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He’s Totally Dome With You!

, , , | Right | May 18, 2022

Summer in the Catskills can get buggy and hot. Summer in the Catskills is also where the dumber rich people go to “get away from it all and go back to nature.” It rains for a full day and then the sun comes out in the afternoon. Suddenly, all the bugs chilling while it was raining come out in full force. I am at the concierge desk.

Guest: “All these bugs are unacceptable. When are you putting up the dome?”

Me: “The ‘dome’?”

Guest: “Yeah, the electric force dome around the resort that keeps the bugs out.”

Me: “The… electric… dome?”

Guest: “Yeah, the dome that keeps bugs out!”

Me: “That’s not a real thing.”

The guest then called me a stupid red-neck who didn’t know how to do my job and demanded I call the owner of the resort, who was like some Swedish billionaire.

I called my manager, instead. He repeated the same complaint to my manager, who was speechless. We called the resort manager to help deescalate this guy who was LIVID that we were not deploying non-existent technology in an area rampant with rural poverty, because why would we improve local infrastructure for the whole county when we could have a giant bug zapper?

He stormed off after we kept calling more staff to listen to his demands, including the head of maintenance, all of us very much failing to hide how hard we were laughing.

Gay People Exist. Surprise?

, , , | Working | CREDIT: DrMDQ | May 13, 2022

I am traveling to rural [Southern State] for work, and I’m staying in a hotel. My husband needs to bring me some paperwork that I forgot halfway across the state. We are both men.

I go down to talk to the employee at the front desk.

Me: “Hi, I am leaving for work now. My husband is bringing me some paperwork, but I will not be here because I’ll be working. He will be here in about four hours. Can you please let him into room [number]? His name is [Husband] and he looks like [description].”

Employee: “Huh?”

I repeat my previous statement.

Employee: “Oh. So, your boss is coming with paperwork?”

Me: “No, my husband.”

Employee: “Oh, okay, did you mean your coworker?”

Me: “No, it’s my husband. The man I am married to. We are gay.”

Employee: “Okay, I’ll let your friend in when he gets here.”

I mean, I know it’s rural [Southern State], but have they never had a gay hotel guest? Am I crazy? Anyway, the rest of the hotel staff have been very lovely. I just found this both confusing and amusing.

You Don’t Buy Hotel Rooms, You RENT

, , , | Right | May 11, 2022

I work in a big hotel outside Dallas. I had a state trooper call me one morning.

Trooper: “Have you been to room [number] yet?”

Me: “No, we don’t enter until after checkout time at 11:00 am.”

Trooper: “I just pulled over a speeding car near Louisiana. In the back of their SUV, they had a bunch of stuff with your company’s logo on it — two lamps, every piece of bed linen including mattress protectors, pillow, and towels. They had metal towel racks and a toilet paper holder and everything, all rolled up together. These guys said they thought that since they had paid for a room, they could take the stuff.”

No. No, you can’t. Soap and shampoo, okay. But lamps?

We got our stuff back and the manager didn’t want to press charges.

The funny thing was that rolled up, the stuff looked like a dead body. When he pulled them over, the state trooper drew his gun on the guys and demanded they get out of the car.

Haole Makes You Howl

, , , , , | Right | May 5, 2022

I am at the Kawaii Kon 2017. A busload of tourists come into the building and are placed in the rear elevator lobby as they are ahead of the check-in time for new guests. This is INSIDE the hotel, in a beautiful lobby/business center area with a scale model of the hotel.

We come back down a couple of hours later and the lobby was absolutely destroyed.

Plastic bags, bottles, food wrappers, clothing, shoes, some diapers, condiments on the carpets, furniture knocked over, computer monitors, and keyboards hanging off the desks in the work area.

We immediately asked the nearby staff if they are okay, were they attacked? Was there a riot? Did they need help?

Staff: “Don’t worry, this is normal for tour bus groups, we are sorry for the mess.”

This is normal… on the inside of a f****** hotel. Disgusting.

Let Them Eat Cake

, , , , | Right | May 5, 2022

I work in a very small three-star hotel. This means a small kitchen, very strict dining hours, and not a lot of different options.

I got the pleasure of serving an English-speaking guest (A Lord or some nonsense) since all my other colleagues can barely put two words in English together. He comes late on the first day but we were warned beforehand and so I had the kitchen leave something for him.

In he comes, almost an hour after closing time, with his two lackeys. Then the complaining starts:

After half an hour of complaining, we get to the desserts. The pantry where we store our desserts is closed up and requires a key to open which I do not have, but they REQUIRED dessert, so off I go trying to find someone to get the d*** thing open.

I finally get a gentle soul on the reception desk that has access to all the hotel’s keys, and I finally get to the desserts. I explain to them we have ice cream and maybe some leftover cake. Both lackeys say they want cake, and the Lord asks for ice cream with nuts and put it into the microwave for a minute. I prepare the most bizarre dessert ever, give it to them and start getting ready to clean, and finally leave.

So of course, they f****** HATE it. They start complaining they just WANTED to know about the cakes, not actually have them, the ice cream did not have enough different flavours (remember, we have very few options), not enough toppings, not enough ANYTHING.

By that time, I have had enough, I just leave them there and go home.

The Lord stayed for a week, requesting out-of-season fruits every morning to be cut up and brought to his room, complaining we did not have a juicer and everything under the sun.

We actually celebrated when they left…