Taking A Hard(wood) Stand Against Telemarketing

, , , , | Right | April 24, 2019

(My sister-in-law started this, and it was so much fun that I actually delayed putting my phone number on the “Do Not Call List.”)

Any Telemarketer: “Hello! I would like to talk to you about—“ *begins sales pitch*

Me: “But we have hardwood floors.”

Any Telemarketer: “But this isn’t about hardwood floors.”

Me: “But we have hardwood floors.”

Any Telemarketer: “But this isn’t about…”

Me: “But we have hardwood floors.”

(Lather, rinse, repeat, until they hang up.)

Not Giving Them Any Lee-Way

, , , , , | Working | April 22, 2019

(I answer the phone at home.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Hello, am I calling the Lee family?”

Me: “Yep, speaking.”

Caller: “Very well. My name is [Caller], calling on behalf of the Chinese-Canadian Association. Do you have a moment to participate in a survey?”

Me: “I’ve got time, but I don’t think you’d be interested in what I have to say.”

Caller: “I don’t follow, sir.”

Me: “Unfortunately, we aren’t Chinese, so I don’t think I can adequately field any of your inquiries.”

Caller: “I’m sorry, but I am calling the Lee family, correct?”

Me: “Correct.”

Caller: “And you aren’t Chinese?”

Me: “Also correct.”

Caller: “But how can that be?”

(Apparently, he had never heard of Korean people named Lee. Or even white people named Lee!)

Unfiltered Story #136348

, , | Unfiltered | January 11, 2019

I work as a telemarketer in MO, USA. I got an inbound call one day with no information.
Me: Thank you for calling-
Man: 421 Beaker Street!!
Me: I’m sorry?
Man: *hysteric* Come quick! I think she’s hurt real bad. There’s blood everywhere!!
Me: Sir-
Man: Send an ambulance! SHE’S DYING!!
By this time I’m freaking out. Obviously, this dude needed help. I didn’t want to just hang up, so I hit the alarm on my dialer, alerting my supervisor.
Man: Is the ambulance on their way?
Me: Sir, I’m not 911. If this is an emergency, you should hang up and dial 9-1-1!
Man: So where is this?
Me: This is [Company]. We’re an education refferal service. Sir, isn’t someone hurt?
Man: It’s just a video game. No use cryin’ about it. I don’t need no college. *click*
My supervisory came up and asked me what happened. Apparently, the same dude had been calling in all morning, yelling about people dying on Skyrim.

Burping Gets You Some Hangups

, , , , , , | Romantic | July 17, 2018

(Due to being a small business owner, I get all types of spam calls, but due to the clientele and our cloud-based services, I can’t afford to not answer the phone, as it may be a client’s phone number I’m just not familiar with. A particularly dense and determined telemarketer calls me repeatedly from one of those “unknown ID” lines that are impossible to trace. I am getting fed up with them, and so is my girlfriend. She decides to answer the call since my attempts thus far to get them to stop have been unsuccessful:)

Girlfriend: *sultry voice* “Are you ready for something hot and satisfying?”

Telemarketer: “…huh?”

(My girlfriend lets out a low and guttural belch into the phone and hangs up.)

Me: “You are disgusting.”

Girlfriend: “But effective!”

(She was right; they didn’t call back!)

Shaved You From That Dilemma

, , , | Working | July 7, 2018

(I get a call from a telemarketer that sells monthly subscription to packages of razor blades and socks. These types of telemarketers represent borderline scam companies, because although the subscription can be terminated any time, the company is based abroad and doesn’t have a working phone number or email address. Other types of scams happen to like faking audio receipts. The person is being very pesky, as I’ve told him many times I don’t want his product. For some reason, I find it hard to just hang up the phone and he is constantly interrupting me.)

Telemarketer: “Ew, gross! Don’t you ever shave your legs or change socks? Hairy girls are so unsexy!”

(After that I didn’t find it hard at all to hang up the phone.)

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