When Public House Isn’t As Public As You’d Like

I work in a pub connected to a small, cosy hotel/inn. My coworkers are round the back cleaning tables outside, and I’m wiping down the counter and cleaning a couple of beer glasses.

It’s empty as we close earlier than normal pubs because ours doubles as a hotel. The “Closed” sign is on the door.

Suddenly, a lady waltzes in with her entire family with a huge grin on her face.

Customer: “A table! Get me a table so that my family can eat!”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that as we are closing.”

I gesture around the empty and dark space to point out the obvious.

Customer: “What?! That’s stupid! It’s not even 10:00 pm yet!”

Me: “The pub doubles as a hotel, so we can’t stay open too late.”

Customer: *Starting a bit of an angry rampage* “I’m not coming here again! It’s ridiculous that you close so early!”

She has two daughters with her who look around my age (sixteen), and the looks of embarrassment and sympathy they give each other and then me are the most memorable parts of the encounter. One of them mouths, “Sorry.” At first, I think she’s mouthing it for what her mum has said, but no, it’s for what is coming next.

Customer: “So, what are you going to do for me?”

Me: “Do… for you?”

Customer: “Yes, do for me! I’m a customer in your establishment, and I need service. You’re refusing me service, and that is unacceptable, so I require some form of compensation. What are you going to do for me?”

Me: “The next town over has a twenty-four-hour service station on the way. I can give you directions?”

Customer: “Are you being pissy with me?”

Me: “I’m doing something for you. I’m giving you directions to where you can get some food.”

Customer: “You just want to get rid of us!”

Me: “Well… yeah.”

Customer: “I knew it!”

Me: “The ‘Closed’ sign on the door didn’t make it obvious?”

Customer: “I’m going to complain about this place on Google!”

Me: “That we don’t cater to late-night loud customers so as not to annoy our paying guests? Sounds like free advertising to me.”

She harrumphed and stormed out with her still-mortified-looking daughters. I hope she wrote that review.