Siblings Jump On Your Social Insecurities

| LA, USA | Related | May 19, 2017

(I receive a phone call from “the IRS” saying there’s a warrant out on me for fraud. I make a scornful post about it on Facebook.)

Brother-In-Law: “Oh, yeah, that’s a scam. I can handle that for you. Just give me your social security number and I’ll fix that right up.”

(And before any commenters get jumpy: yes, he was making a joke.)

The Perils Of Canned Dialogue

| USA | Friendly | May 15, 2017

I’ve just started a new MMORPG. It’s going pretty nicely as I start the first real quest (after the tutorials). Important note: I’m on a canned server, which means I can only use the pre-made phrases to chat.

I head down the path to the city. Another gamer is there. They immediately send “stop following me.” I try to type “this is the only path to the city,” but that’s not one of the approved phrases. I ignore them.

In the city, I head for the old merchant. The same gamer from before shows up AFTER I do, and I realize we’re on the same newbie quest. They again send out “stop following me.” I start searching through the canned phrases, but the closest I can come, “let’s go on a quest!” doesn’t seem like a good response.

This goes on for another ten minutes, with us following the quest objectives at about the same speed and them spamming me. I even send in a “no. Stop following ME!” which gets more spam. Eventually, I start screaming at my screen “we’re on the same quest, you idiot!” All of a sudden, as if they somehow heard me through the screen, they leave. I never saw them again.

Understanding The Code Of Good Customers

, | USA | Right | May 2, 2017

(I am the customer in this story. A well-known cosmetic company is having another blow out sale on its website. It’s a rather inexpensive brand to begin with but this sale is amazing, so it’s really busy. Along with this, you can get a $10 gift card and a $30 set of brushes for $3 with a coupon code if you spend over $30. I can’t get the code to work so I go to the chat function.)

Service Rep: “Hi, my name is [Name] and thank you for choosing [Company]! What can I help you with today?”

Me: “Hi there! I have put the special on the infinite-color kit in my bag along with a setting powder, but when I try to put in the coupon code for the brushes and gift card it won’t work.”

Service Rep: “I see that you’re current total in your bag is $36, which you need to be over $30 to use the code. So you’re good there! Once you put the brushes in there, it will be over $60 and once you put the code in, you will see the discount.”

Me: “Yes, I have tried the code but it isn’t working.”

Service Rep: “Have you typed the code in correctly?”

(I go and try one more time in another window just to be sure.)

Me: “Yep. I tried just now and the brushes are still not showing up in my bag.”

Service Rep: “Did you actually add the brushes to your bag?”

Me: *light-bulb goes off* “Oh, dear God. I am THAT customer. Yes, I thought they would magically appear in my bag. You can feel free to laugh at me now. I am so sorry I wasted your time.”

Service Rep: “It’s not a problem! Trust me, you are not the only one; it seems to be quite complicated.”

Me: “I got it to work now that I put them in the bag. Thank you again, and I hope you have a fantastic day!”

Service Rep: “Thank you for figuring it out so quickly. My day will be awesome in 15 hours, 4 minutes and 33 seconds. Thanks for choosing [Company]!”

(That time she mentioned is the exact time ticking down in the corner of the screen… of when this promotion will be over.)

A Brutal Return

, | UK | Right | April 17, 2017

(As an online retailer we send thousands of parcels out every day. Occasionally we make mistakes or have items with small insignificant faults sent back. But this has to be one of the best complaint letters ever received. No name or return address; just a letter that reads as follows, and a small 15cm line of paper that gets peeled off the sticky strip on the parcel when it’s sealed:)

Note: “Hello there, I think you put this in my delivery by mistake. I enclose it here as I do not want your rubbish. Hopefully you have driven to the sorting office to collect it and pay for the stamp I forgot to put on the envelope. #Keepyourtrash #Notimpressed”

(Brutal.)

A$$inine Comments

| Columbus, GA, USA | Related | March 6, 2017

Me: “I always draw my brother as a donkey in comics, because he’s a dumba$$.”

Friend: “Ok.”

Me: “Of course, I’m a smart-a$$.”

Friend: “And you’re mom’s just an a$$?”

Me: “She’s an a$$hole.”

Friend: “And what about your dad?”

Me: *thinks a minute* “He’s oblivi-a$$.”

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