Steamrolling Past Any Logical Explanation

, , , , , | Right | January 8, 2018

(While working at a popular book and music retailer, I meet a customer who is looking for a particular Christmas CD.)

Customer: “Do you have the latest Manchester Stovepipe CD?”

Me:Manchester Stovepipe?”

Customer: “Yeah, they’re like a modern orchestral group.”

Me: “Do you mean Mannheim Steamroller?”

Customer: “Yeah! That’s it… but how’d you figure out Mannheim Steamroller from Manchester Stovepipe?”

Me: “I want to know how you got to Manchester Stovepipe from Mannheim Steamroller!”

Customer: “Good question.”

Me: “Right this way.”

Oh No(el)

, , , , , , | Learning | January 7, 2018

Administrator: “It was just wonderful! The French class was singing Feliz Navidad in French!”

This Song Blows

, , , , | Related | January 5, 2018

(I am a fan of a couple of Korean girl groups, BLACKPINK and Red Velvet. I am in my room listening to a song by the former while doing homework, when my younger brother enters and flops on the floor.)

Brother: “I’m booorrrrred. What are you listening to?”

Me: “BLACKPINK.”

Brother: “What song?”

Me:Whistle.”

Brother: “Play it for me.”

(Because I know it’ll shut him up and make him leave, I restart the song and play it out loud. The start of the song goes, “Make ‘em whistle like a missile, bomb, bomb.” My brother laughs originally, but then when they start singing in Korean he looks confused.)

Brother: “What language is that?”

Me: “Korean. They’re a Korean group.”

Brother:Korean? And they sing about bombs?!”

Me: “The song is actually a complex story about two people, and this girl is trying desperately to start a relationship with the other person. She encourages them to call out to her, to communicate, but the idea of whistling is also supposed to convey a heartbeat. The girl doesn’t want this person to go, and is expressing a desire for a lasting relationship.”

Brother: “…”

(He then listened to the rest of the song and left the room.)

Fuuuuuuuudge For Dessert!

, , , , , | Working | January 2, 2018

Years ago I worked at a summer camp run by the church. One of the rules was that all music played by the staff had to be kid-friendly, which made sense. However, the kitchen staff were let off a bit, as they usually worked when the kids were out doing activities. This particular kitchen staff had two playlists: a non-kid-friendly one for prepping meals, and a kid-friendly one for mealtime. It’s important to note that you could see and hear into the kitchen from the dining hall.

One night, while the kids were still in the dining hall, one of the kitchen staff turned on the stereo and walked away to start cleanup duties. However he didn’t realize that the non-kid-friendly playlist was still cued up from earlier. I was in the kitchen asking someone a question, when suddenly I heard loud drums, electric guitar, and a growling heavy metal voice start to scream: “FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU– “

Immediately, the staff member who turned on the stereo dove across the room and unplugged the system to kill the music. The rest of us just stared at him in shock and then started to laugh hysterically. Fortunately, the camp director wasn’t around to hear the “F-bomb” near-miss, but for the rest of the summer, the kitchen staff were very careful to check the playlist before turning on any music!

Must Taste Sacrilicious

, , , , | Working | December 26, 2017

(It is the week before Christmas, so nearly every business is playing Christmas carols, including the cafe that I’m in. Apart from me, the only other people in there are the two workers behind the counter.)

Carol: “…holy infant so tender and mild.”

Worker #1: *mumbling to herself, but still loud enough for me and the other worker to hear* “Just like a chicken wing.”

Me & Worker #2: *glance at each other in total silence, then both lose it*

Worker #1: *looking between the two of us* “What?”

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