Slooooowly Does It

, , , , , | Right | January 21, 2020

(It’s early in the day and fairly slow. I’m manning the till while my coworker is preparing trays of pizza dough just a few feet away. A man dressed in business attire walks into the shop and approaches my till, endlessly jabbering on his phone. He thrusts a coupon for a free one-topping slice at me, but says nothing apart from continuing his phone conversation.)

Me: *quietly, turning to my coworker* “It’s a policy of mine to ignore customers if they’re on their phone.”

Coworker: “Yeah, me, too.”

(I remain at the till but say nothing to the man, waiting for him to, at the very least, swivel his phone from his face for the half a second it would take to say whatever topping he wants on his slice. But alas, he continues his phone conversation like we’re not even there. I continue to stand in silence, just waiting, for a good three minutes at least, still holding the coupon, and I haven’t touched the order screen at all.)

Me: *turning to my coworker* “Dude, this is getting awkward.”

Coworker: *nods*

(Finally, the man takes a moment away from his super important phone call.)

Customer: “Are we about ready to go here, or what?”

Coworker: “Yeah, we’re just waiting on you.”

Me: “Whenever you’re ready.”

Customer: “Oh, uh, I’ll have pepperoni.” *returns to phone call*

(We made him his pepperoni slice, but we took our time and made sure to put it in the oven that cooks slower.)

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If There’s Anyone Who Needs A Beer, It’s A Parent Of A Teenager

, , , , , | Working | January 21, 2020

(We are in a supermarket with my mum. I am sixteen at the time, but in the UK you can drink alcohol at home from a younger age than that. My mum and I are finishing off our shopping, and she asks me to pick up a couple of bottles of beer off of the top shelf and put them in the cart, as she can’t reach. We then walk to the checkout and start trying to pay for our shopping.)

Cashier: “You—” *talking to me* “—can I see some ID?

Me: “Why?”

Cashier: “I saw you getting that beer.”

Mum: “That beer is for me, not him, and I’m clearly an adult.”

Cashier: “But he picked it up.”

Mum: “But it’s for me.”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, but he touched it. I can’t sell it to you.”

Mum: “How about if I’m the one touching it in a separate transaction?” *puts it behind another divider, showing it is different*

Cashier: “No, he touched it, so I need ID from him.” *starts sarcastically filling out a “failed check 25 form” on the till*

(We had to leave it behind. For context, after speaking to several of my relatives and friends who work in other supermarkets, in a case like this, unless the cashier has heard something to directly suggest that the older person is buying it for the younger person, of which there was none in this scenario, they should sell it to the customer.)

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Glassy-Eyed Saleswoman

, , , , | Working | January 21, 2020

(My brother has just moved out to start university when he realizes he has a pot but no lid. He takes the pot to a large department store and asks a saleslady to help him find a lid.)

Brother: “Hi, I need a lid for this pot, but I don’t have a lot of money.”

Saleslady: “This is a very nice lid and it’s only €99.”

Brother: “I was really looking for something cheaper.”

(They go through this a few times until they end up in the €20 range.)

Saleslady: “Okay, this is very popular and only €19.”

Brother: “Oh, but it is glass; I’d rather have a metal one.”

Saleslady: “But glass is much better. It saves energy because you don’t have to lift the lid to check on your food.”

Brother: “But what if I drop it and it breaks? I’d really rather have a metal one.”

Saleslady: *with a disgusted shake of her head* “Men!”

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The Battle Of The Brides

, , , , | Related | January 21, 2020

(My now-husband and I get engaged in 2010. We know we want to wait at least a year until we get married, for several reasons, and we end up choosing a wedding date two years in the future that works best for us. Everything is planned early, and I send our save-the-dates out a year in advance, with invitations to follow about six months before the wedding. We are probably the most relaxed bride and groom any of our friends and family have ever seen. Ultimately, we just want a fun day with everyone, nothing crazy or too fancy. About a month before our invites go out, my older sister is at our house helping me with the handmade favors we’ve decided to give to our guests.)

Sister: “So, have you heard from [Cousin] lately?”

Me: “No, but you know she and I have never spent a lot of time together outside of family stuff. Why?”

Sister: “You know she got engaged a couple of months ago, right? Well, [Aunt] told Mom that [Cousin] is determined to get married before you do.”

Me: “Why? We’ve never been competitive before.”

Sister: “Maybe it’s because you two are the youngest grandchildren and she doesn’t want to be the last one to get married?”

Me: “That’s silly. But she’s welcome to it if she can find a venue and everything else that quickly. I’ve had two years to plan and that was hectic enough.”

(Two months later, a month since our invites went out and five months before our wedding day, I get an invitation in the mail to [Cousin]’s wedding. She scheduled it for the same date AND time as ours, at a venue on the other side of the state. I immediately call my sister.)

Me: *laughing* “[Sister]! Did you get an invite to [Cousin’s] wedding today?”

Sister: *also laughing* “Yes! I can’t believe she scheduled it the same day as yours! She’s known your wedding date for almost a year.”

Me: “You know who I feel bad for — the relatives that will have to choose between the two weddings. There’s no way anyone would be able to go to both, like if they were closer together and at different times.”

Sister: “Wow, you’re right. Well, we already know Grandma is going to be at your wedding. That’s really going to p*** [Cousin] off.”

(My sister is right. Our cousin is furious at all of the relatives that choose my wedding over hers. Then again, I only invited the relatives that I’m actually close to and talk with, whereas she invited EVERYONE, even people she’d never met. In the end, our wedding is so much fun! It is a relaxing day and everyone seems like they have a good time. About three months after we return from our honeymoon, I get this call from my sister:)

Sister: “[My Name]! Mom just called, and guess what?”

Me: “What?”

Sister: “[Cousin] is pregnant! She’s apparently going on and on about having kids before you do. Blah, blah, blah.”

Me: *bursts out laughing* “Joke’s on her, I guess!”

Sister: “I know! You don’t even want kids!”

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It’s Time For Them To Make A Fire Exit From This Conversation

, , , , , | Friendly | January 21, 2020

(I live in a four-story apartment building in downtown Vancouver where the two exit stairwells are used regularly by residents to enter and exit the building. They act as a sort of communal back door that can be opened just as the front door can be. I often use the back door as it is the closest doorway to my apartment. One evening, I am leaving to take my dog for a walk and take the usual route down the stairs and to the back door. However, when I get to the exit and push on the door it won’t budge, so I push again harder this time and continue to try to push it open. When it still doesn’t move, I look out the little window and see a man just outside the door.)

Man: *muffled speaking as the door is closed* “There is a woman sitting in front of the door.”

(There is more muffled speaking between the woman and the man. I push on the door again thinking she must have moved, and I still feel resistance. When I push again, it finally moves as she has gotten on her feet and is moving away from the door.)

Me: “What are you two doing out here?”

Man: *says nothing*

Lady: *angry* “I was just trying to find a place to eat a sandwich and smoke a joint! I don’t see what the problem with that is?!”

(Smoking weed is legal in this province but is still subject to bylaws of smoking away from doorways.)

Me: “One: this is a doorway and you need to be like 15 feet away from it as there are private residences right above you. Two: you are blocking a fire exit!

(My dog is barking at them, and lucky for me, he has a big deep bark so he sounds much scarier than he actually is.)

Me: “You need to leave and find somewhere else to be.”

(The lady and man then left in an angry huff. The average age of the occupants in my building is probably 60+; I’m one of the only occupants in my 20s. Any one of my neighbors with walkers would definitely not have been able to exit safely in an emergency. It still makes me so angry to think about how thoughtless and dangerous this lady was being.)

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