You Can Take The Girl Out Of Canada…

, , , , , , , | Romantic | June 9, 2020

My cousin learned to speak French at an early age and developed a great interest in French culture. In her mid-twenties, she moved to France, fell in love with a French man, and married him.

A couple of years later, the two of them came back to Canada to visit, and a few of us went to the pub. My cousin perked up visibly as soon as the first pint of beer arrived in front of her, and she was obviously distracted from the conversation by the hockey game on the TV in the corner. Her husband, meanwhile, began to wilt more and more until he was almost pouting. When my cousin looked around and noticed this, she leaned over and the two of them had a brief conversation in French. After this, he didn’t look happy exactly but more resigned than miserable. 

Later, I asked her, “Hey, what was all of that about?”

She shrugged. “Oh, you know, when you’re married to an immigrant, you’re always worried that they miss their home country and they’ll never feel like their adopted culture is really home,” she explained. “When he saw me having fun at the pub in that really Canadian way, it sort of poked him in the insecurity, that’s all.”

“Okay, but what did you say to him?”

“Oh, something like, ‘My darling, I love you, and I love France. I wouldn’t be there with you if I didn’t. But no matter how true that is, I was still born in Canada, and the day that I don’t also love hockey and beer is the day you can put me in the ground.'”

This story has been included in our June 2020 roundup as one of that month’s most memorable stories!

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Unfiltered Story #194493

, | Unfiltered | May 22, 2020

(I’m a customer in the pub, sitting there with a small group of people, having a chat and everything. Suddenly a guy walks to us.)

Stranger: *Nervous, anxious voice, on the brink of agression.* “‘scuse me, did you guys see someone at the slot machine?”

(There are two slot machines in the pub. There are always some people at them, but of course we didn’t pay attention to who had been standing there at all.)

We: “No.”

Stranger: *Moves along and starts asking the same question to other people.*

(Also I didn’t like his anxious tone. Within 5 minutes I saw him making angry, aggressive noises, while the biggest, strongest staff member of that night was restraining him. Eventually the guy was kicked out. I never found out why he wanted to know if someone had been at the slot machine.)

Didn’t Warm To The Alternative

, , , | Right | May 21, 2020

I am behind the bar at a small local pub. We have been asked to try and sell some of the more unusual spirits we have in stock to get rid of them. A customer comes in and asks for a Pimms. It is winter.

Me: “Sure, but we also have this great winter version of the same drink; would you like to try that instead?”

Customer: “Oh, sure, that looks really interesting. How is it served?”

I haven’t actually ever served this drink before, so I read the suggestion on the back of the bottle to her, which says to serve it warm with apple juice. She agrees, and I make the drink, having to go to the kitchen and figure out how the appliances work to warm the apple juice as our kitchen staff have left for the evening.

Me: “Here you go. Let me know what you think!”

Customer: *Taking a sip* “Ugh, it’s all warm! That’s not what I asked for at all! I just wanted a Pimms; you made me have this weird one! I want my money back.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, you said you wanted that one. I’m afraid I don’t have the authority to refund it just because you don’t like it. I can make you another drink if you like, though.”

Customer: “No, I want my money back! You made me get that drink! I never wanted it!”

Eventually, my manager came out and refunded her, and then gave her a normal Pimms on the house. I explained what happened, and luckily, he understood.

Later on, I tried the same drink myself and thought it tasted great.

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Unfiltered Story #194443

, , | Unfiltered | May 20, 2020

This story is entitled: The Crazy Liver Man.

We serve food at our bar, including an all-day breakfast. There is a big sign up on the bar describing what it is: 2 sausages, 2 hash browns, egg and beans or tomatoes with toast.

One afternoon a man comes to the bar:

Me: Hello there sir, how can I help you?

Man: I want an all day breakfast *points at sign* does it come with liver?

Me: No sorry, it comes with *reads sign*

Man: Breakfasts usually come with liver.

Me: Sorry we don’t serve liver.

Man: But they usually come with liver, as well as sausages *reads out rest on sign very slowly and appears to be getting angry*

Me: We don’t do liver here, sorry.

Man: It should come with liver, can you go and check?

Me: *realising there’s a line of customers forming* we’ve never done liver here. The Swan hotel might have it.

Man: This is disgusting, an all day breakfast should have liver on it. I’m shocked.

Me: Is there anything else you’d like?

Man: I suppose I’ll just have a bap then, but I guess you don’t have liver so I’ll just have ham.

We Really Hope These Are Not All The Same Customer

, , , , , | Right | May 13, 2020

I have been working in hospitality for twelve years and have stumbled across many hilarious and terrible customers in my time. The best ones ask the stupid questions, though.

Customer #1: “What’s the difference between the cold Guinness and regular Guinness?” 

Customer #2: “What’s in a Bailey’s Latte?”

Customer #3: “I’d like to order a pizza, please.”

Me: “We don’t sell pizzas here.”

Customer #3: “You do!”

The customer points to the menu where it says, “Panini.”

Customer #4: “Are there nuts in the pecan chocolate brownies?”

Customer #5: “I’d like a chicken tequila masala!”

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