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Literally Adding Insult To Injury

, , , , , | Legal | September 30, 2021

I had a heart attack as I was walking home and collapsed in the street. As I was lying on the ground, I heard somebody rushing towards me and could feel them lean over me. I was trying to thank them, in a barely conscious state, when they ransacked my pockets, taking my wallet, my watch, and my keys, and ran off leaving me to lose consciousness in the street.

Fortunately, another bystander witnessed what happened and called 911. Soon, I was in the back of an ambulance and a patrol car was headed to my house, where they found and arrested a young man inside loading my goods into his car. He was arrested and a local CCTV camera confirmed that he was the person who robbed me.

A few months later in court, the judge asked this young pillar of the community if he had anything to say for himself before sentencing.

Robber: “Hey, man, I thought he was dead and wouldn’t need any of his s***!”

Strangely, it didn’t mitigate his sentence in any way. The kicker: he was in training to become a pastor.

An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 16

, , , , , | Right | September 29, 2021

I work in a small independent sweet shop. We can stay open but have restrictions in place for health reasons. The owner is quick to put in a “no mask, no service” policy and hand sanitiser for customers. His wife is pregnant and one of my coworkers has a relative who’s already poorly, so it just makes sense.

Owner: *To us* “I don’t care what they say, what they claim or who they know; they wear a mask. We’re not an essential shop, so they don’t need to be here, and I’m sure as h*** not risking anyone’s life over a pound of dolly mixtures.”

We stick to this, and we get the expected tantrums from adults, threats of being sued, and a surprising number of people lying about not being able to wear a mask, only to pull one out of their pocket when refused entry.

The strangest is “the old guy.” He’s around eighty and very smartly dressed, and he seems to be fully with it. He comes into the shop with no mask and walks straight past the hand sanitiser.

Me: “Sorry, but we’re asking all of our guests to wash their hands on arrival.”

Old Man: “Oh, it’s okay. I won’t be touching anything.”

Me: “Okay. But please, we have to insist.”

Old Man: *Shouting* “But I have dermatitis; it’s a real condition!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, but we cannot let you in without it.”

He grumbles something offensive under his breath and washes his hands, turning back to me with an “Are you happy now?” look.

Me: “Thank you, and now your mask?”

Old Man: “What? But I’m exempt!”

Me: “And we retain the right to not serve for any reason.”

Old Man: “You can’t do this!”

Me: “It’s store policy.”

He stares at me for a while and then slowly takes out a mask from his pocket, puts it under his nose, looks at me again, and wears it properly.

Me: “Thank you. Please let me know if you need any help.”

Old Man: “What, because I’m old I need help?”

Me: *Ignoring the remark* “Okay, sir, you let me know if you need help.”

He grumbled, poked a lot of the packaging, and wandered back out. I doubt he wanted to buy anything in the first place. I told the owner just in case I overstepped the line, but he was fine and thanked me.

We are all waiting to see if we have a job after all this. I can’t help but think that if there were fewer people like the old man we would all be back to normal so much more quickly.

An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 15
An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 14
An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 13
An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 12
An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 11

Sometimes The Helpline Needs A Little Bit Of Help, Too

, , , , | Right | September 27, 2021

Things looked rough a few years ago. I almost lost a close friend of mine to alcohol and drugs, was being harassed at work for months, and was constantly in need of medication because of flu symptoms and throat infections, which I later found out were stress-related.

I heard of those phone helplines where you talk to strangers about your life. I tried it out, and WOW! Multiple times I had someone to talk to for what felt like hours. 

A year later, things weren’t that grim anymore and I felt the need to thank them for their support, so I called the line. 

Contact: “[Phoneline], happy to help, this is [Contact].”

Me: *Stuttering and nervous* “Yes, this is [My Name]. I got helped by you and your helpline multiple times these years and… and I simply wanted to say thank you. You are all doing great work and I felt the need to say it out loud.”

There’s a prolonged silence on the other end of the line. Then, she responds, with a trembling voice.

Contact: “Wow. In all my years of working here, I haven’t had someone call to just say thank you. That was very sweet, and I want to thank you in return.”

That felt good!

Some People Will Do (Almost) Anything For Time Off!

, , , , | Working | September 23, 2021

A while back, I donated a kidney and so was out of work for about a month while recovering. When I finally went back to work, my coworkers understandably had some questions, and during our discussion, I confessed that I had internally put off the donation for a month so the surgery would happen in the new year, thus allowing me to sign up for short-term disability and therefore allowing me to get paid while I was recovering. One coworker seemed mildly offended by this fact.

Coworker: “But you knew you were having the surgery. Isn’t that like fraud or something to sign up for disability and then disable yourself?”

Me: “Not at all. In fact, I even called the agency to ensure they would cover recovery from a donation before signing up so they knew exactly what I was doing. It can’t be fraud if you tell them exactly what you’re planning!”

Coworker: “So, if I want to take a month off, I can just sign up for disability and then shoot myself in the foot?”

Me: “I suppose so, but here is a radical idea. Instead of shooting yourself, maybe you could try something a bit safer to get disability, like, oh, I don’t know, donating your kidney to someone, instead?”

Apparently, my coworker didn’t want that month of vacation enough to take me up on my suggestion on how he could earn it.

That’s Mite-y Suspicious

, , , , | Right | September 22, 2021

Me: “Welcome to [Pest Control Company]. How can I help?”

Customer: “Hello, I have mites.”

Me: “All right, you have called the line for home insurance policies, and they don’t normally cover mites. I can try to transfer you to—”

Customer: “No, you have to help me. It’s really bad. They are all over my scrotum.”

I am young and innocent at this point and not really believing what I’m hearing.

Me: “Pardon me, what did you say?”

Customer: “They’re all over my scrotum! You won’t believe how much it’s itching! I need help right now!”

Me: “Sorry, are you certain we’re talking about mites? It might be bedbugs; the usual symptoms for that are skin irritation. I just assign work orders, but I can transfer you to a professional who can help you narrow down what kind of pest you might be dealing with.”

Customer: “No, I know it’s mites because they’re just on my scrotum. It itches so bad. Give me your email address and I’ll send you a picture!”

Me: “Please don’t. I’ll just transfer you directly to a [Company] professional.”

Many apologies to the poor person at the pest control company who had to take that call, but we were not allowed to hang up on customers and I was absolutely not paid enough to deal with that kind of thing.