Telling This “Riff Raff” To “Ride On”

, , , , , , | Friendly | July 21, 2018

(My sister is grocery shopping when a man comes up to her. She’s wearing a shirt with an AC/DC logo.)

Man: “Hey, miss, are you wearing an AC/DC shirt?”

Sister: “Yes?”

Man: “Kids, using real music to look cool. Do you even listen to AC/DC?”

Sister: “Actually, I love classic rock. I think it’s because when I was a baby, my dad would give me my bottles while watching Headbangers Ball on MTV2.”

Man: *pauses* “Your father is a good man.”

What A Space Oddity

, , , , | Right | July 10, 2018

(In this charity shop, we have a CD player, but a fairly limited collection of decent CDs — those get sold, usually. One thing we have is a promotional David Bowie CD which was given away with a paper at some point. As a fan of David Bowie, I tend to put this on fairly regularly when I am in.)

Customer: *seemingly jokingly* “Why do you have this music on?”

Me: “It’s David Bowie!”

Customer: *still apparently jokingly* “Well, it’s going to drive customers away!”

Me: “Actually, I usually get people saying how they like that we chose to play this CD.”

Customer: “Well, it’s awful!”

(I chuckle and jokingly point at the door.)

Customer: *tone of voice suddenly very serious* “Well, if you’re going to be that rude, then I will leave.”

(Cue me and another volunteer frantically trying to explain we were joking as she left. Apparently, she wasn’t joking.)

Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Listen To This

, , , , , , | Related | June 19, 2018

(This takes place when I am about thirteen. My sister likes a band and talks about them a lot.)

Sister: “A band in the Midwest is playing tonight, wanna go?”

Me: “What band?”

Sister: “A band in the Midwest.”

Me: “What band?”

(This goes on longer than I’d like to admit, with me getting more and more frustrated that she won’t tell me the name of the band.)

Me: “What is the name of the band?”

Sister: “The band’s name is A Band in the Midwest!

Me: “Why the hell did they name their band A Band in the Midwest if they live in Florida?”

Sister: “Wait, you thought I was saying A Band in the Midwest? I was saying Abandon the Midwest.”

(I felt very stupid that in the months of hearing my sister talk about this band, I’d never realized what she’d really been saying. Every time she’d say Abandon the Midwest, I’d hear “a band in the Midwest” and wonder why she cared so much about some band in a different part of the country when she wouldn’t ever say their name!)

You’re A Dog, You Like Socks, And Paying Off Your Student Loans

, , , , | | Legal | June 3, 2018

(I am sitting at home, enjoying my day off when an out of state area code phone number calls my home phone. Upon answering, I am greeted with an automated greeting letting me know that this is “Amanda” and that my student loans are in danger of going into default even though they have been cleared for years now. Knowing it’s a scam, I pull up my music library on my cell phone and pick a song to play by the comedy metal band “Psychostick.” I press the number for a “representative” and wait for them to answer.)

Telescammer: *in obvious non-English accent* “Hello, this is [Bogus Student Loan Office]; my name is Mary. May I have your—”

Psychostick: “I’m a dog and I like socks! I like socks! I’m a dog! I’m a dog and I like socks! I like socks! I’m a dog! GIMME THAT SOCK! OM NOM NOM! GIMME THAT—”

Telescammer: *click*

(Haven’t heard from them since.)

Fame And Misfortune

, , , , , | Learning | May 10, 2018

(In my music class, the teacher has a very strong hate for smoking, mainly because singing as a career can be ruined because of smoking. One day, the teacher asks for famous singers who died because of their smoking.)

Me: “Nat King Cole.”

Teacher: “Who?”

Me: “Nat King Cole? The guy who sang The Christmas Song, Orange Colored Sky, Night Lights, and Love Me As Though There Were No Tomorrow?”

Teacher: “Never heard of him. Must’ve not been famous.”

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