We Just HAVE To Know Who The Idiot Was

, , , | Right | April 19, 2019

(I’m doing my weekly shopping when a woman I have never seen before blocks my way out of the aisle. She’s got hold of one of the managers.)

Woman: *pointing at me* “There! Hire him!”

Manager: “I’m sorry? I thought you said someone was injured.”

Woman: “HIRE HIM!”

(He looks at me. We’re both very confused.)

Manager: “Ugh, you’re hired?”

Woman: “Now, fire him!”

Manager: “…”

(She glares at him so much it looks like she might burst a blood vessel.)

Manager: “You’re fired.”

Woman: “HA! I told you I would do something!”

Me: “Do we know each other?”

(She looks dumbstruck and starts digging around in her handbag. She produces a pair of glasses and puts them on.)

Woman: “D***. Wrong idiot. Come on—“

(She reached for the manager, but he’d disappeared out of view. She gave chase. The last I saw of her was when I was paying. She was still chasing the manager, only now there were two security guards and a police officer chasing her, too.)

Would Rather Deal With The Fungus

, , , , , | Healthy | April 19, 2019

I am extremely susceptible to fungal infections like ringworm. It’s not a real problem, for the most part, just an unsightly nuisance. I had a mark on my arm that I knew from experience was a fungal infection, but the OTC drugs don’t work well on me, so while I was visiting a new doctor about an unrelated issue I asked her about getting a prescription for it. The doctor asked me why I needed it, so I showed her the mark on my arm and explained my history with these kinds of infections.

The doctor immediately got extremely snotty and annoyed with me. She said that I wasn’t a doctor — which is true — and that whatever that mark was, it was not a fungal infection, and that it could be very serious. She said I should tell her about any worrisome marks and then let her do her job — determining what they are and making decisions about my care — without making guesses about what the problem is. She announced that she was going to look at a sample of the mark to determine what it was and what needed to be done, took a skin scraping, and flounced out of the room.

Five minutes later she was back. She wouldn’t look me in the eye while she told me it was a fungal infection, handed me a script, and then marched out.

Throw You For A Group

, , , | Right | April 19, 2019

(I man the front reception desk of a medium-sized local museum, take bookings, greet visitors, man the gift shop, and so on. I’m in my late 20s, but I look younger, and I’m a lipstick-wearing girly-girl at work. On one quiet day, an elderly man walks in.)

Me: “Hello! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I want to come here with a large group next Wednesday. We’ll be twenty or thirty people, so we want the group discount. We want to see [Exhibition] and we want [Male Colleague #1] or [Male Colleague #2] to show us.”

Me: “We’ll be very happy to welcome you! However, I’m sorry, sir, we do not give group discounts. Also, I can not guarantee which guide you will be given, as I don’t know who will be here on that day. Most likely, I will be your guide.”

Customer: “What? But I got a group discount last time! I only want to pay half price!”

Me: “I am sorry, but as I said, we do not give group discounts. When was the last time you were here?”

Customer: “Fifteen years ago! And they said I could have a group discount then!”

Me: “Well, we have new owners now, and no group discount.”

Customer: “This is an outrage! I’ve never been so offended in my life! I want to talk to the person responsible for bookings!”

Me: “That would be me.”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. I want to talk to the person who is responsible for bookings!”

Me: “Sir, that is me. I am responsible for the bookings.”

Customer: “I want to talk to your manager!”

Me: “Do you mean my director? She is not here today, but you can call her.”

Customer: “I’ll make sure you never get to work here again! And you will not be guiding us, I want [Male Colleague #1] or [Male Colleague #2]!”

Me: “Would you not rather prefer [Female Colleague], who actually designed the exhibition?”

Customer: “You are so rude! I want to talk to the person in charge of this!”

Me: “As I said, sir, that is me. I am in charge of this. I am in charge of bookings. I am in charge of entrance prices. If you ask my director, that is what she will say, too. If you wish to bring your party somewhere else, you are of course free to do so. We will be happy to receive you, but at the standard price and with the available guide.”

Customer: “Well… why didn’t you just say that?! And you can’t expect people to take you seriously, not when you’re wearing that lipstick!”

(In the end, he came back with a party of thirteen. They paid the full price, I showed them the exhibition, and they were all really happy with their day out. One of the ladies even complimented me on my lipstick!)

Your Professionalism Is Melting… MELTING!

, , , , , | Working | April 18, 2019

(One of my coworkers, who has a very intense personality, is leaving, but only the manager and I know.)

Manager: “Does [New Coworker] know?”

Me: “I don’t think so. But I’ve been singing Ding Dong the Witch is Dead all morning.”

Insecure About Your Security

, , , , , | Working | April 18, 2019

(I work as a contracted security guard at a university. My company’s posting is at one of the university’s newest acquisitions, a former corporate campus. Staff and faculty move in slowly over several months. This takes place one day while I am out on my rounds; I discover that a previously empty section is now occupied.)

Woman: “Excuse me, you can’t be up here.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Woman: “I said you’re not allowed to be up here. You have to go.”

(I gesture to the keys and radio on my belt.)

Me: “Ma’am, I am Security Officer [My Name] from the main gate-“

Woman: “Yeah, you’re contractors, right? So, you’re not supposed to be where we are.”

Me: “That’s not true. We can—“

Woman: “No, your place is at the gate. Not where we’re working.”

(A few of the other people in the department hear her and chime in that they agree.)

Me: “I see. Well, regardless of how you feel seeing us around, we’re allowed to be here.”

Woman: “But I said–“

Me: “Part of our duties requires us to go on patrol and check to make sure that not only is everything all right, but to help anyone who asks. That means that we have access everywhere and are allowed to go everywhere. That ensures that we can get to any emergency at any time. Also, contractors are not any less important than ‘real’ employees; we’re usually the first ones anyone calls.”

Woman: “You’re not Public Safety. You’re not real security.”

(I finally lose my patience.)

Me: “My $300 security guard license says otherwise.”

(I walked away, the woman still talking angrily. I notified my site supervisor, who pulled me off of rounds and went up to the new department herself. She experienced the exact same thing I did, and took down the names of every single person in that area. My supervisor then filed a harassment complaint with Public Safety, who made the ENTIRE department take a harassment and sensitivity course. You bet they were sunshine and rainbows the next time we saw them!)

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