You Have To Spend Money To Make Money… But Not Like That

, , , , , , | Working | February 15, 2021

I start at a new company in a quality role. They tell me that they have a good system of processes and procedures working, and they just need someone to manage the day-to-day activities, but I should make the odd improvement suggestion where I can find one.

I start and I can see the cracks a mile away. Everything looks good on the surface, and the monthly reports are all green with very few mistakes being reported, but out of the window, the repair guy has a pile of work taller than him. Customer complaints are low, but there are hundreds of boxes of duplicate parts that get rushed out in case of mistakes. Sometimes the replacements that are sent out to replace the replacement parts also need replacing.

Every time I look into an issue or open a cupboard, more thinly-covered cracks begin to show. I find out why when I propose a series of simple cheap improvements that would definitely improve, if not solve, many of the issues.

Senior Manager: “I’m sorry, but there is no money in the budget. If you can save some money somewhere else, I could possibly allow you to spend that.”

Me: “But I can prove that this will save money overall. You would save double what I spend in a year’s time.”

Senior Manager: “Yes, that does look good, but there is no money to spend now. Let me know how you get on. I have another meeting, I’m afraid.”

He was dressed very smartly, so I assumed he was off to some high-level customer meeting. I left the issue for now. I later found out that he was actually going to a black-tie event costing the company tens of thousands of pounds. It wasn’t even anything to do with the company.

This is a man who was earning a six-figure salary, solely employed to save the company money and improve the production process! I ended up lasting six months, but I felt I was talking to a brick wall every day and left for a better job that wanted me to help.

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It’s All About Who You Know

, , , , , , | Working | November 13, 2020

After several years at my first professional job after college, I’m promoted to supervisor of a small group of engineers doing design and analysis of power plant equipment. I supervise the group’s daily activities but have almost no say in who is hired for or assigned to the group.

One Monday morning, I’m called into my manager’s office to be introduced to a new hire engineer assigned to my group. He’s right out of college but seems well qualified.

After about six months, he starts finding excuses for not getting his work done. He’s married with a child on the way, and it seems he needs the job. We discuss his productivity, but things just keep getting worse.

After nine months, he comes in, tells me he’s quitting, and starts gathering up his personal belongings into a briefcase that I have not seen before. The briefcase has a name tag with his name and the title “Vice President of Research” for a company with “[Family Name] Engineering” in a city about a hundred miles away. Turns out his father was the company founder and gave him the vice president job upon graduation, pending working a year in the industry.

Apparently, nine months was good enough for the father. His salary was going to be about double what I was making at that time. The idea was for him to eventually take over the company. We never heard from him again. I hope he worked for his father’s company better than he did for us.

This story is part of our Best Of November 2020 roundup!

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Open-Source Stupidity

, , , , , | Working | August 19, 2020

I am an industrial automation technician in a manufacturing plant and, as such, I write programs for our different systems. We have one of those “know it all” engineers who loves to tell me how to do my job but doesn’t have a clue what it’s about.

As an analogy, he’s a biology engineer and doesn’t know how to use a hammer, but because he adds windshield washer himself in his car, he figures he can tell a mechanic how to repair the transmission.

We get a new machine. It comes all assembled with its own control computer with the program/software they developed. We’re talking a half-million-dollar machine.

The engineer comes to me while the supplier is installing the machine.

Engineer: “Go with them and see how the program is made. It might be helpful.”

Me: “Why? It won’t be of any help. It’s their program and it’s locked. I can’t do anything to it.”

Engineer: “Yes, you can. We bought it.”

Me: “What you bought is the user’s license for it.”

Engineer: “Yes. We have the license, which means that you can modify the program in it.”

Me: “When you get Windows or any other OS, you buy a license. Does it gives you the right to alter it?”

Engineer: “Well… yes, when I install Word or something else, I’m modifying it. We have other machines of the same brand and you program them. Just go and look up their software to get how they program it so you will be able to modify it.”

Me: “That’s not the same. I can’t modify their program because it’s locked, write-protected. I can’t open it without the proper password. It’s their intellectual property. Their copyright. I have no right and no way to even access it. I can install Word but I can’t modify it.”

Engineer: “Yes, you can; we bought the license.”

Me: “The operation license. Not the source code.”

It took me close to half an hour of arguing to make him understand the difference between a proprietary software and an open-source one, or a machine you buy blank and program the way you want to. Even then…

Engineer: “I’ll ask them. Come with me. They’ll tell you.”

Me: “You go on. I have something to finish here first.”

I didn’t follow, and he never talked to me again about it. I guess “they told him.”

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Desperately Need It Working… On The Clock

, , , | Right | May 7, 2020

I answer the phone.

Caller: “The system you sold us isn’t working!”

Me: “Okay, try [basic troubleshooting].”

Caller: “It still isn’t working; we desperately need it working today!”

Me: “Okay, no problem. We are only five minutes away. Could you drop it off?”

Caller: “Oh, well… I’m going home in like thirty minutes. I guess it can wait.”

The next week he turned up, only after making sure that he got a paid lunch for doing it.

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This Request Is Measured In Nonometers

, , , , | Right | May 4, 2020

We supply high-accuracy equipment. The phone rings.

Caller: “We need something that can measure to 0.001 mm. Will [most basic equipment] do?”

Me: “I’m afraid not; the system you mentioned is an entry-level system for museums and art studios.”

Caller: “Well, what do you have? Our current system is overloaded.”

Me: “We have [higher-end models].”

Caller: “No! Too expensive and not accurate enough!”

Me: “With all due respect, there isn’t a system available on this planet that accurate, and if there was it would be very expensive.”

Caller: “Rubbish! We use [Model] and it is fine!”

Me: “I’m sorry but I have been in this business for ten years; what you need doesn’t exist.”

Turns out that the caller was a quality manager of a whole company and the magic equipment he was using was not only out of date but was never that accurate even on the day it was made.

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