Magazines Are Dying

, , , , | | Legal | July 21, 2019

(My uncle passed away six months ago and my aunt is not comfortable telling strangers that she lives alone. The phone rings.)

Aunt: “Hello?

Caller: “Is [Late Husband] available?”

Aunt: “No, he’s not.”

Caller: “I’m calling on behalf of [Organization her husband was a member of] about renewing your subscription to our magazine.”

Aunt: “No, thank you. We won’t be renewing it.”

Caller: “Are you sure?”

Aunt: “Absolutely.”

Caller: “Well, I talked to [Uncle] a couple of weeks ago, and he told me he was renewing!”

Aunt: “You talked to him a couple of weeks ago? Are you sure?”

Caller: “Oh, yes, and he told me he was renewing!”

Aunt: “Well, when you talk to him again, can you have him call me? He died six months ago, and I sure do miss him!”

Caller: *click*

(She never heard from them again, and they quit getting the magazine.)

Taking A Hard(wood) Stand Against Telemarketing

, , , , | Right | April 24, 2019

(My sister-in-law started this, and it was so much fun that I actually delayed putting my phone number on the “Do Not Call List.”)

Any Telemarketer: “Hello! I would like to talk to you about—“ *begins sales pitch*

Me: “But we have hardwood floors.”

Any Telemarketer: “But this isn’t about hardwood floors.”

Me: “But we have hardwood floors.”

Any Telemarketer: “But this isn’t about…”

Me: “But we have hardwood floors.”

(Lather, rinse, repeat, until they hang up.)

Not Giving Them Any Lee-Way

, , , , , | Working | April 22, 2019

(I answer the phone at home.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Hello, am I calling the Lee family?”

Me: “Yep, speaking.”

Caller: “Very well. My name is [Caller], calling on behalf of the Chinese-Canadian Association. Do you have a moment to participate in a survey?”

Me: “I’ve got time, but I don’t think you’d be interested in what I have to say.”

Caller: “I don’t follow, sir.”

Me: “Unfortunately, we aren’t Chinese, so I don’t think I can adequately field any of your inquiries.”

Caller: “I’m sorry, but I am calling the Lee family, correct?”

Me: “Correct.”

Caller: “And you aren’t Chinese?”

Me: “Also correct.”

Caller: “But how can that be?”

(Apparently, he had never heard of Korean people named Lee. Or even white people named Lee!)

Unfiltered Story #136348

, , | Unfiltered | January 11, 2019

I work as a telemarketer in MO, USA. I got an inbound call one day with no information.
Me: Thank you for calling-
Man: 421 Beaker Street!!
Me: I’m sorry?
Man: *hysteric* Come quick! I think she’s hurt real bad. There’s blood everywhere!!
Me: Sir-
Man: Send an ambulance! SHE’S DYING!!
By this time I’m freaking out. Obviously, this dude needed help. I didn’t want to just hang up, so I hit the alarm on my dialer, alerting my supervisor.
Man: Is the ambulance on their way?
Me: Sir, I’m not 911. If this is an emergency, you should hang up and dial 9-1-1!
Man: So where is this?
Me: This is [Company]. We’re an education refferal service. Sir, isn’t someone hurt?
Man: It’s just a video game. No use cryin’ about it. I don’t need no college. *click*
My supervisory came up and asked me what happened. Apparently, the same dude had been calling in all morning, yelling about people dying on Skyrim.

Burping Gets You Some Hangups

, , , , , , | Romantic | July 17, 2018

(Due to being a small business owner, I get all types of spam calls, but due to the clientele and our cloud-based services, I can’t afford to not answer the phone, as it may be a client’s phone number I’m just not familiar with. A particularly dense and determined telemarketer calls me repeatedly from one of those “unknown ID” lines that are impossible to trace. I am getting fed up with them, and so is my girlfriend. She decides to answer the call since my attempts thus far to get them to stop have been unsuccessful:)

Girlfriend: *sultry voice* “Are you ready for something hot and satisfying?”

Telemarketer: “…huh?”

(My girlfriend lets out a low and guttural belch into the phone and hangs up.)

Me: “You are disgusting.”

Girlfriend: “But effective!”

(She was right; they didn’t call back!)

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