The Pizza Place Equivalent Of “Check The Back”

, , , , , | | Right | July 12, 2019

Me: “Thanks for calling [Pizza Shop]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was wondering what seafood toppings you have besides anchovies. I hate anchovies.”

Me: “Unfortunately, sir, anchovies are our only seafood topping.”


Me: “Uh… yes, sir, we only have the toppings listed on our website.”

Customer: “THAT’S BULLS***! What about the other menu that only the employees eat from?”

Me: “Sir, we all eat from the same menu that you do. There is no secret menu; I apologize. Would you like to order something from our actual menu?”

Customer: “NO! I just want seafood toppings from your other menu. Screw this. I’m buying a steak.” *click*

Coffee Can’t Help People Who Just Want To Hate The World

, , , | | Right | July 12, 2019

(While entirely uncommon, sometimes customers will ask for a specific barista when calling in on the phone, should they believe that employee remembers a specific event or has better knowledge. My manager tells me I have a phone call and I pick up the receiver.)

Me: “Hello? How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Finally! I was in your store earlier and you served me on the register, correct?”

(I remember him and confirm this.)

Customer: “I came in to relax and have some coffee, and instead I was rushed, barraged with questions, and entirely hurried. It was horrible! You need to stop being so abrasive and just let people enjoy their time!”

(I am bewildered, as I try to be brief, polite, and chipper, and I always ask questions to ensure the customer receives the drink they order. I apologize for rushing him, assuring that I meant no harm or offense.)

Customer: “You had better revise your attitude.”

Me: “Next time I’ll be sure to be less hurried. sir.”

Customer: “And just exactly how will you behave, properly, hmm? Repeat it back to me.”

(I felt belittled, on the verge of tears, and utterly defeated, and repeated back his suggestions of being less “idiotic and annoying.” Seemingly satisfied, he hung up.)

The Gift Receipt That Keeps On Giving, Part 2

, , , , | | Right | July 11, 2019

(I work in a chain store that sells children’s clothing. We have a very strict return policy, and deviating from it at all can result in a write-up. At least once a day we have a customer take issue with our policies.)

Customer: “This shirt is too small for my granddaughter, and I need to return it. She took the tag off but I have a gift receipt.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but without the tag, I have no way of scanning it to issue you a refund. The best I could do is swap it for the same shirt in another size, but unfortunately, we sold out of this one a few weeks ago.”

Customer: “I can’t return it? Well, what’s the point of the gift receipt?!”

Me: “Well, the gift receipt is also needed to return or exchange, to show how much was paid and to prove that it was purchased and not stolen. But we need the tag.”

Customer: “Well! I don’t know why you offered me a gift receipt; obviously, it’s useless! I’m never shopping here again and I’ll be canceling my credit card with your store, as well!”

(The customer stomps out, shouting obscenities at me on the way. Almost two months later, she comes back.)

Customer: “I talked to your corporate office!”

Me: “Oh?”

Customer: “They looked up my purchase on my credit card and emailed me the original receipt, so now you have to give me my refund!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, our refusal to issue you a refund had nothing to do with your receipt. If you recall, it was the lack of a tag. Did you bring in the tag for the shirt?”

Customer: “No! I don’t need it. This isn’t a gift receipt; it’s a regular one.”

(The customer shoves her phone into my hand and I look over the receipt.)

Me: “Again, ma’am, it wasn’t the receipt that was the issue. I cannot take this shirt back without the tag. Also, you’re now beyond our return policy by over a month so I wouldn’t be able to take it back, anyway.”

Customer: *red-faced, shouting* “What?! That is not right! I have my receipt! You need to give me my money back now! What am I supposed to do with this stupid shirt? I’m calling corporate back right. Now!

Me: “’Kay.”

(Corporate tells her the same thing I told her. She rants a little more about canceling her credit card, then spends another $200 on said credit card.)

Customer: “…and make sure I get a gift receipt, just in case my granddaughter pulls the tags off.”

The Gift Receipt That Keeps On Giving

Trying To Get A Foot In On That Sale

, , , , , | | Working | July 11, 2019

(My friend and I are returning from a food court in a shopping mall when we get caught by one of those very aggressive lotion and cosmetic kiosk salesmen. I am one of those people who can’t seem to ignore them if I hear they’re speaking to me.)

Creepy Salesman: “Try this lotion on your hands, ladies? It will make your skin irresistibly soft!”

Me: “No, thank you; I don’t like anyone touching my hands.”

(We both continue walking away from him.)

Creepy Salesman: *calling at us loudly over the crowd* “Well, how about your feet?!”

Grumpy Old Bag

, , , , , | | Right | July 11, 2019

(I usually work at the service desk at a grocery store that usually has baggers, but due to so many call-ins, we have none. I just finish bagging a customer’s groceries when I decide to hop on a register to help get the lines down. The first customer insists on bagging their own groceries. I reach the end of their order and the first customer is still bagging while his wife waits patiently for him to finish. I decide to help them out.)

Customer: “Do you understand English? I told you I want to bag my own groceries!”

(I stand there in silence for a few moments while the transaction finishes up and I hand them their receipt. I put on a polite smile as the wife is glaring at her husband, and I start to explain their savings and other deals.)

Me: “Your savings are [amount] and here are your coupons. Thank you for shopping at [Grocery Store] and I hope you have a good evening. And I apologize for the inconvenience of bagging your own groceries and me offering to help, sir. It’s part of my job to offer good customer service and to get people out as quickly and efficiently as possible. If you’d like to complain to my supervisor, he is at the service desk right over there.”

(I pointed to the service desk, but he quickly turned away and rushed out the door with his wife trailing behind.)


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