Knowing The Future Should Be A Walk In The Park-ing

, , , , | Right | February 18, 2019

(I work in a hotel in a small town that often struggles for parking, especially when the weather is nice or there are big golf events. There are free and pay places to park throughout the town, but most hotels don’t have designated parking.)

Guest: “I am checking in today and I wanted to know where your parking was.”

Me: “The hotel doesn’t have designated parking, but there are free and pay-to-park locations around us. You can park on the street just across from us, and it’s free 24 hours a day.”

Guest: “So, do you think I’ll get parked there? Are there spaces?”

Me: “Well, I can’t see the road from here, and I couldn’t tell you what it will be like whenever you arrive tonight, so I have no idea.”

Guest: “No, but what is the likelihood that I’ll get parked there tonight?”

Me: “I really couldn’t tell you.”

Guest: “Well, that’s not very helpful of you, is it?”

Anywhere But Here

, , , | Right | February 18, 2019

(It’s Memorial Day weekend in a tourist town. We also happen to have a couple of sporting events and a car show, so we’ve been sold out for weeks at least.)

Potential Guest: “I need a room.”

Me: “Normally, I would love to give you one, but unfortunately, I am sold out. [Hotel Nearby] has rooms, though.”

Potential Guest: “No.”

Me: “Well, that’s really the only thing in town that’s open right now.”

Potential Guest: “No.”

Me: “I mean, there’s [Sketchy Motel #1] and [Sketchy Motel #2], but they’re less than savory.”

Potential Guest: “No.”

Me: *turning my computer so she can see* “This website is really accurate, and there’s nothing else in town.”

Potential Guest: “NOTHING ELSE!”

Me: “Have a nice night!”

Potential Guest: *storming out* “SOMEWHERE!”

Unfiltered Story #140752

, | Unfiltered | February 18, 2019

(I’m a front desk clerk at a pretty popular hotel chain. Our rooms require security deposits for incidentals that people have to put down if they pay in cash in case there’s any damages, anything goes missing from the room or if they smoke in the room. They get the deposit back at check out once we check the room. One night while I’m at work, a woman comes in..)
Me: Hi! How can I help you?
Woman: Do you guys have any single bed rooms open?
Me: Yes we do! After taxes the room is $70.
Woman: Okay, great! Do you accept cash?
Me: We do, but there is an additional deposit for cash payers, bring-
*before I could even tell her how much the deposit is and that she’ll get it back at check out time*
Woman: WHY THE H*** IS MY MONEY NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU PEOPLE!?!? *storms out*

Engineering Some Lies

, , , | Right | February 18, 2019

(I work in a hotel. A female customer has called and told me that there is no hot water. It is two am and I’m by myself. I tell her that I will go and see what I can do and call her back. I take ten minutes to go to the mechanical room and try different things. Nothing works. I then call the engineer and leave a voicemail. When I return to the front desk again, the phone rings. The caller ID shows an outside line, meaning it’s not from a room.)

Me: *hotel greeting*

Caller: *shouting* “Hello! What’s going on?!”

(I’ve never spoken to the engineer before, so I think this is him. But just to make sure…)

Me: “Is this the engineer?”

Caller: “Yes, it is! You never called me!”

Me: *confused* “I just did?”

Caller: “No! You didn’t! Now tell me what’s going on!”

Me: *brain reboot* “There have been multiple complaints about the hot water. I’m by myself and don’t know what to do.”

Caller: *silent*

Me: “Do you have any ideas?”

Caller: *sighs* “I’m not the engineer. I’m a guest staying there! I’m getting married!”

Me: *shocked and angry now* “What the…? You just said—“

Caller: “Never mind that!”

(Unfortunately, I did mind. I don’t like any liars, even if they are customers, so I didn’t help him. There was nothing I could do, anyway, since I was just a clerk. I just told him that the engineer had been called. The caller threatened me with bodily harm and then hung up. The next day, the manager blamed me for the customer being upset about me not calling him back. I guess the female customer from before was the fiancée, but who knows. I left shortly after. How liars find mates is beyond me. I wish the customer all the bad luck in the world for being a dirty, tricky liar, and I hope his pants fall down at his wedding.)

Their Brain Checked Out Already

, , , | Right | February 14, 2019

(I am at the reception desk of our hotel when an older man comes and says:)

Guest: “I want to check out early and need two nights refunded.”

Me: “Sure. Can I have your name, and room number?”

Guest: “Oh, no, I am not staying here, but in another hotel in your company.”

Me: “In this case, you need to do the checkout there and claim the refund.”

Guest: “Yes, but I don’t want to go back there; it is on the other side of town.”

Me: “I understand, but I am afraid I cannot help you.”

Guest: “Why not? The other hotel belongs to your company, as well.”

(I spent an extra thirty minutes trying to explain until he finally gave up.)

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