(Lately, my store manager has been trying to get involved with everything within the store. Unfortunately, he seems to be overwhelmed and often forgets having conversations. He then blames the associate and acts as if he had nothing to do with the issue at hand. I am home on a Tuesday morning when he calls.)

Me: “Hello?”

Manager: “Hello, [My Name]? [Store Manager] here. How are you today?

Me: “I’m pretty good. How are you?”

Manager: “Excellent, excellent. Listen. I have an, uh, event here from corporate. They want you to run a puppy orientation next Sunday at 10:00 am.”

Me: “Oh. But I have a class then.”

Manager: “Yeah, I saw. What do you think we should do?”

Me: “Is the event mandatory?”

Manager: “Yeah, looks that way.”

Me: “Can I do it another time the same day?”

Manager: “Oh, that might work. How about… Well, I don’t know your schedule.”

Me: “I should have 2:00 pm free. I can do it then.”

Manager: “Great! I’ll start making flyers.” *hangs up*

(The day of the event comes and my manager pulls me aside.)

Manager: “So, what are you doing today?”

Me: “Well, I have my normal classes, plus the puppy orientation at two.”

Manager: “Ten.”

Me: “Uh, I have a class at ten, so we agreed to move the puppy thing to two.”

Manager: “You can’t rearrange a corporate event.”

Me: “You called me and said—“

Manager: “I never called you.”

Me: *confused* “Yes, you did… You called on Tuesday.” *pulls up my phone call log and shows him*

Manager: “No, [My Name], I didn’t. You’re going to have to call your people and tell them why you’re cancelling their class at the last moment.” *continues talking as he is walking away* “Hopefully this won’t reflect poorly on the company. You really should have thought this through…”

(I didn’t call my students and it all turned out fine. The puppy orientation people showed up at 2:00 with the manager’s flyers in hand. He still denies having any involvement and insists it was all me.)

(There is a product advertised on TV that promises its user the ability to listen to their TV as loud as they want without disturbing other people in the room via a special pair of wireless headphones. All someone has to do is plug in the receiver to the audio ports on their TV, sync the receiver and the headphones, and voila. Of course, we all know that it’s never as easy as they advertise in the commercials. Unfortunately, the store where I work has sold many units of this product and nearly all are returned because the customers can’t get the headphones and the receiver to properly sync. Most people are mildly upset that they can’t get the device to work, but realize that the product is worth less than the plastic it is made of and ask for their money back. But this one guy just takes the cake.)

Customer: *places the device on the counter in front of me* “I can’t get this to work on my TV.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. If you have your receipt with you, I’d be happy to do the return.”

Customer: “No. Weren’t you listening? I didn’t ask for a refund, now did I? What I said was that I couldn’t get this to work on my TV. Tell me how to make it work.”

(Our store specializes in the sale of bedding, bathroom, and kitchen products, not electronics. None of the employees have any specialized knowledge of home audio setups or TVs.)

Me: *sighing internally, as I’ve given this spiel a hundred times already* “I’m sorry, sir, but if you’ve already followed the instructions in the manual that came with this product and the headphones and receiver still aren’t syncing up properly, I’m afraid there is no other suggestion that I can offer you that’ll make it work. I know that there is a 1-800 number listed on the backside of the manual you can call, but I do not know if they are offering tech support beyond the original instructions. I’d still be happy to do the refund for you if you’d like.”

Customer: “I don’t want no d*** refund and I ain’t calling no 1-800 number where they’ll just transfer me to some call center run by a group of [slurs]. I want you to make this work on my TV.”

(He and I keep going back and forth on the issue, with him refusing the refund and me unable to help him. I bring over my manager and explain the situation to her, and she tells the customer the exact same thing I did. Finally, the customer just snaps. He starts yelling and calling me and my manager names. He makes ludicrous demands, such as a significant discount off his next purchase or having [Store] pay for a technician to come out and install the device for him. It gets so bad that people around us have paused and started listening to his tantrum. This occurs after both my manager and I have said no to all of his demands.)

Customer: “Now listen here: I want you two to call an actual manager up here this time. A real man-ager. Get it? That way he can tell me what to do and I won’t have to listen to you two squawk and squabble with me anymore.”

Manager: “Sir, I am the manager on duty now and I will not permit you to speak like that to anyone here. You have one of three options. One, you can take your item here, leave, and come back when you’ve learned some manners. Two, you can provide [My Name] with your receipt, we will refund you your money, and you can be on your way. Or three, you can take your item, leave, and see what information you can find that we haven’t been able to ourselves. Maybe try asking someone at [Popular Electronics Store] next door and see if they have any suggestions.”

Customer: “Well, who do you think I bought this from originally?”

Manager: *frozen in place* “Excuse me? Did you just say that didn’t even buy this from us?”

Customer: “Yeah?”

Manager: “So, you have been nothing but rude and disrespectful towards me and [My Name]… over this product that you didn’t even purchase from us in the first place?”

Customer: “Well, the people over there only hire children who don’t know anything. Even the manager didn’t even know what he was talking about. I was walking back to my car when I saw in the window that you guys sold this, too, so I figured I’d come in and ask for your help.”

Manager: *completely deadpan* “Sir… just go.”

Customer: “But–“

Manager: “Just… go.”

(Finally, the customer left, muttering about poor customer service and everything. All the while, most of us, employees and customers, were just standing there in awe of what had just transpired. I just felt sorry for whoever had to deal with him next.)

(I work at a movie theater where I am a “Team Leader,” which means that I’m not quite a manager, but I’m in charge of the ushers. I still do basic jobs, but I help organize the other ushers, and I am empowered to help with more difficult customers. Currently, I’m manning the ticket stand.)

Coworker: “Hey. I’ve gotten some people complaining about somebody talking on the phone in theater four.”

Me: “I’ll take care of it. Man the tickets for me.”

(I grab my air-traffic-control-esque light to both let me see in the theater and to give me a level of authority. As I head to the theater, I’m stopped by an upset customer.)

Customer: “There’s a woman in the theater who will not stop talking on her phone, and yells at anybody who asks her to stop.”

Me: “I’m really sorry. I’m on my way to take care of it.”

(The customer follows me back to the theater. I’m stopped by another customer at the actual doors to the theater with the same complaint. I apologize to them, too, and head into the theater. The woman is easy to spot. She’s talking loudly, and her face is lit up by her phone’s light. As I approach her, everybody in the theater is watching me.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m going to need you to—“

Woman On Phone: “Fine!” *snaps her phone closed* “I was finished with the call, anyway! Everybody is being very rude!”

(Only time I’ve gotten a standing ovation from a movie theater crowd.)

(When my dad goes to get his PhD in Organic Chemistry, he originally applies to [University #1] but is rejected. He is disappointed, but he does get accepted to [University #2]. One of his professors has taken him around to a few different universities to talk about an experiment he helped with. Later, the professor is walking down a hallway with one of the people in charge of admissions for the chemistry department of [University #1].)

Admissions: “Wow! That guy was really good. You are lucky to have him. I wish we had someone like that in our program.”

(They continue in this manner for a while.)

Dad’s Professor: “You turned him down.”

Admissions: “…”

(I am working at the cash register. An older lady comes up to make a purchase. She’s mad about everything. She’s mad that one of my supervisors tried to help her choose the fastest check lane and mad that I have to look one of her items up because it won’t scan, and when we finish the transaction, she’s mad that I can’t hold onto her paid merchandise while she goes to the bathroom. I am sorting items to be put back on the sales floor when she returns to my register.)

Customer: *pounding on my countertop* “Hey. Hey! Over here! Sheesh! This mattress pad I bought. I need two of them.”

Me: *dropping my task and smiling at her* “Okay, I can see if we can have another one brought up for you.”

Customer: “No, you only had one back there. I need two. I need you to order them so I can buy one tomorrow.”

(I call my supervisor over so we can radio the back room and see if there are any hiding in there. The lady is right; she really had gotten the last one in the store. Worse, it turns out we aren’t expecting any in shipment within the next week.)

Supervisor: “We can order one for you online and have it shipped to the store so you can pick it up in a couple of days. You’d pay for it now and all you have to do is pick it up when we email you.”

Customer: *snapped* “No, that won’t work. I’ll just go somewhere else. I don’t want one ordered. I need to have it in hand to know what I’m getting.”

Supervisor: “It will be the exact same as the one you just bought. We’ll just order one special for you.”

Customer: *yelling* “I don’t want you to order me one! I want you to order them in for the store so I can come tomorrow and pick it off the shelf and buy it! Forget it!”

Me: *calling as she storms out* “Have a nice day!”