It Will Be A Laborious Celebration

, , , , , | Right | March 8, 2019

(I’m pregnant and recently started showing, which has lead to many well-intentioned comments from customers.)

Customer: “When are you due?”

Me: “October.”

Customer: “Well, when the baby is born, you’ll have to celebrate!”

Me: “Oh, I have a feeling I’ll be ‘celebrating’ all night long!”

Depositing A Little Fear

, , , , , , , | Right | March 6, 2019

(I work as a bank teller. As part of our training, we are told that if we are ever robbed we are to just hand over the money and not fight or argue with the robber. The branch that I trained at was robbed three months ago. I work in a grocery store bank, and it is the middle of a weekday. A customer walks up to my station. He’s a big guy and looks like he could be a football player.)

Me: “Hello. How are you?”

(The customer doesn’t say anything and does not change facial expression. I’m a little unnerved, as this is not usual, but I press on.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

(He just tosses a sealed envelope onto the counter. I feel myself fill with fear. This guy is robbing me with a note. I stare at the envelope, not wanting to open it. The customer isn’t saying anything, just staring at me. I suddenly get really, really angry. I look at my stapler and debate just throwing it at his face. I quickly toss that idea aside and open the envelope. Inside is a deposit. I complete the deposit and hand the customer the slip. The customer never says a word, just stares at me the whole time. I feel shaky so I go tell my manager about it.)

Me: “He just scared me the whole time. His facial expression never changed, and he never said a word.”

Manager: “What was his name?”

Me: “[Customer].”

Manager: “Oh, he’s deaf. That’s why he didn’t say anything. He’s a regular at the main branch, but sometimes he stops in here.”

(Boy, was I glad I didn’t throw my stapler at him!)

Slow To Realize

, , , , | Right | March 6, 2019

(I have mild arthritis in my left leg, so I walk slowly. I am bringing out some shoe boxes for a customer, and the rows are quite narrow, so a different customer is stuck walking behind me.)

Customer: *under his breath* “Man, can you walk any slower?”

Me: “Actually, I can! I have arthritis, buddy. It is painful for me to even walk!”

(The customer looks admonished and turns bright red.)

Me: “Don’t judge people by their cover!”

(The customer apologized. He ended up buying around $200 worth of shoes and told the cashier I helped him so I would get a commission.)

I Pale In Comparison

, , , | Right | March 4, 2019

(I’m a cashier. It’s the dead of winter so my skin is pretty pale.)

Customer: “You know, your make-up would look more natural if you didn’t use a foundation that was so light.”

Me: “I’m not wearing any make-up.”

Customer: “You’re lying. You’re just one of those goth girls or vampire fans.”

Me: *rolling up my sleeve so she can see that the rest of me is just as white* “Nope, I’m just super pale.”

Customer: “Oh, God, you’re not lying. That’s gross!”

(I didn’t really know how else to respond and honestly was kind of hurt so the rest of the transaction went by in mostly awkward silence. Also, I’m not an albino or anything so I don’t know why the customer thought this wasn’t my natural skin color.)

Don’t Break Your Back Getting To Work

, , , , | Working | March 3, 2019

(My best friend and I are working at the same store. I work with our general merchandise, while he works in a specialized department that includes minor repair work and installation. On this day, shortly before his shift is set to start, I receive a text from him.)

Friend’s Text: “Hey, I was just in a car accident. Some guy rear-ended me. I’m okay, but I have to go to the hospital and get some x-rays and stuff. My neck and back are hurting really badly.”

My Response: “OMG! I’m glad you’re okay! I’ll tell [General Manager] for you.”

(I hunt down the general manager.)

Me: “Hey, [Friend] just texted me and told me that he was in a car accident. His neck and back are all messed up and they have to take him to the ER to get checked out.”

General Manager: *immediately panicked* “Is he coming in later?”

Me: “Um… I kind of doubt it…”

(It’s around 4:00 pm and the store is only open five more hours.)

General Manager: “Can you find out?”

Me: “Okay.”

(I pull out my phone and head back to where I was working.)

Me: “[General Manager] wants to know if you think you’ll be in later.”

Friend: “Yeah, no. I’m in an ambulance. My car is f***** up. My back is f***** up.”

Me: “Yeah, I didn’t think so.”

(Lucky me, I got to break the “bad news” to the general manager. She rushed off to try to find coverage for his department, not saying another word about him to me. The accident was bad enough to more or less ruin his spine, and he’s still suffering from it many years later. He was put on light duty by a doctor and wasn’t allowed to lift more than five pounds. They discovered a long time after that his hip had been dislocated and have been attempting to correct it. Yes, he was not in danger of losing his life, but I’ll never forget how ridiculous her response to the situation was.)

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