(I work in the deli. A coworker of mine from the customer service desk delivers packaging of a returned rotisserie chicken. I notice it has a sticker on it indicating that the item was marked down to half-price when it was purchased. When I look at the receipt, I notice something wrong.)

Me: “Uh, [Coworker]?”

Coworker: “Yeah?”

Me: “I see that this chicken was marked down to half-price, but looking at this receipt, it shows that the customer was refunded the full price.”

Coworker: “Yep… My boss told me to just give them the full refund, anyway.”

Me: “The reason it was returned was because the chicken was ‘a little dry,’ meaning the customer ate it. We actually paid the customer to eat our chicken?”

Coworker: “Lovely, isn’t it?”

Me: *long pause* “That’s it! I’m quitting and starting my career eating half-price chicken, effective immediately!”

(I am a cashier. At our store, we have a recycling machine that you can put old bottles into. Then, you either press a green button with dollar sign on it, which gives you a receipt with a barcode that can be exchanged for cash, or you can press the yellow button that says “WSPA” on it TWICE, which gives the money to charity and gives you a receipt with the total and the WSPA logo. An old lady comes into the store, shops for a lot of items, and after I’m done scanning them in, she gives me the WSPA receipt.)

Me: “Should I throw this out for you?”

Customer: “No, I want the money from the bottles.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you donated the money to WSPA and I cannot give you your money.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t care; I want the money.”

(I call my manager. The old lady pays for her groceries, and afterwards follows my manager over to the machine where she shows the old lady that she had pressed the wrong button twice. They come back afterwards.)

Customer: *very irritated and angry* “I don’t care if I pressed wrong; you are ruining me for $0.90 (6 DKK). I want my money back for the things I have bought, AND I’M NEVER GOING TO SHOP HERE AGAIN!”

(So, with seven people in line, I had to return all her groceries for a total of $45 and watch her storm off afterwards as a couple of other customers giggled.)

(It’s my first year at university and I am still getting used to the new buses I have to take. The bus app is malfunctioning, so I have to remember my bus times from memory. I get on one bus and ask the driver a question.)

Me: “Does this bus go to [Intersection]?”

Bus Driver: “I only follow the GPS.”

Me: “I know, but it should be a stop. I just want to make sure I’m on the right bus.”

Bus Driver: “I just follow the GPS. I don’t know.”

Me: “Really?”

Bus Driver: “I just follow the GPS.”

(Since I was 90% sure I was on the right bus, I stayed on, and I was right, but what bus driver doesn’t know intersections?)

Related:
GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity, Part 4
GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity, Part 3
GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity, Part 2

Me: “Hello, sir. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these pants.”

Me: “Sure, can I see your receipt?”

Customer: “I don’t have one.”

Me: “Well, since these are [Jeans], which is a national brand, I can’t accept the return.”

Customer: “Can I speak with a manager?”

Me: *internal sigh* “Sure.”

(As I’m about to reach for the phone to page for a manager, I notice ANOTHER store’s tag on the pants.)

Me: “Sir, did you buy these at another store?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: *pause* “Then you need to go to that store.”

Customer: “But they wouldn’t accept it and you guys carry the brand so I thought you would.”

Me: “No, we can’t accept the return nor give you store credit.”

Customer: “WELL, FINE!” *storms off*

Related:
Returner Burner, Part 7
Returner Burner, Part 6
Returner Burner, Part 5

(I am a front desk agent at a local resort. The road going up to the resort is under construction during the late morning all week to widen the road. A guest comes in to check in.)

Me: “Hello there!” *starts going through the information about resort and the road closures*

Guest: “That won’t work. I have tee times then.”

Me: “Well, you could go out earlier and have breakfast in town, or you could drive around it will just take you another hour.”

Guest: “No, that won’t work.”

Me: “Well, I can’t change it, unfortunately; it’s controlled at the government level.”

Guest: “You should have called me.”

(Keep in mind, we have thousands of guests that come in, and not all the reservation information has a phone number.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t always have contact information for each guest.”

Guest: “Then you should have contacted [Travel Agency] to find out.”

Me: “We unfortunately don’t have the manpower to call and find every guest to let them know about the road closures. I’m sorry. It is on our website, though.”

Guest: “I just don’t know why you couldn’t have called to let me know.”

(I realize that this the whole conversation has been a waste of everybody’s time. I pick up the keys and hand them to the guest, smiling.)

Me: “Okay, well, enjoy your stay!”