An Explosive Assumption

, , , , , , | Working | November 6, 2020

I’m waiting in line to do a return. It’s early morning, and the store is empty except for the employee behind the counter, a woman in line in front of me, and me. The woman in line is wearing a green jacket with a vaguely military cut, but she’s clearly not in uniform.

Woman: “Hi, I need to return this wireless keyboard. Most of the keys don’t work.”

The employee looks at the keyboard.

Employee: “Unfortunately, your warranty doesn’t cover accidental drops. Can you tell me what happened?”

The woman starts miming the accident.

Woman: “So, I had it sitting on a table, and I was trying to look up… Actually, I’ll just get to the relevant part. It was hit by a mortar a—”

Employee: “A mortar?! Oh, my God, are you okay?!

Woman: “No, it—”

Employee: “Where were you?! I’m amazed this is all that happened!”

Woman: “I wa—”

Employee: “Of course, we’ll get this replaced! You just wait right here!”

He grabs the keyboard and rushes into the back. The woman turns back to me with her mouth open mid-word and her hands still held up miming the action of grinding something.

Woman: “…and pestle. It was hit by a mortar and pestle. That I dropped.”


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Maybe You Should Just Close For The Day

, , , | Working | November 2, 2020

I need a new computer. I go to a national company with a local branch that generally served me well and take a look at what is available.

I talk to the salesman, pointing at one which has all I want at a price I am prepared to pay.

Me: “I’d like to take a look at that one.”

Salesman: “Certainly.”

He goes off to get it and then comes back.

Salesman: “Sorry, that one’s out of stock.”

I point to the one next to it; it’s almost what I want, but it is a bit more expensive.

Me: “What about that one?”

The same thing happens again: the salesman goes off to get it and then comes back.

Salesman: “Sorry, that’s out of stock, as well. We get our deliveries on Thursday.”

Me: “No worries, then. I’ll go somewhere else that isn’t playing bait-and-switch.”

I went to a different company and got a computer sort of the same as the one I’d been looking at but considerably cheaper.

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Needs To Update His Newsfeed, Not His Operating System

, , , , , | Right | September 16, 2019

(It is September 16, 2001, five days after the terrorist attacks on the USA’s east coast. While we are 3000 miles from there, many people have friends or family who have been affected. Our computer store was supposed to have the new Mac OS available, but with plane flights suspended, we haven’t gotten it yet. One man is less than understanding, and is screaming at my coworker:)

Customer: “What do you mean, you don’t have it?! Your ad promised it would be here, and I reserved a copy weeks ago! How can you not have it?!”

(He pauses for breath and I put on my best “helpful customer service” voice.)

Me: “Sir, due to the terrorist attacks Tuesday, in which thousands of people died, shipping has been disrupted. Would you like to leave your name and number so we can call you when your order arrives?” *which we’d be doing for everyone who pre-ordered, anyway*

Customer: *after a long pause, blushes, and whispers* “No, thank you; I’ll check back later.”

(At least he had the grace to be embarrassed.)

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The Motherboard Of All Misunderstandings

, , , | Right | August 20, 2019

(We do a motherboard replacement for a customer. Everything seems to be fine except that a moment or two after Windows loads, the screen takes on a yellow tinge. Since it does the same thing when hooked up to an external monitor, we figure the parts distributor has sent a motherboard with a faulty video chip — the logic being that if it was a screen issue, then an external monitor would look normal. I have reloaded the video driver just in case, with the same results. So, I make the dreaded call to the customer, who’s a 20-something kid with a bit of an attitude.)

Me: “It’s looking like the parts distributor sent us a faulty motherboard, since it gets this yellow tinge after it loads Windows.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, it’s supposed to do that. It’s an app I put in which reduces glare at night.” 

Me: “So… you know we’re putting in a new motherboard and it doesn’t occur to you to tell us that you run an app which turns the screen yellow?!

(We try to get as much info from clients as we can – passwords, exact symptoms, what antivirus and version of Windows they run, etc. It has never occurred to me that I should need to ask someone if they TINT THEIR FRIGGING SCREEN. So, we wasted an hour of our time troubleshooting a problem that wasn’t a problem. Under normal circumstances, an issue like this — in my experience — would be hardware-related. And people wonder why I get high blood pressure.)

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A Cents-less Complaint

, , , , , | Right | May 13, 2019

(At our store, when the chain stops carrying an item but we still have some in stock for a long time afterward, the price of the item is adjusted to one cent before the inventory manager actually goes around to collect the items and destroy them. We have one customer who must either spend all his time on our website looking for these things or he has some program set up to do it for him, because he orders almost every single one of them for in-store pickup before we can actually dispose of them. Furthermore, one-cent items are all he ever buys. He has probably bought hundreds of things over several years, and in that entire time, he has only paid the store a few dollars. Today, he gets mad at us because we can’t find some batteries he ordered. We have offered him some other, equivalent batteries at half-price to make up for it. This conversation is between him and one of the managers.)

Customer: “It’s not right! I ordered four cents’ worth of batteries and your worker tried to make me spend ten dollars, instead!”

Manager: “Mhmm. She assumed you actually needed the batteries and tried to find the least expensive substitute for you.”

Customer: “She’s trying to rob me for her own commission! Your customer service here just keeps getting worse. Give these to me for the same price as the ones I ordered.”

Manager: “We can’t do that, since that is less than we paid for them. We would be losing money.”

Customer: “Well, I’m just going to take my business to [Online Retailer] from now on!”

Manager: “Go for it. Good luck finding one-cent items there.”

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