What’s Surprising Is That He Didn’t Tell You About The Surprise

, , , , | Right | April 7, 2021

I’m scanning tickets for a small theater. A man and his young son come up to me, presenting their tickets.

Customer: “All right, this is the theater for the ocean movie, right?”

Me: “No, this is for Jurassic Park.”

He looks at his son and back to me and gets suddenly angry.

Customer: “Thanks for ruining the surprise!” *Storms into the theater*

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She’s Not Paying Jack

, , , | Right | April 6, 2021

I install car audio equipment for a large electronics retailer. A customer has purchased an auxiliary input adapter, which allows a phone or portable music player to be used with an older car radio that doesn’t have an input jack. She’s having it installed into her daughter’s car for a surprise birthday present.

When I check in the vehicle, I notice that it’s already equipped with a factory input jack, which makes her adapter unnecessary. In this vehicle, the jack is in a somewhat hidden location, so neither the customer nor her daughter knew it was there. I show it to the customer and refund what she paid for the adapter.

Me: “Would you like to go back into the store so you can pick out a different birthday present for your daughter?”

Customer: “Oh, no! I’m just going to show her the factory jack and tell her that I paid for it to be installed.”

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Fast Food But Instant Complaints

, , | Right | April 6, 2021

I’m working the drive-thru. Some ladies order a side item that takes a couple of minutes to cook fresh, and although we don’t have any that were already prepared, we do have some that are around sixty seconds away from coming up. It’s hardly a long wait, but I guess these women just can’t bear sitting in their air-conditioned car for a single minute, because they sit at my window, screaming and shouting obscenities at me the whole time.

The thing is, with that window closed, I can’t hear a single thing they are saying and effectively ignore them completely. I only find out about it because the next customer in line later tells me about their behavior.

Of course, this just makes them angrier, but at least they have already mostly worn themselves out by the time their food is ready.

When I hand them their order, they look at me with a combination of shock and anger, as though I’ve just deliberately farted in a preacher’s face or something.

Customer: “I can’t believe how long that took!”

The total time they waited was MAYBE a minute and a half, with a good fifteen seconds of that spent whining. I just don’t have the patience to explain the concept of cooking food to a couple of overgrown, tantrum-throwing toddlers.

Thoroughly ignored, they drove off with expressions of shock on their very red faces, and the next customer took their place. She apologizes profusely for their behavior, while also laughing hysterically at the unexpected entertainment she had witnessed. I just smiled and shrugged because it hadn’t bothered me one bit, but if it made her day a little brighter, well…

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These Are Some Wild Ideas

, , , , | Working | April 6, 2021

Four years after leaving a company where I was the only software engineer among mostly chemist employees, I meet a previous coworker at a community event.

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name]. When are you coming back to work at [Company]?”

Me: “Sorry, I am never going back to work there.”

Coworker: “But we really need you. The new guy is not working out; he’s no good.”

Me: “I’m not going back, but I have a solution for you: treat the new guy like he’s a valuable employee, pay him enough for the job, listen to him when he is explaining a software issue instead of saying, ‘Beep, beep boop, you’re speaking technical talk.’”

Yes, they really said that to me while I was there.

[Coworker] looked at me like I was joking. It’s been four more years since speaking with the coworker. Occasionally, I check job listings to see if the company is posting for that position, and yes, every six months to a year they are hiring for a software engineer.

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His Attitude Is “Poor”

, , , , , | Right | April 6, 2021

I’m in line to check out when I see a man cut in the line a couple of lanes over.

Customer Behind Him: “Hey, the line’s—”

The impatient man throws his hands up and bellows in the guy’s face.

Impatient Man: “I don’t have time to wait! I’m too important to wait like a poor.”

Yes, he uses “poor” as a noun. The cashier looks like they want to say something, but the man talks over them.

Impatient Man: “Just hurry up and check me out. Can you manage that? I’ve got more important places to be.”

He’s still shouting, and several people have turned to look at that point. I see a manager striding up, and I’m hoping he will get thrown out, but no luck.

Manager: “Sir, you’re causing a scene. Please calm down.”

Impatient Man: “I’m causing a scene?! I’m not causing nothing. I just need my stuff and I’ll go. I’m too important to wait. I can buy and sell all of you!”

While they argue back and forth, the cashier apparently finishes scanning whatever he had, and he goes to pay. After a moment, the manager speaks up in a voice that’s just a bit louder and seems pitched to carry.

Manager: “I’m so sorry, sir, but that card is declined. Do have a different card?”

The man tries three different cards, or maybe the same card three times, with the manager announcing that it’s declined each time.

Manager: “Do you have cash? You don’t even have twenty dollars to cover this?”

I admit, I stuck around after finishing checking out just to see what happened. The man ultimately did not get his stuff, instead leaving with his head hanging just a bit. I’m guessing he was embarrassed to have it revealed that he was, in fact, “a poor.”

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