I work overnight at a midrange hotel, internationally known

*The phone rings w/ an outside call, I answer it…*

Me: “Good morning, thank you for calling [Name of hotel], this is [my name], how may I help you?”

Caller: “Can I use [Competitor]’s rewards card there?”

Me, “No, ma’am. That’s a different chain than us.’

Caller: “How would I find out where I can use this?”

Me (trying not to face plant or laugh): “There should be an 800 number on the card to call to ask, or calling their reservations number?”

Caller: “Really? Thanks!”

She hangs up. And it was so par for the course of the last week, I didn’t even get upset, but rather pass on the story of just how odd that people get when calling a hotel! My breakfast servers got a laugh out of her too!

(My hotel chain has an employee discount program that gives a big discount to their employees around the world. Unfortunately, a lot of people have misused it. Strict regulations were placed, and then lifted when misusers complained. A guy comes up to check in. I see that he has the employee discount and go through the check-in process like normal. He goes away. Later, my manager brings me into her office.)

Manager: “Did you check in [Guy]?”

Me: “Yes.”

Manager: “Well, he smoked in the room! I had to charge him $200.”

Me: “Okay?”

Manager: “His credit card declined! You must make sure that it goes through; that is your duty!”

Me: “It did go through. But the authorization only takes $50 extra.”

Manager: *obviously disbelieves me* “Well, next time make sure! This is your fault!”

Me: “Okay, next time I’ll use my psychic powers.” *eyeroll*

(Since the guy was an employee, he knew that he wasn’t supposed to smoke since all of our hotels have a strict non-smoking policy. The manager ended up contacting his hotel and he was promptly fired for disobeying the rules. Turned out he was a supervisor there! My manager also punished me by making me rewatch training videos. Plus, later the guy came in and blamed me, too, for making him lose his job. WTF?!)

(I work in a fairly high-end hotel bar and restaurant in a nice part of town. A family with two young daughters comes in and orders a bottle of our most expensive champagne. A coworker takes it over to them. A little while later, the father comes up to the bar, presumably to buy non-alcoholic drinks for his daughters.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Can I borrow a bottle opener?”

Me: “You don’t need a bottle opener for that type of champagne. If you like, I could open it for you, sir.”

Customer: “No, it’s not for the champagne. It’s for the drinks I bought for the girls.”

Me: “Were they not opened when you bought them?”

Customer: “No, we bought them from a supermarket.”

Me: “Unfortunately, sir, you won’t be allowed to drink those in here. You can only consume food and drink purchased on the premises.”

Customer: *getting aggravated* “This is ridiculous. I’ve come here and bought your stupidly expensive champagne, I’m going to eat dinner here later, and I have to waste money on your inflated prices for [Soft Drink], as well?” *storms back to table*

(Later, I saw that another colleague had served him [Soft Drink], and he was now topping up their empty glasses with the drinks he’d brought in with him. I alerted my manager, who confiscated the drinks. Daft that he was happy to spend £100 on champagne, similar on food, but not £2 each on soft drinks.)

(I work in a hotel.)

Me: “What can I do for you, ma’am?”

Customer: *whispering* “Yes, do you have an aspirin?”

(We cannot give out any medicine because if the customer has a reaction to it, we could be held liable for a lawsuit.)

Me: “No… I’m sorry, we cannot give out medicine.”

Customer: “Where’s the nearest place I can buy it?”

Me: “The nearest pharmacy is thirteen blocks away down the street to the west.”

Customer: “That’s too far!”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t change it.”

Customer: *dramatically* “Well! I guess I’ll just suffer, then!” *storms off flat-footed*

(This happened to my coworker. A man from Germany booked through Expedia and gave his name. He didn’t seem to speak much English. Note: my coworker is black.)

Coworker: “Ok, sir, well, I see your name here. A King Bed nonsmoking, is that correct.”

Guest: “12.”

Coworker: “Um, excuse me?”

Guest: “12!”

Coworker: “Um, are you saying 12 rooms? You want 12 rooms?”

Guest: “No! I book!” *waves printout in front of my coworker’s face*

Coworker: *peering* “This confirmation says only for one room sir.”

Guest: “TWELVE! TWELVE!! NO!! I BOOK!”

Coworker: “We don’t have any more rooms sir–”

Guest: “NO!!! YOU GIVE ME TWELVE! NOWWW!”

Coworker: “Again, sir, we cannot–”

Guest: *screaming very loudly* “TWELLLLVVVVEEE!”

(Now my coworker has worked for years, and has had hundreds of angry customers, and barely flinches when one yells in her face. This time, she said that the man’s behavior scared her very badly, that she is fighting tears.)

Coworker: “Sir–”

Guest: “SHUT UP YOU–” *cursing in German* “TWELVVVE!!!”

Coworker: “Sir, I must ask you to leave.”

(At this point, the nearly 7 foot, ex-cop General Manager comes out and the man’s pupils dilate, and he leaves, still cursing in German, knocking the bellhop over on his way out. Another guest who saw everything from a safe distance comes up.)

Guest 2: *very frightened* “Are you okay? What’s wrong with him? I speak German and he was calling you every bad name about your race! So rude!!”

Coworker: “Um, I, um-mmm..”

GM: “Go take a break.”

(Later my coworker told me that he was the worst customer she’d ever had!)