Throw In A Lil’ Humor

, , , , | Romantic | September 5, 2018

(My girlfriend and I are riding in the car when a mid-2000s era rap song comes on the radio, sung by a pair of famous rappers from the time.)

Girlfriend: “I wonder what happened to Lil’ Jon and Lil’ Wayne?”

Me: “They became Big Jon and Big Wayne, obviously.”

(She didn’t find it as funny as I did.)

I Listen To Classical Metal

, , , , | Working | August 2, 2018

(I’m a huge music nerd with a wide variety of interests, so I’ll play Beethoven, Metallica, Broadway, big band music, opera, etc., while listening to music. My coworker thinks I’m more conservative than that because she knows I have season tickets to the symphony. On this day, we’re standing in line to get food when a song I like comes on the loudspeaker. I start rapping along.)

Coworker: “[My Name], you know the words to this?!”

Me: “Yeah.”

Coworker: “That’s awesome! I didn’t think you’d listen to something like this.”

Me: “I’ve told you for months that I like more than Mozart.”

Coworker: “I guess you do.”

(I didn’t have the heart to tell her I learned it from “Pitch Perfect.”)

Telling This “Riff Raff” To “Ride On”

, , , , , , | Friendly | July 21, 2018

(My sister is grocery shopping when a man comes up to her. She’s wearing a shirt with an AC/DC logo.)

Man: “Hey, miss, are you wearing an AC/DC shirt?”

Sister: “Yes?”

Man: “Kids, using real music to look cool. Do you even listen to AC/DC?”

Sister: “Actually, I love classic rock. I think it’s because when I was a baby, my dad would give me my bottles while watching Headbangers Ball on MTV2.”

Man: *pauses* “Your father is a good man.”

What A Space Oddity

, , , , | Right | July 10, 2018

(In this charity shop, we have a CD player, but a fairly limited collection of decent CDs — those get sold, usually. One thing we have is a promotional David Bowie CD which was given away with a paper at some point. As a fan of David Bowie, I tend to put this on fairly regularly when I am in.)

Customer: *seemingly jokingly* “Why do you have this music on?”

Me: “It’s David Bowie!”

Customer: *still apparently jokingly* “Well, it’s going to drive customers away!”

Me: “Actually, I usually get people saying how they like that we chose to play this CD.”

Customer: “Well, it’s awful!”

(I chuckle and jokingly point at the door.)

Customer: *tone of voice suddenly very serious* “Well, if you’re going to be that rude, then I will leave.”

(Cue me and another volunteer frantically trying to explain we were joking as she left. Apparently, she wasn’t joking.)

Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Listen To This

, , , , , , | Related | June 19, 2018

(This takes place when I am about thirteen. My sister likes a band and talks about them a lot.)

Sister: “A band in the Midwest is playing tonight, wanna go?”

Me: “What band?”

Sister: “A band in the Midwest.”

Me: “What band?”

(This goes on longer than I’d like to admit, with me getting more and more frustrated that she won’t tell me the name of the band.)

Me: “What is the name of the band?”

Sister: “The band’s name is A Band in the Midwest!

Me: “Why the hell did they name their band A Band in the Midwest if they live in Florida?”

Sister: “Wait, you thought I was saying A Band in the Midwest? I was saying Abandon the Midwest.”

(I felt very stupid that in the months of hearing my sister talk about this band, I’d never realized what she’d really been saying. Every time she’d say Abandon the Midwest, I’d hear “a band in the Midwest” and wonder why she cared so much about some band in a different part of the country when she wouldn’t ever say their name!)

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