(I work at a popular restaurant in Las Vegas. We get a diverse group of people from different cultural and political backgrounds. This particular day is like any other, until this exchange occurs:)

Customer: *wearing a ‘Make America Great Again’ hat* “I’m only going to give you a 10% tip because you didn’t do a great job.”

Me: “I’m sorry, did I do something wrong?”

Customer: “Oh, no, no, not at all. You were fine; you just weren’t great. Have a nice day!”

Me: “All right, we’ll see you next time.” *quietly, to myself* “Next time I’ll make table-side service great again…”

(My mom is admitted to the hospital for what turns out to be pneumonia with two collapsed lungs, among other complications. She’s required to wear an oxygen mask, but because she’s delirious, she keeps trying to take it off. Meanwhile, I’m constantly forcing her to keep it on. She’s quite irritable, and I’m very tired from babysitting her. One of our interactions went something like this:)

Mom: “Where are my clothes?”

Me: “You’re in the hospital, Mom. You don’t need your clothes.”

Mom: “Don’t you have any sense of decency?!”

Me: “None of the patients have decency in the hospital. Everyone wears gowns.”

Mom: *removing her mask* “I’m pissed off at you right now.”

Me: *snatching it back up and holding it to her face* “You have to keep that on.”

Mom: “[My Name], if you say that one more time…”

Me: “I have to; you keep taking it off!”

Mom: *glaring at me hard* “You’re churlish!”

(I’m very amused by her “churlish” comment and relay it to my family later. Afterwards, my mom is sedated for a few weeks, and my family takes shifts at the hospital to watch her. When she regains consciousness, she says she loves me; it’s a very touching moment. I return home and tell my family how she’s doing.)

Me: “And she said she loves me.”

Brother: “No, she doesn’t, you churl.”

(When my mom’s better, we tell her about the “churlish” comment as well.)

Mom: “I don’t even know what that word means!”

(My high school math teacher is sour and never smiles. Her classroom is on the top floor of the building, and art classes are on the bottom floor. After school one day, I see her waiting outside my art classroom. I think that she dislikes me quite a bit more than her other students, so I try to make a better impression on her with pleasant small talk.)

Me: *smiling* “Hi, Mrs. [Teacher]. Are you waiting for [Teacher’s daughter]? She’s still in there?”

Teacher: *with venom* “Of course! Why else would I be down here?!”

(She never reproached me like that in the classroom, so I clam up in shock. Luckily, her daughter comes out at that moment, and the teacher grumbles at her for making her wait. I watch them walk away.)

Teacher’s Daughter: “Why are we going back upstairs?”

Teacher: *with the same venom* “I left my purse in the classroom! Isn’t it obvious?!”

(I realized then that I wasn’t a special case!)

I went to a fast food restaurant this morning. They have three french toast sticks for a dollar.

Me: I want two orders of the french toast sticks, please

The cashier puts in my order and it comes up as $6.

Me: No, should be $2 plus tax. I wanted two orders of the french toast sticks. They are three sticks for one dollar. So, $2 for six sticks.

She then rings me up for 18 sticks, which came up as $6 again!

Me: NO, NO! I want TWO orders of the french toast sticks. It is $2!

She was so confused and could not understand what I was trying to order. I finally had to talk to the manager. He had no problems understanding what I wanted to order.

(I’m looking at an exhibit with a dolphin. A mother with a stroller and a 4-year-old boy as well as a group of rowdy teenagers are nearby.)

Mom: “Look, sweetie, see the big fishy!”

Teens: *jeering* “It’s a MAMMAL.”

Mom: *ignoring them* “He’s coming closer. Say ‘hi’ to the fishy!”

Teens: *louder* “It’s a MAMMAL, lady! Not a FISH! Gawd, are you really this stupid?!”

(She gave up and led her son away so that they could try to enjoy the aquarium in peace. The teenagers continued to laugh and make fun of the poor mother. I wish I had the guts to remind them that biological classification wasn’t important information when they were that age!)