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She Doesn’t Quite Appreciate Your Tune

, , , , , , | Right | November 17, 2022

I am a piano and organ salesman. Yes, I’ve heard all the jokes.

A lady comes into the store and proceeds to play (badly) every new piano we have.

Customer: *Loudly proclaiming* “None of these new pianos are any good! They’re all junk!”

Me: “Ma’am, these are Steinways, one of the world’s greatest pianos. I don’t see what the problem is.”

Customer: “My piano at home is much better; I can sing along with it. I can’t sing with these!”

I’m a bit perplexed. Can’t sing along with a new piano? Then, it hits me.

Me: “Ma’am, when’s the last time you had your piano tuned?”

Customer: “It’s never been tuned in all the years I’ve had it! It doesn’t need it!”

The piano had uniformly detuned over the years — not an unusual occurrence in our very dry climate — instead of certain strings detuning.

I offered to set her up with an appointment with our tuner, but she just said, “NO!” and stomped out of the store, complaining about how all our pianos were junk.

Doing It For The Ella It

, , , , | Right | November 17, 2022

I had a call with an elderly gentleman who had an issue with his satellite box that was easily resolved.

Customer: “Thank you for the help. You’ve been so nice to me.”

Me: “Glad I could help. Have a good day now!”

Customer: “Can I play some music for you?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “You’ve been so nice, and I want to do something nice in return. Can I play a song for you?”

Me: *Pauses* “Well, I suppose.”

He proceeded to put his phone down by his stereo and put on an Ella Fitzgerald song. He had no way of knowing, but she’s one of my favourite artists and I enjoyed every second of the song.

That call absolutely destroyed my average call time for the rest of the week. So worth it.

Never Joke With The Customers… Ever! The Musical

, , , | Right | November 1, 2022

An elderly couple approaches me.

Customer: “The music on the PA is too loud!”

I can’t even make out the song because it is playing so low. I shouldn’t, but I laugh, assuming it’s a joke. The man stands there just staring at me sternly.

Customer: “I’m not joking! Call your manager and tell them to turn it down! Our carts were literally bouncing off the ground when we were going down the meat aisle! Call your manager now!”

I would have been more than happy to bring my manager’s attention to his ridiculous excuse of a complaint had he behaved like a human being. As I am walking toward the microphone to make the announcement for the manager, the guy is insulting ME like I maliciously turned the music up to earthquake mode before he came in.

I cannot stress enough that I cannot even make out what song is playing.

I get on the system and say, as loudly as I possibly can:

Me: “CUSTOMER NEEDS ASSISTANCE UP FRONT, PLEASE!”

I know, I was mean… but revenge is sweet.

Related:
Never Joke With The Customers… Ever!, Part 3
Never Joke With The Customers… Ever!, Part 2
Never Joke With The Customers… Ever!

Unable To Rock & Roll With It

, , , , , , , | Right | October 10, 2022

I drive a taxi. One evening, I picked up three men who were all around thirty. They asked me to take them to a well-known gay bar in downtown Copenhagen.

They asked if they could listen to some music. My radio wasn’t working properly, so all I had was my own CD in the CD player. That day, I happened to be listening to Volbeat, which is a bit on the heavy side.

They complained that they don’t want to listen to heavy rock, so I turned it off again. A moment later, they wanted to listen to it anyway, so I turned on the music again. Two minutes later, they again decided that they didn’t want to listen to heavy rock. Again, I turned off the music. When they changed their mind yet again a minute or two later, I just ignored them, as we were only a few minutes from their destination.

When I didn’t turn on the music again at their request, one of them shouted “hate crime” several times. That he used such a term just because he didn’t get everything his own way actually shocked me.

To me, a term like that is not something you should use lightly.

Hold Up

, , , , , , , | Right | September 20, 2022

I am planning a birthday party for a client’s six-year-old daughter.

Client: “Oh, and [Daughter] loves Beyoncé!”

Me: “Haha, of course! We can get the DJ to play lots of Beyoncé.”

Client: “Can you try to get her for the day?”

Me: “Get… Beyoncé?”

Client: “Yes. Please check if she’s available.”

Me: “She won’t be available, ma’am.”

Client: “How can you know?! You haven’t checked yet! Call her!”