(I am running a bocce ball tournament, and this guest starts talking to me while I am trying to watch the game and keep score.)
Guest: “You make a lot of money?”
Me: “I make enough.”
Guest: “You know, strippers make a lot of money. I heard of one who makes a thousand dollars a night.”
Me: “Wow.”
Guest: “How old are you?”
Me: “18.”
Guest: “Yeah, you should start now, before s*** starts to sag.”
Me: “…thanks for the advice.”
Guest: “No problem.”
Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”
Customer: “No!”
Me: “I’m sorry?”
Customer: “No! I don’t want no god-d*** Chinese serving me.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Customer: “Get me an American.”
Me: “Sir, I am American.”
Customer: “What?! You think I’m blind? You think I’m f****** blind? Go back to China!”
Me: “Right, one second…”
(My coworkers hear everything from the back, so one of my white coworkers comes out.)
Customer: “Ugh, finally… an American!”
Coworker: *starts speaking Spanish*
Customer: “G**D*** IT! F*** Y’ALL, A**HOLES!” *storms out*
(I am working as a cashier at a small farm stand and a man comes to purchase.)
Me: “Hello, how are you doing today?”
Customer: “I’m good. You?”
Me: “Very well, thank–”
Customer: “You d*** teenagers! None of you have any manners anymore! I swear, I have no idea–wait. What did you say again?”
Me: “Very well, thank you.”
Customer: “Oh, okay.”
(I finish totalling his purchase, he pays.)
Me: “Thank you so very much, kind sir. I certainly hope you have the most wonderful day. Please come back soon, if you wish.”
Customer: *sheepishly* “… thanks…”
This story is part of the Farmer roundup.
Customer: “I’d like a table for two, please.”
Me:” For two? All right, it should only be about a minute. We have some tables being cleaned right now.”
Customer: “Oh, okay.”
(Thirty seconds later…)
Customer: “Oh, my god! What is taking so long?!”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, our busser is still cleaning the table. He should be done in a couple of minutes.”
Customer: “Ugh! Well, this is just taking forever. Y’know, at my house, it wouldn’t take me this long to clean up my table!”
Me: “Umm… want a job?”
Customer: “What?! Oh… that was good.” *smiles*
(After that, she calmly waited for the table to be cleaned.)
This story is part of our Perfect Comebacks roundup!
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Read the Perfect Comeback roundup!
(Note: I look a little young for my age, but not by that much.)
Customer: “I’m looking for someone who can help me find a book.”
Me: “I can help you. What are you looking for?”
Customer: “What? You can’t possibly work here. You look like you’re about twelve.”
Me: “Actually, I’m twenty. What can I help you find?”
Customer: “You’re lying to me. Where’s your manager? I can’t believe he has little kids working.”
Me: “I can assure you, I’m twenty.”
Customer: “Let me see your ID, then.”
Me: “What?”
(She then turns to my boyfriend, who has come in to visit me.)
Customer: “Are you her boyfriend?”
My Boyfriend: “Yes…”
Customer: “How can you date someone who looks like that?”
My boyfriend: “Excuse me?”
Customer: “That’s disgusting. I think you’re a pervert!”
(The customer then turns back to me, and without skipping a beat asks…)
Customer: “Where are the romance novels?”
