Filing This Idea Away For Later

, , , , , | Working | May 20, 2020

My friend keeps getting calls from those accident telemarketers. One day, she takes a call when I am there.

Caller: “I can see you were in an accident that wasn’t your fault, [Friend].”

My friend bursts into tears.

Friend: “If you know about it, you’ll know that [Friend] died in that accident!”

The caller hung up. My friend didn’t get any more calls.

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The Pain Game

, , , , , | Right | May 9, 2020

My younger sister is always on the phone and gets her own telephone line when she is a teen in order for us to get any calls. Mind you, this is before cellphones are a thing.

We are sitting in her room and she abruptly ends a call from our cousin by hanging up and laughing. The phone immediately rings. We both think it is our cousin calling back so we set up a joke.

Me: *In my best professional voice* “[Sister]’s House of Pain. How can we hurt you?”

Simultaneously, my sister is slapping her leg and screaming for background effect.

Telemarketer: “I… uh…”

I’ve never heard a telemarketer hang up so fast! We, of course, were shocked that it wasn’t our cousin!

The bonus: this was so effective that my sister made her voicemail for this phone completely spoken in German with polka music. So many hangups!

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Yes, But Is He A REVOLUTIONARY German Shepherd?

, , , | Working | February 21, 2020

(I have a local number call me during business hours on my cell phone. Because it is local, I take it.)

Caller: “Hi! I’m calling about a revolutionary new home security system—”

Me: “I have a home security system. He’s a German Shepherd.” *click*

Coworker: “You really just did that?”

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Time We Didn’t Have, And It’s Still Wasted

, , | Working | February 21, 2020

(I’m visiting my parents for the summer. My father is away for the weekend, and I’m busy writing a text for my mother while she’s doing laundry. Her phone rings. Naturally, I answer it.)

Me: “Hello, [Mom]’s phone, [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “Hello, this is [Caller] from [Electrical Company] working with [some sort of organization/cause]. Maybe you’ve heard of us?”

Me: “Can’t say that I have. Either way, I have nothing to do with the services, and the—”

Caller: “Oh, is that covered in the lease, maybe?”

Me: “My parents are homeowners, but that’s beside the point. My father deals with these kinds of things, and he is currently unavailable. However, I’m sure he’d tell you we are very happy with our services; otherwise, he would’ve changed them already.”

Caller: “Oh. Well, thank you for the time you didn’t have.”

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When The Calling Script Can’t Handle Surprises

, , , , | Working | February 20, 2020

(I get a call on my cell phone during my lunch break from a number that has already called me once before while I was working. The number didn’t leave a voicemail the first time but I figure that it is important, considering they’re calling me again, so I answer.)

Me: “Hello, [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “Hello, you’re speaking with [Caller] of [Company]. Your husband just called to reschedule an appointment with us.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that is not possible. I don’t have a husband.”

Caller: “Well, somebody called to reschedule an appointment.”

Me: “That may be the case, but I didn’t call. Can I do anything else for you?”

(The caller doesn’t respond anymore.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Yes, hello. This is [Caller] from [Company]. Your husband just called—”

(I repeated myself that I am not married and made a quick end to the conversation, only to find out at the end of my working shift that the same number had called me yet again. No voicemail again, but I seriously hope they’re not going to call again to ask me about an appointment my non-existent husband wants to reschedule.)

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