Would’ve Been Quicker To Find It Yourself

, , , | Right | March 4, 2021

In a few departments of our store, there’s a button that customers can press if there are no employees present. It essentially pages an employee to that department over our walkies. I’m ringing out a customer in my department, two feet from the button and clearly visible. Another customer comes up and presses the button.

Me: “Sir, I can help you here in a minute.”

Customer: “Uh-huh.”

I continue helping my current customer. The new customer presses the button again.

Me: “Sir, I will help you in just a minute.”

Customer: “All right.”

He presses the button a third time. The message over the walkie is now saying that urgent help is needed. I move the button off the counter, out of his reach.

Customer: “I need help, though!”

Me: “Sir, I’ve already let you know that I can help you after I finish this transaction. Pressing the button won’t get you help any faster.”

Customer: “Why didn’t you tell me?!”

I finally finish with my first customer and go to help the needy one.

Me: “How can I help?”

Customer: “Where’s your bathroom?”

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His Expertise Is A Work Of Fiction

, , , | Right | March 3, 2021

I work at a large chain bookstore.

Customer: “Excuse me, I’m looking for the book Island.”

Me:Island by…?”

I’m silently thinking he’s a dumba** because there’re a million books with the word “island” in their titles.

Customer: “Aldous Huxley, obviously.”

He rolls his eyes. I just nod and smile and look for said book in our system.

Me: “Okay, we might have one copy. Give me one moment to look for it.”

I walk off to find it and the customer proceeds to follow me.

Customer: “Yeah, he’s an awesome sci-fi writer. One of the best. If you can just show me where that section is, I know I can find it faster than you.”

Me: “Oh, REALLY?

I fake looking impressed. The customer looks smug

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Okay.”

I walk over to general fiction and find the book and hand it to him.

Me: “Here you go.”

The customer looks shocked.

Customer: “Oh, it’s in fiction.”

Me: “Yeah.”

Customer: *Looking hurt* “It should be in sci-fi.”

Me: “Yeah, I mean what does [Bookstore Chain] know about books, anyway?”

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Show (Me The Way To Go) Home

, , , , , | Working | March 3, 2021

My wife and I are thinking of moving home. We spot a new build area in a good location, so we arrange a viewing of the show home. We get the tour. The size is great, and the layout and garden are, too, but the kitchen and bathrooms are decorated in a really dark and unpleasant colour.

Normally, if you buy new, you can choose all of this as it isn’t fitted yet. But the sales rep starts to push the show home.

Sales Rep: “You know, this plot is available. As you can see, it is ready to move in.”

Me: “Not really for us, thanks.”

Sales Rep: “Are you sure? It would be a few months until the others are ready, plus you would have to go through the whole long process of picking out tiles.”

Wife: “Actually, we quite like that bit.”

Me: “Could we have a moment to look around again?”

Sales Rep: “Sure. I will head back to the office.”

We chat and look around, and we both agree we like the house but hate the kitchen and bathrooms. We would be happier to wait and get something that works for us. We head back to the sales rep.

Sales Rep: “Hi, you two. Good news! I spoke to my manager and he has cleared a discount on the show home. It’s [a few hundred off]. What do you think? Shall I put your names down for a deposit?”

Me: “We have talked and would like to wait for the new builds.”

Sales Rep: “Are you sure? We get a lot of interest in that show home. You don’t want to miss out.”

Wife: “We are sure.”

Sales Rep: “Well, okay, then. I will add you to the contact list when they become available.”

We ended up buying one of the new homes when they became available, but not before being contacted three more times about that show home. It dropped very little in value and was one of the last properties to sell on the lot.

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“Ongoing Pain And Discomfort” AKA [Coworker]

, , , , , | Working | March 3, 2021

I had a minor car accident earlier this year. Despite the relatively low speed, it has left me with ongoing pain and discomfort. Unfortunately, some people can’t see past the end of their nose and they make ignorant assumptions.

Coworker: “What’s that thing?”

Me: “A back support. It attaches to my chair and just makes it more comfortable.”

Coworker: “Why do you need that?”

Me: “Someone rear-ended my car a few months ago. Still a bit sore.”

Coworker: “Pff, a young guy like you? You should be fine; just take an aspirin if you have to.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s a bit beyond that now. I’m going to see someone to take a look at it.”

Coworker: “Back in my day, we would just get on with things, not go to a doctor for every scrape.”

Me: “It’s not a scrape; I was hit by a car.”

Coworker: *Sarcastically* “Oh, well, I am sorry. Go see your doctor friend.”

It did make me smile when he had to take nearly a week off for a cold a few weeks back. I asked him why he didn’t just take an aspirin. He sulked about that and ignored me for ages.

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Yeah, But I Don’t See How That’s Any Of Your Business

, , , | Healthy | March 3, 2021

It’s the early 2000s and I’m eighteen. I have been taking birth control, but my period is late and my boyfriend and I are worried. I make an appointment with my general practitioner.

Now, regardless of my personal life choices, she should be professional, right?

Nope. The first thing she says when she walks in the room is:

Doctor: “Have you been a baaad girl?”

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