Protect The Dog, And Everyone Will Protect You  

, , , , , , | Right | December 2, 2019

(I’m hearing impaired, and because of this I have both hearing aids and a service dog who I bring with me everywhere in case my hearing aids fail. He’s very friendly. One day as I’m buying treats for my dog at a grocery store, a woman comes over.)

Woman: “Hello. I thought you weren’t allowed to have dogs in here.”

Me: “Oh, no. He’s a service dog.”

Woman: *immediately outraged* “YOU STOLE A BLIND PERSON’S SERVICE DOG! HOW DARE YOU?!”

Me: “Oh, no, ma’am, I have a hearing impediment; I bring him with me in case my hearing aids fail—”


(The woman tries to yank my dog’s leash from my hand, but the end of the leash loops around my shoulder, so it doesn’t really work too well.)

Woman: “GIVE ME THE DOG, YOU B****!”

(By this point she had drawn the attention of several employees, who were looking on in horror. Most employees are told not to touch other shoppers without consent, in case of lawsuits, so they just urged the women to let go of my dog, which she ignored. She then grabbed my dog by the tail. He started crying out in pain, and I did the first thing I could think of to protect my poor dog. I punched her twice: once in the stomach and again in the face. She let go right when the police arrived; she insisted I be arrested, but she herself was arrested for assault. I decided to press charges and I won the case, mainly because I had witnesses and store footage to back me up. She went to jail and had to pay me a large sum of money. Needless to say, my dog ate well after that!)

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Giving Voice To Stupid Complaints

, , , , | Right | November 27, 2019

(I work at a fast food sandwich shop. I come out of the back room and hear an irate customer talking to my coworker. I decide to watch, because she can get rather sassy with rude customers.)

Coworker: “Would you like anything else on this?”

Customer: “Could you not talk like that?”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, I’m recovering from a cold, so my voice is a little hoarse.”

Customer: “Your voice is really annoying me.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, I can’t speak any differently until my cold is completely gone.”

Customer: “Your voice is getting really d*** annoying!” *points at me* “You, finish my sandwich. I’m done with her.”

(The customer immediately became very polite once my coworker went into the back room. I finished up the sandwich and rang her up.)

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Seizing Up At The Facts

, , , , , , | Working | November 27, 2019

(I am working as a paramedic at a local casino and am called to a patron having a seizure. By the time I get there, the patient is alert. He says he has epilepsy and forgot his medication this morning. I check his vitals and clear him to continue along. However, about twenty minutes later, I get called to the security office and find the patient there.)

Security Officer: “This guy is trying to scam us! Look at this tape!”

(The tape shows the patient stop walking suddenly, look around, lay on the ground, and then start seizing. The guy already signed to clear the casino of any liability when he refused transport.)

Me: “Yeah? So?”

Security Officer:So?! Look at that! He obviously faked the seizure so he can sue the casino!”

Patient: “I’m not suing; I already said that. I felt the seizure coming, so I laid myself down to try to minimize any harm to myself.”

Security Officer: “Bulls***! You can’t feel a seizure coming on! I’ve seen loads of medical shows, and seizures just happen randomly, or are always faked! Tell him, Doc.”

Me: “Actually, Mr. [Patient] is right. Most epileptic patients have an ‘aura’ or sense that they’re about to have a seizure.”

Security Officer: “D*** right if I believe that hockey! I’m calling the local PD to take him away, and a real ambulance to prove I’m right!”

(It took me and the ambulance crew that was called 20 minutes to convince the security officer and his supervisor that the guy was not trying to sue the casino. Once the local PD arrived, they told the patient he was free to go, and, if he wanted, could now sue the casino for unlawful detainment!)

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Frozen: The Sequel

, , , , , , | Working | November 26, 2019

(I work in a supermarket and whilst I know situations happen that can affect stock badly — i.e. broken fridges, dodgy ovens on the hot counters, etc. — I know not to have conversations about it in front of customers. I’m at a different supermarket run by a different company, as they sell a particular product I want. I’m waiting for a supervisor to check on the stock level of the product and I’m stood by the customer service desk and cigarette kiosk. The two colleagues seem pretty oblivious to my presence, despite saying hello to me minutes earlier.)

Colleague #1: *to kiosk colleague* “So, did you hear about the freezer thing?”

Colleague #2: “No?”

Colleague #1: “Well, the freezer on the shop floor that has the chicken in it broke. All the chicken thawed overnight. The next morning, they got it fixed quite quickly. And apparently, they just decided to put all of the previously thawed chicken back in the freezer to sell.”

Colleague #2: “Ew. Why?!”

Colleague #1: “Not sure. I hope our customers like salmonella!”

(At this point, I had been informed by the supervisor that the product I wanted was out of stock. The next day, after I enquired through their website for a stock update on the product I wanted, a survey popped up about my experience and I was honest about what I’d overheard. A manager ended up emailing me about the two colleagues’ conversation, apologising for what I had overheard. I made a mental note to never buy frozen items from that particular supermarket!)

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He’s Taking Some Hypocriticin

, , , , | Working | November 26, 2019

(I have a chronic illness that requires daily medicine. I’m very open about this.)

Coworker: *on a rant* “…and you just don’t know what’s in medicine these days! They’re not natural, and we shouldn’t be taking them.”

Me: “You do realize who you’re talking to, right?”

Coworker: “If our time is up, our time is up, and taking prescriptions goes against that.”

Me: “Are you saying I should be dead right now?!”

Coworker: “Um…”

Me: “Wow…”

(I walk away rather than engage further. It takes me the rest of the day to cool off. A few days later…)

Coworker: “I think I’m getting sick. I think it’s a sinus infection.”

Me: “That sucks.”

Coworker: “I need to call my doctor and get an antibiotic. Maybe a steroid, too.”

Me: “Did you just say you’re calling a doctor for a prescription?”

Coworker: “Yeah, and?”

Me: *facepalm* “Never mind.”

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