Boys Can Both Have, And Be, Butt-holes

, , , , | Learning | April 9, 2019

(I am in my zoology honors class. We are talking about the anatomy of the lamprey.)

Teacher: “…the lamprey gets rid of liquid waste through the [scientific term]. It also releases sperm or eggs through the [scientific term].”

Male Student: “Where does the solid waste come out, then?”

Teacher: “Solid waste exits through the [other scientific term].”

Male Student: “So, they don’t have a butthole?”

Female Student: “Like boys!”

Male Student: “Excuse you! I do, too, have a butthole!”

(The whole class is cracking up. Even the teacher is trying to keep a smile off her face. Suddenly, the principal walks in.)

Principal: “What’s going on in here?”

Female Student: “Boys don’t have buttholes!”

(The principal just stared at [Female Student] for a long moment, and then backed slowly out of the room. The class erupts into laughter again.)

A Conversational Bath Bomb

, , , , , | Right | March 8, 2019

(I’m working near the front table of my bath and body store. As I turn around, I see two women shopping at the front table. I approach them with a smile.)

Me: “Hi ladies! What brings you two in to shop?”

(The one closest to me turns her head to me slowly, like something out of a horror movie, with a scowl on her bright red face, and replies in a scathing tone.)

Customer: “Seriously? This is a bath store.”

Me: *taken aback* “It was just a question.”

Customer: *gets even redder and huffs* “Whatever. I don’t have to take this.”

(She proceeded to storm out, the younger woman confusedly following after. I was left staring at the table while my coworker cracked up behind me.)

Can’t Really Fit All That Into The Fitting Room

, , , , | Right | February 28, 2019

(I work in a women’s boutique. I’m standing inside the shop by myself since the manager is on break. I have a customer in the fitting room. I see a woman and her daughter pointing and looking through the display window. They eventually come in.)

Woman: “Do you work here?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I do. Was there something you’d like to see from the display window?”

Woman: “Oh, no. I just had a question about restaurants.”

Me: “…”

Woman: “My daughter and I want to have brunch, but we only eat gluten-free and organic, and we’re not in the mood for Italian or Chinese. Could you tell me where we could go have brunch?”

(I’m thinking, “Are you serious?”)

Me: “Uh… I’m sorry, ma’am. I can’t think of any place, but I can give you this.”

(I give her a little booklet with most of the shows and restaurants close by.)

Woman: “But you work here; you should know.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m not familiar with the property’s restaurants. There’s a concierge down the hallway; I’m sure he could tell you where to go.”

Woman: “You work here. Can’t you call around and find out for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I can’t do that; I have to tend to customers in here.”

(Good thing the customer in the fitting room was ready to be rung up, so “ButYouWorkHere” finally left the shop.)

Hate Mail

, , , , , , , | Working | January 28, 2019

(One of our admins sent the following email:)

Email: “A black t-shirt has been found outside our building. If it is yours, I hate it.”

(She meant to type, “I have it.”)

Staring Can Be Caring

, , , , , , | Hopeless | January 25, 2019

Today I went to buy groceries at a health food store. Life has been difficult lately. There was fraud on my bank account and because of that, I was $200 overdrawn. I had been looking for work for a few months now; I had to leave my last job because management stole my tips and did not pay overtime.

So, here I was, with a $20 bill that was borrowed from a kind friend, trying to buy enough groceries for the week. As I explained to the cashier that I might not have enough for [item], I noticed a man in line at another register staring at me with a smile on his face. I am certain that I did not know him.

I was thankfully able to afford [item], but I did have to skip some purchases due to my limited budget. The strange man kept smiling at me and staring. I made the sign of the cross and say a quick prayer.

After paying, I sat down at one of the tables to drink a tea I had bought. The strange man approached me and I was a bit scared. He then handed me a ten dollar bill and said, “I hope this can help you.” I managed to thank him before he walked away. I also said, “I misunderstood your intentions towards me.”

And yes, I went back through the store to pick up a few additional items!

God bless you, Staring Stranger. I hope to one day pay for someone’s groceries as you have done for me.

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