In the late 1990s, I was the graveyard shift manager at a hotel on the Las Vegas strip. Very late one night, a clerk calls me to come out for a very drunk guest. I get out to the desk and his hands are both dyed dark blue and there’s this dripping wet block of blue material sitting on the counter.

Guest: “I thought someone threw something into the pool, and I wanted to help, so I pulled it out myself.”

It was the chemical block that maintenance put in the pool to help purify it. We had the pool roped off with safety signs, but he went around the barrier to do it.

We had to call 911 and get him checked out and everything. He went to the hospital but ended up okay, luckily.

I am managing a series of escape rooms one evening. A group of nice but ditzy college-aged customers have just gone through the induction and have started their challenge.

The theme is an Amazonian rainforest, and the group is trying to escape an ancient temple. One of the puzzles is a riff off of Indiana Jones where they have to swap the idol with a counterweight, except this time instead of a booby trap this action will open the next section. The group has had access to enough clues that they need to put five pounds of weight on the scale when they remove the idol.

I am listening in and monitoring from our control room.

Customer #1: “We need to put the five-pound weight on it!”

Customer #2: “No, wait!”

Customer #1: “What?”

Customer #2: “This temple is in the southern hemisphere, right? We need to put on the two-and-a-half-pound weight, instead!”

Customer #1: “Oh, yeah! You’re right!”

I am almost tempted to ask a big “Why?” over the intercom, but one of the group members gets there before me.

Customer #3: “What are you talking about?”

Customer #1: “The southern hemisphere is closer to the sun, so gravity is halved.”

Customer #2: “Yeah, the people who made this escape room are probably thinking we’d not know that!”

Customer #3: “Absolutely everything you just said is 100% wrong.”

Customer #1: “Excuse me, [Customer #3], but who is the one majoring in geography, here?”

Customer #3: “None of us, apparently…”

They did not escape the temple.

I manage a twenty-four-hour bar in Sin City. We have a lot of screens around the bar playing all kinds of different sports. Today, however, the main screen is playing the Eurovision Song Contest, since I am a huge fan, and hey, it’s my bar. Also, it’s the only place in the city, as far as I am aware, that’s showing the competition. I advertised this on social media and a small group has gathered to enjoy the competition.

Some vacationing “bros” come in, and before they’ve even ordered a drink:

Customer: “Get this gay s*** off the big screen! We’re here to watch the baseball!”

Me: *Pointing* “All the screens in that area are playing today’s baseball games.”

Customer: “We want it on the big screen!”

Me: “The big screen is reserved for Eurovision for now. You can switch it to baseball after.”

Customer: “F*** this Euro crap! It’s a bunch of fairies in tights singing some Russian s***.”

They glance at the screen and notice that the country being represented right there and then is Australia; they were invited as guests this year.

Customer: “That’s not even Europe! That’s f****** Australia! This thing is a joke!”

Me: “And how many countries are represented in your World Series?”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Exactly. Your game is playing. Staying or going?”

They stayed and watched their game, grumbling the whole time. I can’t remember who they were rooting for, but they lost.

I’m the idiot customer in this one. I place a web order for pickup at a local deli. When I arrive, I notice they have curbside pickup. Great! I text and wait in my car. They ask for the description of my car and other standard information.

Twenty minutes go by, the car next to me gets their food and leaves, but still no order for me. I finally get annoyed enough at waiting to go inside. I’ve eaten here before, and they are often slow with service, but the food is good. I ordered ahead to avoid this. I’m standing in the lobby, annoyed, waiting for someone to come help me, and I glance outside and do a double-take.

I gave them the description of my husband’s car. No wonder they haven’t brought my food!

At this point, someone comes to help me. I explain my stupidity and ask politely if my food is ready. Yup, all set. She is very nicely trying not to laugh at me while I apologise profusely for being completely oblivious. I take my food and go, while hoping I gave the workers there a laugh for the day.

My friends and I were in Las Vegas for the weekend. We stopped at a pizza place and ordered a large pepperoni and sausage pizza. The cashier told me it would be fifteen minutes, so we took a seat. Everyone else filtering through the shop ordered single slices, so they came and went while my friends and I waited.

Finally, after thirty minutes, the cashier pulled a whole pepperoni and sausage pizza from the oven and put it in a box. I stood up and walked to the pick-up window.

The cashier looked up at me and down at the pizza, and then he turned and put it down behind the counter before turning away from me.

Me: *Politely* “Excuse me?”

The cashier pulled out his phone.

Me: *Louder* “Excuse me?”

He stepped further away.

Me: *Yelling* “EXCUSE ME!”

Cashier: *Turning around* “You have to order down there!”

He pointed to the cash register.

Me: “I did!”

I held up the receipt and pointed at the box.

Me: “I believe that’s my pizza you just put back there.”

Cashier: “Did you order a pineapple and ham?”

Me: “No, I ordered a large pepperoni and sausage, just like that pizza you just put over there.”

I handed over my receipt. The cashier looked at it, rolled his eyes, and grabbed the pizza. He dropped it on the pick-up counter and walked away.

Me: “Seriously?”

Cashier: “You got your pizza, okay?”

He waved me off.

Me: *Sarcastically* “Oh, thanks so much!”

My friends and I took our pizza and left. It was good but not worth the money we paid and the attitude.