We have a regular guest who checks out late every time he stays. Our normal checkout time is 11:00. We allow a noon checkout depending on how busy we are, and he likes to try to push it as late as he can. He will also sometimes ask for a late checkout and then end up paying for another night, or reserve the room for another night, and tell us to charge the card on file and show up hours later to sign for it. Normally, we don’t allow for late checkouts that only serve as a means to pay late, but we never know when he’s just checking out late versus staying another night, so he keeps getting away with paying late. It’s very annoying, but he’s here often enough and he’s no trouble otherwise, so we still rent to him.

This morning, he requests a late checkout, as per usual. Then, at about 11:30, half past checkout, he calls saying he booked online for another night.

Me: “That’s no problem; I just need you to come to the desk to sign for it and to swipe your card again for the new reservation.”

He tries to argue with me about it for some reason, but I hear his girlfriend in the background telling him not to.

About twenty minutes later, after putting it off for too long, it seems safe to deal with the consequences of all the coffee I drank this morning. All the other checkouts are out, the people who needed to pay have paid except for our regular guest, so I put up my “Back In A Moment” sign and run to the bathroom. I am gone for all of five minutes.

When I got back, the regular’s girlfriend is standing at the window with an attitude on her and smoking a cigarette next to the sign saying, “Don’t smoke near the window.” To her credit, she does put it out as I walk up, but the smell is already heavy inside. She talks to me in the most passive-aggressive tone she can manage.

Girlfriend: “Heeeeeey, there you are! We were worried something happened.”

I respond in the fakest nice customer service voice I could manage.

Me: “I’m so sorry. Normally, everyone has paid or checked out by now so it’s safe for a quick bathroom break.”

She dropped her huff, paid, and went back to the room.

I’m on my way back from my lunch when I notice a guest I checked into our hotel sitting at a slot machine with her child in her lap. I stop to tell her she cannot have a child on the gaming floor while she is gambling.

Guest: “That’s a bunch of BS! I asked specifically before we made our reservations and they said it was okay!”

Me: “Ma’am, no one would have told you that.”

Guest: “Then y’all need to get your act together, because I did not pay hundreds of dollars on an upgraded room to not be able to gamble! I will speak to your manager about this.”

I gave up at that point and went back to my desk to call security. I’m sure they told her to take the kid off the floor. I’m gonna find out from one of my security buddies, but man, you would think you wouldn’t want your kid to grow up with your same addictions!

I have a reservation through an online travel agency, under the name [Customer]. An older lady walks in and asks to check in to that reservation.

Me: “Okay, is [Customer] here?”

Lady: “He’s in the car, but we have the same last name so you can just check me in.”

Me: “Hotel policy says that the full name has to match.”

Lady: “You’ll see him when he walks through the lobby. Just check me in.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I need [Customer] to be here to check anyone into the room.”

She gets angry, goes outside, and comes back a minute later with [Customer]’s ID and credit card.

Me: “I need to have [Customer] actually here.”

She leans in to read my nametag.

Lady: “Okay, [My Name], front desk supervisor.”

And she storms off. She comes back in with a gentleman who is obviously [Customer]. I thank him for coming in and apologize, explaining the hotel policy. He is super nice and gracious. His wife, though, pulls out her phone.

Lady: “I’m going to photograph you and—”

I cut her off before she could finish threatening me and made it very clear that she did not have my permission to photograph me. Her husband told her to calm down, and she finally relented.

I work in a hotel that has a long history of return guests, so many of them apparently feel very entitled to “their room”.

One lady calls me over from reception to complain.

Guest: “I’m not in ‘my room’!”

Me: “I’m sorry, madam, I see no note on your account at all about you requesting a specific room.”

Guest: “I have been coming here for years! You should know that this is my room!”

The thing that gets my interest is that she says that not only have we not put her in “her room,” but we’ve even taken the numbers off the door to “her room” so that nobody can stay there!

Me: “That’s very strange; can you show me where your room is?”

She led me down the corridor and angrily showed me the door to “her room,” demanding to know why she could not stay there. I opened it for her to show… a linen cupboard.

Her husband only just managed to not laugh out loud in front of her.

I work in a hotel, and today I got a couple of requests on a reservation. The first is, “I would like pictures of your top five most favorite memes.” Hmm. Never got one of these before. The second half of the request is for “a goldfish named Karl.”

My expectation is that this is a young person. Hopefully, they’re not under twenty-one because then I can’t even check them in. But it’s been kind of a s*** week, so I guess what’s the harm in perusing the Internet for some memes to accommodate this guest’s request?

I do not have a stash of memes, so I literally have to just go around Reddit and look for funny things, I guess? It just so happens we have a whole box full of cheap frames that we need something to do with. There are two weddings in the house, so I’m going to run out of time by the time the first group starts to depart in a couple of hours. So… here goes nothing!

If anything, I hope I can select decent memes and make this person’s day.