(Our area is undergoing the harshest winter we have seen in over forty years. Buildings have collapsed from all the snow, and many stores have to close several times on really bad days because no one can even drive to work. The cities and counties have to get outside help to keep up with snow and ice management. Today is pretty bad, but several workers can get to our store so they decide to open. Our parking lot is a mess, though, because the company that does our lot’s snow removal is behind and it is still snowing like crazy. We get about five customers that come in this day. We have one bag of salt left and regularly salt the front entrance of the store. All the stores that sell salt are out because of the high demand. A lady charges in from the blizzard outside.)

Customer: “Your parking lot is terrible! My husband just slipped when he got out of the pickup! What are you going to do about it? Where is your manager?!”

Me: *genuinely concerned for the man* “Hi. I’m so sorry your husband slipped; is he okay? Do we need to call an ambulance?”

(Her husband is standing behind her looking at products.)

Customer: “I asked you what you’re going to do about your parking lot!”

Me: “Well, unfortunately, since it’s still blizzard conditions, there isn’t much we can do. The company we hire to do it is behind and it’s still snowing six inches per hour. Us workers may get stranded here today, in fact.”

Customer: “Well, couldn’t you salt it?!”

Me: “The trucks that come and clear it do spray a salt-gravel mixture.”

Customer: “But you said they are behind schedule, so why don’t you salt it?”

(The customer says this like it’s a completely normal request.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we only have one bag of salt for our store entrance and I can’t salt the lot with that.”

Customer: “Why not? Your customers are falling! You need to go salt that lot. I expect you to fix this!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but are you saying that you want me to hand-salt the entire parking lot with one small bag?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: *fed up at this point and worried we will get snowed in* “Well, ma’am, this is the Christmas season and a time for miracles, but I’m not Jesus, so I can’t magically turn a bag of salt into the 100 bags it would take to salt that lot, and I’m not going to put myself in danger by going out in those conditions.”

(My coworkers are watching this interaction with big eyes.)

Customer: “Well, that is very inconsiderate of you! And if someone dies out there, you will have a lawsuit on your hands!” *turns to her husband* “Honey, did you get the pens? Good. Let’s buy them and leave!”

(I ring them up for one freaking pack of pens, all while the customer is giving me the stink eye and ranting about inconsiderate stores.)

Me: “Thanks for coming in today, and ma’am, I just want to tell you how amazing you are.”

Customer: “Um, what?”

Me: “Yes, you see, I’ve never met someone who would risk life and limb in a blizzard for a pack of pens. Your bravery is to be congratulated!”

(I say this with the biggest, cheesiest grin on my face.)

Customer: “You are a rude b**** and I hope you get in a car wreck!” *stomps out into the blizzard with her husband in tow*

(Five minutes later, another customer comes in:)

Next Customer: “Excuse me, can you do something about the parking lot? My husband slipped getting out of the car.”

Me: *internally screaming* “I’m so sorry! We are actually closing early due to the blizzard, but hopefully, they will clean the lot tomorrow.”

(Us employees made the decision to close early and get home before we got stranded. Good thing, too, because we got almost three feet that day and the entire area was closed the next day except for snow crews.)

(We sell a lot of gardening products, among a wide variety of other things. Europe is currently experiencing a record-breaking heatwave and drought. The heat is sweltering, it has not rained in two months, and the media is blanketing the population with fire hazard warnings. Around noon, the phone rings.)

Me: “How can I help you today?”

Caller: “Yeah, I was trying to get rid of the weeds in my lawn today. But when I used my weed burner…”

(Internally, I’m already cringing, because I know where this is going.)

Caller: “…my lawn caught fire for some reason.”

(Okay, so, I know this guy’s an utter idiot, but I can help him.)

Me: “That’s… too bad, sir, but no problem. We have plenty of supplies here to help you seed or plant a new lawn after the drought ends. I just need to know how big of an area you—”

Caller: *cutting me off impatiently* “No, no, I just want to buy something to make the grass green again. It’s become black, you see.”

Me: “Uhm, I don’t think that’s possible, sir. It won’t become green again; your lawn is dead.”

Caller: *confused* “What do you mean? Dead? It only burned for a little while. The fire department put it out, like, within fifteen minutes.”

(I’m literally rubbing my temples at this guy’s lack of intelligence by now.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but yes, I’m afraid that your grass is very dead. The only thing you can do at this point is either reseed or replant but, while I can sell you everything you need for that, I still recommend you wait until after the drought. Current water restrictions prohibit watering lawns at the moment. Without that, nothing will grow, anyway, and sod will just turn brown and die in days, anyway.”

(Silence.)

Caller: “Grass can die? I never heard of that. Is that why it caught fire so quickly? Are you sure you don’t have anything that’ll make it alive and green again?”

(Some people shouldn’t be allowed near open flames.)

It was Halloween in Illinois, and the weather decided to try to stop our trick or treaters from having fun. It was snowing and very icy. Many people decided to stay home, except me, my three brothers, and my boyfriend. We got all bundled up and put on extra, extra layers of socks. We all had these scary-a** expensive masks that looked real.

No one else was out in the street except some troopers who were just like us. That night, we each got big handfuls of candy from each house since we were the only ones out and about. It was a truly amazing night and so worth the small frostbite that seemed to almost get us.

My mum had bought some Jelly Belly candy from Wisconsin; we had gotten crates full since they had a sale for five dollars a crate of jelly beans in tiny bags themed after Cars 2 or The Incredibles. So, I went around and gave as many as I could away to kids, adults, store employees, and people who gave me candy. I felt really good since they were an expensive brand that not many get often.

(It is just after a massive storm in the UK. Trees are down, no one can cope, Americans are laughing at us, etc. My dad is driving me to work because I don’t drive and the buses aren’t running. We get halfway there and have to turn around because of a tree on the road. I give my manager a call to tell her that I’ll be late because we’ll be finding another route.)

Manager: “That’s fine! I’m just on my way myself. Just get here when you can.”

Me: “Okay, thanks. I probably won’t be that late, but, you know.”

Manager: “It’s fine…” *there’s a long pause* “Actually, don’t worry about coming in.”

Me: “Are you sure? I really don’t mind—”

Manager: “Really, don’t bother. We don’t have a marquee.”

(Turned out, the marquee we used as our gift shop, which held our tills and about ten picnic tables, blew away in the storm.)

Me: “What?”

Manager: “We don’t have a marquee. Don’t worry about coming in today. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

(I came in the next day to find a new marquee up. I started hearing stories from people who had made it in on time the day before or had later start times about finding and dragging the entire marquee across the main field — we were an open farm sort of place with tractor rides, animal petting, etc. — only to find massive rips in it. Unsurprisingly, we were not open that day.)

(A very thick fog is covering the city. During this time, motor vehicle access to the airport platform area is restricted.)

Customer: “I need to go do some maintenance work on the platform.”

Me: “Okay. Unfortunately, access is restricted right now. We cannot let you in there until the fog clears.”

Customer: “All right. Can you tell me when that will happen?”

Me: “Let me just check from my crystal ball here…”