The Greased Wheel Doesn’t Get Squeaked At

, , , , | Learning | January 13, 2021

This happens in middle school, during the last week. We are basically doing nothing in all of our classes, so in homeroom, we watch a movie each day. We have a small homeroom class so the back row of desks is empty and I decide to sit on one of them to see better. After a few minutes, another student does the same and the teacher immediately yells at him to get down.

Classmate: *Pointing at me* “How come he can do it?!”

Teacher: “Because he never does anything!”

At the end of class, some of my classmates actually said they hadn’t even realized I was in there all year since I was so quiet.

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I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 37

, , , , | Right | December 28, 2020

My friend and I are at a pet store, shopping for supplies for a brand-new kitten I have just gotten. We’re looking at litter boxes and they’re a little high up. Most people would have to ask for an employee to help, but I am tall enough to reach them, so I’m getting them down myself. While doing this, a disgruntled old lady with a cane comes up to me and my friend.

Old Lady: “Do you know where the liners are?”

Me: “No, uh, we don’t work here.”

Old Lady: “Oh, okay.”

She then wandered off, grumbling about getting no help from nobody and how they should hire better people.

Granted, we were wearing the same colored shirts as the employees. But we had our own cart full of stuff and our shirts didn’t even have the same logo.

I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 36
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 35
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 34
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 33
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 32

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Bread Versus Booze

, , , , , | Related | December 23, 2020

My sister and I are Christmas shopping for our stepmother. She likes scented lotion, so we’re going through the various products [Store] has to offer.

Sister: “Champagne Toast.” *Sniffs* “Well, it smells like champagne, but I don’t smell any toast.”

Me: “[Sister], that’s a champagne toast.”

Sister: “Oh!”

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Unfiltered Story #218567

, , , | Unfiltered | December 17, 2020

(I am the opening waiter at a restaurant. This means that I need to stock and prep things for the day ahead. I am putting ladles in the soups when I happen to look up and see a woman glaring at me through the window. I was listening to music while getting ready so I hadn’t noticed her before this point. It is worth noting that our restaurant does not open until 10:30, and it is currently about 9:40. I go to the door so I can tell her our opening time.)

Customer: *through the locked door* “I want fried green tomatoes and a hot dog.”
Me: *a bit taken aback by her brusqueness* “I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t open until 10:30.”
Customer: “Well, what time is it?”
Me: *glances at clock* “It’s only 9:40.”
Customer: “9:40? But I don’t want to wait that long. I live in [city that’s only about 20 minutes away] and I don’t want to drive all the way there and back to get a hot dog. at 10:30. Can you just let me in?”
Me: “I’m sorry, we aren’t open yet. And none of the grills are on so there’s no way to make food yet anyway.”
Customer: “But I just want a hot dog and fried green tomatoes.”
Me: “…I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do for you. We aren’t open yet and the grills aren’t on so we can’t make any food.”
Customer: “But I don’t want to go all the way back to [city] and have to come back. Can’t you just let me in? I want a hot dog and fried green tomatoes.”

(It took over five minutes of repeating the same thing to get her to realize that I wouldn’t let her in. Later, once we had actually opened, a couple customers asked me if the woman had gotten her hot dog. Apparently while I was busy prepping, she was banging on the window and complaining that she “just wanted a hot dog” and wondered why we wouldn’t let her in. She never did come back for her hot dog or fried green tomatoes.)

Everyone Knows Parking Lots Are The Most Productive Places

, , , , | Right | October 26, 2020

It’s more or less been a quiet day at work when I decide to go out and get some missing carts. There are only a few cars in the parking lot, one being a little Volkswagen bug, windows down, with an older lady looking at her cell phone. As I start to move a cart away from where it was sitting, a couple of spaces away from her car, she proceeds to yell at me.

Old Woman: “Can’t you see I’m busy?! Cut that noise out!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I was just getting these carts. I’ll be out of your hair shortly.”

Old Woman: “No! You’re going to cause too much noise pushing them! You should carry the carts back to the store, if you need them so bad!”

I’m a small woman, and while it wouldn’t be impossible to carry the cart back to the store, I’m not gonna do that for all eight carts that are outside, each about fifty yards away from the store.

Me: “No can do, ma’am. Sorry for the noise. I’ll make it one trip and you won’t hear the noise again.”

She proceeded to yell at me while I finished getting the carts and I just ignored her.

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