My father is British, my mother German, and I’ve been living in sunny Spain ever since I was just a lad.

Ten years ago, I was working at the reception desk of a large resort-type hotel where most guests were from both of my parents’ countries of origin.

One of the few rules this hotel had was that any towels placed on sunbeds before 9:00 am were taken away by security to be collected by their owners in a specific bar on the premises.

Now, I have to stress that it’s not only a German habit to reserve sunbeds; the British are very much into it, as well.

One day, we had quite a lot of people at reception, mostly Germans, when this particular lady cut the line and started to throw a temper tantrum (in German) because her precious towels had been taken off her desired sunbeds early in the morning. She ended her tirade with the following words:

Woman: “We have a right to reserve sunbeds. Us Germans are paying for Spain’s debts.”

She then stormed off, leaving a lot of stunned and embarrassed fellow countrymen behind. Some of them shouted abuse at her, like, “You’re insane, aren’t you?” or “Go back under your rock.”

But the icing on the cake was an elderly gentleman who walked up to reception some ten minutes later.

Gentleman: “My wife was present when that woman insulted you, and I want to apologize in the name of my country for what she said. I’m so ashamed. Please don’t think that all of us Germans are like her.”

That man really made our day.

I’m working in a hotel when the front desk phone rings. I am about five minutes into my audit shift. I haven’t even grabbed a cup of coffee. So, I pick up and get the delightful, “Do you have any rooms?” Lucky for them, I do! It’s my last room: a king standard. I do the routine, tell them the rate, and:

Guest: “So, if I come in now, what is my checkout time?”

Me: “Checkout is 11:00 am.”

Guest: “Why?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but why what?”

Guest: “Why is checkout eleven in the morning when I’m coming at eleven at night?”

Me: “That’s just standard checkout policy? I usually offer a noon checkout to later arrivals, but I don’t have any available tonight due to a large group coming tomorrow.”

They hang up. So, I putz around, doing my thing, killing time until something interesting happens. About 12:30, I’m going to lock the main doors as a guest walks through.

Guest: “Hey, I’m checking in.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll take care of you in a couple of seconds here.”

I finish locking the door and head up to the desk.

Me: “What was the name on your booking?”

Guest: “[Guest].”

Me: “Weird. I don’t see a booking for you. Do you have your confirmation number?”

We do this for a few minutes until they’re finally able to find it. Welp, that explains it. It’s for tomorrow. I apologize and let them know their booking is for tomorrow. Before I can finish, they cut me off.

Guest: “I know. Some idiot told me I’d have to check out at eleven if I came in last night, so I booked it for today.”

Me: “Well, that idiot was me. So, here’s what I can do. I can check you in now, but you’ll be charged with two nights. Or I can change your arrival date for today, and you can stay the night and checkout at eleven.”

Guest: “That doesn’t make any sense. You told me if I came last night, I had to leave at eleven. Now it’s the next day and you want to charge me for two days?!”

Me: “Yes. That is because you’re checking in fifteen hours before our check-in time for today. So, I have to charge you for the extra night.”

Guest: “What the f*** ever. Check me in and I’ll deal with your manager in the morning.”

They take a big ol’ wad of cash out.

Me: “We don’t accept cash for room payments on check-in. You have to have a credit or debit card. You can use cash when you check out, though.”

Guest: “Oh, no. You are taking my motherf****** money and giving me my f****** room.”

I ended up having to call the police after twenty minutes of being screamed at. They bailed before the cops showed up, unfortunately. My shift was stupid quiet after that nutball.

Our housekeeping department is understaffed right now, and we had about half of our occupancy check out this morning, just for tonight to be another full one. They were cleaning rooms until pretty late. I’ve had two interactions with two very different guests, both presented with less than pleasant situations at check-in. The first guest, one of our highest-level members, was understanding despite it taking an extra half-hour to get his room ready. He was lovely and I hope he has a great day.

The following guest is not so great.

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Property] by [Company]. How can I help you?

Guest: “Checking in.”

Me: “Great! May I please see your ID and method of payment?”

I look up his name. He’s booked through a third party, pre-paid, and he’s attached his member profile to the reservation, as well. He’s a base-level member. I hand him his keys.

Me: “Everything looks good here! Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Guest: “What room type am I in? I requested an upgrade.”

Me: “Let me see… It looks like you’re booked in a double queen.”

Guest: “No.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir?”

Guest: “I booked a king room. The girl with the brown hair told me last week that I was guaranteed [upgraded room].”

We all have brown hair.

Me: “I do apologize for the inconvenience, sir. Your reservation had already pre-assigned you this room type, and this is the only room available right now. We are completely sold out today, but I’ll see if I can—”

He throws the room keys at me.

Guest: “My company pays good money for these rooms! I don’t want to hear, ‘That’s all we have.’ I want the room I paid for!”

He just stated that his company paid for it, but whatever.

Me: “I’ll look and see what we have.”

Guest: “I’ll be back when a king is available.”

He storms out. I check our inventory, review some of the guests whose room type preferences I know, and do some finagling to get this jacka** in a king. He comes back about two hours later, and I hand him the keys.

Me: “Here are the keys to your room. King, as requested.”

Guest: “What floor am I on?”

Me: “The third floor.”

Guest: “I requested a high-level floor.”

Me: “I understand that, sir, but the room we had on the high-level floor was unacceptable to you. This is the only king remaining.”

The guest storms off again, yelling.

Guest: “Why do I even bother making the reservation if it’s not gonna be the way I booked it?!”

Upon further inspection of his reservation, the guest had booked a king room, but when he switched his arrival date, he neglected to acknowledge the fact that HE had changed his room type, though I don’t think he noticed. Yet another issue with booking through a third party.

I work in a hotel. A lady comes in.

Lady: “What is your AAA rate tonight?”

Me: “It’s $115, plus tax.”

Lady: “Did you say $91?”

Me: “No, it’s $115, ma’am.”

Lady: *Laughing* “I can get it cheaper online.”

Me: “Okay, go ahead.”

I then have one of my guests already in-house come up asking for two more rooms for his coworkers. While I’m getting him his rooms, I can see the lady fidgeting around the corner, playing on her phone.

After I get the guy his rooms, the lady comes back.

Lady: *With attitude* “I’ve made my reservation.”

I looked in my system, and there were no new reservations. I refreshed and still no new reservations. She then tried to shove her phone at me. (Why do people do this? Seriously, stop it!) I could see right away what the issue was. She’d made her reservation for a property ten miles away.

Of course, I had my mask on, but you’d better believe I had a big smile when I told her that she was going to have to drive another ten miles to get to her hotel. Seriously, if you’re going to get a room somewhere, make sure you know where you are and that the hotel you’re booking is the one you actually want. Talking to me with attitude definitely isn’t going to help you out.

My wife and I are on vacation with my friend and his wife. After I check in, I wait by the desk while my friend checks in.

Desk Clerk: “Okay, I’ll check you in now! What name is your reservation under?”

Friend: “It’s under Stephen [Last Name]. That’s Stephen with a ‘ph’.”

Desk Clerk: “Very good, sir! One moment while I get your key card set up.”

The clerk enters everything into his computer, programs the keycard, hands him a map of the grounds, etc.

Desk Clerk: “Okay, Mr. & Mrs. [Last Name], you’re all set! Here’s your key card, a map of the hotel, and a list of restaurants and activities in the area. Hope you enjoy your stay with us! If you need anything, just call the front desk!”

Friend: “Thank you very much.”

A few days later, we were all checking out. My friend got his statement and noticed that the clerk had entered his name into the computer and spelled his first name “Pheven” [Last Name]! It’s not like his name wasn’t spelled correctly on the credit card my friend used to pay for his room!