Football Is Way More Important Than Food

, , , , , , | Working | September 16, 2020

I meet up with a friend after a busy day at work. We decide to grab a bite to eat and go to a pub just a couple of minutes away from my store. As we enter, there are signs advertising that a big football match is on tonight, starting in about an hour’s time. The pub is already full, except for the table directly beneath the (currently muted) big-screen television as you can’t really see the television from there. Neither of us is interested in football, and we are pretty sure we’ll be long gone before the match actually starts, so we take the table and place our orders.

After a while, our drinks have still not shown up. I’m quite thirsty after dealing with customers all day and eventually go to the bar to ask where the drinks are.

Barman: “I’ll bring them over.”

Another ten minutes go by and I have to chase them up again. The drinks finally arrive, but now we are waiting for our food. By this point, we have been there nearly an hour and suddenly, the television is unmuted as the buildup to the football match begins. As we are directly below it, all we can hear is the very loud audio from the television. We can’t hear each other speak.

I go to the bar.

Me: “Excuse me, but we have been waiting a long time for our food. Is it going to be ready soon?”

The barman is clearly annoyed that I am interrupting him watching the match.

Barman: “Yeah, sure.”

Minutes later, my friend’s meal arrives, but mine doesn’t. I tell my friend to begin eating and he has nearly finished by the time my meal arrives. I put a few chips into my mouth and they are cold! My meal was obviously left on the counter and forgotten about. I go to the bar once more and this time I ask for the manager.

Me: *To the manager* “Look, I really don’t want to complain. I work with the public myself—” *points at my work uniform* “—so I know what customers can be like, but we waited ages for our food and then my meal was cold. It’s inedible. I would like a new meal, please.”

The manager huffily says he will refund the entire order. After the refund has gone through…

Manager: “Do you still want your food?”

The temptation to just leave is great, but I have been waiting too long for this and as it is now free, why not?!

Me: “Yes, thank you.”

My new meal arrived, and it was warm, but by this point, the football match was at halftime and the fans in the pub were getting louder. Once I finished my meal, my friend and I left, and we haven’t returned. The pub itself closed a few months later.

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Sounds Like A Supervillain Origin Story

, , , , | Related | September 15, 2020

This story takes place when I’m maybe ten years old. My family is financially quite comfortable, especially my grandmother, who has come down from halfway up the country to visit. My brother and I have been taken by my mother, stepfather, and grandmother to a country pub, and when crossing the car park, I find a £5 note.

I am incredibly excited because we don’t get pocket money or the chance to get money for chores. Five pounds wasn’t much even about twenty-five years ago, but it is a big deal to me. In my excitement, I trustingly announce aloud what I have found.

Stepfather: *Demanding* “Hand over that fiver! I’ll hand it over at the bar.”

I’m initially reluctant.

Stepfather: “Whoever dropped it might really need it and it should be given back if possible.”

I understand this; after all, if it made me so happy to find it, so how sad must the person who lost it be? And how happy would they be to get it back? I’m sad not to keep it but hope it makes the owner happy.

My mother and grandmother claim a table outside while my stepfather goes inside to buy drinks and my brother and I go to check out the play area. When my stepfather comes back out with drinks, he announces, not intending for me to hear:

Stepfather: “This round is thanks to [My Name]!”

Looking back now, with the benefit of much greater awareness of what my parents were like and a lot less naivety, I would be shocked if it ever crossed his mind to hand it in at the bar. No, he saw that a child who had never had money of their own had found a little and decided it should be his, instead.

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Not So Hot On The Hotspot, Part 2

, , , , , | Friendly | September 5, 2020

Whist on annual leave during the summer holidays, we take the kids out to the countryside. It is a beautiful day and we decide to stop and have a few drinks and lunch in a pub.

While my seventeen-year-old daughter is very sociable and quite happy to sit in a pub garden enjoying the sunshine, my twelve-year-old son isn’t. He is autistic and actively avoids social situations, even with family, and hates to have his routine disrupted.

However, we have found that as long as he has access to his games through his phone or tablet he will stay relatively happy as he can zone out.

My wife, daughter, and I sit in a picnic-type pub while table my son plonks himself on a bench nearby and proceeds to play his games. We have been sat in the pub garden for an hour or so when a couple of women come into the garden with three children and sit themselves in the shade next to the pub. No biggie, as we are at the top (sunny) end of the garden.

After about twenty minutes, the mother of the three children approaches my son.

Woman: *Demanding tone* “Are you playing online? My son cannot access the pub Wi-Fi.”

The signal is poor in the garden area.

Son: *Nervously* “Yes.”

He holds up the mobile Wi-Fi device he is using.

Woman: “What’s that?”

I respond as my son is now showing signs of elevated anxiety.

Me: “It’s a mobile Wi-Fi device so he can play his games.”

Woman: “How do I connect to it? My son needs to play his games!”

Me: “I’m afraid you can’t. There is limited data on it and it is for my son’s use.”

Woman: “But my son can’t play his games.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that’s not my problem.”

Woman: “But why should your son be able to play his games and not my son?”

Daughter: “Because we brought a mobile device and you didn’t.”

Gotta love my daughter!

Me: “As I said, it’s for my son’s use and there is limited data on it. End of.”

The woman then stomps back to her table in a huff and we think nothing more of it. 

I have to point out that even if she had asked politely, I would have still said no as the range on the thing is pretty poor which meant her son would have had to sit near my son to use it. This would have only raised my son’s anxiety levels and he would not have been happy.

About ten minutes later, she shouts across the garden in a rather jubilant tone.

Woman: “Ha! I’ve managed to connect to your device!”

Me: “I doubt that, since you haven’t got the password.”

Woman: “I don’t need it; I have put my own in.”

I’m like, “Whatever; there’s no way she connected to it.” We carry on chatting for another hour before getting up to leave. As we pass her table, she demands to know.

Woman: “Why is your service provider charging me for data?”

Me: “They’re not; you were never connected to my device.”

Woman: “Yes, they are… look!”

She thrusts her phone in my face.

Me: “I’m not with [Provider]… but I assume you are?”

I do not stay any longer and am not prepared to “discuss” the situation with her.

Daughter: “She probably selected personal hotspot option, thinking it was our device, from her own device but there was not enough data available. When she entered her password it was to purchase additional data!”

Not So Hot On The Hotspot

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They Lost That Game

, , , | Right | August 26, 2020

I work at a ludopub, namely a place where you can play board games while also eating dinner. This fact is not very well-advertised, which leads to situations such as this story.

A middle-aged couple enters the ludopub as I’m busy reorganizing the boardgames’ shelves.

Man: “Excuse me, do you have a table for two?”

Owner: “Sure, right over there. What would you like to play?”

Woman: “We’d like [Classical Music Piece] if you don’t mind.”

Owner: “No, I mean, like, what board game?”

The couple stares at the owner in awkward silence for several seconds.

Me: “Are you sure you’re in the right place?”

Woman: “I mean… you did look like a pretty romantic restaurant.”

Man: “Told you to check on the Internet!” 

Woman: “C’mon, how could I have guessed? This kind of place is in ugly streets, not on the waterfront!”

Owner: “Well, we’d be happy to put music on for you and serve you, if you wish.”

The couple hurriedly left the place.

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Unfiltered Story #205763

, | Unfiltered | August 21, 2020

So I used to run a pub a few years ago, and I used to hear the same questions over and over again, so I came up with some standard replies:

Customer: (walks in and comes to the bar which is filled with beer taps): Do you sell beer?

Me: No, sorry, these pumps are full of water only

Customer: OK (Walks out)


Customer walks in, reads the daily special and sees me walking a meal out to someone: Do you serve food here?

Me: Nope, sorry, this is all plastic food for decoration only

Customer: OK then, can I get a pint of [Beer]

And finally, the best/funniest complaint I have ever received:

Customer: Can I get a glass of [Popular Fizzy Soft Drink]?

Me: Of course you can, would you like ice?

Customer: No thanks

Me: (Pours Drink): Here you go!

Customer: (takes sip) Are you being funny? This drink is too cold and too fizzy! Screw you! (Throws drink on the floor and walks out)

Me: What the… [popular fizzy drink] is supposed to be fizzy and cold…

Oh the life of a bar manager…