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These Cookies Are Made With Fax Seeds

, , , , | Right | October 1, 2023

An older lady comes into the store during the golden age of fax machines.

Customer: “I hear you can do faxing for customers?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, we can do that for you. How many pages are you looking to fax?”

Customer: “Pages? What are you talking about? I want to send these cookies to my daughter!”

She places a tin on the counter.

Me: “Uh… I think you’d be better off using a post office for that.”

Customer: “Oh, do they have a fax machine, too?”

We’re Flat-Out Amazed

, , , , , | Right | September 29, 2023

After an hour on the phone with someone trying to help them access their credit card’s account online, I have to send them a password reset. They’re a little older, so I use simple language when helping them navigate windows and pop-ups.

Me: “You can leave the credit card page open by clicking the long flat line button next to the red X in the top right corner. That should put that screen down, and go check your email with the webpage still at the bottom of the page.”

The phone goes quiet for a moment, and I hear some shuffling.

Caller: “Okay! I’ve put it down, but now I can’t see my email.”

Me: “Well, what do you see?”

Caller: “Uh, my wall?”

He had laid the monitor FLAT on the desk.

Laptop Flop: The Movie

, , , , , | Right | September 29, 2023

I worked at a sales call center for an electronics store back when every laptop had optical drives.

Caller: “I’m looking to see what you have in comparison for notebooks against a competitor’s notebook.”

Me: “I can certainly help you with that. Do you know the make or model of the notebook you wish to compare against?”

Caller: “I know it’s a DK6740.”

Me: “I’m not familiar with that particular model. Is it okay if I place you on hold while I look into it?”

She says yes, and after a few minutes of Googling, I’m turning up zero results. I bring her off hold and ask where she saw it, who makes it, etc., and then go back to Googling. I find a potential search result match, but when I click the link, it turns out to just be a DVD player.

Me: “Ma’am, can I ask what you’re looking to use your notebook for? The only result I found is for a DVD player.”

Caller: “Is it black?”

Me: “Yes?”

Caller: “That’s the one!”

Me: “Oh, okay, so you’d like a notebook that you’ll mainly be using to play movies on?”

Caller: “Exactly!”

I go over what she’d like to use the notebook for and customize a midrange system to suit her needs, along with a few accessories. Then, I tell her a price of around $450, to which she laughs at me.

Caller: “That’s a little pricey.”

Me: “Well, you mentioned that you wanted to be able to do [functions], which you can do with the laptop, but you won’t be able to even access the Internet on the DVD player.”

Caller: “But here’s the thing. I don’t want to do all that. I just want to play DVDs.”

Me: “Well, I hate to lose a customer, but a DVD player might be your better option, then.”

Caller: *Becoming irate* “What?! Why the f*** can’t you price-match it?!”

Me: “You’re asking me to match the price of a laptop to a DVD player. How would that be different than walking down to the Chevrolet dealership and asking them to price-match against a bag of grapes?”

Caller: “Those are two separate situations, a**hole! All I’m going to use the notebook for is movies!”

Me: “Then I would recommend that you just buy a DVD player.”

Caller: “But I want a notebook!”

Me: “I’m not sure you do. If we proceed with this call, then I am selling you a notebook for a notebook’s price, which is $450. Shall we proceed?”

Caller: “…I’m not sure I like you.”

Me: “I don’t think you’re sure of anything. Have a nice day, ma’am!”

When you work in a sales call center, they’ll let you end a call if you know it’s not going to end in a sale. Call volume and sales over caller satisfaction can be exhausting, but it does mean you don’t have to put up with exhausting customers!

A Whole Scroll Of Issues

, , , , , , | Working | September 29, 2023

The Human Resources lady bursts into our office instead of logging a ticket.

HR Lady: “My computer is broken! It’s an emergency! I can’t do my job until you fix it!”

Since she is prone to causing a fuss, I decide to humor her and go to her desk.

Me: “What problem are you having?”

HR Lady: “Can’t you see?! The scroll bar on my inbox is gone! It’s gone!

She is dramatically pointing at her email inbox.

Me: “Well, obviously. You’ve only got three items in there.”

HR Lady: “Well, fix it!”

Me: “There’s nothing to fix. The scroll bar will reappear when you get more emails.”

HR Lady: “No! You need to fix it now!”

Me: “Tell you what. Log the ticket officially, and I’ll fix it within the hour.”

She does so, and when I receive it I log the problem (without making her sound stupid, but anyone reading it will know that she is), and I especially log my creative solution.

Me: “I emailed the user ten times. Scroll bar magically reappeared.”

Installation Prophetization

, , , | Right | September 29, 2023

Caller: “I need you to send out a technician.”

Me: “Okay, tell me about what issue you’re having, and I’ll help you troubleshoot.”

Caller: “No, I don’t want you to troubleshoot. I want you to send me out a technician.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I need to try to diagnose the problem before I can send out a technician.”

Caller: *Sighs* “Fine. I’m installing your [latest software].”

Me: “And what issue did you have with the installation?”

Caller: “I haven’t installed it yet!”

Me: “Oh. So, what did you need the technician for?”

Caller: “In case something goes wrong! I don’t want to have to wait!” 

He did not get his technician.