Scarier Than Cabin In The Woods

, , , , | Right | January 14, 2020

(The resort I work for has many rental units from campsites to deluxe cabins open year-round. I’m currently taking phone calls.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Customer: “You got any cabins available?”

Me: “For when? For tonight?”

(When people ask this and give no date, it’s for “tonight” 90% of the time, but not this guy:)

Customer: “Ah, no. For [two days from now].”

Me: “It looks like most of our cabins are still open that day.”

(I try to further help him find the cabin that’s right for him, because we have 50+ cabins, and a dozen different layouts and sizes.)

Me: “Do you know which cabin you wanted to rent? Or about what size you needed, like how many bedrooms you need, or how many people you’ll have?”

Customer: “Well, uh, nah. I just wanted to… Hey, how much are they?”

Me: “It would depend on what size cabin you wanted; they range from $160 a night to $600 per night.”

Customer: “Wow, okay, so you can’t tell me how much they are?”

Me: “We have several different sizes of cabins that are all a different cost; it would depend on what size cabin you needed.”

Customer: “I mean, I just wanted to know how much the cabins were.”

(I’m starting to get frustrated at this point; he’s not giving me any information to help him.)

Me: “If you don’t know what size cabin you need, all I can say is that they range from $160 to $600 per night.”

Customer: “Ah, okay, well, tell me what cabin you would like.”

(There’s a very noticeable pause here, because I just can’t fathom how he thinks that will help. I’m thinking I’ll either recommend a one-bedroom cabin that’s too small, or a five-bedroom cabin that costs too much.)

Me: “We have a lot of different options; if you can tell me about how many people you have I can give you a better idea of cost. Do you think it will be two or three people?”

Customer: “Nah, nah, not that many. Uh, um. Well, let me see. So, it may be like eight or ten people.”

(At the lack of basic math skills, I start to suspect prank call, then realize that’s just what I wish it was. My gut tells me he’s just this dumb, but I’m relieved I finally have something to go off of and can start selling.)

Me: “Okay, so, a lot of our cabins can hold six people maximum, and we have just a couple that can hold ten people. A good cabin that would fit your group is the [Cabin #1]; it has [lists all it includes], plus a hot tub outside on the deck. This cabin is $529 per night for one to six people, and $20 more per person after that. So, ten people is $609 per night.”

Customer: “Wow, so really, $600?”

Me: “If you had ten people, yes.”

Customer: “What if I had two people?”

(With most people, I’d suggest a smaller cabin if they only have two people, but this guy seems to be deliberately ignorant, so he’s losing my sympathy.)

Me: “Then it would be $529 per night.”

Customer: “What if I had four people?”

Me: “$529 per night.”

Customer: “Okay, what if the cabin had a hot tub?”

Me: “This cabin does have a hot tub.”

Customer: “Okay, nice, how much is that cabin?”

Me: “That’s the cabin we’re talking about, the [Cabin #1]; it’s $529 per night for one to six people, $609 per night for ten people.”

(Then, his most genuinely insightful line of dialogue is delivered:)

Customer: “Hmm, well, you know, I think I might do a bit more research before deciding. I’ll call you back.”

Me: “Okay, have a nice day.”

​​Customer: *click*

(Every one of our cabins is listed on our website, including photos of inside and out, floor plans, and prices. I also noticed the phone number he dialed to reach us is only listed on the website, so he’d already been to the site once, and decided to call instead of finding the answers for himself.)

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Unfiltered Story #181209

, , | Unfiltered | January 2, 2020

(I run a convenience store. I’ve been here forever so I know almost every customer and what they buy except for out of townerns)

*car pulls in with out of state plates*
Woman: “hey, can I buy power ball tickets on my card?”

Me: “Yes if you run it as a debit.”

Woman: “Can I get five dollars on the powerball”

Me: “They are two dollars each”

Woman: “I guess just give me five dollars”

Me: “I can add the extra option to one ticket and the regular easy pick on another, that would make it five dollars ”

Woman: “Just give me six dollars worth then”

Me: “Okay just slide your card there and it will ask you a couple of questions”

*she slides her card then stares at the terminal*

Woman: “Do I press the green button or the red X for credit?”

Me*slowly dying* “You have to run your card as debit to purchase lottery tickets”

*she then yells at me and leaves without buying anything*

You Can’t Fail Email If You Don’t Have It

, , , , | Right | November 27, 2019

(My tractor supply store has a rewards program that we offer to customers so they can earn discounts for shopping with us. The only downside is that the customer needs to provide both a phone number and an email address in order to sign up. Most of my customers are older and don’t have computers, but I’m supposed to ask if they’d like to join anyway. Today, I had this interaction.)

Me: “And are you a member of our rewards program, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah. Phone number [number].”

(I find his account and see he doesn’t have an email registered to this account. It’s a common bug for there to be more than one account for a customer, but the phone number for one gets deleted. Luckily, we can get around that.)

Me: “You’ve given your email address to use before, right?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Okay, then. Let’s search for you that way. May I have your email address, please?”

Customer: “What are you talking about? I don’t have an email, let alone a computer!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but in order for you to get discounts and be a member we have to have an email to provide you with your coupons.”

Customer: “Well, that’s dumb!”

(Gotta love people, especially when they listen.)

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Cash Back Attack, Part 9

, , , , , | Right | November 11, 2019

(On a lazy Saturday afternoon, I’m on register duty when a couple comes in. The woman makes a beeline for me with a very angry look on her face.)

Woman: “You! Where’s the nearest ATM? I’ve been through this whole plaza and not one of them has an ATM!”

(The plaza I work in has four different restaurants and about five different shops. The bank we used to have closed years ago and the ATM went with it.)

Me: “I’m sorry to hear your troubles, ma’am, but the closest ATM is going to be across the street at [Gas Station #1] or [Gas Station #2]. Personally, I prefer [Gas Station #2] as they don’t charge withdrawal fees.”

Woman: “I don’t want to go across the street! That’ll take too long!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry again, ma’am, but those are the only options I can think of.”

(The woman glares at me a minute and wanders back to her compatriot. They discuss something for a minute and she walks back to me, now with a smug look on her face.)

Woman: “You guys do cashback here, right?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. The options for cashback are $10, $20, or $40.”

Woman: “Any minimum I gotta pay?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

(She nods and wordlessly grabs a candy bar and slams it onto my table. I ring her up and she goes through the cashback steps, selecting $40. The transaction finishes, the drawer opens, and as I’m grabbing her money, she says the following:)

Woman: “Give me $200.”

(I’m stunned for a moment, but I get the $40, close my drawer, and hand the money to her.)

Me: “No, ma’am. I’m not giving any money out that isn’t counted for on my till. You told it $40; you get $40.”

Woman: “But it’s my money! Just fix it when you count it later!”

Me: “I don’t know how you think cashback works, but that is certainly not how it operates here. Like I said a minute ago, you can head to one of the ATMs across the street if you need more cash.”

Woman: “You’re really gonna make me do this, aren’t you?”

(Before I can ask what she means, she grabs another candy bar and again slams it on my table. I check her out again and again, she gets $40. She proceeded to do five total transactions, totaling about $10 for candy, to pull out $200.)

Woman:That ought to teach you a thing or two.” 

(She then flounced out the door with her companion and candy bars. I just stared after her in silent rage and confusion.)

Related:
Cash Back Attack, Part 8
Cash Back Attack, Part 7
Cash Back Attack, Part 6

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Unfiltered Story #174574

, , | Unfiltered | November 3, 2019

(I overhear this conversation between my coworker and a customer as she’s finishing up ringing up his purchases)
Coworker: Alright sir, you’re all set. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Customer: Thanks, you too! I hope you live to see it!!
(The customer leaves and my coworker turns to me)
Coworker: Was that a threat or a genuine sentiment?
Me: I’m not entirely sure, but at least he said it with a smile??