(My grandma is in the hospital, so my husband and I drive four hours to see her. When we get there it’s just my grandma in the room so we’re alone together. My grandma is an artist who specializes in landscapes, and I have taken after her some. I brought a few of my more recent paintings to show her. I specifically picked paintings that were normal looking.)

Me: *pulling out the paintings and showing them one by one* “This one I really like. I got to use the fan brush for the details.”

Grandma: “Oh, quite nice!”

Me: “This one I didn’t get to finish, but you can see I only have to finish the tree.”

Grandma: “I like that one.”

Me: *I pull out a more abstract painting I did just the other week and really like. It has floating music notes* “And this one I didn’t even use a brush for.”

Grandma: *she takes the painting and smiles at it but is clearly out of words* “Well, it is nice to experiment sometimes.” *she pats my knee comfortingly*

(I am very heavily pregnant with twins, one boy and one girl, and have gone into labor a few weeks before my scheduled C-section. It should be noted I am rather short and plump, but my pelvis is so narrow I cannot give birth naturally. My husband is waiting with me; he is fifteen years older than me. He is also very tall. They have sent a nurse to retrieve me in the ER waiting room.)

Nurse: *stopping to look me over* ‘My, you’re a big one, aren’t ya? Well, sit down and we’ll get you back and prepped for your scan.’

Husband: “She’s not here to be prepped for a scan. We’re going upstairs.”

Nurse: “Scans are done back there, not upstairs.” *starts trying to push me but I dig my heels in as she pushes me to the back*

Me: “Listen, I need to go upstairs, not in the back. Now, please, kindly wheel me upstairs.”

Nurse: *not listening* “I realize when you are this obese that the scans and x-rays seem silly, but really it’s probably just gallstones and better to know now and get you on a diet to lose this tummy.” *looks at my husband* “I believe your daughter gets her size from you, sir.”

Husband: “I was sort of hoping my son did, but seeing as they’re both trying to come out now, what say we wait and see?”

Nurse: *sputtering* “I just thought she was fat and just wanted attention! I was just going to take her for an x-ray to calm her down! I’ll get her up to a birthing room!”

Husband: “We’re headed to the OR. She needs a c-section.”

Nurse: “Someone as fat as her just wants to be lazy and not push!”

(The nurse was reprimanded after she brought me literature on obesity and liposuction!)

(I’m studying to become a medical assistant. I currently have an internship at a hospital where I call patients, take their vitals, and then put them in a room. A nurse hands me a chart and tells me to call in that patient.)

Me: *walks into the waiting room with chart in hand*

(Everyone in the lobby looks at me. I look at the patient’s last name and notice that it’s ‘Schemacher.’ Not knowing how it’s pronounced, I give it my best shot.)

Me: “[First Name], SHOE-MAKER!”

Patient: *sighs and stands up* “It’s pronounced SHAY-MAKER.” *she rolls her eyes and arrogantly adds* “It’s German!”

Me: “German?! Sprechen Sie Deutsch?” *do you speak German?*

Patient: *looks at me funny* “I’m not German!”

(It’s the last day in August, 1997. My mom is 9 months pregnant with me and has booked an appointment with the local hospital to get some blood-work done. As they are doing this…)

Mom: “I think my water broke.”

Nurse: “Nonsense, I would know if your water broke.”

Mom: “Isn’t the water gushing down my legs enough proof?”

(Indeed, by now the floor was soaked, as were my mom’s clothes.)

Nurse: “Well… I still don’t think your water broke.”

(My mom’s water had broken, of course, and I was born two weeks later, on September 12, a dry, very underweight baby. Both I and my mom nearly lost our lives. Thanks, nurse; your arrogance deserves a medal.)

(I work part-time as a volunteer in a clinic, repairing hearing aids. I am shopping in a local store at the weekend, wearing very casual clothing (jeans and a logo t-shirt) when I recognise another customer who is one of my clients. He spots me and comes over.)

Customer: “Hey, don’t you work at [Clinic]?”

Me: “Yes, I do.”

Customer: “Oh, good! I need new tubes for my hearing aids.”

Me: “I… can’t do anything here. You need to come to [Clinic] next week.”

Customer: “Can’t you just give me some tubes?”

Me: “No, sorry. You have to come to the clinic. I can’t do anything right now.”

Customer: “But I just need new tubes…”

Me: “Uh, I don’t actually carry supplies with me. I’m just here shopping.”

Customer: “Oh. I suppose I’ll have to see you next week in [Clinic], then…”

(He walked off, looking most disappointed that I couldn’t just magically produce hearing aid tubes from thin air for him.)