I work in a small, affordable hotel in the middle of tourist-town Manhattan. A guest has come down in the middle of the night on a weekend to complain about the sounds of people, garbage trucks, trains, cars, basically everything outside being too noisy to let her fall asleep. As her ranting begins to slow, I show her a bucket of small plastic packages.

Guest: “What are those?!”

Me: “Earplugs, ma’am.”

Guest: *Screeching.* “You expect your guests to have to cater to the noise outside, instead of doing something about it?!”

Me: “I can’t stop the noises coming from the city, ma’am.”

Guest: *Screeching louder.* “This is unacceptable! We’re paying over a hundred dollars a night!”

Me: “Which, for a location in central Manhattan, ma’am, is a bargain. We’re walking distance to Times Square, it is Saturday night, and we state clearly on our website that we are an old building without sound insulation from the outside. Please be appreciative that we have free earplugs.”

Guest: *Screeching louder still.* “I expect you to do something about all this noise!”

Me: “I am. I am trying to send it back to its room!”

I admit, I shouldn’t have said that. It was late, I was tired, and I let the impulsive thoughts win. For a few seconds, I was convinced I was going to be handing in my staff ID to my manager the next day.

Instead, the guest just… blinked. She stopped her noise, silently took a set of earplugs, and simply went back to her room. I didn’t hear anything else from her for the rest of the weekend she was staying there.

I have never made a habit of talking back to a customer like that; it was a once-only thing. I mainly don’t want to repeat it because I don’t want to risk losing my 100% success rate!

I was working night audit at a moderately priced motel near the intersection of two major highways. The property was outdated, inexpensive, and clean, and my boss trusted me to do my job. It was very chill.

In the wee hours of one of my shifts, a thirty-ish woman who appeared to be traveling for business pulled off the interstate to grab some shut-eye. I (forty-ish woman then) worked with a night window and used my judgment on whether anyone was allowed in the lobby. A solo young woman who was doing the subtle peepee dance got the door unlocked.

Me: *After seeing her ID.* “Hey, I have everything I need, there’s the restroom if you need to freshen up while I finish your reservation.”

After she and I finished with our respective business, she signed the registration card.

Me: “Here’s your key. Your room is right in front of where you’re already parked, so you don’t have to move, and I can see your door from here in the office.”

This is back in the days when cameras were less common.

Me: “Breakfast is from 6:30 AM until 9 AM. Do you need a wakeup call?”

As I unlocked the lobby door so that the guest could exit, she said THOSE WORDS.

Customer: “I need to speak to your manager.”

Me: “I’m the manager on duty, but the owner will be in around 8 AM if you need to speak to her.”

Customer: “I’m gonna. You are way too pleasant and helpful at this hour and price. You need a raise!”

She had me going in the first half… not gonna lie.

A couple marches up to the checkout counter.

Me: “Good afternoon! Checking in?”

Guest: “No! We were supposed to be, but then it decided to rain!”

Me: “I… apologies, I’m not following. Do you have a reservation with us today?”

Guest: “Yes, but we want to cancel!”

Me: “…may I please have the name the reservation was booked under?”

They toss me some IDs, and I confirm they’re supposed to be checking in for a long weekend stay, starting today.

Guest: “The rain has totally ruined our weekend plans! We’re just going to go home! Cancel our reservation, and we’d better be getting a full refund!”

Me: “I can, of course, cancel the reservation, ma’am, but as you’re telling us you wish to cancel on the day of arrival, we have to charge you for tonight’s room.”

Guest: “No! Your rain has ruined our weekend, and we’re going home!”

Me: “It’s not our rain, ma’am. The hotel isn’t making it rain. It’s just rain.”

Guest: “Give us a refund or get a manager!”

So, I got a manager! Since it was the busy check-in hour, I had other guests to deal with while our manager dealt with them. After checking in another weekend guest (who didn’t blame us for the rain) I was able to overhear my manager say:

Manager: “Ma’am, sir, I have to repeat that the hotel is not responsible for the weather. It has been overcast and drizzling all week, and this weather has been clearly forecast to last until next week.”

Guest: “Then you should have called us!”

Manager: “That is not within our remit, ma’am. Based on what you’ve told me, you’ve driven all the way to the hotel, along a route where it was raining the entire journey, and decided only now to demand a cancellation and refund. It is not our fault that you did not look up at the sky or check the weather forecast. Now, shall I proceed with the cancellation?”

Based on how they stormed out into the light drizzle a few minutes later, I’m guessing they did!

Guest: “I’m feeling like I need to complain about your breakfast service.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. What is the nature of the complaint?”

Guest: “Well, we were excited to enjoy our continental breakfast but were greatly disappointed to find that we had to serve ourselves in the cavernous lobby!”

Me: “We do also have a restaurant on the top floor that offers a sit-down service.”

Guest: “Yes, but that’s not part of the prepaid breakfast!”

Me: “That’s correct. The self-serve breakfast still serves a wide variety of options, and—”

Guest: “—No! I expect waitstaff to bring my breakfast to me, and for it to be included in the room rate! This would not be acceptable in America!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Guest: “…and?”

Me: “And what, madam?”

Guest: “You’re sorry to hear that… aaaaaand?!”

Me: “…and I hope you have a nice day?”

Guest: “You’re not going to do anything?”

Me: “The breakfast will be served in the lobby, the same as it has for the last twenty years, madam. We have a smaller sit-down restaurant on the roof deck for à la carte options, but these are charged separately. There is nothing else I can do for you regarding your query.”

Guest: “Well… that’s just not acceptable!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Guest: “Stop being sorry!”

Me: “Yes, madam.”

Guest: “And do something about it!”

Me: “Would you like your breakfast pre-selected and brought to your room from tomorrow morning?”

Guest: “What good would that do?!”

Me: “It would mean you wouldn’t have to enter our cavernous lobby.”

Guest: “That doesn’t benefit me!”

I soooo wanted to say, “but it DOES benefit me,” but I held back. 

The manager ended up taking her complaint and re-explained how the hotel works. She seemed completely incapable of accepting that her complaint would elicit no action or apologies from us, and when she finally ran out of steam and wandered away, it was more from confusion than anger.

Guest: “Where’s the nearest McDonald’s?”

Me: “It’s in the city centre. If you take bus number—”

Guest: “No, I want one walking distance.”

Me: “There isn’t, madam.”

Guest: “So what do I do if I want to go out and eat dinner?”

Me: “Our hotel has a restaurant.”

Guest: “I don’t want to eat here.”

Me: “There’s a local restaurant open at the other end of the business park.”

Guest: “I want a chain restaurant.”

Me: “There are none of those within walking distance.”

Guest: “None at all?! And your hotel is comfortable with that?!”

Me: “Madam, you’re paying €39 a night to stay at a budget chain hotel in a business park next to the airport. You’re lucky anything is in walking distance. Now, the town centre is a twenty-minute bus ride away, or you can order online for delivery.”

Guest: “…Can you call me a taxi?”

Me: “Certainly.”

Guest: “Will the hotel pay for it since you built a hotel in a place with no restaurants?”

Me: “…No.”

Guest: “Ugh! It’s like you want me to starve!”