(I work at a corporate hotel only about two blocks from a popular venue for conferences. We are also the only reputable hotel within 15 or 20km of this venue, so we have a fair number of regular clients — only a small handful that we know on sight and do not require ID from because they basically live at my hotel — knowing who they are and that their accommodations are billed directly to their company. All other guests are required to provide a piece of ID and a bank-issued credit card at check-in. One day a gentleman I do not recognize comes to the desk.)

Me: “Good evening! How may I help you tonight?”

Guest: *rudely* “Check-in.”

Me: “All right, I can help you with that. May I get your name, please?”

Guest: *still rude* “It’s [Guest].”

Me: “Thank you. If I may get a piece of ID and a credit card, I can get you checked in.”

(He literally throws his ID and credit card at me.)

Guest: *loudly and angrily* “You always do this! You always ask for my ID! I’ve been coming here since before you were born! You don’t need my ID! You should know me by now! I am going to talk with [General Manager] and get her to make you remember me!”

Me: *trying to get him away from the desk* “I’m sorry, sir. We do require a piece of ID at check-in. If you could sign here, here are your keys. Have a good night!”

(He grabbed his ID, card, and keys, and stormed off. I looked his history up and he has been coming for maybe ten years… once a month. That means I see him twelve times a year. Considering I see fifty to seventy-five arrivals a day, I easily see five times as many people in one day than I do him in an entire year. I have to see you A LOT to remember someone. The next morning, I found out that he did, in fact, go complain to my manager. She told me that because he’s been coming for years he expects a higher level of customer service — in other words, special treatment. On the upside, he gets his wish! I will remember him, but not for the reasons he wants.)

(My dad travels a lot for work. He is also practically blind without his glasses. One night, while asleep in a hotel room, he thinks he hears one of us kids crying and stumbles out the door of his room to find us. It is then that he wakes up properly and realises he is locked out of his room, without his glasses, in an unfamiliar corridor, in an unfamiliar hotel, wearing only his undies. For fifteen minutes, he gropes around walls, doors, and fire hydrants until he eventually finds his way to the stairs, and then along another corridor until he finally gets to the reception desk. There’s no one there — it’s the middle of the night — but he can hear some noise in the back room.)

Dad: “Hello? 

(Two employees come out, quietly chortling, and look unsurprised to see Dad standing there in his smalls.)

Dad: “Sorry, mate, I just need some help getting back into my room; I’ve managed to lock myself out.”

Employee: “Yeah, mate, we’ve been watching you on the security camera and were wondering how long it’d take you to get down here.” *laughs hysterically*

(Fortunately, my dad has a wicked sense of humour and happily tells this story to anyone.)

(I work at the front desk at a hotel. Most of our reservations go through a central location, but some people insist on making their reservations through the hotel itself; this makes no appreciable difference in 90% of cases, for the record. And I swear, I’ve had the following conversation with at least half of these people.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]; how can I help you?”

Guest: “Yeah, I need to make a reservation for [dates].”

Me: “Okay, do you have a [rewards program] number with us?”

Guest: “Yeah, hang on a sec.”

(Cue fumbling in the background — bonus if I can hear traffic!)

Me: “Sir, if you just give me your name I’m sure I can look it up.”

Guest: “No, no! I’ve got it here!”

(More fumbling. A line is forming. I’m painfully reminded of why we put most of our reservations through central.)

Me: “Sir, can I put you on hold a moment while you search for your card?”

Guest: “No! I’ve almost got it. God, have some patience!”

(Yes, because it’s not as if I have more pressing matters to attend to. In desperation at this point, I usually try to search the phone number they are calling from. Thank God for caller ID.)

Me: “Sir? Are you [Guest] from [Town, State]?”

Guest: “Um, yes?”

Me: “Excellent! I’ve found your [rewards program] number and I have your reservation all set u—”

Guest: “Here’s my number! It’s—”

Me: “[Number]?”

Guest: “Yeah.”

Me: “As I said, I’ve made your reservation and sent the confirmation to the email on file; you have a wonderful day!” *click*

(The people who think I have nothing better to do than sit on a phone listening to them fumble through what is apparently the Mary Poppins bag of wallets will never cease to amaze me.)

Customer: *approaches the bar* “Hey, can I get a gluten-free lemonade, please?”

Me: *unfortunately pretty used to this now* “Ma’am, I can personally guarantee you that our lemonade does not contain gluten.”

Customer: “Oh, thank goodness. Gluten is just everywhere these days!”

Working guest services and a gentleman comes in first to ask where our washroom is. I direct him and he states it is locked.
me: “It is only locked when someone is using it”
(He tries again)
Guy: “yeah its still locked”
(you can clearly see that washroom from the lobby and no one has come out during this time)
Guy: “Do any of your rooms have kitchenettes and do you have a restaurant?”
me: “well we dont have a restaurant, but we do have hot breakfast and we give you 10% off (nearby restaurant). Also we don’t have kitchenettes but we do have fridges and microwaves in each room”
Guy: “ok well do you have deals if i stay 30 days?”
me: “You would want to talk to our general manager, I can get hold of him if you like. however you might have a company discount, what company do you work for?” Guy: ” (oil company) at least to START for discounts”
me: “ok your company gets a good discount, but we cannot add another discount to an already discounted rate”
Guy: “even though I’m here for 30 days?”
me: “no, but your company gets a great rate”
Guy: “ookay, cuuuuz im gunna be here for 30 days, but thats ok. What do you know about hotels nearby?”
Me: “I know (hotel 1) has a restaurant, but i dont know about their suites, or kitchenettes. I can look up their number and let you use our guest phone to call them.”
Guy: “ok and whats (hotel 1) rate?”
Me: “Im not sure, i dont have information on their rates. But once again you get a great rate through your company here. And we have…….”
Guys: “What about (hotel 2) I saw them on my way in, do they have a restaurant and kitchenettes?”
Me: “I know none of the hotels around us except (hotel 1) have a restaurant. and I dont know about their rooms”
Guy: “Well I just got hired for (oil company) and im going to be here for at least 30 days, I dont want to be eating out all the time. what about (names 2 more nearby hotels)?”
Me: “I’m not sure what other hotels have”
Guy: “ok well…. (stares blankly) what about (hotel 2)?”
me : (Giving up) “Im not sure”
Guy: “ok well I’ll look around” (Tries the bathroom again, no one has come out this entire conversation)