I work in a Mexican takeout place. We’re in the middle of a massive snowstorm, so we’re not expecting many customers for a few hours, but one crazy guy drives up and runs inside, already covered in snow from just the few feet between the car and our door.

Customer: “I want to order [items], and I want my blizzard discount.”

Me: “Your… what?”

Customer: “Blizzard discount! I need a discount for coming out in a big storm!”

Me: “That’s not a thing. We don’t give discounts for that.”

Customer: “But I came out in a massive storm! I’m bringing you my business!”

Me: “Sir, that’s not a discount we offer.”

Customer: “I saw it on one of your commercials!”

My manager has walked over from the back as the customer has been getting louder and louder.

Manager: “Yes, sir, suuuuure you did, because we want that liability.”

Customer: “But… I came out during a storm!”

Manager: “Congratulations on making public your sexual orientation, but you’re still not getting a discount.”

The guy cursed us out and went back out into the snow. Our burritos are good, but not risk-your-life-driving-through-a-blizzard good.

Many years ago, while working for a well-known electronics store, our area experienced a massive ice storm. Many roads were closed, as were many businesses.

Knowing that I lived at the bottom of a hill and my older sedan wouldn’t make it up the hill that was covered in ice, I called my manager to let him know that there would be no way for me to get to work. He immediately got annoyed and said:

Manager: “You have a shift today, so you need to be here!”

I explained that I lived on a hill and that due to the thick layer of ice on the road, my car couldn’t make it up. I also asked why we were still open when most of the roads and all of the other businesses in the area were closed, and he said:

Manager: “It’s not as bad as people are making it seem. I’ll figure something out and call you back.”

Fine. Whatever. About fifteen minutes later, he calls back.

Manager: “[Coworker] has a jeep and lives a couple of minutes away. They’re the other person scheduled to work with you tonight. They’ll come pick you up because jeeps can make it through anything.”

Me: “That’s a bad idea.”

Manager: “You don’t get to have an opinion because you have to work.”

Four hours later, just before my shift, I get a call from [Coworker] to tell me he has arrived. He also lives at the bottom of the hill, so he was able to take flat roads to get to me. I walk outside and get in the car, and we give each other a knowing look and start making our way up the hill. The jeep’s wheels start to slide, and the vehicle rolls back. We try again and slide back down. One more time, and we slide back down.

[Coworker] tells me that he had told the manager that his jeep wouldn’t be able to make it up the hill either, and the manager told him that “jeeps can make it through anything,” just like he’d told me.

At this point, I’m not risking our safety for this job, so I invite my coworker inside my apartment, and we call the manager together to let him know that no, jeeps cannot make it through anything and now he’s cost himself both employees who were scheduled tonight instead of just one.

He informs us that about two hours earlier, he’d gotten word that the major road the store was on had been closed anyway, so they’d closed the store. You’re telling me that we could have avoided all of this, including my coworker now being stuck at my apartment, and he didn’t call to let us know!?

My wife and I are talking to another couple at a house party about travel plans in the coming year.

Me: “We were thinking about going to Las Vegas as it’s always somewhere I’ve been curious about.”

Friend Husband: “We’ve been there! It’s fun, but don’t go during the summer. The humidity is crazy.”

Me: “Humidity? Really? But it’s so dry there.”

Friend Husband: “Yeah, it’s a dry humidity.”

My wife and I share a look. The wife of the other couple changes subjects and then ushers him away. Later, she finds us alone.

Friend Wife: “Yeah, he thinks humidity means heat. Doesn’t matter what I say, or what Google says, or what our son, who is a f****** meteorologist, says, he’s dying on that hill. Anyway, have fun in Vegas!”

It was a hard winter, by local standards. Many weeks near 0°F (-17.8°C), with a lot of snow over many ice storms, and power outages galore.

On this day, it was 7:15 AM, sleeting and raining, with high winds, and we were all arriving at school. One of the lovely children decided it would be marvelous fun to pull the fire alarm.

So out we go. Most of the staff and several hundred kids- fortunately, at this point, the majority of kids were still on their buses on the way. The only people who know it was a false pull are the admin, and we can’t go back in until they clear it, so we wait.

And wait. 

And wait.

Then, through the window, there are kids. A lot of kids. So, I call the main office, to no answer. Five minutes of calling the office and the admin personnel’s phones before getting an answer.

Admin: “Why are you still outside?”

That was the response. To me, wet, cold, and shivering, and the hundreds of others, all wet, cold, and shivering.

The admin had been in the building for ten minutes, but never bothered to tell anyone else that we could go back in. They never actually went beyond the entry canopy, so they stayed dry, and when they went in, the kids from the buses were let in as well. But the person I talked to was just getting fresh coffee from the pot she started when they went back in, as the coffee they all had before the alarm was cold, so she had to make a fresh pot!

Ask me again why I am retiring?

A customer is looking to get home wifi. She lives on a farm in a rural area, so we’re making sure we can cover her.

Me: “It looks like we should be able to get you set up at that address!”

Customer: “That’s great! But, uh… what about the wind? It’s super windy where I am.”

Me: “I don’t understand why that would be an issue, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, I was told that when it’s windy, it blows the wifi away.”

This is not the first time a customer has come to me with this misconception. Usually, an explanation as to how electromagnetic signals work confuses them further, so I just tell them the wifi comes from the box inside the house, so the wind wouldn’t affect it. I try this, but it doesn’t prove as effective as it has in the past:

Customer: “But it gets super windy sometimes! And I want to be able to use my wifi in the garden when I’m doing my gardening.”

Me: “The wind won’t affect the signal, ma’am.”

Customer: “But I was told that it would.”

Me: “With respect, ma’am, whoever told you that is wrong.”

Customer: “How do you know?”

F*** it. Let’s go full science on this.

Me: “The wind would have to be going appreciably close to the speed of light, in order to cause air particles to give off radiation, which is what would interfere with the wifi signal. At these speeds, your router would be obliterated due to sandblasting, and the signal disruption would be a… secondary issue.”

Customer: “…oh, well, I don’t think it gets that windy out on the farm. I should be okay then!”