Mind Your Own Business Down There

, , , , , | Friendly | August 13, 2018

(I’m standing in line at the supermarket checkout. In front of me is an elderly woman, and in front of her, checking out, is a young woman. Her purchase includes a couple of boxes of tampons.)

Elderly Woman: “Excuse me, dear? You do know you can buy those at the pharmacy, don’t you?

Young Woman: “Yes, but they’re cheaper here.”

Elderly Woman: “It’s far more discreet to purchase them at the pharmacy. In my day, we were always very discreet about buying anything that had to do with ‘down there.’”

(She waves her hands in the general region of her waist.)

Young Woman: *looking in the elderly woman’s trolley* “Is that so? Then I guess you’ll be putting that toilet paper back on the shelf and purchasing it online, instead?”

(The cashier let out a snort of laughter and then abruptly stopped. I, along with the others in the line, had no such qualms. We all erupted with laughter, and the silly old lady kept her opinions to herself from then on.)


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Should Know EVERYTHING On Day One

, , , , | Right | August 13, 2018

(I am a high school student and I just got my first job ever in a music and movie store. It is my first day and all I have done so far is read the employee manuals. The next step in my training is to watch some training videos. I am doing this at a station with a little computer near the back of the store, because that is the only spot we have to do this. I am standing there with headphones on, watching the videos, when a customer comes up to me.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Can you tell me where the country CDs are?”

Me: “I’m sorry; I just got hired. I am still in the middle of training.”

Customer: “Well, can you show me where the CDs are?”

Me: “I don’t know where anything is. I can’t help you.”

Customer: *getting angry and raising her voice* “Just show me where the CDs are.”

Me: “I don’t know. Maybe another employee can help you.”

(She then storms off and I go back to watching the videos. I don’t think much of it until some time later when the same customer comes back with my manager. She is angrier than before and yelling the whole time.)

Customer: “This is the employee who refused to help me and was rude to me. “

Manager: “Why didn’t you help her?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but like I said, I am still in training and don’t know where anything is yet. That’s why I said someone else would have been better able to help you.”  

Customer: “Well, you were the only employee I saw, so you should have helped me.”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry. I just wouldn’t have been much help.”

Customer: “That doesn’t matter. I am the customer and it is your job to help me. You won’t last long in this place.”

Manager: *to customer trying to calm her down* “I am sorry about this. I will make sure [My Name] doesn’t do something like this again. We’ve already helped you find your CD, so why don’t we go ring your things up? I will talk to [My Name].”

(The customer continued to yell about how I was a bad employee and didn’t deserve this job. She refused to calm down. The manager got her away from me as quickly as possible, and as soon as I was out of her sight she got calmer. Because of this, my manager didn’t kick her out, but let her purchase her things first before escorting her out of the store. Later my manager came over to me and apologized for my having to deal with such a customer on my first day. She also talked to me about how to better handle situations like that and told me to not take it personally. Thankfully, that one customer didn’t deter me from working there, and I had a great year and a half in that job until I left for college.)

A Token Of Your Lack Of Appreciation

, , , , | Right | August 13, 2018

(I’m a manager at a batting cage place that also sells food. A guy rents a bat and goes down to the cages. About a minute later he comes storming up while I’m preparing food for a rather large order.)

Customer: *to my off-duty coworker* “The cage isn’t turning on!”

Me: “What cage are you in?”

Customer: “I don’t know! The cage at the end!”

(We have eight cages and the last two have a start button.)

Me: *as customer storms away* “Did you hit the start button?”

Customer: “THERE IS NO START BUTTON!”

(I finish my previous customer’s order and go down before he has a complete meltdown.)

Me: “How many tokens did you put in?”

Customer: “How many do you think?! TWO!”

(I’m fed up with his attitude.)

Me: “Well, if you look here, the sign says three!

Customer: “Well, if you just spok—”

Me: “Well, maybe if you could read!”

Customer: “You don’t have to get so mad!”

(I rarely lose my temper. But when the customer makes such a stink when it’s 100% their fault, it’s hard not to.)

, , , , | Working | August 13, 2018

(I’m attending my friends’ beautiful outdoor wedding. They are both aware that I have certain health issues regarding various food and drink, but they have done all they could be reasonably expected to do to make sure I’m not left hungry or thirsty. The food is fantastic and the “bottle bar” — serving everything but four beers out of bottles — is varied, but their soft drink selection is limited to [soda], [diet soda], and lemonade. Limited, but it’s fine.)

Me: “Can I have a [soda], please?”

Server: “Sure.” *grabs bottle of [diet soda]*

(One of my health issues is that the artificial sweetener in various diet sodas causes me gastrointestinal distress — stomach ache/cramps/increased need to use the bathroom — and headaches within an hour of drinking them. I want to enjoy the rest of the evening without writhing in pain, so I shout to try to stop them.)

Me: “No, not diet! I just want [soda]!”

Server: *ignores me and pours glass of [diet soda]* “That’ll be £2.”

Me: *thinking they might not have heard me over the music* “I said [soda], not [diet soda].”

Server: “We only have [diet soda].”

(The ceremony has been over for about an hour and a half by this point, and most people are drinking alcohol, so I am annoyed that one of their three soft drink options is apparently already gone.)

Me: “You could have told me that.”

Server: “It’s basically the same.”

Me: *looks at the menu again* “Which lemonade do you have?”

(Some of them use artificial sweetener, and I am really don’t want to only drink water for the rest of the night.)

Server: “Lemonade.”

Me: “[Brand #1]? [Brand #2]? Is it cloudy?”

Server: “It’s lemonade.”

Me: *defeated* “Just give me a lemonade, then.”

Server: *makes lemonade and puts it down* “£4.”

Me: *annoyed* “I didn’t want [diet soda]. It’s not what I asked for. I’m not going to pay for it.”

Server: “But I already poured it.”

Me: “I didn’t ask for it. I wanted [soda].”

Server: “But we ran out of [soda].”

Me: “And you should have told me that instead of assuming I was okay with a substitute.”

(Another wedding goer walks up and orders a round from another bartender. Their order includes a [diet soda].)

Me: *to the other bartender* “Don’t pour one.” *gives them the [diet soda] I don’t want* “This one is ready to go.”

Server: “Hey, you can’t do that!”

Me: “Why not? He wants it. I don’t. I’m not going to pay for it. He will. That way you’re not wasting off stock, and I don’t have to walk away with a drink that I don’t want.” *hands over a £2 coin* “Here is the payment for my drink. If you have any problems, I’ll be over on [table number].”

(I didn’t hear anything else. I did mention the encounter to the bride and groom — after their honeymoon, of course.)

“The Adventures Of Harold, Benjy, And Carmen” Sounds Awesome

, , , , , , , | Healthy | August 13, 2018

(I’m in a short-term rehab center, recovering from surgery. A speech therapist comes in with a form in her hands.)

Therapist: “Good morning! I’ll just take a couple of minutes here to see how your speech and language skills are, all right?”

Me: “I suppose.”

(I teach special needs, and immediately recognize the form; it’s the mental acuity screener. BAH!)

Therapist: “Can you tell me where you are?”

(This goes on for awhile, and I’m getting irritated.)

Therapist: “Now, would you name these three animals?”

(She shows me sketch of a lion, an elephant, and a hippo.)

Me: “How about Harold, Benjy, and Carmen?”

Therapist: *silent*

Me: “Well, the task as phrased was to name the animals. If it were stated correctly, you would have asked me to identify the animals, and I would have told you they were a lion, elephant, and hippo.”

Therapist: *silent, but grinning*

Me: “And the number they told me to remember when I had this identical screening in the hospital was 74.”


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