Sometimes You Just Have To Say “F*** It”

, , , , , , | Right | August 30, 2019

(I work in a grocery store deli. I have a new coworker who is from Poland and has a strong accent. I walk into work one day when an angry customer is giving him a hard time and I decide to step in. I am Caucasian but very tan.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Is there something wrong?”

Customer: *notices my tan* “Oh, great. Now a Mexican! Does this place only hire immigrants?! I can’t f****** understand this Russian. I want macaroni salad. Did anyone teach you what that is in Mexico, you [racial slur]?!”

Me: *blank stare* “I’m from Idaho, you f****** idiot.” 

(Just one mildly annoying HR meeting and I managed to keep my job, and I earned a splendid high-five from my coworker.)

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He’s Plugged His Brain Into Itself

, , , , | Right | August 28, 2019

(I am taking a room payment through fax for a guest. I have faxed the required paperwork that needs to be filled out and I am waiting for the return fax. The person sending the fax calls me.)

Guest: “Did you receive that fax?”

Me: “No, not yet.”

Guest: “When I send it I get a busy signal.”

Me: “I am not sure why that would happen. We have not received any faxes.”

Guest: “I also notice that your number is the same area code as mine. It is a California number. Why would that be if you are in Las Vegas?”

Me: “Sir, are you sending that fax to your own number? I wrote it on the cover sheets as the destination. Our number is listed in the paperwork instructions and as the sender on the cover letter I sent you.”

Guest: “So, I can’t send it to my number?”

Me: “No, you have to send it to our number. It works like a phone. You cannot call someone else by dialing the number you are calling from. It just doesn’t work that way.”

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“Use The Force, Harry,” Said Gandalf

, , , , , , | Related | August 16, 2019

(My older brother decides we are going to watch a movie one afternoon, and my mom shouts down the hall to invite my younger brother.)

Mom: “We’re getting ready to watch a Star Trek movie, if you want to join.”

Younger Brother: “Which one?”

Me: *walking past his room* “The one where The Doctor takes the One Ring to the planet Hoth because Professor Xavier told him to.”

Younger Brother: “Which one is that? Can’t you give me the title, instead?”

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A Ballooning Sense Of Entitlement

, , , , | Right | June 22, 2019

(It’s about 3:00 pm on a busy Saturday at the grocery store where I work. We have every check stand open and there is a line at each of them. A woman and her child, maybe around two or three, are at my register and I’ve got a line of four people behind her.)

Customer: “Oh, by the way, can I get a balloon for her? She loves coming here since the last checker gave her a balloon!”

(We don’t usually give out balloons; they are decorations that sit on top of our display cases for sales, new products, etc.)

Me: “Oh, sorry, but we are unable to give out balloons right now.” *looks at the little girl* “But I can give you some stickers! Do you want to pick some out?” *hands her our sheet of stickers*

Woman: “UGH, no.” *snatches the stickers from her daughter who just looks confused* “The last time they gave us a balloon! If she leaves here without one, she will be disappointed!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I cannot give out balloons right now.”

(To give her a balloon would require me to leave my check stand with a line, get a ladder, and climb to the top of the closest soda display and take one down. I’m not going to make everyone else wait because she wants a balloon.)

Customer: *talks to her daughter, ignores me* “Guess we will just need to shop at [Competitor] from here on out, since they give you balloons there!

(She shoots me a dirty look.)

Me: *holding eye contact* “Yeah, maybe you should do that. Sounds like it would be for the best.”

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So, It Used To Belong To Bad Customers, Then…

, , , , | Working | June 19, 2019

(I work as a cashier for a store that employs about 20 to 25 people, depending on the season. Our store has recently hired a few new people, one of whom is working a part of my shift. Our store allows cashiers to keep food and drink at their registers as long as it remains out of sight. I usually bring a water bottle with me, but today I’ve filled it with cranberry juice instead of water, making it look dark red instead of clear. I go behind the main counter, set my bottle down, and talk with the new hire, my manager, and one of my regular coworkers. I’m known around my store for having a quirky, slightly dark sense of humor.)

Coworker: *points to bottle* “What’s in here?”

Me: *deadpan and without thinking* “The blood of my enemies.”

(My manager, coworker, and the new hire start laughing.)

New Hire: “I like you.”

(Thankfully, most of the staff has worked with me long enough to appreciate my odd sense of humor. The new girl will fit in just fine.)

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