Someone Worth Talking About

, , , , , , , | Related | November 17, 2017

(A group of new students has just started jobs at my workplace. I mention this fact in conversation with my mother.)

Me: “A bunch of new students started today.”

Mom: “That’s nice. Was one of them called [Coworker]?”

Me: “Yeah. Why?”

Mom: “I think I work with his parents; they were talking about how their son was just starting his first job today, and I think they mentioned that he was at [My Workplace].”

Me: “I’ve yet to see any evidence that [Coworker] knows how to stop talking.”

Mom: *pause* “Oh, so, he takes after his mother, then.”

Gluten Out Of Ten For Ignorance

, , , , , , , | Working | November 17, 2017

(My local store sells a select few items that are gluten-free, which is a wonderful find for us. It’s very limited but we love the selection: frozen pizzas, breakfast sandwiches, chicken fingers, etc. I am shopping with family and I grab a whole bunch of breakfast sandwiches. I’m not really paying attention to the date on them.)

Sister’s Wife: “Those expired last April.”

Me: “What?!”

(I look and, sure enough, the expiration date is April of 2016.)

Me: “That can’t be right; maybe that is the manufacture date?”

(But nope, it is the expiration date. We calmly bring them to the register and tell the cashier they are expired, and here is where the fun begins.)

Cashier: “No, they expire this coming April.”

Me: “Uh, no, we are in 2017, not 2016.”

(She continues to assert that they don’t expire for another few months. Finally, I politely ask:)

Me: “Can you page a supervisor?”

(The manager comes and I explain the situation.)

Manager: “Oh, no… gluten-free just means the product doesn’t expire.”

(We gave up after that and literally laughed the entire way home.)

Sewing Your True Colors

, , , , , | Friendly | November 17, 2017

My friend wants to make her children Pokémon for Halloween, but she can only find one Halloween costume, so her son doesn’t have one. Since I sew my son’s costumes every year, I volunteer my time to make her son’s, as well. I find out what Pokémon she wants her son to be and start planning out the execution. I give her the task of getting the materials, with very specific instructions and dimensions needed, and tell her where to go for them.

A week later, my child has a rough night, resulting in me sleeping from 8:00 am to noon. I wake up to a single text message, sent at 9:30, asking to come with her to get the fabric at noon. Since it’s already noon, I quickly text her back, apologizing for the delay. She doesn’t respond immediately, so I check my Facebook. On her timeline she has posted, “Seriously reconsidering [Son]’s Halloween costume!” This irks me as, so far, I have been very communicative with her.

My friend says nothing more other than, “Are you still willing to make [Son]’s Halloween costume?” After a moment of consideration, I tell her no. If she is going to get snippy and passive-aggressive about not responding for two and a half hours, I dread to think how she would act through the actual sewing process.

Will Not Be Host To Your Charges

, , , , | Right | November 17, 2017

(I work at a bowling alley, hosting children’s birthday parties. The parents of this party have come up to pay, and are separating the party package into each part, rather than buying the full package.)

Cashier: “The total cost of your party, including the shoe hire, one game of bowling, five tokens per guest, and party host comes to [total].”

Mum: “What was that last part?”

Cashier: The party host, [My Name], is part of the package. They help organise the party, and part of each package goes towards their pay.”

Mum: *grumbles but pays, but later returns to her husband and explains the payment* “And we had to pay for the party host, too!”

Dad: “Why would we pay for her?”

(The kicker? A party host costs $10 out of a $200+ package. Parents, if you would like to take care of your kids for $10, please, be my guest.)

A Riot Of Color

, , , , | Right | November 16, 2017

(Within our copy store there are about twelve copy machines. Every machine prints in black and white, except one. Our only colour copier is right next to our office. On its cover, and on the wall right above it, there are two large warning labels to advise people about it, since colour copies are six times more expensive than black and white. One thing about our copy cards: first, you buy one for 2€ — 1€ for the card itself, 1€ for the credit, so six black and white copies or one colour one. Then you can add credit on it for a whole year.)

Customer: *holding a perfect copy* “Excuse me?”

Me: “Yes? Can I help you?”

Customer: “I just bought a card. I did just one copy, and now it says my credit isn’t enough.”

Me: *knowing where this is going, and pointing to the colour copier* “Did you use that specific machine?”

Customer: “Yes! But I don’t understand what’s the matter.”

Me: “This one is a colour copier. Copies are 0.92€ a piece when you use it.”

Customer: “Oh, no! I only wanted a black and white copy! I needed the text, without pictures! Well, now, I guess you have to refund me.”

Me: “I’m truly sorry, but we use only a card system. Hence, we don’t keep any money in our office, and anyway, we’re prohibited to do any kind of refunding.”

Customer: “Come on! Why not?”

Me: “This is a self-service. We can help you to do your copies, but if you don’t ask for our help, if the copier works fine — which it did — we can’t do anything at all, even if you mess your copy. I’m sorry!”

Customer: “But I’m asking for your help right now!”

Me: “I mean help before doing any copy.”

Customer: *angry* “But it’s false advertisement! You didn’t warn me about it!”

Me: “Actually, we did.”

Customer: *angrier* “Really? And how was I supposed to know that it was a colour copier?”

Me: “There are labels on it, and on the wall in front of you.”

Customer: *getting more and more angry* “Nobody f****** reads these posters!”

Me: *now bored out of my mind* “Yes, I think you’re right. And that’s the main issue there. We are in a library where nobody even bothers to read.”

(In a way, I guess being a smart-a** didn’t help me to keep that job more than four months.)

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