(A nurse comes in to see one of our residents and she is signing in at the kiosk. She has a snotty air right from the get-go, which is fine, whatever. Then the fun starts.)

Nurse: “It won’t let me in. I’ll try it again…”

(The machine hasn’t even printed out a denied tag so I’m curious what she’s on about.)

Me: “Can I see?” *reaches out to turn the kiosk towards me*

Nurse: “No! I’m trying it again.” *taps angrily at the screen* “Ugh! I don’t know what my PIN is. I’m just going to go in.”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, but I can’t allow you to. If you’ve forgotten your PIN, it can text it to you…”

Nurse: “I can’t get texts. HIPAA–” *a health insurance privacy law* “–won’t allow us to get texts.”

Me: “Okay, then is there a supervisor you could call to see if they have your PIN stored?”

Nurse: “She’s already working on it. They said I could just go in.”

Me: “Well, she’s probably working on getting your credentials to the system that runs our kiosk. Unfortunately, I can’t just let you go in, though, for security reasons.”

Nurse: “Well! Fine, then. I guess I just won’t see [Resident]!” *mutters angrily as she stomps off out the door*

(I could have helped her more, but I won’t help someone when they’re being such a b****. I don’t understand what she was on about HIPAA not letting her text. And she obviously doesn’t care about HIPAA anyway, yelling the resident’s name in a busy lobby with who knows who listening. Idiot.)

(I have a few chronic conditions which require regular doctor’s visits. My boyfriend takes me since I can’t drive. He’s a tall, muscular black man, and he has a heart of gold. At one visit, we get a new nurse. She keeps giving me worried looks, and when my boyfriend steps out to take a work call, she drops her voice to a whisper.)

Nurse: “Ma’am, do you need help?”

Me: “I… What?”

Nurse: “You can be honest here. Do you need me to call the police? Is he hurting you?”

Me: “My boyfriend? No!”

Nurse: “Well… he’s… you know… so if you ever need help…”

Me: “No, but can I talk to the doctor?”

(The doctor was not too happy when he found out about the nurse’s conversation. She was fired soon after.)

I am in the hospital after having emergency surgery on a dislocated ankle and a broken leg. It is the middle of the night and my post-surgery pain medicine has worn off. I locate the nurse call button and press it, but nothing happens. I do this multiple times, to no avail.

I grab my cell phone and use the flashlight to light up the room telephone so I can read the number. I call the number and let the phone ring. It is loud and doesn’t stop, because I don’t answer it. After about five minutes, a nurse comes to investigate why the phone is ringing, and I am able to tell her I’m in extreme pain. 

She brings me pain medicine and tells me that they’ve had issues with the button in the past. It wasn’t unplugged or anything; it just flat out didn’t work! Why they’d still use it completely mystifies me!

(I have a massive kidney stone trying to pass. I’m in the hospital, waiting for surgery to reduce the size. I suddenly have massive pain, bad enough my vision goes fuzzy. I’m crying, unable to really form words. I press my call button. After a moment, a nurse comes in.)

Nurse: “Can I help you?”

Me: “Pain… bad…”

Nurse: “On a scale of one to ten?”

Me: “Ten!”

(Because of the pain, I practically shout the number.)

Nurse: “You don’t need to raise your voice! I’ll get you something!”

(She leaves and comes back a minute later with a pill.)

Nurse: “Here’s some Tylenol.”

(All I can do is look at her, since that won’t be anywhere near enough for how my pain is.)

Nurse: “Well?! Take it!”

Me: “Need more…”

Nurse: “Ugh, you’re probably just a drug seeker! I’m not giving you anything else!”

(At this point, I just break down sobbing. She storms out. A few minutes later, my doctor comes in.)

Doctor: “Are you okay?!”

Me: “Pain bad… help…”

Doctor: “Okay, sweetie, I just need to know if you can tell me what number you’re at.”

Me: “Ten…”

Doctor: “All right. Do you want me to wait here while I have someone bring you medication?”

Me: “Please!”

(She does stay with me. After she calls the pharmacy, she holds my hand and talks to me to calm me back down. Once the medication is brought up and put into my IV, she makes sure it starts working.)

Doctor: “Your nurse said you were asking for drugs?”

Me: “No, I pushed my call light and told her I was in pain. She yelled at me saying that’s all I wanted and then left.”

Doctor: “She apparently thought you were faking something to get pain meds for an addiction. There’s no way you could fake a kidney stone on the imaging results. I’ll make sure you don’t have to deal with her anymore.”

(True to her word, I didn’t see that nurse for the rest of my stay.)

(I am in the waiting room of a hospital waiting for a scan to check out my back injury. For the purposes of this story, let’s just say that my name is John Smith. The nurse calls me in for my scan.)

Nurse: “All right, just jump up onto the table.”

Me: “Umm… sorry, I can’t do that.”

Nurse: “We can’t do the scan if you don’t get on the table.”

Me: “But… I can barely move. How do you expect me to jump onto a table?”

Nurse: “Sure, you can.”

Me: “I don’t think you understand. I am physically unable to get up onto the table due to a back injury.”

Nurse: “You don’t have a back injury.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m pretty sure I would know why I’m at the hospital.”

Nurse: “Your name is John Smith, right?”

Me: “Yes.”

Nurse: “And your date of birth is [date]?”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

(A patient in the waiting room speaks up.)

Patient: “Sorry to interrupt, but I think you might have us confused.”

Nurse: “Your name is John Smith?”

Patient: “Yep.”

Nurse: “And I suppose your date of birth is also [date].”

Patient: “Yes.”

Nurse: “And you’re here for a scan?”

Patient: “Yes, I am.”

Nurse: “Well, this is an interesting coincidence.”

(She looks down at her computer.)

Nurse: “Ah, I see the problem. There are two different people named John Smith with the same birthday, who just happened to both have appointments for a scan within the same hour. I was looking for John M. Smith.”

Patient: “That’s me!”

(The nurse apologized and I got my scan not long after. It was a confusing few minutes, but at least I got a good story out of it!)