Sometimes It’s Not About Content; It’s About Aesthetic

, , , , , | Romantic | March 29, 2020

(I’m going through a breakup-song phase. It has nothing to do with my feelings for my boyfriend; I just really like the songs. My boyfriend, apparently, does not approve. He only speaks Spanish, so he’ll often ask me to translate the songs I’m listening to in English. Keep in mind that these conversations are all in good humor.)

Boyfriend: “What’s that song about?”

Me: “Breakups.”

Boyfriend: *laughing* “[My Name]! You can’t listen to that!”

(Later:)

Boyfriend: “What are you listening to?”

Me: “It’s a song about how [Artist] is moving on from their breakup. It’s really goo–“

Boyfriend: “[My Name]! Why are you listening to this stuff?”

Me: *laughing* “It doesn’t have anything to do with you, I promise! I just really like [Artist]’s style!”

(Later that week:)

Boyfriend: “What’s that song about?”

Me: “Umm…”

Boyfriend: “[My Name]!”

Me: *laughing* “What?”

(Later:)

Boyfriend: *suspiciously* “What are you listening to now?”

Me: “Well, it’s about a guy who keeps having failed first dates, but he’s–“

Boyfriend: “Oh, for heaven’s sake! What is wrong with you?”

Me: “No, no! Wait! It’s about failed first dates, not relationships, and how [Artist] has decided to keep trying! He’s really looking for love! It’s a positive song, I promise!” *laughing* “And it’s not about breakups!”

Boyfriend: *pause* “Yeah, I still think that’s about breakups.”

Me: *facepalm*

(Luckily, I was nearing the end of my breakup-song phase!)

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WE WILL NEVER SLEEEEEP

, , , , , | Related | March 19, 2020

(My little sister has a sleepover birthday party. We use an Echo Dot to play music for the party. It’s quite early the morning after and all of them stayed up until four in the morning before finally the last one passed out.)

Mom: “Can you go down to the basement and wake them all up for breakfast, please?”

Me: “Oh, sure.”

(I walk downstairs where all of them except for one are still asleep and I walk over to the Echo Dot still sitting on the table. The volume is still up quite loud from last night.)

Me: “Alexa, play ‘Diamonds Aren’t Forever’ by Bring Me the Horizon.”

Alexa: “Got it! Playing ‘Diamonds Aren’t Forever’ by Bring Me the Horizon.”

(I got yelled at by my mom, but it admittedly woke them all up pretty fast.)

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We Can’t All Be Michael Bublé, Kid

, , , , , , | Related | March 6, 2020

(I’m on a train that will take me to Central London. Close to me, there is a woman with a child, perhaps two or three years old. The kid starts singing.)

Mum: “[Kid], quiet.”

Kid: *keeps singing* “Naa na na, la la la…”

Mum: “[Kid]…”

Kid: *sings louder* “La la laaaa, na na naaaa…”

Mum: “[Kid], are you singing?”

Kid: “Yes, Mommy.”

Mum: *compassionate* “And what did I tell you about your singing?”

Kid: “That it’s s***, Mummy.”

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Wait Until She Discovers The Beatles!

, , | Right | March 1, 2020

The county fair is currently going on, and a band popular in the 60s and 70s is playing tonight. I am delivering medicine to a customer.

Customer:
“Are you going to the fair tonight? I know a lot of people are going tonight. Hey, what are [Band]?

Me:
“They’re a band that was popular in the 70s, I think. Have you ever heard [lists off their most popular songs]?”

Customer:
“Yeah, I guess. I didn’t know it was their song, though. I’m too old to keep up with that stuff!”

I thanked her and left, trying not to laugh at the fact that the band had formed in the early sixties, before my parents were even born, and I knew who they were. She had to have been about in her thirties at the time they were popular. But hey, maybe thirty is the new sixty for her!

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Carefully Orchestrated Musical Mayhem

, , , , , | Learning | February 28, 2020

I am in band in tenth grade and at one of our school concerts, right at the last song of the set, one of the students comes up to the band teacher. She is one of our percussionists, but she broke an arm and can’t play.

Student #1:
“Mrs. [Teacher], there’s a call for you in the office.”

Teacher:
“Why are you telling me this? It can wait.”

Student #1:
“Mr. [Principal] said you couldn’t come to the phone, but they said it’s about your daughter.”

The teacher apologizes profusely to the audience and steps down to go into the school and take the call, which leaves several parents very upset. After about thirty seconds of waiting around and people grumbling angrily, someone speaks up.

Student #2:
“I don’t want to have to be here any longer than I need to! Come on!”

The first student stepped up, picked up the teacher’s baton, and conducted us through the last song of the night. But, instead of sitting around professionally, we were goofing off. If we weren’t playing, we were throwing things at each other, such as paper or erasers we had laying around. I even got into a “sword fight” with the other girl on marimba with our mallets. It generated a lot of laughs from the parents. We got through the song, and the first student set the baton back down and went to sit down about ten seconds before the teacher came back to explain to the audience what had happened.

Everything about it was rehearsed, from the “phone call” to the goofing off.

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