How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 32

, , , | Working | March 15, 2018

(Our business has a name that can easily be interpreted as having a single person in charge, even though it specifies that we are, in fact, a company. We do get a lot of telemarketers calling and asking for Mr. [Company]. That person doesn’t exist anymore; the company was founded in the 1920s. Most recover and then ask for the name of the person in charge. This call goes a little differently.)

Telemarketer: “Hello, may I speak to Mr. [Company], please?”

Me: “We don’t have a person like this here; our company only has that name.”

Telemarketer: *trying to be funny* “Sounds like that happens to you a lot, then.”

Me: “It’s usually only people working down a list, with no idea who they actually want to talk to.”

Telemarketer: “And you think that I am one of them?”

Me: “Well, yes. I do.”

Telemarketer: “Do you want to know what I think of you?”

Me: “No, not interested.”

Telemarketer: “I am going to tell you, anyway. I think you are full of prejudice, and that’s no way to treat somebody you know nothing about.”

Me: *not really caring what a stranger thinks about me* “Okay.”

Telemarketer: “Good bye, then.” *hangs up*

Me: *starts laughing, having to explain what happened to my coworkers*

(Guess that counts as a win for me, since he hung up first. He probably would’ve gotten further if he hadn’t tried to be funny and just asked who was the correct person to speak to.)

Related:
How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 31
How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 30
How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 29

Own Up To Their Mistake

, , , | Working | March 10, 2018

(I work at a library that also has a museum. We are publicly funded and affiliated with a university. Telemarketers still sometimes call, and it can be pretty funny.)

Me: “Hello, [Library and Museum]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “May I speak to the owner, please? I have a great deal for them.”

Me: *thinking she means one of the curators, and wants to donate something* “Can I have the name of who you’d like to speak to?”

Caller: “No. I just need to speak with the owner.”

Me: “Ma’am, we are a public library and museum. There are about four different people you could be referring to. Could I get a name?”

Caller: “No! The owner! I need to speak with the owner!”

Me: *realizing she’s a telemarketer* “Our library is a public institution. We are also affiliated with [Local University]. We don’t have an owner like a traditional business. Is there something else I could help you with?”

Caller: “But… the owner?” *hangs up*

(I felt bad that she was so confused, but our name alone should have been enough for her to know we weren’t buying. I also should have realized she was a telemarketer earlier, but patrons do genuinely say things like that when they want to make a donation.)

Very A-Mew-sing

, , , , , | Working | January 17, 2018

(One day I get a call from a telemarketer. I’m alone in the house, aside from the family pets.)

Telemarketer: “Hello, I am calling from [Company] about [something we don’t need]. I need to speak with Timothy.”

Me: “Um, well, there is a Timothy here, but I’m pretty sure he’s not the one you want to talk to.”

Telemarketer: “If Timothy is there, put him on the line! This is extremely important!”

Me: “All right. If you say so.” *holding the phone towards Timothy* “Timothy, you have a phone call.”

Timothy: “Meow!”

(My dad and my cat are both named Timothy.)

Loaning Your Services

, , , , , | Working | January 9, 2018

(We have been receiving calls from a scammer once a week discussing nonexistent student loans and asking for banking information. Finally, I have had enough. The phone rings from the same call center.)

Me: “Hello.”

(Pause.)

Scammer: “Hello?”

Me: “That’s what I just said.”

Scammer: “Hello?”

Me: “I think we have already covered this part of the conversation. May we move on, or shall we greet one another once more?”

Scammer: “I would like to talk to you about refinancing your student loans.”

Me: “Okay. Have fun with that, but I’m just going to set the receiver down and go start dinner, because I am 38 and paid off all my student loans years ago.”

(I set down the phone and I could hear talking for a full two minutes before the scammer realized I wasn’t there and hung up. So, I redialled the number and said we got disconnected. I did the same thing again. And again. Until supper was ready. One scammer kept off the phone for over an hour. You’re welcome, society!)

You Have Been Rejected For This Scam

, , , , | Working | January 8, 2018

(I work from home, so I used to get a lot of scammers and telemarketers on the land line. Ever since the land line phone was canceled, I’ve missed them. Every once in a while, I’ll get them on my cell phone, but the industry seems more disjointed and glitchy than ever. One afternoon, I get a call…)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: *obviously a recording* “Hello! You’ve been pre-approved for a small business loan! Press ‘one’ now to speak with a small business specialist.”

(I press one. The recording surprisingly continues, twice more requesting that I press “one,” so I do so in an attempt to mess with a scammer. Then, the call disconnects after once again stating options for touch tones.)

Me: “I guess they come self-rejecting now.”

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