They Have A Listening Allergy

, , , , , | Right | February 27, 2018

(I work for a beekeeper selling honey. We have one type specifically for allergies. Honey sticks, however, are pasteurized, and thus have zero allergy benefits.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to buy five honey sticks.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be one dollar.”

Customer: “Thanks. I’d like to try them for my allergies.”

Me: “Oh, well, if you need something for allergies, I’d recommend [allergy specific honey].”

Customer: “Nah, I’ll take the sticks.”

Me: “Well, we sell the sticks for snacks, but they are pasteurized and have no allergy benefits.”

Customer: “That’s fine.” *turns to husband/boyfriend* “Hey, babe, these will help my allergies.”

Me: “Ma’am, these have no allergy benefits; even if they weren’t pasteurized, you’d need to eat at least five a day.”

Customer: “Great! I’ll put one in my tea. That’ll help my allergies then, too, right?”

Me: *stunned* “Suuuure.”

Customer: “Wonderful!” *hands me a dollar*

There’s Holding-Your-Hair Drunk, And Then There’s This:

, , , , , | Hopeless | February 26, 2018

I was out in town with my friend, when she started complaining that she felt tired, and asking if could we head back home. While waiting for food before our taxi home, she began being sick, and repeatedly just saying how tired she was.

She fell down and bumped her head, so we couldn’t take any chances with her drowsiness. One very kind passer-by stayed with us, cancelled our taxi, called an ambulance, and waited on the phone with them, keeping my friend awake and asking questions to be able to ascertain her consciousness level.

She then came with us to the hospital, and stayed with us until my friend had been seen and assessed by a doctor. She gave up her night out and left her friends to stay with two very drunk girls, who were panicking quite a lot. It restored faith in humanity, as many others were just walking past and laughing at the state of my friend, not offering any assistance or help, and basically only telling me that “I needed to get her home” and that I should “look after her better.”

So, thank you, kind stranger, for keeping a level head and providing so much assistance.

Giving Mom Some Pretty Strong Smoke Signals

, , , , , , , | Related | February 26, 2018

For his whole childhood, my dad’s mother smoked cigarettes in the car, in the house, and anywhere else you could smoke. He always complained about it to her, and she would tell him that when he had his own house, he could make the rules.

When he was old enough, my dad worked and saved his money to buy a car while in high school. He was really proud of that car, and did his best to keep it in good order. One day, it had been raining and he was told to drive his mom someplace. They hit the road, and as he got on a highway, his mom lit up in his car. My dad rolled his window down, quick as a flash, snatched the cigarette from her mouth, and threw it out the window. He said she yelled at him for doing that, and he calmly pointed out that it was his car, his rules. He always ended the story with two points:

1) It was one of the best days of his minor life, being able to put his mom in her place.

2) He only threw it out the window because he knew it was too wet to burn. Don’t start grass fires, kids.

Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 18

, , , , , , | Working | February 26, 2018

(I’m in my late 20s, but because of my size, I am often mistaken for a teenager. A few months prior to this incident, my husband and I decided to start trying to conceive. I’m very excited and immediately go out and buy a pregnancy test. A few weeks later, the test is negative, and I go to the same store to buy a pack of tests. I am checked out by the same cashier, an older woman. When I approach with the tests, she gives me a disgusted look. The following happens:)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Cashier: “I’m fine… Honey, would you like me to show you where we keep the condoms? They’re not hard to find; they’re in the same aisle as the tests.”

Me: *a little taken aback* “No, thank you.”

(The cashier doesn’t ring out the test. She just looks at me.)

Cashier: “Sweetie, the condoms aren’t too expensive. We have some great options, and it would be a lot better than these constant scares.”

Me: “Oh, it’s not a scare—”

Cashier: *cuts me off* “I saw you a few weeks ago, buying a test. I remember because I said a prayer for you, that you wouldn’t be pregnant.”

Me: *getting angry now* “Well, that’s not a very nice thing to pray for! I want to be pregnant”

Cashier: *looks horrified* “Honey, you don’t want to be pregnant; trust me. You want to finish school, get a job, and find a guy who wants you for more than sex. Make the guy marry you first!”

Me: “Pretty sure this is none of your business, but my husband and I both have well-paying jobs, and a baby would be a blessing. Please ring me out.”

Cashier: “I can’t believe your parents let you get married so young!”

Me: “I’m almost 30. And again, this is none of your business.”

(She finally finished ringing me out, and I had a word with the manager about the incident. He promised to speak to her about it. It’s been two weeks, and when I go back she avoids me like the plague.)

Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 17
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 16
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 15

A Different Kind Of Lip-Service

, , , , , , | Related | February 25, 2018

(My brother-in-law is over to play fighting games with my husband, and we are all clearing the coffee table so they can have it to put their fight sticks on. My brother-in law picks up my lip balm that was on the table.)

Brother-In-Law: “Is this lip balm from your gynecologist?

Me: “Yeah, they just have a bunch of them in a basket when you check out.”

Husband: “Isn’t that a little weird?”

Me: “No! They want you to take care of both sets of lips!”

Brother-In-Law & Husband: *horrified looks and awkward laughs*


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