Schrödinger’s Phone

, , , , | Right | December 12, 2019

(This happens way too often, but I still understand that some people don’t want to or can’t keep up with technology. An elderly person enters the store.)

Elderly Customer: “This phone I have… I’ve had it for several years now, and the way this specific button blinks… I can hardly sleep as this button blinks all night; it bothers me all the time, no matter what I do or press on the phone. I’m out of options and don’t know what to do anymore.”

Me: “Just press the blinking button for two seconds.”

(The customer slightly taps the button. If it were a cat, it would start to purr.)

Me: “Please press and hold the button for two seconds.”

(The customer taps the button harder, still too short. If it were a cat, it would probably look at them funny.)

Me: “Sir, when the light flashes on your phone or this specific button, you have to keep it pressed for two seconds to see your missed calls. Please try again.”

(Usually, with a little time I do it myself, but to help them learn it I let them try it themselves.)The customer taps and holds the button with all of his might. At this point, they have a face like having a workout with heavy weights. If the phone were a cat, its eyes would probably pop out. Suddenly, it works. They look at the screen, exhausted and terrified at what they did.)

Elderly Customer: “Oh, my… the light… it stopped! How did you do that?”

1 Thumbs
329

Unfiltered Story #177740

, , | Unfiltered | November 20, 2019

(I have a commercial space to let in my house. A potential renter is late by 10 minutes, then wants to wait for her husband, who shows up even later. By the time the viewing starts, 20 minutes past the initial appointment, I have already decided that I’m not going to rent anything to them ever, no matter what they are offering.)

Man: “You said the building dates back to classicism? Well, it’s old, so can we have it cheaply?”

Me: *patiently* “That’s not how this works. This house has been carefully restored for over two years, preserving the original facade while having high-end interiors. I suppose this space is too expensive for your project?”

Woman: “Expensive? No way! That’s not up to you to decide! The owner will be happy to get our offer!”

Me: *just wanting to get rid of them* “Okay, sure, I can’t stop you from making any offers. Send an e-mail to [my work e-mail].”

Man: “You are useless! Who’s the owner and how can we contact him?”

Me: “That’s me.”

Woman: “He didn’t mean it like that! I think you are a wonderful person, such a lovely young woman, don’t you agree, [husband]?”

Transactional Innuendos

, , , , , | Working | October 30, 2019

(Our store doesn’t carry much change in the morning, so I volunteer to visit a nearby bank almost daily to exchange some notes after a few hours. There is almost always the same lady working there. The moment I enter and she sees me, things are quickly prepared and ready to go. Today, she came to our store to have her phone fixed. As she is waiting in line, I look over to her and say:)

Me: “I have the strangest urge to give you a large amount of money, but I guess this is neither the right place nor time.”

(She knew what I meant and laughed at the comment, unlike the woman beside her, who covered her mouth and looked at us in disgust. It took me a few seconds to understand what I could have meant instead.)

1 Thumbs
536

Unfiltered Story #161894

, , | Unfiltered | September 2, 2019

(I’m the customer and approach the meat counter in a supermarket. The two clerks there in charge are chatting with each other, essentially ignoring me).
Me: **ahem** If you don’t mind…
Clerk #1 (turning to me): Oh, I’m sorry…
Clerk #2 to Clerk #1: Stop excusing yourself, everyone has to wait sometimes!
Me: …

Unfiltered Story #160058

, , | Unfiltered | August 8, 2019

We sell Black Forest Cuckoo Clocks in our store. One day a tourist with his 5-year-old son comes in and they watch one of the clocks where the bird comes out, making “cuckoo, cuckoo”.
Father to the son: “Do you know what bird that is?”
Son, sounding uncertain: “A rooster?”
Father: “No, an owl!”

(Even worse: they came from Germany and really should know better!)