A Hurricane Of Bad Relationships

, , , , , , , | Related Romantic | January 30, 2019

(My sister-in-law went through a string of abusive relationships before meeting my brother, but my brother is very good to her. They are on vacation when we get word that a massive hurricane is headed for their home. I’m already planning to evacuate, but they call me and ask me to go to their home and get some of their most important possessions — legal docs, computers, etc. — and I agree. I’m on the phone with them while I’m packing up their stuff.)

Sister-In-Law: “By the way, there’s something important I need you to get, but you’ll have to search for it.”

Me: “Okay. What am I looking for?”

Sister-In-Law: “In our walk-in closet, in my sock drawer, there is a pair of purple socks. Can you go find them?”

Me: *wondering why she is having me grab socks, of all things* “Sure… Okay, I got ’em.”

Sister-In-Law: “Great. You should feel something inside. Can you open up the sock and get it out?”

(I do so. I find hundreds of dollars wrapped in a tight bundle.)

Me: “Jesus. Must be a thousand dollars here.”

Sister-In-Law: “Yeah, that’s my ‘running away’ money, in case things with [Brother] don’t work out.”

My Brother: *who has been married to her for seven years and has heard this entire conversation* “Oh, that’s a good idea. Too bad you’ll need a new hiding place when we get back.”

Sister-In-Law: *dejected sigh* “Yeah…”

(The rest of the packing was uneventful.)

Being Cold Makes Him Hot

, , , , , , , | Friendly | January 28, 2019

(One winter’s day, I come home from classes and get in the residence tower’s elevator. Another student also gets in… wearing shorts and a t-shirt! Again, it’s winter. In Edmonton. There are snow and ice everywhere.)

Me: “Um… comfy?”

Student: *embarrassed but cheerful* “Uh, not really. So… somehow I got the weather report in Fahrenheit instead of Celsius without noticing it. I just saw the numbers this morning and thought, ‘Hey, it’s nice out,’ so…”

(Mid-twenties Celsius is a warm summer day. Mid-twenties Fahrenheit is below freezing.)

Me: “Oh.”

Student: “Then I got outside, but I didn’t have time to go back and change, so I’ve just spent all day like this.”

Me: “Oh, Jesus Christ. You must be frozen.”

Student: *still cheerful* “Yeah, and everyone’s like, ‘Wow! Look at that guy! He must be from Alaska!’ and it’s like, no, I’m just stupid.”

(He was so chipper and honest about it that if I’d been single, I’d have asked him out!)

They Ignored The Bloody Hurricane

, , , , , , | Working | January 9, 2019

(There’s currently a pretty nasty hurricane slowly making its way across the state. Said hurricane has been on major news networks and late-night talk shows for the past week.)

Caller: “Hi. This is [Blood Charity]. Would you like to donate blood today?”

Me: “You… do know that there’s currently a hurricane going through my state, right?”

Caller: “You’re in [Smallish Town in the middle of the state]? Well, I’m in [City in the western part of the state], so I didn’t know.”

Me: “YOU’RE IN THE SAME STATE!”

They Missed The Joke, Too

, , , , , , , | Related | January 6, 2019

(My mom and I have just left a restaurant, and we notice that the weather has changed when we get outside.)

Me: “Oh, it’s raining. Well, not raining, more like misting?”

Mom: “I missed you.”

Me: *confused* “I missed you, too?”

(Thirty seconds later, once we get in the car…)

Me: “Oh! You mist me!”

Mom: “Did you really just figure that out?”

Me: “I’m going to blame the food.”

Someone Who Gives A Truck

, , , , , , | Hopeless | December 22, 2018

My family and I were traveling from Tennessee back home to Virginia. We had a great trip in Tennessee, where we surprised my great uncle by visiting him in Nashville.

Everything was going great until we hit the Virginia line on the return trip. We then stopped dead on the highway because for about twenty miles ahead of us the road was closed because of bad weather and jack-knifed tractor trailers. We were there for eleven hours, just stopped dead. This is where my faith in miracles and humanity was restored.

This man, this Godsend, took it upon himself to talk to the truckers in front of us and get them to move in such a way that most cars could get through. He then started taking cars one by one to the exit, which we ended up being about half a mile from. He got to us and navigated us the half mile to the exit, through trucks. There was snow on the ground and he was not dressed warmly. His pants were wet and he only had a thin coat on, but he walked us and God knows how many more cars to that exit.

I have never felt better about humanity than I do now. He completely restored my faith in humanity and he was totally humble about it, as well.

Random guy on the highway, if you are reading this, you have no idea how much your help meant to us and what it did to our spirits. It took us another seven hours but we got home safely and it was all because of you.

I should mention the entire return trip should have taken nine hours and we had been driving for four hours by the time we got stopped on the highway. The total return trip took about twenty-seven hours when it should have taken nine. Wherever you are, I hope you are safe and warm and with the people you love. Without you, we would have been stuck there for a very long time and I will forever be grateful to you.

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