Needs A Return For A Faulty Attitude

, , , | Right | January 17, 2020

(I am selling my entry-level DSLR on eBay. Only twenty years old and pretty new to the whole camera world, I don’t notice some dust on the sensor and a few worn spots on the camera body itself, so I don’t include them in the listing. My bad, obviously. When the seller points that out, I agree to accept the camera back and issue a refund. The following conversation takes place over email.)

Me: “Once you return the camera to me, I will refund you the original price — camera + shipping — so [total]. I am sorry it did not work out for you.”

Buyer: “I paid you in advance in good faith for an item that did not arrive in the way that it should — i.e., as listed, and clean. Because of this, I have to return it to you, and go back on eBay and find another camera to bid on. You wrote in your last message, ‘Once you return the camera to me, I will refund you.’ That doesn’t make any sense. I had to trust you when I gave you [total] on winning the auction, and I did, and you were honest and sent the camera. As a matter of simple courtesy, I think is entirely reasonable for me to expect reciprocity in trust, which is to say, to have you refund me before I put it in the mail.”

Me: “As for refunds, standard business practice is to refund your money once I have received the camera back from you. Thank you.”

(The buyer is very argumentative — the whole conversation involves long, drawn-out messages like that — and we go back and forth quite a bit before he agrees to finally send my camera back to me. After I receive the camera back and I think the whole thing is all over, I get this gem:)

Buyer: “I hope that you nor any of the women in your family are able to bear children and bring any more people like you into this world.”

(I reported the conversation to eBay. Not sure if anything was done about it, but I’m pretty sure I could hear the woman on the other end softly chuckling when she read the whole transcript. I mean, seriously?! Who thinks they get a refund BEFORE sending back the item they want to return?)

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Realistic Crafts, Unrealistic Expectations

, , , , | Right | January 14, 2020

(My business makes high-end, handcrafted, custom items for customers. My online store has a gallery of past custom work I’ve created. This is apparently confusing to one person.)

Customer: *via email* “How do I check out to buy this piece?” *link to a photo*

Me: *via email* “Thank you for your interest! That piece was handcrafted for a customer last year. If you would like to commission a similar piece, please read the following instructions for custom work and fill out the custom order form.” *provides link*

Customer: “Okay, then how do I buy this piece?” *link to different photo*

Me: “All of the work I sell is custom made, so it is created specifically for the customer who ordered it. The gallery shows examples of past pieces so you can see the craftsmanship. I do not have any items in stock. I’m glad you are interested in ordering, though, and if you would like to have me create something for you, please visit [link].”

(Four days go by.) 

Customer: “Okay, but I really wanted this piece.” *link to first picture* “Please ship.”

Me: “That item, like everything I sell, was handcrafted specifically for the person who ordered it. I do not have finished products to ship. I only make custom items. I would be happy to create an item for you from the beginning; please see custom work instructions at [link].”

Customer: “Okay.”

(Two days pass.)

Customer: “Please custom make this item.” *provides a link to the third picture*

Me: “Instructions for beginning a custom order are at [link].”

Customer: “What do I need to do?”

Me: “Full instructions are at [link]. You will need to pay a deposit and approve sketches, and I have four- to six-week wait.”

Customer: “I will pay the deposit when you send photos of the finished item. Just like [link to the fourth picture].”

Me: *sends custom order link, no further text*

(Next day:)

Customer: “Please ship by tomorrow. It’s a birthday present.”

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Unfiltered Story #182247

, , , | Unfiltered | January 11, 2020

*A customer places an order on our website on a federal holiday. We receive the order the very next morning, when we open, and sadly we are out-of-stock. An e-mail is immediately sent to the customer informing them of the issue and offering an exchange to another product.*

Our E-mail: …free upgrade to [superior product]. If you would like to accept this product, please contact us at [contact information].

Their Response: That’s fine, but since it’s delayed I’ll need to change some things.

*I looked at the dates and times of the order. They placed it at Noon on a federal holiday and we contacted them the morning of the very next business day… less than 24 hours later. Given our orders take a day or two to ship out, not to mention several more days to arrive at their location, I’m not sure how fast they were expecting this.*

Making Them Mad(rid)

, , , , , | Legal | December 28, 2019

(I rejoin a website that is for language learners. I have a couple of people say hello. One introduces himself as the head of a large bank in Dubai. My profile indicates that I am fluent in English and learning Spanish. His says he’s fluent in Arabic and is learning Turkish. His profile picture reveals that he’s a whiter shade of pale than even I am. On a whim, I do a Google search for his name and the bank. He turns up in every legitimate place a man in his position would be in: LinkedIn, Facebook, the list of the directors for the named bank, and high-profile interviews in business magazines. But I already know what’s coming even before I find the website describing a scam where someone claims to be him. I’m ready when this line comes through:)

Scammer: “Bien. Tengo una propuesta de negocios para usted que será de gran beneficio para nuestras dos familias, ¿qué dice?” *Good. I have a business proposal for you that will be of great benefit to our two families. What do you say?*

(Before his text arrives at my computer, I have already visited a gibberish website and pasted in a few paragraphs from a Spanish business news website and generated some Spanish gibberish:)

Me: “Casa de trabajo hasta la residencia de la jornada, añadieron las Palmeras, saludando a quienes estaban allí, y para iniciar sus actividades se irán conociendo el aire acondicionado de su domicilio en el titular de la madrugada de hoy y, en una agenda de hoy no finalizaron.” *Work house until the residence of the day, added the Palmeras, greeting those who were there, and to begin their activities they will know the air conditioning of their home in the holder of the early hours of today and, in an agenda today they finished.*

(He launches into his whole spiel after that. It’s the old Nigerian banking scam in a different guise. After he gets a few more garbage lines from me, he doesn’t reply.)

Me: “Estas allí?” *Are you there?*

(Yup. Gone. I can’t stop them, but I can have fun making them miserable.)

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All Jobs In Moderation

, , , | Right | December 17, 2019

(I am one of a small number of people who moderate the text-only chatroom part of a video livestream. The chatroom has a small community of regular viewers and a set of fairly well-defined rules, including “no typing in all-capitals,” which we enforce as fairly but firmly as we can. The regulars are used to the rules and respect that they create a pleasant chat experience for all, but we still get newbies trying to argue that we are “too strict” and “unfair.” This is by far the best silly argument we’ve gotten.)

New Viewer: “Hey! You moderators should calm down. Look around; you’re the only ones who really care about the capitals! Just chill out, sit back, and watch the stream!”

Me: “Did you really just tell us to stop doing our jobs?”

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