Causing You Tissue Damage

, , , | Right | January 16, 2019

(I work as a cashier and for the last few months, I’ve frequently been getting colds and other minor illnesses. None of this has prevented me from coming into work but has become very annoying.)

Me: “I’ll be seeing a doctor tomorrow because this is getting ridiculous.”

Coworker: “Your immune system is so rubbish.”

Me: “I know.”

(A customer approaches and I ring her up.)

Me: “That’ll be [total], please.”

Customer: “Okay.” *digs her hand into her pockets for change*

(I hold my hand out for the change. At the same time, she draws her hand out of her pocket and reveals her change,  along with a very used tissue, which she dumps into my hand. Then she takes the tissue back.)

Customer: “Oh, sorry, dear. I need that.”

(I have a very good theory about why I keep getting colds.)

A Bus Full Of Knee-Jerks

, , , , , , | Legal | January 16, 2019

A few days before this story happened, I injured my knee and had to use a cane to walk for a week. I got on a bus and sat in one of the reserved seats.

A woman, maybe in her sixties, got on a few stops after me and immediately demanded that I give her my seat. I told her that I was sorry, but that I was unable to do so because of my injured knee.

The woman, as well as most of the people in the bus, thought I was lying, even when I showed my cane. I received some very rude comments from the people in the bus, but I tried to ignore them and pointed out that it would be quite stupid for me to go out with a cane and pretend that I was injured just to avoid giving my seat.

A middle-aged man, who was with the woman, got angry and lifted me from my seat. Without my cane, I couldn’t stand on my own and immediately fell to the floor.

That was the moment that everyone realised I was not lying. The bus stopped, but the driver wouldn’t let anyone off. I was furious; not only had I been taken for a liar, but I had hurt my chin and hit my injured knee during the fall, so I ignored their apologies and called the police on them. They were livid, and they offered me money not to call the police on them, but I was so angry, I still called them.

I had to get stitches in my chin and had to use the cane for an extra week.

Long story short: the woman was not charged, but the man was, and he had to spend a few months in prison.

So Excited They Could Puke

, , , , , | Romantic | January 16, 2019

(I am on my second day of severe food poisoning when my girlfriend and I decide we absolutely have to go to the urgent care to get me feeling better, knowing I have to get at least an IV. Two weeks ago, I purchased an engagement ring and had been planning on proposing the day I got sick. Being overly romantic is something I have never been accused of, and this time is no different. We are halfway down the highway to urgent care when I painfully shift towards her in the car and pull out the ring. She takes one look at it and nearly drives us into the wall in shock… and holds out her right hand.)

Me: “No… I actually do mean the other hand…”

(She starts crying and hands me her left hand, all the while trying not to crash, and I flop back down weakly into the seat.)

Me: “So… is that a yes?”

(Luckily, yes, it was a yes. When we tell the story of how we got engaged, we like to say it was only because I didn’t think I was going to live long enough to “have to actually get married”!)

More Shocked That They Didn’t See That Coming

, , , , , | Working | January 14, 2019

(My coworker has had the hiccups for about half an hour. I am the manager. She walks past the office towards the restroom, and I get an idea.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], hold on. I need you to sign this; your register was over $200 short yesterday.”

Coworker: *jaw drops* “Are you f****** kidding me?!”

Me: *pause* “Are you still hiccupping?”

Coworker: “I hate you.”

When Dyscalculia Attacks!

, , , , , , , | Learning | January 14, 2019

I had a babysitter once who I found out was in the ‘slow’ class and I couldn’t understand why, since she seemed like a normally intelligent kid.

She said it was her math; she just didn’t understand it and could never get it right. I told her to come over after school and I’d tutor her.

I decided to start at the beginning so I could judge where she was, and got out the penny jar to use in demonstrating basic adding and subtracting.

I soon came to realise that she had absolutely no concept of written numbers. She’d see a number and it was just a meaningless squiggle to her. She was trying to memorize them and remember what it meant when you had one squiggle and did something with it with another squiggle. I have never come across this before and have no idea what you’d call it. I’m sure it has a name.

So, we started with the pennies, me showing her that this squiggle meant these many pennies and onward and upward, and it didn’t really take long, once we figured out the problem, to get her all caught up. She graduated high school in a ‘regular’ class with her age mates.

But I CANNOT understand how this child got to grade ten without any of her ‘educators’ figuring this out!

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