I was a catering server at a venue that primarily hosted weddings. At many of those weddings, people wanted shrimp cocktail during cocktail hour, so we would load up a whole tray of shrimp and walk around offering it to the guests.

I would often try to use the bathroom at the end of cocktail hour, while the guests were being seated, because it was a natural lull in service. One evening, I was washing my hands when a guest appeared at the sink next to me.

Guest: *Gesturing to her neck.* “Does this look red to you?”

Me: “Not really, but it’s sort of dark in here. I certainly wouldn’t have noticed if you hadn’t pointed it out.”

At this point, I assumed she had rosacea or something and was feeling self-conscious.

I left and started taking care of the beginning-of-service tasks. A little later, I noticed that the guest was sitting alone on a bench near the entrance, so I went over to see if she needed help.

Me: “Is everything okay?”

Guest: “Could you find my daughter? I think I’m having an allergic reaction, and she has Benadryl.”

Me: “Oh, no. Do you know what might have caused it?”

I’m worried that someone might have f***ed up when announcing the allergens in the passed hors d’oeuvres.

Guest: “Yes. I’m allergic to shellfish, but I had one of the shrimps because I thought one would be fine.”

Obviously, instead of searching for her daughter, I got my manager and explained that a guest was having an allergic reaction, and I didn’t know what to do, seeing as I was an inexperienced teenager.

By the time I returned with my manager, the woman’s daughter and a doctor who happened to be attending the wedding were also with her.

Guest: “I’m fine. I just need my daughter to drive me to the pharmacy so I can get some Benadryl.”

Doctor: “Yeah, that’s the first thing the paramedics are going to give you when they get here, but your throat is closing. You’re going to the hospital.”

The woman was ultimately fine, but I will never understand why she ruined both her and her daughter’s evening and risked her life for a single piece of mediocre shrimp cocktail.

It wasn’t even an accident. She took an entire shrimp from a large pile of shrimp that I carried around while repeatedly saying, “Shrimp cocktail?”

Madness.

Customer: “What’s your soup tonight?”

Me: “Cream of Mushroom.”

Customer: “Oh, I didn’t know you could milk mushrooms!”

Me: “Uh, no, it’s mushrooms and cream, mixed together in a soup.”

Customer: “…oh. I better not order that then. I’m allergic to mushrooms.”

By now, his partner is looking at him with the kind of look I am not professionally allowed to give to customers.

Customer: *To his partner.* “What? I’m allergic to mushrooms, not cream of mushroom!”

Related:
Not Quite The Cream Of The Crop, Part 8
Not Quite The Cream Of The Crop, Part 7
Not Quite The Cream Of The Crop, Part 6
Not Quite The Cream Of The Crop, Part 5
Not Quite The Cream Of The Crop, Part 4

I was on a baby first aid course, and we were being told how to do CPR on a baby. A soon-to-be dad raises his hand to ask:

Soon-To-Be-Dad: “Are the rescue breaths sucking the air out of the baby’s mouth?”

Trainer: *After blinking a few times.* “No, you’re blowing into their mouth, not sucking out.”

Soon-To-Be-Dad: “But how can you be sure?”

Trainer: “Just do it how I showed you, and you should be good.”

His pregnant partner beside him gives him a gentle slap on the shoulders.

Pregnant Partner: “Honestly, Barry, calm down! You’re going to be a dad, not a dementor!”

I was on a first aid course with work colleagues.

Teacher: “So, if someone was in anaphylactic shock from eating a peanut and you had an EpiPen, what would you do?”

Colleague: “I’d snap the syringe in half and pour it all into the person’s mouth!”

All of us are staring at them in horror, but then the trainer breaks the silence.

Teacher: “And this is exactly what we mean when we say training saves lives, folks!”

Me: “Hi, I like the look of that gluten-free cake, but does it contain nuts?”

Employee: *Looks over the cake.* “Uh… nope.”

She doesn’t sound so sure, so I ask:

Me: “Cool, can I look at the ingredient list?”

Employee: “But there aren’t any nuts on it.”

Me: “I just want to check if there aren’t any nuts in it.”

The employee sighs but finds a card containing all the ingredients in each cake.

Me: “Ah, it contains almond flour, so I can’t have that.”

Employee: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Almond flour… I can’t have nuts.”

Employee: “That’s flour, though, not almonds. It’s just the name.”

Me: “It’s almond flour, made from almonds.”

Employee: “Suuuure. And bread flour contains real bread in it, does it?”

Me: “This is the first time I’ve ever had to say this, but… can I please speak to the manager?”