“Answer Your Cat’s Questions” Day Isn’t Until January 22!

, , , , , , , , | Learning | May 20, 2020

Like many professors during the current health crisis, I am teaching my class online from home. I have online office hours every day, and I tend to lock myself in my home office so I can have peace and quiet when I’m talking with my students.

This morning I am holding office hours with three of my students, answering questions about a lecture topic. After ten minutes of back and forth, there seems to be general agreement among the students, but I want to make sure.

Me: “How does everyone feel about that? Any more questions?”

There was a moment of silence followed by a very loud “MEOW.”

My students heard it and started laughing from three different time zones. They got it, but apparently, the cat had gotten stuck in the office and she definitely had a question.

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A True Expert In Suxxitude

, , , , , , | Friendly | May 20, 2020

I post different pieces of artwork to various websites. Most of the time, I’m lucky to get five or six likes and maybe a couple of comments. However, one time, I woke up after having posted a sketch before going to bed, and I found that it had over 200 comments on it.

The first couple of comments were typical “Nice” or “Good Job” type of comments. However, one person had given the comment, “this sux”. Two minutes later, he’d then posted the comment, “hello?”, followed a minute after that with “this sux” again. He’d then proceeded to repeat “this sux” every couple of minutes for three straight hours.

This had, apparently, drawn the attention of other commenters, who had ended up splitting between telling me that it didn’t suck and directly mocking him and his stream of “criticism.” My favorite was a couple of people who went back and forth “agreeing” with him, talking about how the “suxxitude” of the piece had reached “terribad proportionisms,” and how it was reminiscent of the great “Suxxirian masters” of the past.

I ended up writing a post, saying, “Thank you for the critique.” Not even ten seconds after I hit the post button, he had replied with what must have been a copy-pasted rant about how he was allowed to have opinions, and how I needed to “suk it up and admti you sux”.

To this day, it is still the funniest “criticism” I’ve ever received.

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Or… You Could Just Not Be An A**hole?

, , , , | Right | May 20, 2020

I sell items online. I can’t give a fixed price since I do retail and wholesale. I created a WhatsApp group so that my customers can see all my items at once instead of sending pics individually. One of my customers asks me on the group, “How much is this?” A BRILLIANT customer pops up out of nowhere and starts giving him the wrong prices.

Me: “Kindly don’t chat in the group so we don’t annoy other customers. Please text me in private.”

The brilliant customer keeps on giving the wrong prices for my items. I text him in private.

Me: “Kindly be polite.”

Brilliant Customer: “It’s a stupid way to sell. Put a price on each item to fix the price so no one will do what I did to you.”

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Free T-Shirts From Azz-eroth

, , , , | Friendly | May 18, 2020

The online game I play had a meetup recently. It cost $20, all of which was donated to charity and you got swag, one of which was a T-shirt with the game logo on the front and your game login across the back.

In the game forum, one of the players asks:

Player: “Does it have to be the login?”

Me: “Why?”

Player: “Read my login.”

It was posted by “RancidDogFart.”

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Unfiltered Story #193821

, , | Unfiltered | May 5, 2020

A customer ordered a high-end, boutique amplifier for his guitar. The amp can be purchased as is, or ordered with an optional deluxe padded carry case (which is kind of expensive, but it’s boutique gear). The customer ordered both.

When we ship the amp and case as a package, we unpack the amp, and then put the amp inside the carry bag, and the whole deal inside the amp’s box, so we’re only shipping one package instead of two. A few days later…

Customer: “I’m calling because I’d like to return the carry bag.”
Me: “I’m sorry you had trouble with it. Is there something wrong with the bag? A faulty zipper, or a tear in the fabric or something? We can get you a replacement right away.”
Customer: “No, I just want a refund, because the amp doesn’t fit in it.”
Me: (Pauses) “Wait… the amp doesn’t fit into the custom case that’s made specifically for it?”
Customer: “Nope.”
Me: “So… the bag… that we shipped to you ON your new amp… doesn’t fit… on your new amp?”
Customer: “No, it’s too small.”
Me: “Just to be clear: we shipped the bag ON the amp. And you’re telling me that the bag is too small to fit THE AMP IT WAS ON when you received it?”
Customer: “Yes, and I’d like to return it for a refund.”
Me: (Dumbfounded pause) “Umm, okay. Let me get you a return authorization.”

(At this point, there was clearly no arguing with a demonstrably stupid person. Perhaps he just didn’t like the bag, thought it was overpriced, whatever.)