It Would Be Better Explained If You Lip-Synced It For Your Life

, , , , , , , , , , | Right | May 7, 2021

I am selling something online. I provide my Whatsapp number for messaging but I am surprised when I get a call from an American number claiming interest in my item.

Caller: “I figured since I will be in San Francisco this weekend I could just swing by and pick it up?”

Me: “That’s great, except I’m in London. Nothing in my ad says I’m in San Francisco.”

Caller: “So that’s like… what, East Bay?”

Me: “What? No… London. London, England.”

Caller: “So down near Mountain View?”

Me: “No! London. With the bridge. The Queen lives there.”

I hear someone else on the caller’s side speak up.

Person With Caller: “What’s going on?”

Caller: *Replying* “I don’t know. They’re saying they’re a queen in San Francisco.”

Person With Caller: “Drag queens, honey. They’re called drag queens in San Francisco.”

I wonder if there is a confused-looking woman now wandering the streets of San Francisco looking for a drag queen with a used toaster oven.

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And They Wonder Why People Pirate

, , , , , , | Working | April 29, 2021

As strange as it may seem to some, I have a penchant for physical media. I like to own DVDs of shows I enjoy, and I like to get them in sets where possible.

The final season of one of my all-time favourite cartoons is released. I see occasional part-one-of-five DVDs for various seasons in my local retail store, but nothing else. I wait, and wait, and wait. A year goes by. I still can only find those parts, and only of early seasons, never of later ones. Maybe they just haven’t released them yet?

Finally, I look them up online, and I find that the distributors have a full box set available and claim to do international shipping. Perfect! I try to order a set to come to my small island, but it won’t bring up a price for it. After contacting their help center, it transpires that while they can ship some things internationally, they cannot, for a complicated reason to do with distribution rights, sell their own product to an individual consumer outside their area for some products. I just have to wait.

And wait…

And wait…

Three years pass and there’s still no sign of it in my region. But wait! I have saved enough for a wild holiday. This is likely to be the only time when I have enough flexible free time and money free to do this, so I plan to go to Disneyland! I figure, while I’m in America, I’ll try and get some of those coveted DVDs that can’t be sent to New Zealand. But I know some places are fussy about where they send to. So I contact the help team again.

I thank them for their earlier assistance over the country matter — stupid in hindsight, but I wanted to be friendly — and offer that I’ll be traveling soon, and want to know if they ship their products to hotels.

I’m swiftly informed that they won’t send them to New Zealand.

Ah, my mistake. They must have confused my thanks as to where I’m traveling. I apologise and clarify that I’m coming to America. I will be within the USA for a time. Do they deliver to American hotels?

Another fast response: “Because you’re from New Zealand, our DVD’s will not work for you”

By now, I’m puzzled. Surely they must know that region-free DVD players exist, and even if they didn’t, this is clearly a loyal customer wanting to own a legitimate copy of the source media. I politely state that I don’t care about that; I just want to know if they send to hotels.

I get no answer. I end up calling the help line a few days later, with that and another question. Once again, I get a representative who tells me that they cannot ship to New Zealand, and even once I politely clarify yet again that this will be an American hotel, they counter with the fact that I will not be able to use them outside of the country. Is America booby-trapping DVDs now?

My temper frays a little and I utter that I do not care, I just wish to buy the DVDs, to have them, regardless of how they work, so could they please answer the question. I get a resounding, confused, “I guess?”

Good! A probable answer! I try my next question: do they do delayed shipping? I order today, they send my order out next month before I travel? That one is a far simpler “no,” and I go on my way.

This is all the warm-up for the fun that is about to happen. You see, there are some other DVDs from another company that I want, so I have also been in contact with them. They are delighted to hear that I will be able to purchase directly from them, and they gladly give me everything I need to know about shipping from them. While they do not do delayed orders either, they give me their best expected shipping times and apologise that once it’s with the courier they cannot control it more closely. They advise me on what dates I can best order by for the order to reach me in a timely fashion, alongside a suggestion of going for the expedited shipping if I am worried about cutting it too close. Happy with the thought, I order from both companies on the same day with the same address information two weeks before leaving. Both companies have their products in stock and are due to ship in two to five days.

Three days after placing the orders, the first company sends me an email saying my address has bounced back. Due to my unfamiliarity with American addresses, I listed both the suburb and the city, and apparently, the system hadn’t flagged it when it was submitted. Oh, well, mistakes happen. I send the correction immediately, a little surprised that a human looking at it hadn’t figured out what was going on.

Three more days pass. I get a note saying my update has been received.

Three more. My order is now being processed.

Three more. My order is now underway! Lovely, two to five days. It might show up right at the end of my trip, but that’s fine.

Now I’m traveling. Forty-eight hours later I’m on the other side of the world, checking in to a fancy hotel. The clerk surprises me with a package that arrived almost a week before me. [Company #2]’s DVDs, a double copy for both me and my sister, shine brightly in their clingfilm. I thank the clerk kindly and fall asleep for another twelve hours.

And when do the larger [Company #1]’s DVDs get to me? They get to the hotel a week after I leave, and they take another two weeks to arrive in New Zealand from there. It costs an additional $50 that it wouldn’t have if [Company #1] had bothered to respond to my actual money as fast as they did to their desire to say they didn’t want it.

For the curious: they didn’t explode, either. My region-free DVD player and I continue to enjoy media from around the world, purchased legitimately to support creators. I also found out that New Zealand post now has a service to deal with such matters.

The lesson [Company #1] taught me was, “Don’t give them your money; they really don’t want it.”

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He Knows The Boss, Owner, President, And CEO!

, , | Right | April 22, 2021

I’m a freelance tech, working with specific video game systems and a few other machines. While I work with a few local stores, I don’t have any superiors, as I own the business. I get an email one day asking for a quote on a repair.

Customer: “I need a quote on a repair. It’s broken.”

Me: “Hi there! What machine do you have, and what specific model? Do you know what is damaged? If you aren’t sure, I can give an estimate.”

I don’t hear back for two more days.

Customer: “It’s a [Video Game System I don’t repair]. Don’t know what’s wrong. Need it fixed today.”

The system in question is a line of systems I haven’t yet learned to do repairs on, and as such, I have no tools or parts specific for it.

Me: “Unfortunately, I don’t work with [System]. I do know [Other Company] does repairs, so your best option is to contact them.”

Five minutes later, I get a response.

Customer: “You’re lying. I called your boss yesterday. He said you’d fix it in an hour. I’ll call him and tell him you’re lying.”

I’m very sure the person emailing is lying, as I’ve never had a boss in this business or even a partner. My boyfriend occasionally goes with me to pick up systems from the stores I work with, but he isn’t in any way part of the work. In addition, my only contact point is through email, as I have hearing loss and can’t hear over the phone.

Me: “Unfortunately, I am the only employee of [My Company]. If you did speak with someone on the phone, it was someone impersonating me. I have not ever worked with [System]. I can only refer you to [Other Company].”

A reply comes through another five minutes later.

Customer: “I’m going to file a report against you for fraud. Hope you can afford to close.”

A couple of days later, I’m at a store to drop off some finished repairs. I’m talking with the guy there, who also owns the store. I mention the person emailing me about my non-existent boss.

Owner: “Wait, was the emailer [Customer]?”

Me: “Pretty sure, why?”

Owner: “I’ve gotten a few emails from him, too. Then he called. He said he talked to the CEO of [Store] who promised him a free [System] and games. Started screaming at me and said he’d call the cops when I told him I was the owner.”

I asked the other stores I worked with, and most of them said they’d had some experience with that guy. Unfortunately for him, we’re all still in business.

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Treat Yourself, Whether You Want To Or Not

, , , , , , | Working | April 19, 2021

I want to buy a $150 gift for a friend from a popular handmade craft site.

Me: “Hi, I’m looking at [gift]. I’d like to send it to my friend in another state but I don’t see a gifting option.”

Seller: “Hi! No problem, just fill out your billing info and send me a message when you’ve ordered, and I’ll make a note that it goes to your friend.”

Me: “Okay, thanks!”

I do as she asks and she provides tracking info when the gift ships. Two weeks after I order, a package arrives at my door. It is the present intended for my friend. I check the tracking and see that the gift is on its way to my friend’s house.

Me: “Hey, I’m sorry, I’m confused. I asked for [gift] to be sent to my friend but… I’m looking at it.”

Seller: “No, I sent it to [Friend’s address]. You should have the tracking info.”

Me: “Right, I do. But I have the gift here.”

I send a picture of the gift beside the box with my shipping address. Two days pass before she responds.

Seller: “I must have sent it to you by mistake. You can send it to your friend and I’ll refund your shipping charges.”

Me: “I’m still confused. How can I be tracking the package going to [Friend] in [State] but still be looking at it right now?”

Three days pass.

Seller: “You must be tracking the wrong package.”

Me: “Okay…”

Another week passes and my friend calls to tell me he does have the gift. Now very confused, I contact the seller again.

Me: “So, you did ship [gift] to [State] because it just arrived.”

Seller: “Oh, maybe [Someone ELse] sent one by mistake.”

Me: “Who?”

Two days pass.

Seller: “A friend of mine. Sometimes she helps me when I get backed up.”

Me: “Oh. Okay, then. I’ll just send this back tomorrow. Do you need tracking info?”

Seller: “Sorry, you’re outside the fourteen-day return policy. I’ll have to charge you for the second [gift].”

Me: “I ordered one. You sent two. How is that my fault?”

Seller: “You have two. You pay for two, or I’ll get [Website] involved.”

Me: “Okay.”

We each emailed [Website] and waited. During the wait, the seller continuously sent messages saying I should have shipped it back as soon as I realized what had happened and it was my fault. In the end, the website sided with her because I was outside the fourteen days and I had to fork over another $150. If she hadn’t taken so long to reply, I would have been within the fourteen days and could have saved myself the money. I still have the gift because I couldn’t just throw it away after spending all that money on it, but now I hate looking at it.

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Buckets And Buckets And Buckets Of Coal

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: Average_Scaper | March 29, 2021

My mom is selling some of her old toys that are rare and in decent condition. She would rather them go to a collector of old toys and not a child, but if the parent chooses to buy them for their child then they must pay the full asking price.

She posts the toys in a sale group, and she gets a message about some items.

The grammar and spelling are presented here exactly as they occurred in the original conversation.

Woman: “Are these still for sale?”

Mom: “Yes, they are $10 ea individually or $50 for all.”

Woman: “Thats way too much for my child”

Mom: “Sorry, that’s what I’m asking and I’m in no rush to sell them.”

Woman: “It’s Christmas and the toys are old and played with allready. I didn’t get my kids gifts yet. I dont have work cos of [the health crisis].”

Mom: “So you want me to just give them to you? I’d prefer these go to a collector. You can go to a resale shop and find toys super cheap. Plus, Christmas literally comes on the same time every year. Plan ahead next time maybe?”

Woman: “Your a b****. Your running my kids Christmas! These toys are garbage. You can give them to me. They not worth money.”

Mom: “Yeah, I AM a b****. I do not give a s*** about your kids Christmas. Maybe you should worry more about you being a s***ty parent who can’t plan ahead than if I can make a buck off a 50 year old toy train, eh? Merry Christmas!”

Since my mom is also the admin of the group, the woman was removed. There had been other complaints about her in the past, so this was the final straw.

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