Jerry’s In Hiding

, , , , , | Right | September 24, 2020

I’m a receptionist at a day spa and salon. Answering phones is my main job. Here is a little lovely that I got.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Salon and Spa]; how may I help you?”

Caller: “REPRESENTATIVE!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “REP-RE-SENT-A-TIVE!”

Me: “Ma’am?”

Caller: “REPRESENTATIVE!”

Me: “MA’AM!”

Caller: “AUTOMOTIVE DEPARTMENT!”

Me: “MA’AM! This is a hair salon.”

Caller: “This isn’t Jerry’s Automotive?”

Me: “No.”

Caller: *Click*

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Wait Until She Hears Cardi B’s Newest Little Ditty

, , , , , , | Friendly | September 23, 2020

I’m a singer, “pro” by formation but it’s not my career, nor how I win my life. I’m also the owner of a duplex, occupying the first apartment and renting the second. Insonorization is pretty good, but it is a nice warm day and everyone has opened the windows. Also, because of the recent health crisis, my tenant lost her job, and school was canceled for her eight-year-old son, which causes them to be home when I don’t expect them to be.

As I often do, I start a playlist to sing for an hour or two for practice and fun. About thirty minutes in, there’s a knock on my door. It’s my tenant, looking rather angry.

She explains to me that her son heard me sing, and now he’s “asking questions.”

She states that and crosses her arms, looking at me with bulging eyes.

I don’t understand and ask what’s the problem, thinking that maybe I was too loud or that she had some hate against singing in general.

Tenant: “I don’t care if you sing, but what you sing! How dare you be howling obscenities like that in front of children?!”

Now it clicks: while I do opera and classical, I also do popular music. Some songs are in the “sexy” range, but it’s all stuff you could hear from any radio station without censorship.

Me: “Well, there are no children here in my apartment. So much for ‘in front of children.’ Second, it’s the first time I was made aware I was heard from your apartment and I have been renting for fifteen years at this point. Also, I sing what I want; I could drop F-bombs and you would still get no say with that choice. I guess you’re lucky that I elected not to. Otherwise, the lyrics are rather clean in themselves, and out of context it doesn’t mean much.”

Tenant: “But now my son is asking questions! What are you going to do about it?”

Me: “Me? Nothing, he’s all yours to educate.”

Tenant: “It’s all your fault! You deal with it!”

I think it’s pretty funny and I can’t help but smirk.

Me: “So, you want me, the landlady who’s ‘howling obscenities’ to teach your son about the birds and the bees, then answer and explain, in detail, all about what he just heard in the songs? Really?”

I think she changed her mind because she turned around and left without a word.

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That’s One Way To Maintain Social Distance!

, , , , , , , | Working | September 23, 2020

Due to the current health crisis, it is required that customers wear a face covering when entering any shop. I’ve just finished my shopping and am heading back to my car when I suddenly remember I need to buy a birthday card. I dash back to the local independent card shop, and seeing that there is only one other customer, I head straight inside, forgetting I have removed my mask.

Cashier: “Hey! You need to wear a mask!”

Me: “Oh! I’m so sorry!”

I go back outside, get my mask out, and pop it on, and I head back in.

Cashier: *Glaring at me* “You can’t just come in without a mask!”

Me: “I’m really sorry. I totally forgot. I was just—”

Cashier: “You have to wear one! It’s against the law if you don’t!”

Me: “I know. I’ve been wearing one all day. I’d just taken it off—”

Cashier: “We could call the police, you know! People think they’re above the law. You could infect people!”

Me: “Okay, look. I made a mistake and I apologised. I’m wearing a mask now. Can I shop here or not?”

Cashier: “Hmph. Made a mistake. Right. Are you one of those conspiracy theory people? I bet you’re against vaccines, too, aren’t you? You think the government’s lying and—”

I stare at her in complete disbelief as she starts to go on about anti-vaxxers and other weird conspiracies, and eventually, she realises that both I and the other customer are just standing there staring, and trails off.

Me: “Are you done?”

Cashier: “All I’m saying—”

Me: “No. I don’t care. I made a simple mistake, I’ve got my mask on now, you have stood there and spouted ridiculous accusations, and you’ve guaranteed I’ll never shop here again. Great customer service. Congratulations.”

The cashier stutters as I walk out.

Cashier: “But— Er— I didn’t— Um—”

The other customer dumps a handful of cards on the counter.

Customer: “You know what? I’d rather buy these somewhere else now.”

That customer walked out right behind me.

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Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 14

, , , , , | Right | September 23, 2020

I work for a pretty well-known, somewhat expensive athletic wear store. However, the location I work at is an outlet store, so the price is a lot cheaper for our clothes. A customer came in yesterday, and despite corporate policy, we held several items, all of which were clearance, for her because she was so polite.

Customer: *At the register* “Oh, I remember you. You helped me the other day. I told you I’d come back. Oh, and don’t forget my 10% discount.”

We give three 10% discounts. One is to military and civil service personnel and the second corresponds to a coupon book offered by the mall. We must actually verify these discounts by either checking ID or making sure they do in fact have the “VIP coupon book”. The third discount is tricky; it’s our “team discount”. You have to get at least ten of the same item in all different sizes, AND you must prove it’s for a team. Normally, the team manager calls and talks to our store manager, or even corporate at times, to verify for this particular discount.

Me: “Oh, sure. Are you military?”

Customer: “No, I am not, but I get 10% off.”

Me: “Well, I’d certainly love to give you your discount. Do you have your VIP coupon book with you?”

Customer: “Why would I have that? Just give me the 10% off. I come here almost every month and they always give me a discount for buying so much.”

Me: “Unfortunately, I’ve never seen you in the past two years I’ve worked here and—” *Jokingly* “—you really don’t have all that much here.”

She only has eighteen items, and since they are clearance, the total is a little over $250; really this isn’t all that much by our standards.

Customer: “No! You’re giving me a discount or I’m not buying it.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, they do check the cameras every now and then, and if I’m seen giving you a discount without checking to make sure you are owed it, I could get fired. Since I’d rather not lose my job, I’m sorry, but I can’t give you a discount.”

Customer: “But the managers do it all the time.”

Me: “Oh, really? Which ones?”

Customer: “Your store manager!”

Me: “Let me go grab her real quick, then, but I can tell you, she’s going to say the exact same thing that I’ve said.”

She ignores my offer to grab a manager.

Customer: “Come on. What will it take for you to give me a discount?”

Me: “Well, if you’re an AAA member, I can hold your items while you go get the coupon book, which would be free to you, so you can get the discount. However, if you don’t want to do that, we’re having a promotion for the month of October through the mall and I’ll give you 25% off one item since I have that book that someone left.”

I go ahead and do that discount on her highest-priced item, which was marked $24.97 on clearance. This item was originally $40.

Customer: “That’s not the same, and it won’t save me much.”

Me: “You’re right, but the way I figure it, a little savings is better than nothing. Plus, I did it on your most expensive item: this $25 tank top. that way you got the most savings from it.”

The customer blows up.

Customer: “THIS ISN’T $25; IT’S $15! I GRABBED IT FROM THE CLEARANCE RACK SO YOU MUST HAVE RUNG IT UP WRONG ON PURPOSE!”

I show her on the tag where it says $24.97 and somehow, at this point, I’m still keeping my cool.

Me: “Unfortunately, it is that price. Did you want me to take it off this transaction?”

Customer: “OF COURSE I DO!”

She picks up the tank top and throws it at me.

Customer: “Now, which item will you do the 25% off of now? Or will you finally give me the 10% like you should?”

Me: “None of them. I merely did it out of courtesy. Technically, I could still have gotten in trouble for discounting that item as it wasn’t your coupon book.”

She is now realizing I’m not falling for her pleas.

Customer: “Well, fine! I don’t want it.”

She shoves it all away from her, knocking several items off the counter.

Me: “All right, then. Have a great day and I hope to see you again soon.”

I say this to a lot of customers; it’s just a habit of mine. The customer whirls around.

Customer: “WHAT’S. YOUR. NAME?!”

I write down my name, my boss’s name, and my store number.

Me: “Here’s all the information you’ll need. Now please leave my store.”

Coworker: *Turns to me* “How’d you handle that without blowing up at the customer?”

Me: “Too many years of working retail and dealing with idiots.”

I went and told my store manager what happened; she just laughed and said, “I hope she does report you. I think it’d make the district manager laugh, too.”

Related:
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 13
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 12
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 11
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 10
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 8

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Has Some Serious Bag Baggage, Part 5

, , , , | Right | September 23, 2020

I’m in line waiting to buy a lottery ticket. The man ahead of me will be the next person at the register, but he’s huffing and puffing and loudly setting his two items down on the shelf next to him as he waits for the cashier to serve her current customer.

Customer: “Can you get another person on a register?”

The cashier calls for her coworker, who arrives promptly. The man moves to her. A few seconds later, it’s my turn at the first register, so I stop paying attention to everything else and pay for my ticket. I move off to near the exit to fold my ticket up into my wallet.

Cashier: “Excuse me, sir, bags are five cents each. That’s why I asked if you wanted any.”

I look up to see that the impatient man has moved to an empty cashier station and is struggling with a plastic bag.

Customer: “I’m not paying for a bag.”

Cashier: “Then don’t use one.”

Customer: “Cheapo. I’ll be sure never to come here again!”

The man walked off with his two items in his hands, leaving the bag off its hooks. I went to put it back, only to find a huge rip in it.

Related:
Has Some Serious Bag Baggage, Part 4
Has Some Serious Bag Baggage, Part 3
Has Some Serious Bag Baggage, Part 2
Has Some Serious Bag Baggage

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