Charisma Is Clearly This Troll’s Lowest Attribute

, , , , , , | Friendly | April 18, 2019

I’m an avid player of a particular MMORPG. It isn’t the most well-known one in the genre, which I’m fine with since a smaller community generally means fewer trolls and the like. They certainly still pop up every now and again, as this incident demonstrated. For context, the game has several races to choose from, only two of which are basically human in appearance, and characters can be customized a fair amount; I enjoy making characters and have quite a few, but the one I was playing on this day was a humanoid woman with very dark brown skin.

I left the character standing around in a city while I took my dog on a brief walk, and came back to a wall of private messages from someone that started off demanding to know why I’d made a [racial slur]. I’m not sure if this person either wasn’t planning to wait for a reply or simply didn’t realize I was away and got angry at apparently being ignored, but they went on and on about how I was a [slur]-lover, forcing diversity into a fantasy world, complicit in white genocide, etc., and topped it all off with calling me a [gay, transphobic slur] for playing a female character who “wasn’t even wearing anything sexy.”

Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time I’ve seen the “logic” that the only reason a man would play a female character outside of eye candy is if he’s gay or transgender.

The player who’d sent these messages wasn’t around by the time I came back — given the volume of text, I think they’d been blocked by the in-game spam prevention — although I wasn’t planning to reply, anyway. I simply blocked and reported them and went on my way. However, I couldn’t help but laugh at a few of their incorrect assumptions. First of all, I’m not white — though I’m not black like my character appeared to be, either. Second of all, I am gay… but I’m a gay woman who just doesn’t think a lady needs to be wearing a chainmail bikini to be sexy.

For all their ranting about me “taking the fun out of the game,” I don’t think they’re enjoying themselves all that much if such a little thing sets them off like that.

Tipped To Be An A**hole

, , , , | Right | April 4, 2019

(I’ve been taking on digital art commissions since I first started college. When I first started taking commissions, I was inexperienced and nervous about laying out terms, and I seriously undercharged for my work. As such, I relied on tips to actually get a decent amount of money. This commissioner is already very demanding and oversteps a lot of boundaries — including but not limited to asking if we can IM to discuss work and then using it to rant all night about his terrible home life — but he is getting multiple commissions and I am desperate for the work. While I’m still working on the pieces, he broaches the subject of tipping.)

Commissioner: “So, I noticed my invoice had the option for a tip.”

Me: “Yes! All the artists I know really appreciate that Paypal has a built-in way to leave a tip for their invoices. ‘Every little bit helps,’ you know?”

Commissioner: “Okay, so it’s not required.”

(He then went offline for the night before I can respond. No tip was ever given. The best part? The commissioner was a waiter who worked for tips, too!)

Have Some Selfie-Respect

, , , , , , | Romantic | March 31, 2019

(I met this guy on a dating app, and we have been texting for a few days. I have several tattoos and he has asked to see pics — no big deal. I take some pics of the tats on my ankle and wrist and send them to him.)

Guy: “Who else is with you?”

Me: “Huh? I’m alone. Why?”

Guy: “No, seriously. Why is there another guy there taking pics of you?”

Me: “I just used the camera on my phone; it only needs one hand to take a pic.”

Guy: “No, someone else is there and you are lying to me. It’s not possible to take a pic of your right wrist with your left hand.”

Me: “Okay, you caught me. My house is haunted and the ghost was taking the pics.”

Guy: “I knew it. You lied about being alone. I can’t trust you.”

(Glad I dodged that bullet!)

On Brand For Most Cosplayers

, , , | Friendly | March 30, 2019

(I do sewing commissions part-time, but I often answer questions on how I did something if someone wants to try making it themselves. Usually, all I need to do is point them in the right direction — where I bought a certain fabric, what pattern I modified, top-stitch v. ironing, etc.– but then there are clueless people like this one I encountered online.)

Stranger: “Hey, I love your costume. Can you tell me how you made it?”

(I look at the link she gives me and it’s one of my “closet costumes,” something one puts together with stuff from their closet. I did it as a last-minute thing for a party. The picture’s caption says so.)

Me: “Oh, I didn’t make anything. That’s just parts of my old work uniform, some shades, and a prop sword. You can get most of it from [Major Retailer] if you don’t have it already.”

Stranger: “What brand are the pants?”

Me: “They were pants from a work uniform. Unless you work for [Company], you won’t get those exact pants. But any men’s black slacks will give you the same look.”

Stranger: “What about the shirt? What brand?”

Me: “Same company as the pants. Just pick up a men’s dress shirt and you’re good.”

Stranger: “What brand is the tie?”

Me: *thinking I’m being trolled.* “Just get a black clip-on from anywhere.”

Stranger: “Well, you have to know the brand the blazer is!”

Me: “Nope. That thing is over ten years old. Don’t even remember where I got it.”


Me: “I got those at a gas station forever ago and don’t have them anymore. If you take five minutes to do a Google search, I’m sure you’ll find something similar.”

Stranger: “But you can at least tell me the brand!”

(Sigh. Block.)

Online On The 24th Of July Only

, , , , | Working | March 18, 2019

(I want to “chat” with someone at my major cell phone carrier, so I go to their “contact” page. There is no live link for chat; it is grayed out. Quoting the page:)

Message: “Chat — We are online 24/7. If we aren’t available, please check back later.”

(Okay, so… when am supposed to check back? Maybe the 25th hour of the 8th day of the week?)

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