Chocolate Makes The Meeting Go Round  

, , , , , , , , | Working | January 16, 2020

(I work in a bank. We have an annual mandatory training meeting, and this year it is scheduled on my day off, so I have to drive into work for an hour. Two days before the MANDATORY meeting:)

Coworker #1: “Hey, [My Name], you’re coming to the meeting, right?”

Me: “Yes, of course.”

Coworker #2: *twenty minutes later* “Are you going to come to the meeting on Saturday?”

Me: “Yes, I’m coming.”

Coworker #3: “What is your favorite flavor of cake? I’m thinking of making one for our potluck next week.”

Me: “I like chocolate cake, but you should ask our other coworkers because most of them don’t really care for chocolate.”

Coworker #3: “Okay, thanks, I’ll make chocolate. You are coming to the meeting on Saturday, right?”

Me: *super confused about why I keep getting asked about whether I will come to a mandatory meeting* “Yes.”

(Thirty minutes before the mandatory meeting starts:)

Supervisor: *texts me* “Hey, [My Name], are you going to come to the meeting today?”

Me: *wondering if the mandatory meeting suddenly became optional* “Yes, I am on my way.”

(When I got to the bank, I could see everybody in the lobby staring at me as I walked up. I started to panic, thinking I got the time wrong, and walked in. As soon as I got in the door, everybody started singing “Happy Birthday.” There was a chocolate cake on one of the desks. My birthday was a few days away, but I hadn’t really talked to anyone about it, so I was totally shocked. My coworkers said my face went completely purple, and they were so happy they’d surprised me. Then, we started the meeting. I have awesome coworkers.)

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Red Alert About An Orange Flag

, , , , , | Right | January 14, 2020

I used to work for a third-party call center contracted to a large, national bank, where I was a Debit Card Fraud Analyst. I enjoyed the job, but I had my fair share of belligerent customers. 

My supervisor was going in for surgery for a chronic condition, and I had been teasing her all week that my last call of her last night as my supervisor, I was going to get an “Orange Flag” call. This was simply a piece of orange, laminated paper with instructions on what to do with a threatening call; you would pull it off the board by your computer and wave it in the event of a threat. These events would take close to an hour to resolve, so I was basically telling her I was going to keep her over. She would laugh at me and we’d go about business.

My crew was the last to go home from this center, we’d leave at two in the morning, and on her last night as my supervisor, we had back-to-back calls. Finish a call, the next person was on the line at once. At 11:58, my cubical partner and I both got calls and as we went to pull information up, nothing worked. None of our systems would come up, nothing. We apologized to our customers, who were thankfully understanding, and put them back in the queue. At 12:02 in the morning, nothing. No calls. Everything seemed to have crashed on us, including the phone systems.

We now had close to an hour between calls, and the supervisor found out that the bank had taken its systems down for maintenance. Nothing would go through. All debit, credit, and ATM cards would not work for the next several hours, and if a customer happened to get through to us, we were to let them know to try again at a certain time. I wrote up a phone script for myself and ended up giving it to everyone there. I sounded like an automated phone system and used it to my advantage to not talk to customers. It politely let them know that our systems were down, we were unable to help them, and to please try again at the specified time. Of the five customers who managed to get through to my phone, four of them just hung up.

At 1:57 in the morning, one final call came through. I opened with the script I’d written: “Thank you for calling [Bank] Debit Card Fraud Services. We regret to inform you that all of our systems are currently down for maintenance and customers will be unable to use their Debit, Credit, or ATM cards until six am Eastern Standard Time. If any trouble persists after that time, please call the number on the back of your card to speak to an associate. Thank you for your understanding.”

And he responded with, “WHAT THE F***?!”

I tried again, but he launched into a tirade on me. “NO! NO! YOU STUPID F****** B****! NO! SHUT UP! SHUT THE F*** UP! I HAVE A FLIGHT TO CATCH IN THE MORNING, AND I NEED TO BUY MY PLANE TICKETS RIGHT NOW, AND YOU’VE BLOCKED MY CARD!”

He wouldn’t listen to me when I tried to explain to him that our systems were just out, and I was thinking to myself, “Why would you wait this late to book your tickets anyway?”

Then, he gave me this gem: “IF YOU DON’T UNBLOCK MY CARD RIGHT NOW, I’M GOING TO FIND YOU! I WILL FIND YOU, AND I WILL F****** KILL YOU AND YOUR WHOLE G**D*** FAMILY! DO YOU HEAR ME?! I WILL F****** SHOOT YOU!’

I muted my mic, sighed, and waved the orange flag at my supervisor, who just stared at me. She took over the call from there and I sat and listened to her deal with this man for a good forty minutes, taking down information. I went to clock out, use the restroom, and get a drink, and came back to ask what happened.

Turns out, he was already on file for making threats like that against employees pretty regularly, and that was his last strike. The bank was going to close out his account with them and blacklist him as a result.

My prediction came true. On the last call of her last night, I had to give her an orange flag. I couldn’t have timed that better if I had tried.

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It’s Not Adding Up How It’s Just Not Adding Up For Her

, , , , , , , | Right | January 8, 2020

(A furious woman has called in claiming we are overcharging her on her credit card statement. She is screaming and cursing down the phone at me but has started to run out of steam.)

Me: “On the current statement it shows that last month your total was £390. Is that correct?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “And it shows that you paid the full amount of £390. Is that correct?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “And then it shows that you made purchases this month to the value of £276. Is that correct?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, and it’s showing that the total owing this month is £276, so you have not been overcharged.”

Caller: “Are you f****** stupid or something? That’s too much! You’re overcharging me! Idiot.”

Me: “Okay, let’s break this down. You spent £52 in [Shop #1], then £137 in [Shop #2], £40 in [Shop #3] and £47 in [Shop #4]. Is that correct?”

Caller: “Yes, I’m not an idiot. I know where I f****** used my card and I only used it four times.”

Me: “£52 + £137 + £40 + £47 is £276, which is exactly what’s owing on your statement.”

Caller: “It’s not f****** right! How stupid can you be to not see that?”

Me: “Do you have a calculator there? Can you add up the four transactions yourself?”

Caller: “That’s your job. I’m not doing your f****** job for you.”

Me: “Okay, but you agree that you paid your statement in full last month. You also agree that the four transactions on this statement and the amounts are right, but when I add them together you are insistent that the total is wrong. Maybe it would help if you added them up yourself?”

Caller: “I’ve already done that and I’m telling you it’s wrong! How can you work for a bank and not be able to do basic f****** maths?”

Me: “With all due respect, I’m not the one struggling with the maths here. I cannot help you further, so I will be terminating this call. I suggest you visit your nearest branch and have someone talk you through your statement as I can’t make this any simpler for you.”

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Not What They Mean By A Dollar-Printing Factory  

, , , , , | Right | January 4, 2020

I work for a bank as a travelling teller. I go to one of my branches in the area for the day and encounter a number of dumbfounding experiences. This one woman, though, takes the cake.

She approaches my window asking to exchange one of her $100 bills for a newer, crispier one. No problem at all, so I grab a brand-spanking-new $100 bill and ask if she would like an envelope to keep it looking nice, as she said it was for a gift.

She snatches it from my hand, inspects it closely, and throws it on the counter, dissatisfied, saying that it isn’t new, and she needs a new one.

Confused, I oblige in her request to go through all the $6,000 in $100 bills my coworker and I have. Again, none are up to par for her, so I politely tell her that we have gone through everything we have, and perhaps she could try a different branch? Mind you, we have quite a few brand-new bills, but she is under the impression they are not new.

She responds to me with, “Well, you went back in that little room to get more to show me; why can’t you just print me a new one?” I can’t do anything but look at her with a dead stare and contemplate whether she is serious or not. When I finally respond that we can not print her a new $100 bill, she gets very angry and leaves in a huff.

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Dealing With You Is Our Specialty  

, , , , , | Right | December 30, 2019

(Passing a colleague’s desk, I note he is dealing with a very difficult — we have all dealt with her — manager at a very remote location. She refuses to do anything we ask and we usually end up sending a tech to the location to do stupidly easy fixes.)

Coworker: “Yes, ma’am. We already have on our system that you are a very special client.”

Me: *chokes back the laughter until she finishes the call*

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