the data properly and it is therefore spewing out this rubbish.”

Client: “Well, how do we then fix it?”

Me: “You would need to get a computer to play this disc.”

Client: “What the heck is a computer?”

A Model Employee

, , , | Romantic | May 31, 2017

(I work in a computer store in a department where we sell computer parts. We assist customers in picking out parts and sometimes assist with actually putting the computer together as well. Assisting a customer with a complete build is a long process, and often takes a few hours — sometimes a few hours on multiple days. I have been working with this one customer for two hours at this point, and until now he has been completely normal. We have parts for nearly the entire build picked out, and the only thing left is a wireless card, because he wants his desktop to have wi-fi.)

Customer: “Have you ever been a model?”

Me: “No, not really—”

Customer: “You should be a model.”

Me: “Haha. I’m not interested in—”

Customer: “I’m an artist.”

(I don’t respond. This customer has quickly been getting creepier. For some reason, he changes his entire way of speaking when this exchange begins. He starts speaking more nasally, and elongating the vowels in words. Plus, he cuts me off when I respond to him.)

Customer: “I’m an artist. You should let me draw you.”

Me: “Sir, I’m really not interested–”

Customer: “I can pay you 50 dollars to come to my studio. I have clothes for you, but you wouldn’t have to wear any.”

(While he’s saying this, a coworker, also a woman, happens to come across us and addresses him.)

Coworker: “Sir—”

Customer: “Ugh, I don’t want YOU. Whatever.”

(He turned and left in a huff. He didn’t buy anything, of course.)

Their Computer Experience Is Green

| UK | Right | January 27, 2017

(I’m working on the IT helpdesk of the store I work in when I get a customer call in.)

Customer: “I bought a laptop there yesterday and now it’s broken. What do I do to fix it?”

Me: “Could you please describe how it’s broken?”

Customer: “It’s green.”

Me: “Green?”

Customer: “Green.”

Me: “Anything else?”

Customer: “It’s green!”

Me: “So the casing is green?”

Customer: “I don’t know what that is. Why aren’t you helping me?”

Me: “I’m trying to, madam. Could you please describe what exactly is green?”

Customer: “It… it’s just green.”

Me: “Okay. Are you able to turn the laptop over and tell me what the information on the back is?”

(She reads me the information and I check the model. It isn’t available in green so I’m at a loss as to what she is describing, until I notice the laptop I have been working on through the day.)

Me: “Is it green on the front, like a small light?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Was it a different colour before?”

Customer: “Orange! I like orange. Can it be orange again?”

Me: “And is it connected to a live plug?”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Madam?”

Customer: “A… what?”

Me: *while praying she knows what this means* “Is it… charging?”

Customer: “Like my iPhone? Yes, it is!”

Me: “Well, it’s doing what your iPhone does when you charge it up. The green light is when it’s fully charged.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Do you understand?”

Customer: “I think so. So when can you fix it?”

Me: “There’s nothing wrong with it. That is what the laptop is designed to do.”

Customer: “But I want the orange!”

Me: “If you take it off charge and use it for a while, then charge it up again, it will be orange again for a short time.”

Customer: “It will?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Oh, my God! It’ll be like a Christmas present only all year round! Thank you so much!” *hangs up*

Did The Magic Smoke Come Out, Too?

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Right | October 11, 2016

Customer In Front Of Me: *to computer guy* “Hi, my computer made a bang noise, stopped working, then there was weird smell… Is that a bad thing?”

A Skin-Deep Assumption

| England, UK | Related | September 28, 2016

(I’m browsing a popular video game store, with my young daughter. We are wandering around when one of the staff disappears into a back room.)

Daughter: “Daddy, where did the black one go?”

(I’m shocked. We never refer to anyone by their skin colour; the employee did have very dark skin. Was it her grandad? The kids at nursery? Before I could think what to say, she asks again.)

Daughter: “Daddy, the black one, where did he go?”

Me: “Now, you know that’s not how we talk about people. We don’t call them by the colour of their skin.”

Daughter: “No, daddy, the one in the black shirt.”

(He appeared in a jet black t-shirt. Thankfully, he thought it funny and smiled and waved at her.)

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