Not Just A Scammer, But A Jerk, As Well

, , , | Legal | September 12, 2020

I have received three scam calls claiming to be from Apple support informing me that my account has been compromised. After just hanging up on the first two, I press the button to speak to customer support the third time.

Me: “Hi. I would like to be removed from your call list. I do not have any Apple products or an account.”

Operator: “How poor are you? Just go buy an iPhone.”

She then immediately hung up the phone before I could respond.

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Now That’s Just Too Easy

, , , | Working | September 9, 2020

I get a spam call that is obviously automated. I like messing with telemarketers, so I decide to sit on the line until I can get a human on the phone.

Computer: “We are calling from Medicare regarding your coverage…”

Me: “Blah blah blah, I’m under sixty-five…”

Computer: “…your surgery may be denied…”

Me: “You’re a computer, not a human…”

All of a sudden, a human voice pops into the call and talks over the computer.

Human Voice: “You have been removed from our call list, ma’am! Have a nice day!”

They hung up on me. I didn’t get any more spam calls for the rest of the day!


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This Was No Accident

, , , , , | Legal | September 9, 2020

My dad is taking me grocery shopping while my car is getting serviced. We are driving when he gets a call from a random mobile number. We both know it is a scam call, but we could do with a laugh.

Dad answers the call, and sure enough, it is your typical, “You’ve been in an accident recently and we can get you megabucks” call — though in an interesting switch-up, the guy barely lets my dad say anything.

Finally, my dad agrees to be connected to someone else.

The scammer thinks he’s on to a winner and starts his final pitch — “All we need are your bank details, sir!” — when my dad cheerfully tells him that he hasn’t actually had an accident in over forty years of driving!

The scammer’s response of, “Oh, my golly gosh! What a terrible mix-up of details!” before hanging up has us both howling with laughter!

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And We Thought Regular Scam Calls Were Bad

, , , | Legal | September 6, 2020

At the time of this story, I need to answer phone numbers that I don’t recognize, so unfortunately, that means dealing with a lot of scam calls on top of the calls I am waiting for. To handle this, I start answering my phone in different languages, sometimes messing with them a bit to waste their time. Many scammers hang up when they think I can’t understand them.

This one is a bit more… persistent.

Scammer: *In a thick Indian accent* “Hello, I am calling about your credit card bill. I can reduce your interest.”

Me: “¿Qué? No tengo una tarjeta de crédito.” *What? I don’t have a credit card.*

Scammer: “Miss, I can save a lot of money for you. Please, what is your credit card number so I can reduce your interest?”

Me: “Ya te dije, no lo tengo.” *I already told you, I don’t have one.*

Scammer: “Miss, do you speak English?”

Me: “No, no English.”

Scammer: “Can you speak some English for me? Can you say, ‘I love you.’?”

Me: *Very weirded out* “No, eso es asqueroso.” *No, that’s gross.*

Scammer: “Say, ‘I love you.’”

Me: “You’re a pervert.”

Scammer: “YOU BI—”

All I could do was hang up then, just wishing there was actually a way to report him.

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Unscrew That Foot From Your Mouth

, , , , | Legal | August 27, 2020

I’ve just recently had orthopedic surgery — putting screws in my foot — and am recovering at home. I have to stay in bed for six weeks to heal. It’s not very fun, but I have an abundance of books and games to keep my attention. My boyfriend has been taking care of me and our few close friends have been visiting when they can.

One day, I get a phone call from a number I don’t recognize, but I answer anyway, as I don’t get calls very often and I’m bored.

Me: “Hello?”

Scammer: “Hi there. Am I speaking to [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes, how can I help you?”

Scammer: “I’m calling to let you know of a great opportunity we have at [Gym in my area]! We’re offering a free two-week trial with a personal trainer, and we’re also offering a discount on your membership—”

Me: *Interrupts* “Excuse me. I’m sorry for interrupting, but I’d like you to take my name and number off your call list. I’m not interested in using the gym.”

Scammer: “Oh, but we have other deals right now, too, since it’s almost summer! Let me tell you about—”

Me: “I’m sorry, I know you’re just doing your job, but I’m not interested. How did you get this number, anyway?”

Scammer: “I can see over here that you’ve left your information with us—”

Me: “Uh, nope. I’ve never been to your gym before. Or any public gym, for that matter.”

Scammer: *Quickly backtracks* “Oh, my apologies, I’m looking at the wrong form. A friend of yours gave us your number when they were in—”

Now I’m laughing.

Me: “Yeah, no, that didn’t happen. You see, I’m recovering from foot surgery and any relative or friend knows that I’m not mobile and won’t be for the next few months. There’s no way they ‘left’ my information with you. Please don’t call me again.”

Scammer: *Pause* “I can hold the offer if you want to train your foot back to normal with a personal trainer, once you can come in?”

Me: “Wow.” *Hangs up*

They actually called me again about a week later with the same spiel, so I told them to f*** off and not call me again. Thankfully, this time, they listened.

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