Finding The Bags For The Old Bag

, , , , , | Right | May 30, 2019

(My wife works in a hotel and she relayed this story to me.)

Wife: “Bell department, [Wife] speaking. How may I assist you?”

Customer: “We lost our luggage ticket but need you to bring our bags up.”

Wife: “That’s not a problem, ma’am. Please describe the bags, and tell me how many you have?”

Customer: “Yeah, it was two big black bags. Get them and bring them up right away!”

Wife: “All right, ma’am, I will start looking for those right away, and as soon as we find them a bellman will bring them up.”

Customer: “Hurry up.” *click*

(She looks through the dozens of racks for a grouping of two black bags, then checks the name. This is a big hotel and there are hundreds, if not thousands of bags. After looking through the entire downstairs area for about ten minutes, she calls to get help to look in the upstairs area; she has no luck there, either.)

Wife: *calling the guest back* “I apologize, ma’am, but we were not able to locate two black bags under your name. Could you possibly tell me anything else about them?”

Customer: “For crying out loud, do I have to come down there myself? It’s two black bags; how hard could it be?”

Wife: “Ma’am, this hotel has thousands of rooms; I literally have hundreds of black bags down here from our guests. I just need a bit more to go on. Any luck finding the ticket?”

Customer: “No. Fine, it was two black bags, a grey bag, and a blue suitcase. Sheesh. Why is this so hard?”

Wife: *gritting her teeth and wanting to strangle guest through the phone* “Oh, so it was four bags: two black, one grey bag, and a blue suitcase. As soon as we locate them, the bellman will be up to your room. Give us about ten minutes.”

Customer: “I don’t have all day.” *click*

Wife: *head-desk*

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Unfiltered Story #151776

, , | Unfiltered | May 24, 2019

(I am working at a sandwich shop when a customer comes in, looking like he’s on drugs.)
Customer:  ”I want a…  a…”
Me: *sighs*
Customer:  “I want an abortion for my dolphin, man.”
Me:  “Well, you’d have to go to the veterinarian for that, sir.  I’m sorry.”
Customer:  “Thanks anyway.”
(He slowly walked out the door.  After he was gone my coworker and I cracked up.)

What Kills You In Vegas Kills You Everywhere

, , , , , , , | Healthy | May 22, 2019

I work for a hotel in Las Vegas. While working security one night, I am sent up to a guest’s room who is having an allergic reaction. I arrive and the man is in a pretty bad way. He has his shirt off, his chest is covered with hives, and his throat is closing so fast he can’t speak and soon may not even be able to breathe.

I call for the paramedics and they arrive fairly quickly. They give the man a shot, and his allergy symptoms quickly begin to get better. When he can finally speak, one paramedic asks if the man is allergic to any kind of food. The man admits he’s severely allergic to shellfish. The paramedic then asks if the man has eaten any shellfish lately. The man then says, “I just came back from a seafood buffet and ate a lot of it because it doesn’t count when you’re in Vegas.”

So many people see the city slogan, “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,” and think Las Vegas is some kind of negative zone where anything you do doesn’t affect real life.

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Boys Can Both Have, And Be, Butt-holes

, , , , | Learning | April 9, 2019

(I am in my zoology honors class. We are talking about the anatomy of the lamprey.)

Teacher: “…the lamprey gets rid of liquid waste through the [scientific term]. It also releases sperm or eggs through the [scientific term].”

Male Student: “Where does the solid waste come out, then?”

Teacher: “Solid waste exits through the [other scientific term].”

Male Student: “So, they don’t have a butthole?”

Female Student: “Like boys!”

Male Student: “Excuse you! I do, too, have a butthole!”

(The whole class is cracking up. Even the teacher is trying to keep a smile off her face. Suddenly, the principal walks in.)

Principal: “What’s going on in here?”

Female Student: “Boys don’t have buttholes!”

(The principal just stared at [Female Student] for a long moment, and then backed slowly out of the room. The class erupts into laughter again.)

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A Conversational Bath Bomb

, , , , | Right | March 8, 2019

(I’m working near the front table of my bath and body store. As I turn around, I see two women shopping at the front table. I approach them with a smile.)

Me: “Hi ladies! What brings you two in to shop?”

(The one closest to me turns her head to me slowly, like something out of a horror movie, with a scowl on her bright red face, and replies in a scathing tone.)

Customer: “Seriously? This is a bath store.”

Me: *taken aback* “It was just a question.”

Customer: *gets even redder and huffs* “Whatever. I don’t have to take this.”

(She proceeded to storm out, the younger woman confusedly following after. I was left staring at the table while my coworker cracked up behind me.)

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