Mosquitoes Are Satan’s Creation  

, , , , | Right | October 16, 2019

(A man is buying some insect repellent.)

Me: “Did you find everything okay?”

Customer: “Yeah, thankfully. Listen, I’m a good Christian and I know God wants us to love our neighbor and forgive others of their sins, but… f*** mosquitoes. Seriously.”

Me: “…” *hands him a receipt* “Have a nice day, sir.”

Customer: *suddenly smiling* “You, too!”

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He Has A Very Descriptive Past

, , , , , | Working | October 14, 2019

(My dad is regaling me with stories on a drive. As we go past a chemist:)

Dad: “That was the chemist that used to provide your grandfather with the drugs that kept him alive for ten extra years. The main pharmacist sold the place to someone else and when the new people opened up the computer records they found all sorts of horrible comments attached to people’s files: ‘Ugly, old b****,’ ‘Impotent pin-d**k,’ ‘Nice tits on her,’ etc.”

(Fast forward ten years and I am handing in a prescription at a chemist on the other side of the city. The pharmacist looks at my name on the script and says:)

Pharmacist: “Oh, [My Uncommon Surname]! Did you have a grandfather that lived in [Town of the first chemist]?”

Me: “Yes, I did.”

Pharmacist: “I used to own the chemist there and saw your grandfather often. I sold that place and moved here about ten years ago.”

Me: “Oh, really, how about that…” *smiles and nods, pulls my cardigan closed, backs slowly out of the place, and makes a mental note not to go back there*

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Unfiltered Story #169589

, | Unfiltered | October 13, 2019

A vaguely semi-regular patient without insurance filled a few prescriptions, picked them up, etc. This is a rough approximation of the call I later received from the patient’s spouse, edited to maintain patient privacy.
Caller: My spouse, xxx, filled medicine xxx at your pharmacy. You do price matches, right?
Me: Sir/Ma’am, your spouse already picked up the medicine earlier in the day. Price matches are something that are done when filling the medicine, not after the fact.
Caller: But I called [competitor] beforehand, and their price was xxx, that’s xxx less! I told them to tell you to price match! (Clearly, the spouse didn’t listen, because the words “price match” had never crossed their lips. Also, I find it very presumptuous that they said to tell me to price match without even knowing whether we do so in he first place, as opposed to saying to ask me to call the competitor for a price match.)
Me: They did not mention price matching at any point during the filling, and as I said before, I cannot retroactively price match. It isn’t even possible in my computer system.
Caller: But that’s a lot of money, and we’re regulars and fill things at your pharmacy all the time! They only picked it up like five minutes ago! (It was about 25% less. Also, I’d made the prices extremely clear at the time of drop off, providing ample opportunity for the prescription to be taken elsewhere or a price match to be asked for. And to top it off, the prescription had actually been picked up almost an hour before.)
Me: Unfortunately, there isn’t any way for me to price match something that is already picked up, it’s not physically possible in the system in the first place.
Caller: …
After about fifteen seconds of silence from the other end of the line during which I asked multiple times if the caller was still there, the line disconnected abruptly.

Finally Registers The Reason Why  

, , , , , , | Right | October 7, 2019

(I am stocking shelves at a pharmacy. An elderly gentleman, at least in his 70s, walks up to me and looks at my nametag.)

Customer: “Mister [My Name], yes, I was wondering if you could open up a register for me?”

(I look at the cashier stands. Two are operating, and the lines are not busy at all.)

Me: “The wait shouldn’t be very long. Is there a problem?”

Customer: “I really just need you to open a register for me, please.”

Me: *very confused* “I assure you, the ladies running the registers right now are competent and will have you out the door in no time.”

Customer: “That’s just it. They are ladies…”

(He turns to me and exposes the large box of condoms he has secreted in his jacket.)

Customer: “I wouldn’t be so brazen!”

Me: “Right this way, sir.”

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Lunch Is Dangerous To Your Health

, , , , | Right | September 25, 2019

(At my pharmacy, we have only one pharmacist on the weekends. Because of that, we have to close for a half-hour on the weekends due to labor laws so that our pharmacist can get a lunch. We close at the same time every weekend to avoid confusion with regular customers. At exactly two minutes to lunch, a man comes rushing up to the pharmacy.)

Husband: “I just got out of the emergency room. My doctor told me I need all of these right away, especially the pain medication.”

(He proceeds to hand me about five new prescriptions.)

Me: “I apologize, sir, we are about to close for our scheduled lunch, but we would be happy to fill it for you in thirty minutes when we get back.”

Husband: “I can’t wait! We’re traveling to Texas and I need my medicine!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but if we don’t leave right now, our systems will shut us out. We are required to take a lunch at this time.”

(He takes his prescriptions and stomps away. As we are getting ready to close everything up, his wife comes over.)

Irate Wife: “Why won’t you fill his medication?!”

Me: “Ma’am, we will be happy to fill his prescription as soon as we get back from lunch.”

Irate Wife: “This is ridiculous. Where else am I supposed to get this medication?”

(The pharmacist decides to step in.)

Pharmacist: “Ma’am, we have to close for lunch now, but we’ll be back in thirty minutes and will be happy to fill your husband’s prescriptions then.”

Irate Wife: “We’re travelling; we don’t have time to wait!”

Pharmacist: “If I may ask, where are you travelling to?”

Irate Wife: “We’re on our way to Texas.”

Pharmacist: “If you don’t want to wait here for the medicine, there is another pharmacy in our chain on your route. By the time you get there, they will be back from their lunch and be able to fill your medicine.”

Irate Wife: “This is ridiculous! I want all of your names; I’m reporting you to home office!”

(Our pharmacist calmly gives her our names and the woman leaves with her husband.)

Fellow Pharmacy Technician: “So, she’s reporting us for… following the law?”

Me: “Yes. Yes, she is.”

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