A Hot Take So Hot It Melts Steel Beams

, , , , , | Learning | March 27, 2021

I’m in college, and I recently overheard this in class.

Student: “How could 9/11 have been an inside job if the planes came from outside the building?”

How did you manage to get in here?

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Who Mourns For Adonis?

, , , , , , | Right | March 23, 2021

I am conducting an English-speaking tour of the museum for some American tourists. We are in the Greek history section where we have several very famous and beautiful statues from the period.

Me: “This is the statue of Adonis, the ancient Greek god of beauty and desire.”

I am interrupted by one of the tourists, a middle-aged woman.

Tourist: “Nu-uh! That’s a man!”

Me: “Yes, Adonis was a male god.”

Tourist: “Ain’t no man gonna be a god of beauty. That’s the… uh… the Venus!”

Me: “Venus was the Roman goddess of beauty and love, and her Greek counterpart would have been Aphrodite.”

Tourist: “No! No man is going to be beautiful! That’s just wrong!”

Me: “I… uh… Well, I am sorry, ma’am, but that’s what the ancient Greeks believed.”

Tourist: “I bet he was one of those men who dressed up as women! That’s wrong!”

I let her rant for a while as she was not being too loud and I could continue the tour, only for my heart to sink as we progressed along the tour and got to another famous statue: Hermaphroditus, the god of hermaphrodites and effeminates.


This story is part of our Best Of March 2021 roundup!

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And That’s The Historical Tea

, , , , , , , | Right | February 12, 2021

The cafe I work in sits near several major transport links, so we get a lot of travelers, national and international, on a daily basis. One of my coworkers is somewhat notorious for having little to no brain-mouth filter and fairly anti-establishment views.

It’s late November and we have an American guest who’s making small talk after receiving her coffee. She starts talking about Thanksgiving and how the UK doesn’t have a comparable day.

Guest: “I just don’t understand why you don’t celebrate anything like it. Are you not thankful for your country?”

Coworker: “We are, but if we celebrated every time we exterminated a native population and stole their country, we’d only need to work twenty days a year.”

Guest: “…”

She made a hasty retreat to her table afterward.


This story is part of our Best Of February 2021 roundup!

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An Excellent Philosophy For Life

, , , , , | Related | February 5, 2021

I am young when the Berlin Wall is nearing its deconstruction, and my parents try to explain it to me in terms I can understand. Apparently, my vibrant imagination is a strong force in my life, and this conversation happens.

Me: “What’s wrong with the Berlin Wall?”

Mom: “It’s built between two halves of a city.”

Me: “So, why don’t people just climb over it?”

Mom: “It’s got guards who will stop people from doing that.”

Me: *After pondering* “Do the guards stop birds from flying over it?”

Mom: “No, just people.”

Me: “So why don’t people just turn into birds and fly over it?”

Mom: “People can’t really do that.”

Me: *Irritated* “Then grownups need to invent a way. You’re adults, after all!”

Apparently, I was disappointed to hear that the Berlin Wall had been knocked down. I made it abundantly clear that “turning into birds and pooping on the stupid wall as they crossed” made a much better statement.

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Putting Up Posters Here Is Contraindicated

, , , , , | Working | February 1, 2021

For those who don’t know, contra dancing is a social folk dance for couples. It started in New England and has spread over the US in the past few decades.

In 1987, a group of us were trying to establish a contra dance club in a large sunbelt city. We needed to advertise and a local natural food store in town looked like an obvious choice. It had a bulletin board for community announcements and we put a flyer up.

The flyer disappeared within a few hours. We assumed someone had taken it for information; encouraged, we placed another one there. This, too, vanished quickly. Rinse and repeat: four flyers went up and were immediately removed.

Finally, we realized that the store itself must be taking them down, so we asked the manager why our flyers were not welcome.

Manager: “We don’t support the Contras!”

The Iran-Contra affair was a secret US arms deal that took place during Ronald Reagan’s presidency where they traded missiles and such to free American hostages in Lebanon. The US also used funds from this deal to support armed conflict in Nicaragua, where anti-communist Contras were fighting with the communist Sandinista government.

Obviously, it had nothing to do with our dance club!

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