Some People Just Want To Watch The World Melt

, , , , | Right | June 26, 2020

My dad works at a coffee shop in New Hampshire, where we live. Once, he told me this story after coming home from a long day at work. Keep in mind that this is in the middle of winter in New England, so there’s a lot of snow and we try to control it.

The employees were closing up the store, but it was about five minutes to when it actually closed so they still had new customers. My dad was mopping around the front area when a lady walked in.

She walked in. Her boots were covered in snow.

She walked past the mats by the door and abruptly stomped off her boots right where the rug stopped and my dad was mopping.


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That Is Snow Way To Behave

, , , , , | Right | June 9, 2020

I am eight and a half months pregnant. Due to a snowstorm last night, my employees are running behind, so I am opening the shop myself. The client is still about a half-hour early.

Me: “Good morning, Mr. [Customer]. How are you?”

Customer: “I would be better if I didn’t have to walk through all this snow.” 

Me: “I know that was quite a storm—”

He cuts me off.

Customer: “You know, you really need to be out there shoveling this mess! You have women and the elderly coming in and they shouldn’t have to walk through all of that.”

Me: “I understand and apologize. My staff are on their way, and because of the roads, they are running late. Also, I have doctor’s orders not to lift or do shoveling.”

Customer: “Still, you need to go out there and clear that; someone could get hurt and you’ll get sued.”

He hands me the leash and says the usual and leaves. An hour later, he comes to retrieve his dog. As he pays:

Customer: “You know, as the business owner, I really shouldn’t tip you, but here’s $5 anyway.”

Me: “Thank you, I do appreciate it, though tipping is not required.”

The customer grunted and walked out the door.

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A Whirlwind Of Dispassion

, , , , | Right | May 25, 2020

I’m a cashier working at a chain store in a small town. A massive storm system that spawned multiple deadly tornadoes ripped through the region two days ago. We’re asking for donations to help those in my county who’ve suffered most from the storm.

Me: “Hello, would you like to donate to the tornado relief effort tonight?”

Customer: “No! They have insurance.”

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The Cold Reality Of Working Weekends

, , , , , | Right | May 19, 2020

I’m serving an elderly female customer at my till. This is during the height of the summer heatwave.

Me: “Is that everything today?”

Customer: “Why is your air con on so high? It’s so cold outside!”

Me: “It is?”

I turn away from the customer to look out the window at bright sunshine.

Customer: “See?!”

Suddenly, she reaches over the counter, grabs my neck with her hand to show me how “cold” it is, and then just walks away.

Colleague: “Are you okay?”

Me: “I hate Saturdays.”

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Small Talk Sucks

, , , | Working | May 13, 2020

I work at the circulation desk at a public library. I am helping a patron check out a book while making small talk about the weather.

Me: “Has it started snowing out yet? It was hailing when I came in.”

Patron: “Nope. But it’s doing that thing… you know, when it’s… ah, like when it’s snow and rain mixed together?”

I assume he means “sleet” or “slush.”

Me: “SLUT?”

I realize immediately what I just said.

Me: “Uhh, sleet… slush… SLUSH SLEESH!”

Luckily for me, the patron didn’t bat an eye, but after he left, my manager burst out laughing behind me.

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