Unfiltered Story #151776

, , | Unfiltered | May 24, 2019

(I am working at a sandwich shop when a customer comes in, looking like he’s on drugs.)
Customer:  ”I want a…  a…”
Me: *sighs*
Customer:  “I want an abortion for my dolphin, man.”
Me:  “Well, you’d have to go to the veterinarian for that, sir.  I’m sorry.”
Customer:  “Thanks anyway.”
(He slowly walked out the door.  After he was gone my coworker and I cracked up.)

What Kills You In Vegas Kills You Everywhere

, , , , , , , | Healthy | May 22, 2019

I work for a hotel in Las Vegas. While working security one night, I am sent up to a guest’s room who is having an allergic reaction. I arrive and the man is in a pretty bad way. He has his shirt off, his chest is covered with hives, and his throat is closing so fast he can’t speak and soon may not even be able to breathe.

I call for the paramedics and they arrive fairly quickly. They give the man a shot, and his allergy symptoms quickly begin to get better. When he can finally speak, one paramedic asks if the man is allergic to any kind of food. The man admits he’s severely allergic to shellfish. The paramedic then asks if the man has eaten any shellfish lately. The man then says, “I just came back from a seafood buffet and ate a lot of it because it doesn’t count when you’re in Vegas.”

So many people see the city slogan, “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,” and think Las Vegas is some kind of negative zone where anything you do doesn’t affect real life.

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Boys Can Both Have, And Be, Butt-holes

, , , , | Learning | April 9, 2019

(I am in my zoology honors class. We are talking about the anatomy of the lamprey.)

Teacher: “…the lamprey gets rid of liquid waste through the [scientific term]. It also releases sperm or eggs through the [scientific term].”

Male Student: “Where does the solid waste come out, then?”

Teacher: “Solid waste exits through the [other scientific term].”

Male Student: “So, they don’t have a butthole?”

Female Student: “Like boys!”

Male Student: “Excuse you! I do, too, have a butthole!”

(The whole class is cracking up. Even the teacher is trying to keep a smile off her face. Suddenly, the principal walks in.)

Principal: “What’s going on in here?”

Female Student: “Boys don’t have buttholes!”

(The principal just stared at [Female Student] for a long moment, and then backed slowly out of the room. The class erupts into laughter again.)

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A Conversational Bath Bomb

, , , , | Right | March 8, 2019

(I’m working near the front table of my bath and body store. As I turn around, I see two women shopping at the front table. I approach them with a smile.)

Me: “Hi ladies! What brings you two in to shop?”

(The one closest to me turns her head to me slowly, like something out of a horror movie, with a scowl on her bright red face, and replies in a scathing tone.)

Customer: “Seriously? This is a bath store.”

Me: *taken aback* “It was just a question.”

Customer: *gets even redder and huffs* “Whatever. I don’t have to take this.”

(She proceeded to storm out, the younger woman confusedly following after. I was left staring at the table while my coworker cracked up behind me.)

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Can’t Really Fit All That Into The Fitting Room

, , , , | Right | February 28, 2019

(I work in a women’s boutique. I’m standing inside the shop by myself since the manager is on break. I have a customer in the fitting room. I see a woman and her daughter pointing and looking through the display window. They eventually come in.)

Woman: “Do you work here?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I do. Was there something you’d like to see from the display window?”

Woman: “Oh, no. I just had a question about restaurants.”

Me: “…”

Woman: “My daughter and I want to have brunch, but we only eat gluten-free and organic, and we’re not in the mood for Italian or Chinese. Could you tell me where we could go have brunch?”

(I’m thinking, “Are you serious?”)

Me: “Uh… I’m sorry, ma’am. I can’t think of any place, but I can give you this.”

(I give her a little booklet with most of the shows and restaurants close by.)

Woman: “But you work here; you should know.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m not familiar with the property’s restaurants. There’s a concierge down the hallway; I’m sure he could tell you where to go.”

Woman: “You work here. Can’t you call around and find out for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I can’t do that; I have to tend to customers in here.”

(Good thing the customer in the fitting room was ready to be rung up, so “ButYouWorkHere” finally left the shop.)

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