Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

You’ve Bean Naughty, And Now It’s Time For Payback

, , , , , , | Working | CREDIT: ANONYMOUS BY REQUEST | June 16, 2022

I am known to purchase the giant jar of JellyBellies from a warehouse chain. It’s a very reasonable price. I take them to work with me. I don’t mind people coming in and shaking out a handful. But I have a coworker who badmouths me behind my back, always wants in on lunch runs, and always promises to get us next time and therefore never actually pays. She regularly comes in and takes a whole mug full of JellyBellies without asking permission — or even saying hi — and makes it clear that she hates me but loves the JellyBelly supply. I had to take action.

We are both early morning people, so there is usually an hour or so with nobody but the two of us in the office, so I knew there would be no innocent victims.

You can buy a box of the JellyBelly game, which contains an assortment of beans that come in identical pairs. One has a good flavor and one flavor is horrible: is that bean coconut or rotten eggs? Will you get soap, earthworm, dishwater, or booger? In the game, you spin a spinner and eat whatever color it tells you to eat, and you have a fifty-fifty chance of getting a good flavor or a nasty one. It’s actually a fun game — among friends.

However, this did not involve a friend, so I happily bought a box of the nasty mix and dumped it into the jar. There were only one or two inches of beans left in the bottom, so this was a sacrifice I was willing to make. And then I waited.

I left my office for a bit, came back, and saw that there were significantly fewer beans left. Perfect.

About ten minutes later, I heard a wonderful cacophony of gagging, retching, and utterances of disgust, accompanied by what sounded suspiciously like something being spit into the trash can down the hall. With said trash can having a hint of a whiff of rotten egg. With a cup of uneaten JellyBelly added to the top of the trash.

The remainder of the jug went into my own trash can. A new stash was purchased, and for the past two weeks, I have noticed that it is not draining as quickly as it used to.

That particular coworker hasn’t said a word to me since — not that she was actually talking to me before, but at least now she isn’t mooching off of somebody she hates.

Every Hotel Worker’s Dream

, , , , | Working | CREDIT: _bosh | June 14, 2022

I work in a hotel. Naturally, professionalism comes first, so when I received a call from a guest saying that she had rats in her room, I did not believe a word she said but still tried to resolve the issue. The woman was persistent and sounded very angry, requesting a comped room for the night. I was in disbelief.

Me: “I’ll speak to my manager and see what I can do for you.”

I went to grab my supervisor, who picked up the phone.

Supervisor: *Sassily* “Can I help you?”

I gasped and gave her eyes like, “What manager answers the phone like that?!”

She proceeded to try and help the woman, with my coworker and me trying to listen through the phone.

Guest: “I found rats in my room, and I want a free room tonight!”

Supervisor: “That’s f****** ridiculous.”

My jaw hit the floor. I was dumbfounded (but also laughing as I was impressed by her courage).

My supervisor started cracking up, said, “Thanks, [Guest]!” and then hung up. Between her laughter, I realized she had pranked us.

All in all, it was a good April Fool’s Day prank that I should have seen coming.

Pranking From The Womb

, , , , , | Healthy | June 2, 2022

The best April Fool prank I ever saw was actually pulled by me.

I put my mom through three false labors on the same day I was born. The first was in the early morning hours, which got my older brother thrown in bed with my grandparents. The second time was in the mid-afternoon, making my mom take off time from work, and she had to go back.

The third time came later at night. They had her walk around the hospital this time, and I was finally born.

Fun With John And Jane

, , , , , , , | Romantic | May 27, 2022

My aunt (we’ll call her Jane) was dating a man (we’ll call him John) who was twenty-two years older than she was, and he eventually became her second husband. He pulled this gag on her at a store’s checkout.

As they approached the cashier’s station, John hung back, so it wasn’t obvious that they were together. Jane didn’t think anything of it and started placing her items on the belt. Just as she finished, John walked up and put a pack of gum on the belt. The cashier looked at my aunt, who said, “Go ahead.”

The cashier finished ringing her out and announced the total.

John: “I’ll get this.”

Jane: “It’s okay. I’ve got it.”

John: “I insist; it’s the least I can do.”

Jane: “Well, okay.”

He hands the cashier money and gets his change, and then…

John: “Now that I’ve paid for your purchase, will you tell me your name?”

Jane: “JOHN!”

Well, If She’s Getting Paid By The Hour…

, , , , , , | Working | May 23, 2022

One day, while at work, I received a call from a telemarketer trying to sell me life insurance. I was on my break, so I decided to have some fun with the caller. I gave her very vague and comical answers to all her questions. She then proceeded to transfer me to a licensed sales agent, which I ignored so he just hung up.

I thought they would just remove me from their call list, but a few months later, the same lady called me again! So we did the same routine. The answers I gave were the same ones I gave the first time. It went something like this.

After establishing my name and that I lived in Michigan, she started her questions:

Caller: “How old are you?”

Me: “Older than the womb but younger than the tomb.”

Caller: “That is funny, sir, but seriously, how old are you?”

Me: “Older than the womb but younger than the tomb.”

This repeated four more times before she went on to the next question.

Caller: “How tall are you, sir?”

Me: “Twelve inches to the foot.”

Caller: “Can you be more precise?”

Me: “I can stand on the floor but I cannot reach the ceiling.”

Caller: “Well, okay. Can you tell me how much you weigh?”

Me: “Sixteen ounces to the pound.”

I hear a little frustration in her tone as she goes to the next question.

Caller: “Can you tell me if you use any breathing apparatus?”

Me: “I have a nose, diaphragm, and lungs.”

Caller: “Does any of that plug into an outlet?”

Me: “There are no plugs in me.”

Caller: “Do you live in a nursing home or in a hospital?”

Me: “No.”

Caller: “Okay, I have enough information about you. I am now going to transfer you to a licensed agent to talk to you about life insurance.”

Me: No, you are not! You do not know one thing about me except my name and I live in Michigan!”

Caller: “You gave me all your information, sir.”

Me: “Really?! This is what I told you!”

I then went back through the questions and the answers I had given. Then, I asked her what specific information I gave her. She was silenced for a few seconds and then asked if I was interested in insurance.

Me: “With those vague answers I gave you, what do you think?”

Caller: “So, would you like me to remove your name from our call list?”

Me: *In a very sarcastic tone* “Yes!”

Caller: “Okay, sir, I removed your name and number from our list. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Me: “Do you have another game we can play? I love playing games!”

She finally hung up. 

I don’t understand why she didn’t pick up on the fact I was just toying with her from the beginning.