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Maybe She Really Needed The Restroom?

, , , , , , , | Working | May 20, 2022

I receive a text to inform me I’ve got an updated debit card on the way. I had thought all my cards were up to date, so I call the bank to make sure everything is okay.

I’ve got a two-word surname; imagine my name is Claire Jones Smith, where “Jones Smith” is my surname — two words, not hyphenated.

This is slightly annoying, as some computer systems shove the “Jones” to the middle name field, leaving my surname, according to some companies, as just “Smith”.

I’m used to this, and I understand it’s not the fault of the representative if they can’t find me on the first try. This lady, on the other hand…

Me: “Hi. I got a text about a replacement debit card. I wanted to know what account it was for.”

Representative: “Okay, no problem. What’s your name?”

Me: “Claire Jones Smith.”

Representative: “Date of birth?”

Me: “[Birthdate].”

Representative: “Huh, not finding anything. So, that’s—”

She spells out my name phonetically.

Me: “Yes, but if you can’t find it under Jones Smith, try just Smith as sometimes Jones is pushed to the middle name field.”

Representative: “I’m not finding it under Jones Smith. I won’t be able to continue this call.”

Me: “Again, try just Smith, and—”

Representative: “You’re going to have to go to the branch and fix it.”

Me: “I already have. I’ve verified my ID with them. Now, if you just search Smith—”

Representative: “You’re going to have to go to the branch. I can’t fix it from here.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s okay, I just wanted to know about this text—”

Representative: “You’re going to have to go to the branch.”

Me: “Yeah, I’m not worried about the name. I just want to find out—”

Representative: “I can’t continue this call.”

Me: “Okay, yeah. Can I have a manager?”

Representative: “I can’t continue this call.”

Me: “Manager.”

Representative: “You’re going to have to go to the branch.”

Me: “Manager!”

And then she hung up on me.

I called in again, talked to a manager, and explained the situation. He went off, listened to the call, and very, very apologetically said something like, “I don’t know what her problem was. I found you in the system right away.”

Creepers Of The Corn

, , , | Right | May 19, 2022

I’m a born and raised city girl. The bank branch I’m working at is in the middle of the country. One day, a customer walks in with two buckets, drops them on our floor, and announces:

Customer #1: “FREE CORN!”

My supervisor and coworker come running out and start picking these GIANT ears of corn out of one of the buckets. I stare at both in confusion.

Customer #1: *Gestures to me* “Are you new?”

Me: “I just transferred out here from [City].”

Customer #1: “Oh! Then you don’t know. During harvest season, I usually have extra sweet corn. I like to bring it to some of the businesses around town. You’d better grab some before these two take it all.”

My supervisor laughs.

Boss: “Guilty! Seriously, [My Name], it’s good. You’d better take some.”

I pick out a few ears, take them home, and eat them with my dinner. They are REALLY good — no missing kernels, no bugs. A few days later, [Customer #1] is in the branch, making a deposit. [Customer #2] walks in.

Customer #1: “So, what did you ladies think of the corn?”

Me: “It was fantastic.”

Coworker: “Great as always!”

Customer #1: “Glad to hear it! If I have any more extras, I’ll bring them over.”

[Customer #2] comes to my desk. He’s a regular and a little creepy.

Customer #2: “You like sweet corn?”

Coworker: “Sure! We love it.”

Customer #2: “My nephew grows it, too, and I’m sure he’d be happy to send some to a pretty girl.”

He’s still staring at me.

Me: “I’m sure we’d all enjoy it.”

Coworker: “That’s right, we would.”

Customer #2: “I’ll bring it over later.”

He does just that. It’s not as pretty as [Customer #1]’s, but we still take some to be polite. I take it home and start shucking it. Out pop several large and LIVE winged bugs. I shriek and launch it into the trash. I douse the area in cleaner, double-bag the garbage bag, and take the bag outside. The next day, [Customer #2] returns.

Customer #2: “So, what did you think of my nephew’s corn?”

Coworker: “I haven’t tried it yet.”

I pretend to be very engrossed in my computer. Unfortunately…

Customer #2: “And what did you think, [My Name]?”

Me: “Uh… well, I had to throw it out. There were large bugs in mine.”

Customer #2: “Oh, that’s normal. Little extra protein. My nephew doesn’t use pesticides. That’s organic corn. I thought you prissy city girls liked that kind of stuff.”

Me: “City girls don’t like large winged bugs flying out of their food.”

[Customer #2] huffs and walks out.

Coworker: “…live bugs?”

Me: “Yep.”

Coworker: “I’m not eating that.”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 109

, , , , | Right | May 16, 2022

A group of women comes into the bank. Our branch is in a high-end shopping street, so it’s not uncommon to see customers with multiple shopping bags like these women have. One of them approaches me at the teller desk.

Customer: “I need a new one of these.”

She tosses a credit card at me.

Me: “Is this one defective? Have you been security compromised?”

Customer: “No, it’s just empty.”

Me: “Empty?”

Customer: “Yes! Empty! I need it refilled.”

Me: “Oh, you want to make a credit payment?”

Customer: “Whatever you call it. I spent it all, so I need a top-up.”

Me: “How will you be paying off your balance today?”

Customer: “Paying off? No, honey, you don’t understand. I… spent all the money… on this card. I need you… to refill it… for me.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s not how credit cards work. You have to pay off the balance before you spend it.”

Customer: “What do you mean?!”

Me: “It’s like a loan. We’re not just giving you money.”

The customer looks like her world has just been torn apart. Even more terrifyingly, so do all the other women she came in with. She turns to them.

Customer: “Did any of you know about this?!”

All blank stares.

Customer: “Do our husbands know?!”

I… really couldn’t help them that day.

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 108
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 107
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 106
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 105
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 104

I Think You’re Busted, Dude

, , , , | Working | May 11, 2022

This story takes place around 2004, in a pretty big town not far from the regional capital city. At that time, if you were a very good customer, you had quite a personal relationship with the bank director, so I called him one day to let him know I would drop by the next day in the early morning to discuss the state of my business.

The next morning, I pushed open the door to take a seat in the waiting area right in front of the director’s office. From there, I could cant my head and see through the glass door that the director wasn’t in yet, so I just relaxed and started playing with my phone.

I am definitely not the most patient person in the world, so when the door finally opened, I was relieved, but it was not the director, nor was it any bank clerk. It was someone from the cleaning crew.

Cleaner: “Please get out immediately! The bank is closed!”

Me: “It’s not closed. I just pushed the door open.”

The guy looked quite uncomfortable for a moment, and then he confessed that he had forgotten to lock the door after mopping the floors! And he asked me to get out and not say a word about it.

I complied, and when the director arrived a bit later and made a good show of pulling out the keys to open the door, I told him I was glad he was there because I had forgotten my phone on the chair five minutes earlier.

The look on his face was priceless.

Statements Like This Should Get Licenses Revoked

, , , | Right | May 10, 2022

I work as a teller in the drive-thru of a credit union. Our pneumatic tube is broken, and we’ve been waiting for some time to get it fixed. We still have a drive-up window where people can be served, though. We have two signs saying the tube is closed: one before drivers choose between the two lanes and one on the tube itself. Most of our members have been very nice about the situation, even when they’ve had to drive around the building because they missed the first sign. Then, there is this woman.

She drives up to the tube. When she reads the sign, she doesn’t drive around the building. Instead, she gets out of the car and begins to walk across to the window. Her car is now blocking the one lane, which also is used as an exit for people coming from the parking lot. (I know it’s a stupid design, but it’s what we have to deal with.)

She’s walking through the other lane, which is also shared with the ATM, where there is another car almost ready to drive off. It is dark out and she is wearing dark clothes. I quickly hop on the intercom.

Me: “Ma’am, for your safety, please drive around.”

The woman angrily gets back into her car and drives off. The car at the ATM pulls off, and a couple of minutes later, the woman pulls up to the window.

Customer: “You’re going to give me a stroke making me pull around!”

Me: *In my head, while biting my tongue* “If that’s going to give you a stroke, you’d better go see your doctor.”

Don’t we all wish we could say what’s in our heads without consequences?