We All Suspected…

, , , , , | Working | April 5, 2021

I work at a franchise that serves food and beverages, so naturally, we had to watch a video explaining corporate’s new cleaning and hygiene policies in light of the 2020 health crisis. One line in particular stuck out at me.

Video: “Employees should wear gloves no matter what task they are doing because customers expect to see front-end employees wearing gloves.”

That was it. Nothing about germs, the importance of hand-washing, or contact with food; just a straight-up admission that the gloves are theater without even a recommendation to change them between tasks. Good to know the higher-ups are looking out for our customers’ health!

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I Can See Clearly Now… You’re An Idiot

, , , , , , | Legal | April 2, 2021

I’m a police officer. We are driving a patrol around the area when a car driving on the opposite side of the road coming toward us starts flashing its lights. Thinking the driver might need assistance, we stop in the road, our window level with his.

Me: “Is there a problem, sir?”

Man: “Why haven’t you got your lights on?”

Me: “Why would we need our lights on, sir?”

Man: “It’s the law; you have to have them on.”

It’s an overcast day, a little grey, but visibility is good and road conditions are good. In the UK, the highway code states that headlights must be used when visibility is seriously reduced to under 100 meters. However, this is nothing like today’s conditions.

Me: “Sir, the highway code states visibility of fewer than 100 meters.”

Man: “Yeah, so you should have your lights on, then!”

Me: “Pull over, sir, and we can talk.”

He is getting pretty aggressive, almost spitting at us. Something just doesn’t seem right, so we pull over to the side of the road. My partner drives out 100 meters and I point him out to the man.

Me: “He is around the distance you need to have lights on. Can you see the car clearly?”

Man: *Slightly smug* “No!”

Me: “Sir, do you have a set of prescription glasses you need to wear while driving?”

Man: “Well, I, err… left them at home.”

We got into it and eventually discovered that the man had severe sight problems, and he must wear strong glasses as part of his insurance.

Judging by his prescription, the guy was a massive risk on the road; if a child ran out in front of him, he wouldn’t have seen them until it was too late. With two schools between us and his house, it was a good job we caught him.

He argued and couldn’t see what he did wrong but he still ended up with points on his licence and a fine.

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Allergic To Common Sense, Part 19

, , , , , | Right | April 1, 2021

I volunteer in childcare at my church. The childcare system follows a system called “Plan to Protect,” which involves signing your child into the computer. The computer then prints two stickers: one for the parent and one for the child. The sticker for the child has their name, a symbol, a set of numbers, and if the child has any allergies. The parent’s sticker has a matching set of numbers and symbol, and we have to collect both symbols before we are allowed to release the child.

I fill in for my brother in the toddler room. I don’t usually work with toddlers, but I go where I’m needed. As it turns out, the toddlers receive a small cup of animal crackers as a snack. This isn’t usually a problem, but we have a new child with us this week. Her mother has filled out the forms and lets us know that her child is allergic to dairy. She gives us a granola bar because we can’t determine whether or not there is dairy in the crackers.

Come snack time, all the little ones are hungry. The other children are given animal crackers and I am given the granola bar to give to the child.

I am the only leader who is “Plan To Protect” certified because I usually work in another section. The toddler’s leaders are supposed to have a lead who is certified but she is away that week. That makes me, a fifteen-year-old, the only person allowed to give the child food outside of animal crackers.

I read the wrapper and discovered that the first item on the ingredients list is dairy. The kid is really hungry and crying, so someone decides to page the mother. I inform her that, due to “Plan To Protect,” I cannot feed the bar to her child.

Mother: “It’s okay. I’m her mother and I say it’s fine.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but you filed paperwork saying she was allergic to dairy, and I signed a form saying I wouldn’t feed a child food that they are allergic to.”

Mother: “Fine. [Child], I’m going to give you a granola bar because this nice little girl doesn’t want to.”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, you can’t give her food in this room. You are not ‘Plan To Protect’ certified, and you cannot feed someone in a room that is being used by the childcare service. If you give it to her in the hall, it’s fine, though.”

Mother: “B****.”

I assume that’s the last of it, but later I’m told to report to the youth director. The lady told her that I tried to feed her sweet child food she was allergic to.

The funny thing is, I’ve been attending this church longer than I’ve been eating solid food. The youth director knows I take volunteering very seriously and that I would never do that. She tells the lady that I don’t usually work with toddlers, so even if I did do that, I wouldn’t be near her daughter again for another couple of years.

Mother: “You’re not going to fire her? Where I’m from, a child who disobeyed and put someone’s life at risk would be kicked out of the church forever. I’m never coming back to this stupid place!”

Allergic To Common Sense, Part 18
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 17
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 16
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 15
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 14

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Your Boss Is Just Sick

, , , , | Working | April 1, 2021

My boss has just come back from a week-long vacation. She shuffles in and puts her head down on her desk. My boss is anti-vaccine, and this story is about a year before a certain worldwide health crisis.

Me: “How was your trip?”

Boss: “The first few days were great, but I’ve got this horrible cold now. My head is pounding and everything hurts.”

Me: “Do you need to go home and sleep it off? Or go to the doctor?”

Boss: “No, I’ll be fine.”

Me: “Are you sure? I can cover.”

Boss: “I know what you’re thinking. I won’t get you sick!”

About two hours later, I need her to approve some paperwork. Our system allows users to send requests to a supervisor’s computer, and they can approve electronically. I do this.

Me: “Hey, [Boss]? I just sent you an approval.”

Boss: “Oh, I’ll come over and do it.”

Me: “No, I sent it to you electronically.”

Boss: “I’ll just come over!”

Me: “No, you’re sick. I’d rather you didn’t—”

My boss comes over, does the approval, and then starts touching everything: my pens, my phone, my drawer handles, etc.

Me: “What are you doing?! Stop it!”

Boss: “Oh, my bad.”

She walks back to her desk. I sanitize everything and go back to work. I go to lunch soon after. After I get back from lunch, one of my coworkers comes over to my desk.

Coworker: “Hey, uh… [Boss] was over here using your computer during lunch and coughing all over the place.”


Coworker: “She said her computer was having issues or something. She said not to tell you, since you’re a germaphobe, so don’t let on that you know.”

Me: “Super.”

I sanitize everything again and get back to work. Less than forty-eight hours later, I wake up with body aches, a pounding headache, a cough, and a fever. Basically, it feels like a truck hit me. I call my doctor and rattle off my symptoms to the nurse practitioner on duty. I ask if I need to come to get checked.

Nurse: “Nope, you don’t need to come in. It’s a nasty strain of influenza A. I’m putting in a prescription for Tamiflu right now. We’ve seen a bunch of cases this week with identical symptoms. Seems our flu shot didn’t cover this strain. It’s highly contagious.”

Me: “Of course, it is.”

I am out of work for five days. When I return to work, I get this gem…

Boss: “The flu, huh? I guess the flu shot doesn’t work after all.”

Me: “There’s not much defense against a sick person coughing all over my desk! You didn’t do that on purpose to prove a point, did you?! Because if you did…”

I raise an eyebrow at her. Her face turns red.

Boss: “I didn’t have the flu, so no.”

Me: “You’re the only sick person I’ve been around, and we had matching symptoms.”

Boss: “It wasn’t the flu, because I didn’t have any stomach issues!”

Me: “Uh… the stomach flu isn’t actually a flu. The actual flu is what we had. Body aches, fever, headache, coughing—”

Boss: “Well, I didn’t have it, because I feel better!”

Me: “Wait, what?”

Boss: “Exactly.”

Me: “?!”

I found a new job soon after.

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If You Give A Boss A Cookie…

, , , , | Working | March 31, 2021

I was recently diagnosed with IBS, and I am still learning my triggers. A local bakery sells giant cookies that are very popular in my office. I try one and end up with IBS symptoms not long after eating it. I think that maybe it was something else I ate, so ignore it. After a couple of weeks, and continued episodes every time I eat one, I realize it is the cookies. The next day, my boss announces she’s going over to the bakery and asks if we want anything. My coworkers put in their orders. My boss turns to me.

Me: “Nothing today. Thanks, though!”

Boss: “What? No cookie?”

Me: “The cookies are actually aggravating my IBS, so I’m not getting them anymore.”

Boss: “Got it!”

She returns from the bakery and hands me a cookie.

Boss: “Here you go!”

Me: “Um… I didn’t want anything.”

Boss: “It’s on me!”

Coworker #1: “I’ll take it! Can’t have you getting sick.”

I hand it over. A couple of weeks later, my boss asks me again. I tell her that I still don’t want anything due to the IBS issue. But once again, she comes back and hands me a cookie.

Me: “[Boss], I can’t have these.”

Boss: “But you like them.”

Me: “I do. But I can’t eat them anymore. They make me sick.”

Boss: “Okay.”

She walks away. I silently hand the cookie to a different coworker. A few weeks later, the same thing happens.

Me: “[Boss], I seriously can’t have these.”

Boss: “It’s just one cookie.”

Me: “But they give me IBS and I’ll be sick the rest of the day.”

My boss attempts to hand it to me.

Boss: “C’mon, [My Name]!”

Me: “I’m not making this up. It’s going in the trash as soon as you walk away. Please stop buying these.”

She placed the cookie on my desk. I sighed and threw it in the trash. This same situation happened several more times. Thankfully, I have a different job now, where they don’t try to feed me foods that aggravate my IBS.

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