Don’t Bypass The Signs

, , , , | Healthy | June 21, 2020

I’m sitting across from [Coworker #1] and [Coworker #2] comes up to him.

Coworker #2: “I need you to drive [Coworker #3] home; he is not feeling well. He has chest paint, is short of breath, his left arm hurts…”

Basically, insert all symptoms of a heart attack here.

Me: *A bit incredulously* “I’m no doctor, but that sounds as if he needs to go to the ER instead of home.”

Coworker #1: *Looks at me assessingly* “I think [My Name] is right. He needs a doctor.”

Coworker #2: “No, no, he wants to go home.”

[Coworker #1] went to check on [Coworker #3] and I saw them leaving. An hour later, [Coworker #3] was on the operating table, having a triple bypass.

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Dirty Money Is The Problem At Both Ends Of This Story

, , , , | Right | June 19, 2020

I have a cold this winter but can’t call off work. Instead, I dose up on decongestants and pain meds and keep pushing through. To minimize spreading germs, I ask customers to leave larger items in their carts and use the hand scanner as much as possible. I also have a box of tissues and a bottle of hand sanitizer at the ready.

A customer comes to my register with a basket full of canned food. Mid-transaction, I have a sneezing fit. I sneeze into my armpit, turn to excuse myself as I make sure I don’t have anything on my face, and use the hand sanitizer liberally. I turn to face the customer again, only to find her standing several feet away, looking horrified.

Me: “Oh, excuse me. Sorry about that.”

Customer: “Gross!”

Me: “Um… Sorry?”

Customer: “You need to go home. You’re sick!”

Me: “I, uh… I can’t.”

Customer: “Why not?!”

Me: “Well, I tried to call off, but management said I’d need a doctor’s note and he’s not available… and I need the money, so…”

Customer: “That’s insane.”

Me: “If you’d like someone else to ring you out, I can call.”

Customer: “No, you’ve already started. Just don’t touch anything else. Use your laser scan thing.”

Me: “Okay.”

The woman holds up each item, keeping a full arm’s length away from me, before bagging her own items.

Me: “Okay. Your total is $83.19.”

Customer: “Okay. Can you break $100? Oh, never mind; maybe I have my bank card.”

She starts looking through her wallet.

Customer: “Here, take these, instead.”

She then licks her thumb, counts off several $5 and $10 bills, and holds them out to me. I sanitize, take her money, sanitize again, and return her change. She holds out an empty plastic bag for me to drop her change into.

Customer: *Disgusted* “Spreading germs like that… Why can’t you just stay home?”

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Crappy Vision Leads To Crappy Situations

, , , , , | Healthy | June 18, 2020

I work at a specialty ophthalmologist clinic. Patients, who are often already visually impaired, often see worse than they usually do right after their appointment, especially if they’ve had their eyes dilated or had treatment.

We have an older patient population, as well, and unfortunate bathroom explosions are prone to happen from time to time, although thankfully they’re usually confined to the bathroom stalls. 

One day, a patient comes to check out with me and is mumbling about needing directions and how they’re not able to see well. I lead them to the elevator — assuming she is leaving after her appointment — and as the doors open, she says, “Is this the toilet?”

“Oh, no, no!” I exclaim and lead her the proper way to the bathrooms, picturing the disaster we could have had on our hands.

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At Least He Helped You Keep Your Cool

, , , , , , , | Working | June 17, 2020

It’s April, in the middle of the health crisis. My air conditioner went out over the weekend, so Monday morning, the repairman is here to work on it for me. When I answer the door, he’s wearing rubber gloves, which strikes me as a nice gesture, though he isn’t wearing a mask. He works on the unit for a while, finds the problem, and calls another employee to make the run from the warehouse to my place with the part he needs while he has lunch in his truck.

Eventually, the other employee arrives, and some time later, the repairman comes back inside. What’s odd is that when he comes back, he’s now wearing a bandana over his face, but no gloves! He goes to work on the AC, gets it finished and working, and then goes out to the truck to write up the bill.

This time, when he comes back, he has no gloves and no mask at all.

After he left, I got a routine call from the company to ask my opinion of the service I received, and they included a question about whether the repairman had been “using both a mask and gloves to protect your health.” I said I honestly didn’t know how to answer that, because he’d used both a mask and gloves, but not at the same time and not for the whole visit!

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This Is How It Goes Down

, , , , , , , | Right | June 16, 2020

While in line at a store, I overhear the lady behind me talking on the phone to who I think is her husband. 

Lady:No, do not let them get vaccines! Why?! Because I don’t want our kids to have Down Syndrome; I don’t want to pay for that! Just refuse it!”

I’m more than curious so I interrupt the conversation.

Me: “Ma’am, did I just hear that right?!”

Lady: *Misunderstands my tone* “Oh, yeah, vaccines can give your kids Down Syndrome; I read it in an article!” *looks at me* “Make sure you don’t get your kids vaccines. It’s dangerous!”

Me: “Uh, no, it won’t.”

Lady:Yes, it will! I know these things. My magazine doesn’t lie!”

A lot of people are now listening in.

Me: “Okay, lady, I don’t know what you’re reading, but basic knowledge says it’s impossible. You can’t create another separate chromosome from dead viruses. There is no way your kids can get Down Syndrome.”


I don’t even notice the manager behind her, fuming. He then taps her on the shoulder and she turns around.

Manager: “If you believe that for one second, you need to get out of my store. I’m actually going through college to better understand these kinds of diseases. You wanna know why? Because my daughter has Down Syndrome and she is the best thing to happen to me. And I can sure as h*** tell you he doesn’t have it. Now get out of my store.”

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