Have A Million Reasons To Hang Up

, , , , | Working | October 12, 2017

(I work remotely from home in the video game publishing industry. My business information winds up on a lot of weird contact lists, and most of it is in no way related to my work in any capacity. People try to sell me bulk sports equipment from China, for instance. One day I get a call on my work cell.)

Me: “Good afternoon. This is [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “Hello, ma’am! My name is [Caller] calling with [Company I’ve never heard of]. How are you?”

Me: “I’m fine, thanks. What can I do for you?”

Caller: “Very well, thank you! I wanted to ask you if you had ever thought of diversifying your investment portfolio in [Country]?”

Me: “Uh. Well. No, since I don’t have any investments there.”

Caller: “Exactly! I know your time is valuable, but real-estate in [Country] is booming, and our company has great ideas for—”

(It’s become apparent that this is obviously a marketing call, and someone who is calling from outside my industry. I try several times to interject, but he just talks louder and faster about how his company plans to build expensive resorts overseas with investment from me. Finally, he winds down about ten minutes later.)

Caller: “…so, as you can see, this is a great opportunity for you to get in on the ground floor. Where can I send you some documentation to look over? Is [email] correct?”

Me: “Listen, [Caller]. I appreciate your time and wish you the best of luck, but as I have been trying to tell you, I am not involved in any sort of investing or real-estate investment.”

Caller: *offended* “Pardon me, but my colleagues and I bought a list of known investors and their contact information from a reliable source.”

Me: “Not that reliable, apparently.”

Caller: *skeptical* “You’re telling me you don’t have a net worth of 15 million dollars?”

Me: *genuine surprised, shocked, disbelieving laughter*

Caller: *angrily* “Well, thanks for wasting my time, lady!” *click!*

(Yeah, buddy, it was totally my fault you shelled out for a list of unverified information obtained through dubious means and refused to listen to me when I tried to talk. Oh, well. Luckily, I can dry my tears with all my phantom millions.)

Death Of A Sale At A Funeral

, , , , | Working | October 9, 2017

(My uncle has recently passed away, and my mother is the executor of his estate. We have been receiving many telemarketing calls and she is tired of them.)

Telemarketer: “Hello, I’m calling from [Company] about [Service]. How are you doing today?”

Mom: “Well, to be honest, my brother just passed away, and I’ve been getting a lot more sales calls than condolence calls. How do you think I’m feeling?”

Telemarketer: *click*

(We stopped getting so many calls after that!)

Zip Past The Technological Requirements

, , , | Working | September 22, 2017

(A telemarketer is trying to sell me a new phone contract, which I do not want, over the phone. After a while:)

Telemarketer: “Plus, you get LTE coverage!”

Me: “Well, that’s no use, as my phone does not support LTE.”

Telemarketer: “Erm, as far as I can see, your zip code is LTE-capable.”

(Great to know that my zip code supports LTE. If only he could have told me how to use my zip code for surfing.)

Lack Of Homeownership Has Its Benefits

, , , | Working | September 19, 2017

(I am a college student living on campus, and my family lives in a rented home, not an owned one.)

Telemarketer: “Hello, how are you doing today?”

Me: “Good.”

Telemarketer: “That’s great. I’m calling to tell you about this great opportunity to cut your electricity bill by 30%!” *gives spiel* “So, I just have one question. Do you own your home?”

Me: “No.”

Telemarketer: *awkward pause* “Oh. Thanks and, uh… good.” *hangs up*

I’d Say That Definitely Counts As Being Mis-Sold

, , , , | Working | August 30, 2017

(In the UK, there was a massive incident of Payment Protection Insurance [PPI] being mis-sold between 1997 and 1999. As such, when the information was first released, there were a lot of cold callers offering to get this money back – in most cases, a scam. After several years, it petered out. Recently, the deadline to claim it back is coming up, resulting in more calls. I get a call on my mobile from a number I don’t know, but it is a landline so I answer it, though I am suspicious.)

Caller: “Good evening, Miss, how are you?”

(Immediately I know it’s a spam call)

Me: “Who are you?”

Caller: “My name is [Name] and I am calling from [Financial Company]. I believe you are [Male version of my name]?”

Me: “It’s [Female Version]. What do you want?”

Caller: “I am calling because I believe you have been mis-sold Payment Protection Insurance. I want to help you claim it back.”

Me: “No. I’ve not been mis-sold PPI.”

Caller: “Are you sure? You may have been sold it without knowing if you took out a loan between 1997 and ‘99.”

Me: “Definitely sure.”

Caller: “How can you be so sure?”

Me: “I was six. Bit of a risk lending to a six year old.”

(He hung up.)

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