I work the front desk at a hotel, and I get this call.

Me: “Hello, this is [Hotel]. How may I help you?”

Lady: “Hi, I have my cat with me. Are you a pet-friendly hotel?”

Me: “We are a pet-free hotel.”

Lady: “But my cat is cute and fluffy!”

Me: *Face-palms*

I work the overnight shift for a hotel. Usually, it is super quiet because everyone is sleeping. The walls are not soundproof so, occasionally, we get a noise complaint about a TV too loud, people being loud in the hallway, etc.

One night, I received four noise complaints for the same room in five minutes around 1:00 am. I went upstairs with security and knocked on the door. It took ten minutes, but when the guests finally opened the door, I found a live band in the room performing. Needless to say, they all got kicked out of the hotel for the night and banned from coming back.

I have worked in an Indiana college town in a 147-room hotel for about six months. Most of the time things go swimmingly, but the last couple of nights have been doozies thanks to our boilers going AWOL, leaving the hotel without hot water. This left two wedding suites unable to shower comfortably. But that wasn’t the most interesting thing to happen this week. No, that would be tonight.

Around 9:15, someone walks into the hotel and asks for public restrooms. I eye the person, whose appearance and demeanor fit that of the local drug addict population.

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have public restrooms.”

Guy: *Barely above a whisper* “I’ll take a room, then.”

This is red flag number one. Normally, people just grumble and walk out. They don’t suddenly switch to wanting to pay $150 for a room. But I click a few buttons on my system and fake looking for rooms.

Me: “I’ll need a credit card and a photo ID.”

The guy pulls out a green BMV-issued ID card — not a license, just an ID card — and a debit card. While we can take debit cards, I’m still suspicious. It is at this point that I notice that the guy’s left hand is covered in fresh blood.

Guy: “I’ll pay for anything, even a suite.”

This is red flag number two. To go from wanting bathrooms to wanting to pay for anything we had just screams, “I’m a junkie and I’m looking for a place to shoot up.” I decide to refuse service for a few reasons: one, there’s no sense in risking him overdosing on whatever his poison of choice is and having a dead-in-room situation; two, there are two weddings in house tonight; and three, there are a lot of kids in house.

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re completely sold out.”

This was a blatant lie; we were only at 54% for the night, but I was certain he was looking for a place to shoot up and was going to do whatever it took to do so.

The guy turned around and walked out. My manager, after hearing this, told me I’d done a good job and the night went on as usual. This was a first for me. Feels like I got through a rite of passage for hospitality or something.

A guy comes up to my desk and asks for a room. He’s got on a black shirt with a photo of a penis — a big, hairy, veiny one — on it. It is so realistic.

Me: “Um, you can’t walk around with that on. We’ve got kids here.”

Guest: “What’s wrong with it? It’s not real!”

Me: “I know, but some customers might be offended by it.”

Guest: “But it’s not against the law! This is the USA!”

Me: “It’s indecent exposure.”

I call for a manager. I try and try to get him to leave, and he refuses, and my manager comes out. She also agrees and calls the police. Two cops come.

Guest: “I can’t believe this! Aren’t we in America, freedom of expression and all of that? You have to serve me!”

Police: “You may have the right to wear that shirt, but they have the right to make you leave. Businesses are private property, and they can make you leave.”

The cops finally had to strong-arm him out. The guy flipped us off and yelled that we were discriminating against him. I still think I must’ve been on “Candid Camera”! Weirdest encounter I’ve had. Turns out the guy was on a lot of drugs and just had come from a concert.

We have a service elevator that only works with employee cards and does not go to the guest lobby. A big white sign explaining this is on the back wall of the elevator along with two signs on each floor by the buttons.

I enter the elevator and there is a lady sitting in the corner. 

Guest: “I have been sitting in here for so long; this elevator doesn’t work.” 

Me: “This is the service elevator which only works with employee cards. I will take you to this floor.” 

Guest: “Well, it doesn’t say that anywhere.” 

I show her the sign that is right behind her. 

Guest: “The floor I came from doesn’t have any signs saying that.”

Me: “Every floor has been labelled with a sign explaining this.” 

The elevator doors open. 

Me: “Okay, just around the corner there is the guest elevator that one should take you to where you want to go.” 

Guest: “This is stupid. You should make these clearer. What’s your name?” 

Me: *In my head* “Not again.”

Related:
It’s A Very Bad Signs, Part 2
It’s A Very Bad Signs