Customer: “Excuse me, do you sell herbals?”

Me: “I’m not sure what you mean. Are you looking for vitamins, essential oils, or something else?”

Customer: “No, I’m looking for herbals!”

Me: “Okay, well, vitamins are on aisle two, in case that’s what you are looking for.”

Customer: “I don’t want vitamins. I want herbals. You know, herbals? H-E-R-B-A-L-S?”

Yes, he actually spelled out herbals, as if that would clarify the confusion. I sent him to talk to the pharmacist. She came up to me a few minutes later. Guess what he was looking for? Yep, vitamins. Oh, humanity.

My boyfriend and I have just placed an order at a coffee and waffle place. As we are heading outside to wait for our order, we run into another pair of customers. We kind of stare at each other for a moment, and then the woman points at the man with her.

Woman: “Hey, his mask just broke. Do you guys have a spare?”

I blink for a moment, a bit confused, because who carries around spare masks if they have their own cloth one? But I actually do have a spare because I traveled on a plane and bought a pack of masks to use. I only needed one but ended up getting five.

Me: “Yeah, actually. I should have one in the car.”

The woman’s eyes widen.

Woman: “I’m so sorry. I thought you worked here!”

I laughed and told her it was no problem.

I have just started double-masking. The disposable ones are a little large for my face, but they fit fine under cloth ones.

I am getting a customer checked in for a haircut. I start fidgeting with the masks because they are getting in my eyes. I explain this to the customer’s wife and we laugh it off. The husband is the one getting the haircut, and he has his mask under his nose.

As I’m settling into the haircut, the customer asks me condescendingly:

Customer: “Why not just wear three masks?”

Me: “Because two is just fine.”

There’s silence for a moment while I think of a cheeky comeback.

Me: “Besides, at least I can wear two masks properly on my face, unlike others.”

Recently, we have been receiving a bunch of scam calls at my work. I knew it was only a matter of time before I got one. We are on the opposite side of the country from the headquarters, and they are three hours later than us. Also, they are never in the building on weekends. This call takes place on a Sunday evening.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help you?”

Scammer: “I need to talk to a manager.”

Me: “I’m the supervisor on duty. How can I help you?”

Scammer: “This is [Scammer] from corporate. We are seeing a high number of gift card sales just going through your Point-Of-Sale system. We believe you have been infected with malware.”

Me: “Sorry, but I know you’re not from corporate. You’re gonna have to try again later. Good effort, though.”

I think I was mostly baffled that they thought somebody would believe there was anybody in our corporate office at 11:00 pm on a Sunday!

I am visiting Las Vegas, where recreational marijuana is legal. My family and I have stopped at a souvenir store that also sells marijuana. I am asking one of the guys behind the counter about some of their products.

Worker: “Excuse me, ma’am, but you can’t have your drink in our store. We aren’t allowed to have alcohol here.”

Me: “Don’t worry; it’s virgin.”

Worker: “I don’t care if you’re a virgin or not. You can’t have that drink in our store.”

Me: “No, dude. I was talking about the drink. ‘Virgin’ means non-alcoholic. I’m nineteen; I can’t have alcohol for two more years.”

Worker: “You know the age for marijuana is twenty-one, right?”

Me: “D*** it!”

I left the store!