Unfiltered Story #177740

, , | Unfiltered | November 20, 2019

(I have a commercial space to let in my house. A potential renter is late by 10 minutes, then wants to wait for her husband, who shows up even later. By the time the viewing starts, 20 minutes past the initial appointment, I have already decided that I’m not going to rent anything to them ever, no matter what they are offering.)

Man: “You said the building dates back to classicism? Well, it’s old, so can we have it cheaply?”

Me: *patiently* “That’s not how this works. This house has been carefully restored for over two years, preserving the original facade while having high-end interiors. I suppose this space is too expensive for your project?”

Woman: “Expensive? No way! That’s not up to you to decide! The owner will be happy to get our offer!”

Me: *just wanting to get rid of them* “Okay, sure, I can’t stop you from making any offers. Send an e-mail to [my work e-mail].”

Man: “You are useless! Who’s the owner and how can we contact him?”

Me: “That’s me.”

Woman: “He didn’t mean it like that! I think you are a wonderful person, such a lovely young woman, don’t you agree, [husband]?”

Transactional Innuendos

, , , , , | Working | October 30, 2019

(Our store doesn’t carry much change in the morning, so I volunteer to visit a nearby bank almost daily to exchange some notes after a few hours. There is almost always the same lady working there. The moment I enter and she sees me, things are quickly prepared and ready to go. Today, she came to our store to have her phone fixed. As she is waiting in line, I look over to her and say:)

Me: “I have the strangest urge to give you a large amount of money, but I guess this is neither the right place nor time.”

(She knew what I meant and laughed at the comment, unlike the woman beside her, who covered her mouth and looked at us in disgust. It took me a few seconds to understand what I could have meant instead.)

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Unfiltered Story #161894

, , | Unfiltered | September 2, 2019

(I’m the customer and approach the meat counter in a supermarket. The two clerks there in charge are chatting with each other, essentially ignoring me).
Me: **ahem** If you don’t mind…
Clerk #1 (turning to me): Oh, I’m sorry…
Clerk #2 to Clerk #1: Stop excusing yourself, everyone has to wait sometimes!
Me: …

Unfiltered Story #160058

, , | Unfiltered | August 8, 2019

We sell Black Forest Cuckoo Clocks in our store. One day a tourist with his 5-year-old son comes in and they watch one of the clocks where the bird comes out, making “cuckoo, cuckoo”.
Father to the son: “Do you know what bird that is?”
Son, sounding uncertain: “A rooster?”
Father: “No, an owl!”

(Even worse: they came from Germany and really should know better!)

Be Careful Where You Insert That Battery

, , , | Right | July 31, 2019

Customer: “I need a medical thermometer.”

Me: “A digital one that’s battery-operated or a glass one without a battery?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

(Since a digital one gives results faster, I grab one and hand it to the customer.)

Customer: “Oh, no, I’ve got one of these at home, but it has no battery, and it’s not working!”

Me: “These run all on battery. Maybe the battery in yours is empty.”

Customer: *thinking hard for a minute* “Maybe that’s why it’s not working anymore.”

Me: *internal facepalm*

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