Like Getting Water From A Stone

, , , , | Healthy | September 25, 2020

I’m getting blood drawn — I think it ends up being six vials? — and I start to feel woozy.

Me: “Umm… I’m kind of dizzy.”

Lab Tech: “Oh, do you want some water?”

I nod and immediately regret it.

Me: “Yes, please.”

She gets up and disappears into some back room, and I close my eyes, trying to get my head to stop spinning. After about ten minutes, the nausea wins and I throw up all over the floor.

Lab Tech: *Coming back in* “Are you all right?”

Me: *Weakly* “I’m so sorry. I threw up.”

Lab Tech: *Waving a hand* “Don’t worry. It happens all the time.”

I look at her expectantly but she’s empty-handed.

Lab Tech: “Oh, right. The thing is, we don’t actually have any water. Whoops!”

Like Getting Blood From A Stone

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We’re Sure She Remembers The Really Important Stuff

, , , | Healthy | September 21, 2020

I have just had minor surgery and am recovering from the general anaesthetic. The nurse in the ward has been amazing; she brings me a cheese sandwich which, after a day of not eating, was very appreciated. She asks if I want a drink and I say I do. However, after ten minutes pass, she hasn’t brought one. She walks past and suddenly gasps:

Nurse: “Oh, no! I’m so sorry; I forgot your drink. I’ll go get it now.”

She leaves, and after a further wait, I realise she has probably gotten sidetracked with other patients. I remember that I actually have a drink in my bag, so I just grab that.

After a while, the nurse walks past again.

Nurse: “I can’t believe I forgot your drink again! I am so bad at this job!”

At that, she slowly turns around to face the patient she was coming here to see and quickly shouts out.

Nurse: “I didn’t mean that! I promise I’m not bad at this job!”

I cracked up. Thank you, [Nurse], for making my day much brighter.

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PEBCAK, Episode IX

, , , , , | Working | September 10, 2020

My father works as a tech support in a hospital. He is sometimes “on call,” which basically means everyone in the hospital can call him at every, yes, EVERY hour of the day if there is a problem with a PC.

It is 3:00 am, and my mom and dad and I are sleeping in our rooms; mine is right next to theirs. We all suddenly wake as there’s a loud noise; it’s my father’s phone ringing and it’s someone from the hospital. It pisses us off but it happens less than once a month, and no one usually calls at night. It’s a nurse calling.

Dad: “Hello?”

Nurse: “Hello, is this [Dad’s Surname]?”

Dad: “Yes, what seems to be the issue?”

Nurse: “I am at the end of my night shift and I need to write a report down before I go home, but the office PC doesn’t start!”

Dad: “Okay, has it had problems in the past few days? The nurse before you said something about it not working well.”

Nurse: “No, nothing! What do I do?! I need to sleeeeep!

Dad: “What does the monitor say?”

Nurse: “‘No signal. ‘What does it mean?”

Dad: “Okay.”

He tells her what “no signal” stands for and tries to solve the problem. This goes on for about fifteen minutes but the PC still won’t start. Suddenly, my dad has a realization.

Dad: “Wait, look under the desk.”

Nurse: “Okay, what now?”

Dad: “Is the charger in the power-point?”

Nurse: “No? Should it be?”

Dad: *Huffs* “Yes, or else the PC has no electricity to work!”

Nurse: “Eww, but it’s gross! There’s too much dust! Can’t you come here and put it in for me?”

Dad: “Are you kidding me? I am here to tell you what to do, not to do it for you! You are a d*** nurse; you should have some gloves! If you’re so picky, use them! BYE!” *Hangs up*

My dad was fuming, and he was super tired and went back to sleep.

The hospital is one hour’s drive from my house, so the nurse wanted my dad to get in the car in the middle of the night, drive an hour, put a d*** charger in, and come back home. Some people!

PEBCAK, Episode VI
PEBCAK, Episode V
PEBCAK, Episode IV

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It’s An Emergency! But It Can Wait.

, , , | Healthy | September 7, 2020

I have a concerning problem and decide to ask my insurance’s nurse advice hotline if I should go to the ER. This is what happens at the end of our conversation.

Nurse: “I definitely think you should call 911 and have an ambulance take you to the hospital. But before you do that, would you mind answering a few survey questions about my performance today?”

Me: *Incredulous pause* “No.”

I hung up, pretty shocked. I could not believe that she did that. An online survey later, sure. But in a situation urgent enough to call 911?

As for my medical issues, a new medication was causing serious complications. Reversing the medication, plus a few other things, solved it. I should be fine.

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Help Me Help You

, , , , , | Healthy | September 3, 2020

I am in the hospital for an emergency appendectomy. While I am there waiting for surgery, I overhear a conversation with a man being extremely loud and a nurse trying to tend to him.

Nurse: “Sir, I need to ask you to calm down so we can treat your injuries.”

Man: “No! I bet you gonna try and sew me up so you can pass it off to my insurance! I ain’t falling for that s***!”

Nurse: “Sir, I’m gonna ask you to please calm down so we can stop the bleeding and at least bandage you up!”


Nurse: “Listen! I don’t have to deal with your attitude, but it’s my duty as a nurse to tend to injuries. Now either you can calm down and let me at least bandage you up and give you pain relievers and send you on your way, I can have security escort you out while we clean the mess you made, or I can send you to [Nearest Hospital, in another city] if you want to be rowdy as you are. What’s it gonna be?!”

I don’t hear anything for ten minutes, or I pass out from the painkillers, but I overhear the nurse and another nurse speaking after a while.

Nurse #1: “I can’t believe he was that stubborn over a ‘paper’ cut on his arm.”

I’m guessing that is a code term for minor cuts and whatnot.

Nurse #2: “Paper cut? That did not look like a paper cut!”

Nurse #1: “Trust me; when you’ve had to file paperwork as much as I have in my time, you realize the difference between a ‘stab wound’ and a nasty paper cut.”

I have been thankful ever since for how kind the nurses were while I was in the hospital, after seeing what they put up with daily.

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