At Least You’re Alive To Watch The Real Life

, , , , , , | Friendly | December 6, 2017

(I’m outside at my college on the morning of September 12, 2001, before class. We are in the United States.)

Girl: *to a friend* “Look, like, I get, like, it’s a big deal, or whatever, but I don’t know why even MTV has to talk about it. Why do I have to miss TRL because of some stupid planes?”

I Came, I Saw, I Stupid

, , , , , | Learning | November 5, 2017

(My advanced-placement world history class is talking about the classical empires, and my teacher has started talking about Julius Caesar.)

Teacher: “Because of Julius Caesar, and his impact on the Roman Empire…”

Student #1: “Wait, what? Julius Caesar was a real person? I thought he was made-up!”

Student #2: “Yeah! I thought Shakespeare just made him up! He was real?”

Teacher: *sighing* Yes, [Students], he was a real person.”

Being A Slave To History Sucks

, , , , | Learning | October 30, 2017

(I am in a rather large advanced Language Arts class. We are in the middle of lesson, in which I have spaced out. I sit in the front row. This is what I hear:)

Teacher: “Yes, Thomas Jefferson! And what did Thomas Jefferson do?”

Kid In The Back: “HE SUCKED!”

The Bartok Scenes Are A Bit Of A Stretch

, , , , , , | Related | October 5, 2017

(My grandmother takes me to see the animated movie “Anastasia” when it comes out. We’ve only seen the first few minutes. All the narration has said so far is that the Czar used to rule Russia, Anastasia was his daughter, and Rasputin was a mystic who was close to the royal family. Accurate enough, and certainly recognizable as right before the Russian Revolution.)

Narration: “The year was nineteen hundred and sixteen.”

Grandma: “Did she say 1916 or 1960?”

Me: “I dunno.”

(Give me a break; I was seven. I think for a second.)

Me: “You were alive in 1960, and not in 1916. Do you remember this?”

Grandma: “This is based on something that really happened?”

(I’m still not sure if she actually forgot that the Russian Revolution happened and that Czars were a real thing, or if she didn’t realize that no matter how unrealistic the rest of the movie was, if it was set at the time of the revolution it would still have to be in 1916, not 1960.)

A Revolutionary Revelation

, , , , | Learning | September 21, 2017

(My friends and I are cramming for our first European History test in our first class of the day. It covers the French Revolution.)

Best Friend: “The basic thing to know is that the French were on the losing side of every war they were in, including their own Revolution.”

Me: “Wait. Weren’t they on our side during the American Revolution?”

Another Friend: “Did we win that?”

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