“Use The Force, Harry,” Said Gandalf

, , , , , , | | Related | August 16, 2019

(My older brother decides we are going to watch a movie one afternoon, and my mom shouts down the hall to invite my younger brother.)

Mom: “We’re getting ready to watch a Star Trek movie, if you want to join.”

Younger Brother: “Which one?”

Me: *walking past his room* “The one where The Doctor takes the One Ring to the planet Hoth because Professor Xavier told him to.”

Younger Brother: “Which one is that? Can’t you give me the title, instead?”

A Gift Card That’s A Real Gift

, , , , , | | Hopeless | May 31, 2019

A few years ago, I went to a large software conference. One of the vendors invited about 50 of us to go to a local fast food restaurant. In order to expedite things, they gave us each a $10 gift card — a typical meal here would be $6-$8. While we were outside waiting for the rest of the group, a panhandler approached us and asked for money for food.

My coworker and I said we’d be happy to give him the remainder on the gift cards after we ordered. A couple of other people in our line overheard me and offered the same.

Pretty soon, the word had made it through every person in line. As we all handed the gift cards to the guy, he was literally dancing, saying he didn’t have to worry about food for the rest of the week.

Finding The Bags For The Old Bag

, , , , , | | Right | May 30, 2019

(My wife works in a hotel and she relayed this story to me.)

Wife: “Bell department, [Wife] speaking. How may I assist you?”

Customer: “We lost our luggage ticket but need you to bring our bags up.”

Wife: “That’s not a problem, ma’am. Please describe the bags, and tell me how many you have?”

Customer: “Yeah, it was two big black bags. Get them and bring them up right away!”

Wife: “All right, ma’am, I will start looking for those right away, and as soon as we find them a bellman will bring them up.”

Customer: “Hurry up.” *click*

(She looks through the dozens of racks for a grouping of two black bags, then checks the name. This is a big hotel and there are hundreds, if not thousands of bags. After looking through the entire downstairs area for about ten minutes, she calls to get help to look in the upstairs area; she has no luck there, either.)

Wife: *calling the guest back* “I apologize, ma’am, but we were not able to locate two black bags under your name. Could you possibly tell me anything else about them?”

Customer: “For crying out loud, do I have to come down there myself? It’s two black bags; how hard could it be?”

Wife: “Ma’am, this hotel has thousands of rooms; I literally have hundreds of black bags down here from our guests. I just need a bit more to go on. Any luck finding the ticket?”

Customer: “No. Fine, it was two black bags, a grey bag, and a blue suitcase. Sheesh. Why is this so hard?”

Wife: *gritting her teeth and wanting to strangle guest through the phone* “Oh, so it was four bags: two black, one grey bag, and a blue suitcase. As soon as we locate them, the bellman will be up to your room. Give us about ten minutes.”

Customer: “I don’t have all day.” *click*

Wife: *head-desk*

What Kills You In Vegas Kills You Everywhere

, , , , , , , | | Healthy | May 22, 2019

I work for a hotel in Las Vegas. While working security one night, I am sent up to a guest’s room who is having an allergic reaction. I arrive and the man is in a pretty bad way. He has his shirt off, his chest is covered with hives, and his throat is closing so fast he can’t speak and soon may not even be able to breathe.

I call for the paramedics and they arrive fairly quickly. They give the man a shot, and his allergy symptoms quickly begin to get better. When he can finally speak, one paramedic asks if the man is allergic to any kind of food. The man admits he’s severely allergic to shellfish. The paramedic then asks if the man has eaten any shellfish lately. The man then says, “I just came back from a seafood buffet and ate a lot of it because it doesn’t count when you’re in Vegas.”

So many people see the city slogan, “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,” and think Las Vegas is some kind of negative zone where anything you do doesn’t affect real life.

Can’t Really Fit All That Into The Fitting Room

, , , , | Right | February 28, 2019

(I work in a women’s boutique. I’m standing inside the shop by myself since the manager is on break. I have a customer in the fitting room. I see a woman and her daughter pointing and looking through the display window. They eventually come in.)

Woman: “Do you work here?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I do. Was there something you’d like to see from the display window?”

Woman: “Oh, no. I just had a question about restaurants.”

Me: “…”

Woman: “My daughter and I want to have brunch, but we only eat gluten-free and organic, and we’re not in the mood for Italian or Chinese. Could you tell me where we could go have brunch?”

(I’m thinking, “Are you serious?”)

Me: “Uh… I’m sorry, ma’am. I can’t think of any place, but I can give you this.”

(I give her a little booklet with most of the shows and restaurants close by.)

Woman: “But you work here; you should know.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m not familiar with the property’s restaurants. There’s a concierge down the hallway; I’m sure he could tell you where to go.”

Woman: “You work here. Can’t you call around and find out for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I can’t do that; I have to tend to customers in here.”

(Good thing the customer in the fitting room was ready to be rung up, so “ButYouWorkHere” finally left the shop.)

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