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How To End Up On Several Different Lists

, , , , , | Legal | July 6, 2022

This happened in January 2002. I was just recently hired at this small hotel that, due to its location, often has military guests.

I am working probably my third evening shift at the front desk. It’s almost 10:00 and the houseman and I are the only employees on site. I check in a customer who pays cash and take a deposit. The customer asks for someone to take his luggage to his room and the houseman obliges.

A minute or so later, the houseman radios me.

Houseman: “This guest just told me to be careful with the luggage because ‘there’s a bomb in that case.’”

Me: “Put it down and come to the office!”

I dial 911 and let the authorities know what is happening. They tell me they are on their way. The houseman has made it to the office at this point, but he has the case.

Houseman: “I think we should open it.”

Me: “Just set it down!”

I convince him to leave the office with me. 

The police arrive, find the gentleman, and retrieve his case. This takes maybe five minutes. An officer comes to me.

Officer: “It’s safe to go back inside. We’ve checked the case, and the guest told us it was just a joke. Would you like the guest to vacate?”

Me: “I don’t want that guest on our property.”

I had the officer wait while I checked him out of our system.

I gave the officer an envelope with the full amount the guest had paid, including the deposit, and told him that I did not want to see that guest in the lobby. The police and the guest left, and I put the guest on our blacklist.

The Only Thing Worse Than Eggs Is Eggs… Later

, , , , , | Right | July 2, 2022

I work at a large retail chain. One time, a group of older teenage boys came into the store at around 10:30 at night.

The boys grabbed some cartons of eggs, and they decided to throw the eggs up over the aisles to hit stock on top shelves, other customers, and me (almost). They were swiftly thrown out.

Apparently, we missed a few eggs and found out later.

If You’re Not Responsible For Your Pets, You Never Know What Could Happen

, , , , , , | Friendly | July 1, 2022

When my godmother was young, in the 1970s, she lived on a rural road not far outside a small coastal town in California. Her family had a small farm with horses and chickens and multiple dogs. One of the neighbors had a pair of dogs who were allowed to wander and who often wandered to my godmother’s house. The dogs were a Chow Chow and a short-haired white dog whose breed my godmother did not know.

The dogs weren’t really a problem. They were friendly and well-behaved — they just liked to come visiting — but my godmother and her family worried about them getting hit on the road, or running into a bear or a mountain lion. Her parents called their neighbors several times and asked them to keep their dogs home before something bad happened to them. The neighbors always blew them off saying the dogs were fine, and they weren’t doing any damage so they didn’t need to keep them home.

One summer day, when the kids were home from school, my godmother’s mother had an idea. The dogs had come down the road to visit again, and this time, instead of trying to chase them off and tell them to go home, my godmother and her family lured them into the yard with treats. Then, they shaved the Chow and dyed the white dog orange with Kool-Aid.

By all accounts, the dogs did not object to this at all and were very happy with the attention and the treats. At the end of the day, the dogs went home as usual.

The owners of the dogs were quite upset, but my godmother’s family never admitted to any of it. The dogs were kept home after that incident.

Karma Put Her In A Sticky Situation

, , , , , | Working | CREDIT: EmeraldPhoenix525 | June 27, 2022

I worked at a small company with approximately thirty-five employees. We had a good-sized kitchen with a fridge that several employees used, though most brought a lunch bag they just kept by their desk. The fridge was usually used for stuff that people wanted to keep really cold or for drinks.

People often would go to the fridge to find either their whole lunch missing, an item from it gone, or, in my case, my can of Cherry Coke gone. I usually kept it in my lunch bag, but on occasion when I would order out, I would get two — one for lunch and one for later — so I didn’t have my lunch bag.

We suspected who was stealing but could never prove it. This particular day, I was in the mood and I figured I would try and prove it.

It was [Thief]’s break time. I headed down to the kitchen about five minutes ahead and gave my Coke a really, really hard shake — so hard I feared it may actually pop in my hands — and placed it back in the fridge. Then, I ducked into the storage closet in the kitchen and peeked out the crack.

BINGO! [Thief] took the Coke. I waited, hand over my mouth, for her to open it, but she took it with her and left.

Oh, s***. I thought she was gonna open it in the hall. Nope.

As I left, the kitchen I heard her yell, “WHAT THE F***?!”

I passed her office, and Coke was everywhere: the walls, the floor, the ceiling, all over her desk, computer, and her work, all over her — everywhere!

The previous week, we had all been given these “sippy”-type cups that were spillproof. We were supposed to use them at our desks when drinking because we all got new computers.

Well, food never went missing again because [Thief] got fired.

Oh, We’ll Give You “Noisy,” Old Man!

, , , , , , | Friendly | June 17, 2022

The story comes courtesy of my mom. After her prom in the 1970s, she and her date and a bunch of friends went out to a local diner to get some food. They weren’t being terribly loud or troublesome, but an old man in the corner still decided to grumble about noisy kids and disrespectful youth and all that sort of thing. 

Mom, being the mature and responsible teenager that she was, made a suggestion to her friends. Her idea was to pool all the change they had with them, load it into the jukebox, and queue up Amazing Grace. On the bagpipes. Seventeen times. 

They did it.

She’s not sorry.