The Worst Possible Way To Spend Your Lunch Break

, , , | Romantic | CREDIT: redheadedsidhe | July 20, 2021

I have just been hired by a new online bank. A man calls in to sort out something on his bank account, and I fix it for him with no problem.

Man: “Can we do the same thing on my wife’s account?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. That’s your wife’s personal account; you don’t have access.”

The man is upset by this and tries to argue me into breaking the law for him.

Man: “It’s my wife! We share money; what’s hers is mine! And besides, she’s right here next to me!”

Me: “Since your name is not on the account, you can’t make any changes to it or access any information about it. I’m very sorry for the inconvenience. Your wife can call in or use our online chat at any time, but she has to be the one to do it.”

The man is frustrated but eventually gives in.

I start to sign off, happy to get to lunch on time, when suddenly, I am interrupted.

Man: “Wait, how old are you?”

Me: “I don’t see how that’s relevant, sir. If there’s nothing else I can do for yo—”

Man: “You sound young, like a gorgeous young woman.”

Me: “Sir, this is a business line. I am at work.”

Man: “I won’t tell if you won’t.”

Me: “Sir—”

Man: “I can make it worth your while. I have plenty of money to spend on a pretty little thing like you!”

Please note that there is under £150 in his account at the moment, which just makes this funnier.

Man: “I love spoiling girls like you. I’ll give you my number.”

Me: “The bank already has your number; you are calling in from it.”

Man: “Here, take this down; my number is [phone number].”

Me: “I can see your number; it’s attached to the bank account. I won’t be calling you, sir. I am at work, and I can’t take any private customer information home.”

Man: “Nobody has to know. It can be our little secret.”

I don’t say it, but I am wondering about the wife who is “right beside him, agreeing to let him access the account” and what she thinks of all this.

Man: “Come on, you know you want me. Any girl like you wants to be spoiled by someone like me. Come on, baby girl.”

I eventually got him to hang up, but half my lunch break was taken up.

It’s also worth noting that a few months later, he emailed in with a legitimate concern, but the email had two attachments. One was ID, which we needed to make the change, and the other was a d**k picture.

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Zombies Need Bank Accounts, Too

, , , , | Right | July 19, 2021

Me: “Good afternoon, thank you for calling [Bank]. This is [My Name]. Whom do I have the pleasure of helping today?”

Customer: “Hi, I’m [Customer], and I’m just calling to see if you all think I’m dead.”

Me: “Um… What?”

Customer: “I just want to make sure that you all don’t think I’m dead. You see, I recently had an issue with [Different Bank], and when I went in to resolve it, they informed me that I’m dead. But I’m not and I want to make sure you guys don’t think that, as well.”

Me: *Trying not to laugh* “Well, you sound very alive to me, but let me check your account.” *Checks the account* “Looks like we have you listed as alive and well!”

Customer: “Oh, good. You know, my mortgage is with [Different Bank], and if they’re saying I’m dead, then I shouldn’t have to pay on it anymore!” *Laughs*

Me: *Laughing with the customer* “It’s definitely strange that they think you’re dead.”

Customer: “Really is. You know… I should be careful. If everyone thinks I’m dead, my wife might just attach some cinder blocks to my feet, toss me in the river, and make it official!”

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Some People Really Aren’t Meant For Customer Service

, , , , , , | Working | July 16, 2021

I have been working in customer service for years. I always try my best to help customers and manage to stay calm whenever customers start their verbal abuse. Even though the job is for minimum wage, I really want to help people out and do the best I can, so when I need to call customer service myself for any reason, I make sure to give the same respect to the customer service representative as I would like to receive myself.

One day at work during my lunch break, I decide to get a ten-euro bill from the ATM around the corner in order to buy lunch from the cafeteria. I insert my card and enter my PIN, but then I notice something strange. There is some weird, putty-like stuff on the buttons of the PIN pad that shows my fingerprints, making my pin combination obviously visible. The bill doesn’t come out at first, and after some careful investigation, I notice there is tape holding back the bill. I manage to remove the tape and retrieve the bill. I try to remove the putty-like stuff but can’t, so I just press every button multiple times so my combination isn’t visible anymore. At this point, I am really worried I am being scammed.

When I return to the office, I don’t know what to do. One of my coworkers advises me to call both my bank and the police, just to be sure. She offers to call the police for me while I call my bank in order to save time, as the company is very strict about lunchtime and I only have about ten minutes of lunchtime left.

After giving my details to the representative, the following conversation happens.

Me: “Hi, I was just calling because I’m afraid I’ve been scammed, and I don’t know what to do. Do you have any advice? Should I get my debit card blocked?”

Representative: “Scamming doesn’t happen in the Netherlands; that only happens abroad.”

Me: *Pauses* “I… No, I really think I’ve been scammed. There was this weird stuff on the ATM and I—”

Representative: “Really? Girl, please. Like I said, scamming doesn’t happen over here.”

Me: “Well, I’m afraid that I’ve been scammed. If I have been scammed, is there something I can do about it?”

Representative: *Sigh*If you’ve been scammed — but you haven’t — we could block your debit card and send you a new one. There are other ways to make sure you don’t lose any money, but I’m not going to explain them as you have not been scammed!”

Me: “I just want to make sure no one can scam me, ma’am. I honestly, really think I’ve been scammed. My coworker is calling the police right now.”

The bank representative responds in the most sarcastic, snide tone.

Representative: “Well, I just looked at your account balance and there’s not much to be scammed out of there, so I wouldn’t worry!” *Snickers*

I am lost for words. I almost start to explain that I get paid tomorrow and I’m afraid that money will be stolen, but the representative won’t let me get a word in.

Representative: “But hey, don’t worry, girl! I blocked your debit card, so now the bad guys don’t get to steal the whole seven euros left on your account. Your new pass should arrive within a couple of days, if you can wait that long.” *Laughs*

Me: “But I didn’t ask for—”

Representative: “Goodbye!” *Hangs up*

I just stare at my phone. I can’t understand how someone could be that nasty. My coworker returns a couple of minutes later and tells me how her call with the police went.

Coworker: “Well, the police said it’s good I called them because a couple of people got scammed at that precise ATM these last couple of weeks. They will send a patrol car to check it out, and they said it was a really good idea to get your card blocked; otherwise, you’ll probably get scammed, as well. How did your call go?”

I decided not to file a complaint against the bank representative at the time because she “might just have had a bad day,” which still irks me to this day. Looking back at the situation, I absolutely should have filed a complaint about her looking at my balance and blocking my debit card without my permission, for her tone and remarks, and for her weird stance and wrongful information about scamming. Fortunately, I did not lose any money and received my new debit card within two days, so at least that went well.

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My Deposit Was HOW MUCH?!

, , , , , | Working | July 13, 2021

Years and years ago, I worked for a little shop in a city about thirty minutes from where I lived, which was in a little town way off the beaten path. Every payday, I would use the drive-thru bank in the city where I worked and then head home to avoid rush hour, which would add at least another thirty minutes to my drive. Once I got home, I would update my checkbook with my salary and do my budget.

One time, after making my deposit in the city, I could not find the deposit amount on my banking deposit receipt. The space where my deposit amount usually appeared just had my nine-digit checking account number instead, although, for some reason, it had a decimal point in the number.

I finally decided to call the branch where I had made my deposit to find out what my deposit amount had been.  

Me: “I’m calling because I just made a deposit and I can’t seem to find the amount on my deposit receipt. Can you tell me how much I deposited today?”

Teller: “Yes, ma’am, let me check for you. Here it is, your last deposit was nine million, eight hundred seventy-six thousand, five hundred forty-three dollars, and twenty-one cents.”

Me: *Stunned silence* “Ummm, that’s not right; that’s actually my account number. My deposit should have been around three hundred dollars. My deposits are never more than four hundred dollars.”

Teller: “If you are disputing the deposit amount, then you will need to come back to the branch to talk to a manager.”

Me: “You mean you guys made a mistake and gave me almost ten million dollars, but I need to drive back into the city during rush hour to get it fixed? I’m not doing that; you should be able to do something on your end.”

Teller: “I’m sorry, ma’am. All account disputes need to be handled in person at the branch.”

Me: “Yeah, I’m not doing that. Goodbye.”

Teller: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. You have a good day now!”

After hanging up, I debate for a while about how to find out what countries don’t have extradition agreements with the USA and wonder if my husband would be willing to move. I finally decide that, instead of emptying out my account and fleeing the country, I should probably take care of this now. I go to the tiny little branch located in my nearby town center.

Since I know the manager a little bit, I ask for her. She comes out and I ask her to take a look at my deposit slip, and when she does, her eyes just about pop out of her head.

Manager: “I don’t understand. Did you really just deposit nine million, eight hundred seventy-six thousand, five hundred forty-three dollars, and twenty-one cents? This can’t be right; a deposit of that amount requires [special forms and signatures].”

Me: “It isn’t right. I deposited around three hundred dollars. That figure is my account number.”

She begins to stammer a little out of shock.

Manager: “I-I-I don’t understand. H-how did this happen? A regular teller shouldn’t even be able to enter that much into the system; it requires overrides and double-entries. What’s going on? How could this happen?”

Me: “I have no idea.”

I then relate the entire series of events, including the telephone call.

Manager: *Apoplectic* “THEY WANTED YOU TO DRIVE BACK TO FIX THEIR NINE-MILLION-DOLLAR MISTAKE?! Hang on a minute. I’ll take care of this right now.”

She’s gone for a while and when she comes back, she bends over backward to apologize for the error, the inconvenience, the lack of customer service, etc.

Me: “You don’t need to apologize; it wasn’t your fault, I just appreciate that you were willing to help me and take care of this.”

Manager: “Yes, I’m sorry. Customer service is addressing how that call was handled right now. Again, I am so sorry, and we really, really, really appreciate your honesty in bringing this to our attention. We still don’t know how this happened, but obviously, we have an issue in our system; the checks and balances that are supposed to be in place didn’t work. Again, thank you for being so honest, and here’s your corrected deposit receipt.”

She walked me to the door and I merrily went on my way, nine million dollars poorer. The good news was that having nine million dollars in my account for a little while made my average daily balance go up high enough that I didn’t have to pay any checking fees that month!

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ATM Clearly Stands For “Attitude = Thankless Much?”

, , , , | Friendly | July 9, 2021

I’m waiting to use the ATM. A woman is currently taking her sweet time about it. When she finally finishes and walks away, I spot that she has left some money sticking out of the machine.

Me: “Excuse me. Excuse me!”

She stares at me.

Me: “You left your money.”

She takes the money but doesn’t say a word.

Me: “Wow, don’t thank me or anything, will you?!”

She wanders off. I think for a second about the beer I could have bought with it instead, contemplating if she spoke English or not.

I finish my transaction and turn to see a man approaching with the woman from before.

Man: *Angry* “What did you say to her?”

Me: “I told her she should have thanked me.”

Man: “What?! For what?”

Me: “She left her money in the machine. Instead of taking it for myself, I let her know.”

Man: *Turning to her* “What is your problem lately? You’re rude! You lie! Wait until we get home!”

They continue their conversation in another language for some time.

Me: “Look, it’s over. And I have places I would rather be.”

Man: “I am really sorry. Look. I run the shop on the corner. You come in sometime, yeah?”

Me: “Uh, yeah. Whatever.”

I forgot all about it for months. I only went to the shop when the local one didn’t have what I needed. The guy was behind the counter and recognised me. 

He made me wait while he fetched some pastry things from the back. Apparently, they make them weekly (and they tasted awesome). He apologised again. It turns out the woman was his daughter and she had a real attitude problem.

I started to go to his little shop more often, and he would always make time for me and would sell me more of those pastry things I loved.

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