Yes, But Is He A REVOLUTIONARY German Shepherd?

, , , | Working | February 21, 2020

(I have a local number call me during business hours on my cell phone. Because it is local, I take it.)

Caller: “Hi! I’m calling about a revolutionary new home security system—”

Me: “I have a home security system. He’s a German Shepherd.” *click*

Coworker: “You really just did that?”

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Time We Didn’t Have, And It’s Still Wasted

, , | Working | February 21, 2020

(I’m visiting my parents for the summer. My father is away for the weekend, and I’m busy writing a text for my mother while she’s doing laundry. Her phone rings. Naturally, I answer it.)

Me: “Hello, [Mom]’s phone, [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “Hello, this is [Caller] from [Electrical Company] working with [some sort of organization/cause]. Maybe you’ve heard of us?”

Me: “Can’t say that I have. Either way, I have nothing to do with the services, and the—”

Caller: “Oh, is that covered in the lease, maybe?”

Me: “My parents are homeowners, but that’s beside the point. My father deals with these kinds of things, and he is currently unavailable. However, I’m sure he’d tell you we are very happy with our services; otherwise, he would’ve changed them already.”

Caller: “Oh. Well, thank you for the time you didn’t have.”

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When The Calling Script Can’t Handle Surprises

, , , , | Working | February 20, 2020

(I get a call on my cell phone during my lunch break from a number that has already called me once before while I was working. The number didn’t leave a voicemail the first time but I figure that it is important, considering they’re calling me again, so I answer.)

Me: “Hello, [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “Hello, you’re speaking with [Caller] of [Company]. Your husband just called to reschedule an appointment with us.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that is not possible. I don’t have a husband.”

Caller: “Well, somebody called to reschedule an appointment.”

Me: “That may be the case, but I didn’t call. Can I do anything else for you?”

(The caller doesn’t respond anymore.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Yes, hello. This is [Caller] from [Company]. Your husband just called—”

(I repeated myself that I am not married and made a quick end to the conversation, only to find out at the end of my working shift that the same number had called me yet again. No voicemail again, but I seriously hope they’re not going to call again to ask me about an appointment my non-existent husband wants to reschedule.)

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Announce Yourself Or Renounce Yourself  

, , , | Working | January 15, 2020

(I’ve gotten tired of the spam calls and am usually pretty brusque when a phone call comes from an unknown number.)

Me: “Hello.”

Telemarketer: *with obvious accent* “Hello, how are you doing?”

Me: “Why are you calling?”

Telemarketer: “Are you this rude with everyone?”

(I hung up. Who is being rude here? Geez.)

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The Wrongest Number Got You

, , , , | Right | December 13, 2019

(I spend several years taking in-bound calls for infomercials. Every day is an adventure. We have a lot of people who write an infomercial phone number down at two in the morning and the next day can’t remember what the product was.)

Me: “This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “What the… Who the h*** is this?”

Me: “This is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Caller: “Uh, what number did I call…?”

Me: “Well, I’m not sure. There are several thousand possibilities of products that lead to my phone; were you watching something on TV?”

Caller: “Well, yeah, but isn’t this where the ‘me so horny’ girls call you back?”

Me: “Uh… No! We take orders off of infomercials you see on TV. You must have written it down wrong.”

Caller: “F***! That just ruined my whole morning.” *click*

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