Airport Closed Due To Rogue Helicopter Moms

, , , , , | | Related | July 11, 2019

(I am about to start a semester abroad, my first real experience living abroad which I am, admittedly, nervous for. My mother and I have woken up at about three in the morning in order to make the four-hour trip to the airport. I have a bad habit of not worrying about things and assuming I can figure it out if things go south. My mother is the exact opposite and worries endlessly. This happens about two hours into the trip.)

Mum: “Oh! Did you bring your passport?”

Me: “Yes, of course, I did.” *still checks*

Mum: “Just checking.”

Me: “Can’t catch the plane if I didn’t, anyway.”

(A little later.)

Mum: “Are you sure you’ve got your accommodation sorted?”

Me: “I better f****** hope so; otherwise, I’m just going to have to figure something out.”

Mum: “Wait, so you do have it sorted?”

Me: “Yeah, Mum. Please, can you chill out? I’m nervous, too, but you’re not helping.”

(A little while later:)

Mum: “Do you have your boarding pass?”

Me: “It’d be too late to do anything if I didn’t, so I don’t know why you are asking. Yes. Yes, I do, can you stop? You’re freaking me out.”

Mum: “All right, sorry…”

(After four and a half hours, we are nearing the airport.)

Mum: “Are you sure your passport is in date?”

Me: “Why would you ask me that?! Why would it even occur to you to ask me that?! No! No, I am not sure! I was sure, but now I’m not! And even if it wasn’t, what could we possibly do at this point to fix the problem? All that question has done has made this more stressful than it needs to be!”

Mum: *starts laughing* “Because I’m crazy! I’m sorry!”

Me: “Don’t be sorry. Shut up! And before you ask, no, I have not checked if the airport has an infestation of airport alligators, and even if they do, we’re here now, so I’m just gonna have to deal with it!”

(We laughed until we got to the terminal, and my mum told the rest of my family when she got home. Now “Airport Alligators” is a family joke for unnecessary stress.)

Be Happy That You Gave Her Something To Be Unhappy About

, , , , , | | Friendly | July 11, 2019

For various reasons, I prefer to park in the back of parking lots, even when it’s not very crowded. One day, after leaving the grocery store, I got into my car, turned on the AC, and took a moment to check my phone. A minute later, I heard honking and looked up to see a pissed-off woman gesticulating at me and mouthing, “MOVE!”

So, I shrugged, put the phone down, pulled out, and drove off past dozens of empty spots closer to the store while the lady took my old spot. Some people aren’t happy unless they’re unhappy, I guess.

That’s Not How Lounges Work; That’s Not How Any Of Them Work

, , , , | | Right | July 10, 2019

(I work for a widely-known credit card company. One of our cards is partnered with an airline. The card benefits include getting two free lounge tickets to access the club each year. However, if you do close the account permanently, the benefits on the card are no longer available to you. This customer doesn’t seem to realize this.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Company]. My name is [My Name]; may I have your name?”

(The customer gives me her name.)

Me: “Thank you, ma’am. How can I help you?”

Customer: “My lounge passes aren’t working.”

(I look up immediately at the top right of my screen where it shows the status of the account. It shows, “Account closed by [Card Member].” I think I am crazy, but I have to bring this up.)

Me: “I’m sorry the passes aren’t working, but I apologize. This account was closed out last week by you.”

Customer: “I know I did.”

(There is a long awkward silence, and I think she is going to say something else but she doesn’t.)

Me: “So… does that answer your question?”

Customer: “No, because my passes aren’t working. I have a six-hour layover and I need to get into the club.”

Me: “Again, I apologize. But you closed this account; that means the benefits are no longer accessible for you.”

Customer: “That doesn’t make sense. I’ve been a customer with you since the 90s, and you can’t just turn on my passes so I can go in?”

(At this point, I’m frustrated and slightly dumbfounded by how dumb this lady is.)

Me: “Ma’am, when you have an account with this card, the benefits are yours to you as often as you want. That’s why people pay this annual fee for it. However, if you cancel our services and stop paying the annual fee, the benefits are not available to you any longer.”

Customer: “I think that’s just poor customer service.”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, but the rules are the same with every business. We make money off of people using our cards.”

Customer: “Whatever, I hate you guys anyway. Will never use your sh**ty business again.”

(Before I could ask if there was anything else, she hung up. Thank God, too, because if I hung up she would’ve gotten a survey and left me with an all-ones rating.)

Not Being Very Ramenable

, , , | | Right | July 10, 2019

(I own a ramen shop. A customer calls the restaurant around 1:40 pm.)

Customer: “Hello. I would like to order for takeout, but I have a few questions.”

Me: “Sure. What can we do for you?”

Customer: “Do you guys have any soups?”

Me: “Yes! All of our ramens are actually noodle soups.”

Customer: “Okay, what’s in them?”

(I read and explain the entire menu to her. She makes a decision.)

Customer: “Actually, my daughter will be dining there with her boyfriend today and she will be picking up for me.”

Me: “Oh, no problem. Is she coming in soon? Would you like us to make the order now or wait for her?”

Customer: “I’m not very sure.”

Me: “Or, if you would like, she can just order when she gets here, too.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

(Four hours later during rush hour, I am hosting and responsible for phone orders. I pick up a call in which the customer specifically asked for me.)

Customer: “EXCUSE ME! MY DAUGHTER DIDN’T BRING ME ANY FOOD!”

Me: “I am very sorry. What was your order and the name it was under?”

Customer: “I ORDERED [ITEM] WITH YOU AND MY DAUGHTER DIDN’T BRING ANYTHING BACK!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about that but none of our guests mentioned anything about wanting to place a take-out order of [item].”

Customer: “MY DAUGHTER SHOULDN’T HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING! I ALREADY ORDERED WITH YOU! YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD HER I PLACED AND ORDER!”

Me: *completely aggravated* “Ma’am, nobody in here knows who your daughter is. And I don’t even know who you are. There is nothing I can do.”

(The customer gasped, but before she could say another word, I decided to hang up and move on to our busy day.)

Cigarettes Are Nasty But You Don’t Have To Be

, , , , , | | Right | July 10, 2019

(I am the customer here. The convenience store I go to can’t break a $50 and I don’t have any other cash. I go to the tobacco store next door.)

Me: “Hey, can you break a $50 for me? They didn’t have change next door.”

Cashier: “Yeah, what did you want to buy there?”

Me: “Just two packs of [Cigarettes].”

Cashier: “Well, you can buy those here.”

Me: “Yeah, but they’re cheaper next door…”

(It suddenly dawns on me how terrible I’m being.)

Me: “Can I just have two packs of [Cigarettes]?”

Page 5/668First...34567...Last