The Crutch Of The Matter

, , , , , | Right | October 11, 2019

(I recently injured my ankle. Because I can’t walk, I’m stationed at the front with a chair to help greet customers and direct them to different departments.)

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Store]. Can I help you find anything?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m looking for buttons.”

Me: “Okay, they’ll be just past our quilting section down this aisle!”

Customer: “Can you show me?”

Me: “I can’t, but I can get someone here to walk you there!”

Customer: “Ugh, stupid millennials are so lazy.”

(The customer’s husband speaks up.)

Husband: “You know, I’m willing to bet those crutches leaning on the chair are hers.” 

(The customer went red and stormed off. I thanked her husband before he followed her.)

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A Pox On Both Their Houses!

, , , , , , | Working | October 11, 2019

(This takes place back in the early 90s, right before the chickenpox vaccine is released. I am only a toddler at the time and my family is about to go on a very expensive — and non-refundable — vacation. My babysitter at the time sometimes watches me with a friend of hers and the kid she babysits. That kid comes down with chickenpox, and the kid’s mother asks my mother if it is all right to expose me “to get it over with,” which my mom emphatically refuses due to our impending trip. She also tells my babysitter that she doesn’t want me to go over to that kid’s house while they are sick, which my babysitter agrees to. The next day, my babysitter is dropping me off and my mom sees the chickenpox kid in the car with me.)

Mom: “I told you I didn’t want her near [Other Kid]!”

Babysitter: “Oh, don’t worry, we didn’t have them in the house together at all!”

(I got chickenpox. My parents had to cancel the trip and forfeit their deposit. Twenty plus years later, my mom is still kicking herself over not being more specific in her instructions.)

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They Don’t Cover That Part In The Medical Books

, , , , | Related | October 11, 2019

(While waiting at the doctor’s office, I overhear a conversation between a four-year-old girl, her mom, and her aunt. The mom is filling out an intake form for the little girl, chuckling at some of the questions.)

Mom: “Do you have a headache? It’s important to tell the truth, because the doctor needs to know.”

Girl: “Yes. No. Yes. Yes, I do. No.”

Mom: “Okay, are you pregnant?”

Girl: “Nooooooo.”

Aunt: *laughs* “I bet she doesn’t even know what that means.”

Mom: “Tell your aunt what you have to do to become pregnant.”

Girl: *raises her hand and counts off with her fingers* “Go to school! Get a job! Get married! Have lots of babies!”

Mom: “See, I told you she knows.”

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A Stitch In Time Off

, , , , | Working | October 9, 2019

(I’ve just been in an accident. While I haven’t been seriously injured, I’m badly shaken and have been told to take a couple of days off work. I call in before getting stitches.)

Me: “Hey, it’s [My Name]. I won’t be able to come in tomorrow or the next day.”

Manager: “Why? Is everything okay?”

Me: “I’ve just been in an accident. They told me to take the next two days off to recover.”

Manager: “Let me look…”

(I hear her typing a bit.)

Manager: “[My Name], you aren’t scheduled for the next two days.”

Me: “Wait, really?”

Manager: “Yep, your next shift is [date].”

Me: “Okay. Thank you.”

(The nurse gives me a look.)

Nurse: “Everything okay?”

Me: “Yeah, I apparently called out for my days off.”

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Flease Don’t Bring Him In

, , , , , , | Right | October 7, 2019

(I’m a manager at a pet store and we do allow people to bring their pets into the store. However, we do have stipulations.)

Me: *answering phone* “Hello, [Pet Store], how may I help you?”

Caller: “My puppy has fleas; can you help?”

Me: “I think we can; we have many items to help with fleas. Can I ask you about your puppy?”

(He goes on to explain about his puppy, and it’s obvious over the phone he’s got a bad flea problem.)

Me: “I can help you right away if you come to the store. Just ask for me.”

Caller: “Okay, I’ll be right there. Is it okay if I bring my puppy?”

Me: “Sir, while we do allow pets in the store, I’m going to ask that you do not bring your puppy, because we do not want our other guests to get infested.”

Caller: “Okay, I understand. I’ll be there in about ten minutes.”

(Sure enough, about ten minutes later a man shows up, but he does have his puppy with him and it is literally covered head to toe in fleas.)

Me: “Sir, aren’t you the man I just spoke with on the phone? Didn’t I ask you not to bring your puppy?”

Caller: “Yes, but I wanted you to see just how bad it was!”

(I managed to get him to take his puppy outside. He was actually a very nice customer and very happy to have me help him out, and eventually, he did see why he shouldn’t have brought his dog into the store.)

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