Unfiltered Story #122133

, , | Unfiltered | September 26, 2018

I’m the idiot customer in this story. To my defense, I’m home sick when answering a phone call to reset a lost password for international online banking at <my bank>:
Me: *enters <mutual funds URL>* “Nope, the password is denied even when I turn off all my browser add-ons! Do you think it’s my overseas IP address?”
[I am escalated to a level 2 support tech. A laptop reboot later:]
Tech: “Ma’am, I am watching the login, and I don’t see any denial or wrong password message. Let’s go over the account again.”
[Several fruitless attempts with <mutual funds URL> later:]
Me: “Ah… say… am I logging in at the right place? Is <mutual funds URL> even right?”
Tech: *pause*  “Ah… it should be <my bank URL>.”
*sound of hand hitting my forehead*
Me: “Argh! I’m an idiot! I’m trying to log into <mutual funds URL> all the time! My issue there is a totally different one!”
Tech: *polite chuckle* “Let’s try again. Be sure to reset your temp password right away.”
[She walks me through the entire process of login, password change, getting tax documents etc.]
Me: “Have you ever heard of notalwaysright.com? I think I belong there now.”
[Tech erupts into brief giggling.]
Tech: “It happens to the best, Ma’am! I’m glad it works now!”
[We wrap things up, I thank her, and start printing my urgently needed documents, slightly ashamed of my stupidity.]

Pennies For Your (Very Weird) Thoughts

, , , | Right | September 14, 2018

(I am getting some cash in my bank drive-thru when I hear this gem…)

Lady: “Hi! I would like to exchange these two dimes for 20 pennies.”

Worker: “Um… That’s a really small amount, but I think we can do it…”

Lady: “Well, I was just here, but then I found these dimes in the parking lot! And I hate dimes, so I had to have pennies.”

Worker: “Um… okay.”

Lady: “Pennies are my favorite coins.”

Banking On Getting The Right Number

, , , , , , , | Right | September 12, 2018

(When I moved into my first home, I got a phone line installed. However, after a few months, I kept coming home to messages on my answering machine with customers leaving their account numbers and all sorts of sensitive information, sometimes even PINs! I deleted them all right away, but eventually one customer mentioned the bank name in their message. I reported this to the bank, and it turned out that my phone number was one digit different from a new one they had just gotten, so lots of customers were simply misdialing. Horrified, the bank put up notices in the bank and sent out letters reminding customers not to leave such sensitive details in messages, but also about how many had been leaving this information on the answering machine of a personal residence and to be extra careful when dialing. They were in the process of changing their number, but they said it would take a while. Because I had only recently gotten my own number, my phone provider wouldn’t change it without charging, so I decided to wait for the bank to change their number, instead; after all, I had gotten mine first. All the while, I kept receiving the messages, which I always deleted, but occasionally I would be home when somebody called. This is one such occasion.)

Me: *answering the phone not long after waking up* “Hello?”

Customer: “Well, that’s not a very professional way to answer the phone.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Ugh. You’re new. In my day, we trained staff to be respectful to customers whether they phoned or came into the branch in person. Young people are always so disrespectful; you really don’t deserve your jobs.”

Me: *finally clicking* “Oh. You’re looking for [Bank].”

Customer: “Yes, dearie, or is that too taxing for you? Get me your manager; I will not tolerate this.”

Me: “Oh. Sorry, this isn’t the bank—”

Customer: “Oh, trying to wiggle out of this, are you? Well, it won’t work! You’ll be lucky to get hired to scrub toilets after I’m done talking to your manager! Get him immediately!”

Me: “You’re calling a private residence. This is not the bank.”

Customer: “Wait, are you hacking their phone line? I’m phoning the police! You’re going to steal all my money—”

Me: “No, the bank’s new number is one digit different from mine. I have told them, and they’ve sent out letters to all their customers. They’ve also put notices up in branch. It’s the last digit. A lot of people accidentally misdial it. The banks are going to change their number, but they said it will take a while. Hopefully it’ll be sorted soon.”

(There is a long pause.)

Customer: “I don’t believe you. You’re a thief trying to steal my money! I am going to go to the bank and tell them right away! I hope you enjoy prison! They won’t tolerate your rudeness, either.”

Me: “Sure. Go to the branch. You might see the bright yellow notices up there telling you about this.”

(I hung up. I never heard anything after that, but a few weeks later, all the calls stopped. I guess the bank finally sorted it out.)

Cancel The Cancellation

, , , , | Right | September 7, 2018

(It’s the week before Christmas and also the day before payday for most workers who are paid monthly. I’m handling lost and stolen card calls, but I am also trained in fraud prevention. We cancel lost or stolen cards for anyone who rings, as long as we can find the account, but the account holder is the only one who can request a new card. We also don’t share any account details with non-account holders.)

Me: “Hello, lost and stolen cards. [My Name] speaking. How can I help?”

Caller: “Hi. My wife lost her credit and debit cards, and I need to get them cancelled and reissued, please.”

Me: “Can you confirm your name, your wife’s name, her address, and her date of birth so I can find the account?”

Caller: “My name is [Caller] and…” *supplies details I asked for*

Me: “So, I cancel the cards straight away, but your wife will need to call directly to get new cards issued.”

Caller: “But both cards will be cancelled and won’t work anymore?”

Me: “Yes, correct.”

Caller: “And when she calls, how long will it take for the new cards to arrive?”

Me: “Usually it’s only a few days, but as we are so close to Christmas, it will more than likely be the new year. The sooner she calls, the better, though.”

Caller: “Okay. She has a chequebook on her account, too. That was also lost; can you cancel that, too?”

Me: “Certainly, but I would need the cheque numbers to be cancelled.”

Caller: “I don’t have those, but you have to cancel the chequebook immediately.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the system won’t allow me to cancel anything without the cheque numbers. When your wife calls to order her new cards we can get the cheque details from her then.”

Caller: “Well, she won’t be able to ring, because, uh… someone broke into her flat and beat her up, and now she’s in a coma.”

Me: “I’m very sorry to hear that, and I hope she recovers quickly. Would she have bank statements at home? That will show the last cheque cashed, and we can cancel all subsequent cheques from there.”

Caller: “Well, she might do, but, uh… I don’t actually live with her. We’re divorced, but I’m her next-of-kin. I just need you to cancel everything.”

Me: *alarm bells going off* “I’ll have to check with my team leader in the morning. Can I take a contact number and call you back?”

Caller: “Sure, it’s [number]. And her cards are already cancelled, yes?”

Me: “Yes. Thank you.”

(I hang up and check the history on the account, but it only goes back six months. I decide to take a risk and call the number we have on file for the account holder before I actually cancel anything on the account.)

Me: “Hello. Can I speak to [Customer]?”

Customer: “Speaking.”

Me: “[Customer], my name is [My Name] and I’m calling from [Bank]. Do you have a minute to speak?

Customer: “Yes. Is everything okay?”

Me: “Well, I just spoke to your ex-husband, [Caller], who called to cancel your credit and debit cards, as well as your chequebook. He said you were assaulted in your home and were in a coma, but since I’m speaking to you now ,I’m guessing that’s not true?”

Customer: “That f***er! We’ve been divorced for years, but every Christmas he rings the bank right before payday and gets everything cancelled so I can’t do any Christmas shopping. I’ve even changed banks, but he knows that you can find my information with my address and date of birth. I can’t believe he’s done it again. How am I going to do my Christmas shopping?”

Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that, Ms. [Customer]. I was suspicious of the call, so I’m happy to inform you that I didn’t cancel anything until I spoke to you, so all your cards are active. I’m also going to put a flag on your account advising that we must speak to you before anything is cancelled on the account. Will that be okay?”

Customer: “Oh, my God, yes. Thank you so much!”

Me: “You’re most welcome. I also took his details and will be flagging this to my superiors. You’re welcome to pursue it from your side with the authorities if they can help.”

(My team leader made a change to the customer’s account so any time someone accessed her account, an alert would direct them to the fraud prevention team. They also implemented a rule that someone has to call the number on file before any changes are made to her account. The customer also sent me a huge gift basket for stopping her ex-husband!)

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Burning Through Their Cash

, , , | Right | August 25, 2018

(I work at a bank that caters to the mix of population that California has and the languages they speak, primarily English, Spanish, and Chinese. While our Chinese-speaking tellers are Asian, they’re what we call ABCs — American-Born Chinese — and therefore may miss some cultural things on occasion. A lady of uncertain ethnicity comes in to trade foreign currency at the teller next to me. Neither of us are qualified for foreign currency transactions, but when my coworker is looking at the bill confusedly for a while, I peek over, and see a lot of telling things. The first thing I notice is the Chinese, and since I know Chinese, I plan to offer input. Then I notice the rest… It is green, and looks and feels like US currency, but it is a “Hell Bank Note” of “Ten Thousand.” It features a non-chubby cheek portrait facing right, and has the blatantly fake serial number of j023456. In fact, you can find this exact one on Google Images. It’s even signed in fancy English Calligraphy, with the names associated with “Hell” in Chinese superstition. Lastly, the biggest and most obvious factor for this being not real that convinces my coworker, at least, is that it has no country written on it.)

Me: *to coworker* “I’m pretty sure that’s money you burn.”

Customer: “What? You don’t just burn ten thousand dollars! I want my ten thousand dollars’ worth!”

(Judging by the customer’s tone, she isn’t trying to scam us, but genuinely thinks it is valuable and is horrified that I want to burn her ten thousand dollars. My coworker, on the other hand, seems skeptical, but has at least heard about the tradition of burning money. Every teller begins to take a peek and see what the fuss is about. At first I am trying to explain what I see and what I know. Then we just start to wonder what should we do. Some of the options include confiscating the “fake bill” and reporting it to the Feds, returning the bill and dismissing service, or trying to explain what it is to the customer — which we try to no avail. All the while the customer is getting more and more frantic at the idea of losing ten thousand dollars, until finally I try this to satisfy the customer’s needs.)

Me: “Ma’am, if you’ll look here, it says that this is a ‘Hell Bank Note.’ Perhaps the Hell Bank will cash this for you.”

(She seems satisfied with the answer, takes back her bill, and goes out on her way to learn more about this “Hell Bank.” After all the tellers go back to their places and are relieved it is over, my coworker has this gem:)

Coworker: “Did you just tell her to go to Hell?”

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