In The Zombie Apocalypse They Will Let You Down And Desert You

, , , , , , , | Related | October 16, 2017

(I’m watching “The Walking Dead” with my mom when the main character takes a spill.)

Me: “So, if he tumbles over, does that make him a… Rick Roll?”

Mom: *turns and looks at me, deadpan* “I don’t know you.”

(A few minutes later, after a death fake-out where he ends up saving his lady friend:)

Me: “I guess he’s never gonna give her up? He certainly didn’t let her down!”

Mom: *sighs* “I wonder if it’s possible to un-birth one of your children…”

Don’t Be Left To Your Own Devices

, , , , , , , | Related | October 11, 2017

Teenage Son: “I’ve got the song ‘Pompeii’ stuck in my head.”

Me: “But if you close your eyes…”

(Long pause:)

Teenage Son: “Great, now I’ve got the video for the song stuck in my head!”

No One Knows The Top Notes

, , , , | Learning | September 19, 2017

(While in music class, we get off topic and begin discussing influential bands. To the surprise of no one, this turns into a conversation about the Beatles, arguably one of the most recognizable bands in history. However, it seems that one girl does not know who they are:)

Girl: “I have never heard of the Beatles…”

Teacher: “I have no idea how you have never even heard of their name. They recorded over 400 songs, so there has got to be a way you’ve heard at least one at some point in your life.”

Girl: “I don’t think so…”

Me: “Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, George Harrison, John Lennon? Any of those names at all sound familiar?”

Girl: “No…”

Student #1: “They wrote ‘Here Comes the Sun’ and ‘Come Together.’ Those are pretty recognizable songs.”

Girl: “Doesn’t sound familiar.”

Student #1: “You gotta be f***ing kidding me here.”

Student #2: “Wait! [Girl], you’ve seen Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, right?”

Girl: “Of course!”

Student #2: “You know that scene where Ferris gets on that parade float and sings that song ‘Twist and Shout’? That’s a song by the Beatles!”

Girl: “Oh… I thought that was actually Matthew Broderick singing that…”

Shaping Up To Be A Sour Note

, , , , , , | Right | September 15, 2017

(We are a corporate company that sells a lot of sheet music. I have only worked at this place for eight months. I am helping out with customer service calls, when a customer calls in asking me to explain something she sees on our website. I have been on the phone for the last ten minutes, trying to answer her questions.)

Customer: “So, the symbol doesn’t mean it has shaped notes?”

Me: “The symbol you are seeing only indicates that is a capella, not that is has shaped notes.”

Customer: “I know that is a capella, I just want to know if it has shaped notes. Can’t you hear? I’ll say it again… does the music have shaped notes?!”

Me: “[Customer], as far as I can tell, they are not shaped notes. There is no way for me to view the music, since it is an older piece. Is there a particular voicing you are looking for, so I can see if we have it in our store and can look at it for you?”

Customer: “I don’t care about the voicing, I just want to know if it is shaped-note. Is there a supervisor around I can talk to, since you apparently don’t know your product?”

Me: *tired of arguing with this customer* “Yes, hold on.” *I put her on hold, which she sighs at as I do, and ask my coworkers about it, and they tell me the same thing I’ve been telling her.* “Okay, they said that there is no way to tell if it is shaped-note if it does not specify it in the description.  Since it is not a common notation, they would have it in the description if it had shaped notes.”

Customer: “So, you’re saying it is not shaped-note? Are there any that are?”

Me: “As far as I can tell, we have none that are shaped-note for that specific piece. It might be in a collection book, but when I search for it, nothing comes up with that title.”

Customer: “Well, you are no help at all. You clearly should not be in the in music business if you don’t even know your own product that you sell! You have wasted my time. I hope you are happy.” *hangs up phone*

Me: *turning to my coworkers* “Well, apparently I have no idea what I’m doing in this business.”

Catching All The Classics

, , , , , | Hopeless | September 8, 2017

(A couple with a five- or six-year-old daughter is browsing in my bookstore. After checking out the children’s books for a bit, the girl comes up to my desk.)

Girl: “I like your music. It’s catchy.”

(This may have been the first time the Beethoven String Quartets were described as “catchy”, but you have great taste, little girl!)

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