Bees Full Of Kryptonite

, , , , , , | Learning | November 19, 2019

(I work for a kids camp at a college. We are the typical rich kids camp, so we get a lot of stress from parents throughout the whole summer. But some parents just leave us with gem-like stories.)

Me: “Okay. Does your child have any allergies that we should be aware of?”

Mom: “Nope! Our little boy is like Superman! Nothing can hurt him!”

Dad: *stays quiet*

Me: “All right, then! I’ve got everything I need. I think you are good to go! Have a nice day.”

Mom: “Thanks!” *phone rings* “Oh. I’ll meet you guys outside. I have to take this.” *runs outside*

Dad: *to me* “Um… Can you actually wait a second?”

Me: “Yes?”

Dad: “My son is actually allergic to bee stings.”

Me: “Wait, seriously? How come she said he was ‘Superman’?”

Son: “She thinks it’s a ‘flaw’ and is embarrassed about it.”

Me: “Oh… well, no worries, man. I won’t tell anyone, but make sure you have your medicine with you.”

Dad & Son: “Thanks!” *leaves*

Coworker: “Wait… if she doesn’t like to admit he has an allergy, then how did they get medicine?”

Me: “I’m either gonna say in secret or the black market.”

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Customers Aren’t Even Faintly Concerned

, , , , | Right | November 18, 2019

(I work as a cashier at a drugstore. When I was hired, I told them I start to pass out if I stand still too long and they said they’d put me in the makeup section where I’d be moving around a lot. Unfortunately, I am good with customers, and I get put on the front register every single shift. The line today is long, and nobody comes up when I ask for a second cashier.)

Me: “Sorry the line is going slow. If anybody doesn’t want to wait, they can also check you out in cosmetics.”

(A few customers peel off, which is a relief. I’m overwhelmed and starting to get faint, and stress makes it worse. About five minutes later, one comes back to my line.)

Customer #1: “You said it was faster, but I’ve been waiting this whole time.”

Me: “I’m so sorry. I didn’t see she was doing a return. I’ll help you right away.”

Customer #1: “You should have checked.”

Me: “Yes. I made a mistake. I’m very sorry.”

(We finish going through the order, but I’m starting to pass out and can’t see or think clearly.)

Me: “Here’s your change. It’s ten… Sorry, ten… It’s…”

Customer #1: “You need to learn how to do your job.”

(He walks out in a huff.)

Customer #2: “Miss, are you all right? You don’t look well.”

(I pass out and smack my head on the way down. I have a concussion and have to be taken home by a coworker. A month later, the same customer walks in.)

Customer #1: “So have you learned how to do your job yet?”

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Why Do Men Balk At The Thought Of Blood?

, , , , | Related | November 17, 2019

(My family is religious and typically goes to church every Sunday morning. This morning, I’ve been hit with some period cramps that hurt enough to make me opt out in favor of curling up with a heating blanket. While they’re gone, I realize that I’m running low on supplies, so I text my mother, asking if she can stop at the store to pick me up some more pads on the way home. She doesn’t respond for a while and I’m not sure if the message has even been delivered, even though I’m pretty sure the service is over by now. I text my dad with the same question and tell him that I tried to contact Mom but she hasn’t responded. When my family comes home, my mother bears the coveted supplies.)

Me: “Thank you!”

Mom: “You’re welcome. Sorry I didn’t see your text.”

Me: “It’s okay. What did Dad say when I sent the text to him?”

Mom: “He saw it and then just kind of shoved his phone at me and said, ‘Nope, you deal with this.’”

(I sometimes wonder how he’s survived this long with a wife and a menstruating daughter.)

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Wisdom Is Sometimes Blessed Upon The Young

, , , , , , | Related | November 16, 2019

When I’m fifteen, I have all four wisdom teeth out at once. I don’t see much point in whining or complaining about the pain, so I just set timers for when I can take my next dosage of pain meds — five total over-the-counter pills every six hours, plus an antibiotic three times a day — and distract myself with Disney movies and a Pokémon marathon.

The morning after the procedure, I’m drinking a smoothie and reading on my phone. My parents are having their own breakfast.

My mother turns to my father and says, “If you were in her place right now, you’d be bawling.”

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Deaf To Reason, Part 11

, , , , | Right | November 14, 2019

(One of my coworkers is this young woman in her early 20s. She’s deaf and usually wears a hearing aid, but she can lip read and sign just fine. Her job mostly consists of unpacking and loading merchandise on the shelves so it’s rare that she has to deal with customers, and most customers seemed to understand that… except for this one time.)

Me: “Hello there. How may I help you toda—”

(The customer ignores me and directly walks towards my coworker.)

Customer: “Hey, you! Come over here and help me find [product]!”

(My coworker has her back to the customer so she doesn’t notice her yelling.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’ll be more than willing to assist you if you need anything; there’s no need to bother the other workers here. Plus, she’s—”

Customer: “No! I want her to help me; she’s lazing around the store doing absolutely nothing while you work your a**es off! These types of people need to learn a lesson! HEY! YOU!”

(She cuts me off and angrily steps towards my coworker and blocks her way.)

Customer: “I’ve been talking to you for a while now. How dare you ignore me, you b****?!” *pauses, seemingly noticing something in her ear* “You were on the phone this whole time?! I cannot f****** believe this! I am a customer and I deserve to be treated with respect!”

Me: “Ma’am—”

(I can’t believe my eyes. The crazy customer starts attempting to yank the hearing aid out of my poor coworker’s ear while the customer continues to scream, demanding proper service.)

Me: *while pushing her away* “MA’AM! FOR GOODNESS SAKE, SHE’S DEAF! Leave the store now or I’ll call the police to kick you out personally!”

Customer: *red-faced, realizing what she has done* “WELL, I DIDN’T KNOW THAT SHE WAS DEAF!”

Me: “Does that give you an excuse to violently yank something out of someone’s ear?”

(The customer left the store quickly and I contacted a few numbers to report about the case and have this woman banned from our store. My poor coworker, fortunately, didn’t have any injuries, but she got switched to work at a different department later on.)

Deaf To Reason, Part 10
Deaf To Reason, Part 9
Deaf To Reason, Part 8

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