The Bulb Isn’t The Only Dull Thing Around Here

, , , , , | Working | October 12, 2017

(I’m at a home improvement store looking for a replacement light bulb. I’ve checked online, where it lists the area the item will be in, but it lists it as an aisle higher than the highest aisle number that actually exists in the store. I’ve just managed to find an employee in the department to help me.)

Me: “Hi, I have this fluorescent bulb that I’m looking for a replacement for, but in a different color temperature. I can’t seem to find—”

([Worker #1] holds his hand out to stop me from talking, signing that he is deaf. I nod and bring out the previous bulb, which I’ve brought with me to recycle, and show it to him. The worker nods back at me, and begins to show me the way.)

Worker #2: *suddenly popping out of nowhere* “Oh, let me help you!”

Me: “But—” *being physically blocked by her while [Worker#1] rounds the corner*

Worker #2: “You need to write things down and show them to him, he’s deaf.”

Me: “Yes, I know, but he already knew what I needed.”

Worker #2: “Yes, but he’s deaf.”

Me: “I know…” *sighing* “Look, do you know where these fluorescent bulbs are?”

(I show her the bulb. She begins to take me to an area where I have already been searching for about 15 minutes.)

Me: “I’ve already been here, and to the next three aisles. It wasn’t here.”

Worker#2: *awkwardly* “This actually isn’t my department. It was his.”

([Worker#1], who had clearly been searching for me, spotted me and motioned for me to follow him again. I found the bulb in less than a minute, and in the new color temperature I wanted. I’m not sure why [Worker #2] intervened in the first place. This store doesn’t work on commission, and it was [Worker #1]’s department, and we didn’t have any apparent communication issues, even though he was deaf!)

Boys Are Stupid, Period

, , , , , , | Learning | October 11, 2017

(An unused tampon has fallen out of someone’s backpack, and is now sitting on the floor. Most girls shuffle over it, but the guys jump away like it’s an unpinned grenade.)

Teacher: “Guys, go sit down!”

Guys: “There’s a tampon on the floor!”

Me: *picking it up* “It’s unused.”

Teacher: “Really, guys? Go sit.”

Guy #1: “Ew, you’re holding it?”

Girl #1: “That’s literally just a compressed cotton ball.”

Girl #2: “It hasn’t even touched a vagina.”

Teacher: “Can I see it?”

Guy #2: “This is f****** disgusting.”

Guy #3: “GROSS!”

Teacher: “Hey, [Girl #3], catch!”

(The girls in the classroom tossed it around before finally chucking it in the trash. The guys eventually sat down, and that teacher is still one of my favorites.)

Wazoo Cramps

, , , , , , | Romantic | October 11, 2017

(My wife has a love-hate relationship with ibuprofen: it makes her drowsy, but it’s also the only thing that soothes her menstrual cramps.)

Wife: “Ooh… cramps just kicked in. Ibuprofen up the wazoo.”

Me: “That seems less than ideal. I don’t think your body will absorb it properly if you put it up your wazoo.”

Wife: “Oh, my God. You’re ridiculous.”

Hard Rules For Soft Cheese

, , , , , | Working | October 10, 2017

(My friend is around eight months pregnant, and we’ve gone to a cafe for lunch together. Note that in the UK, soft cheeses such as Brie are on the list of foods that pregnant women are recommended not to eat, along with raw eggs, undercooked meat, etc. because there is an extremely small risk of listeria. However, there is no law preventing the sale of any of these foods to pregnant women, and it’s a woman’s individual choice whether she eats these foods or not. My friend picks up a Brie and bacon baguette from the fridge, and goes to the counter to pay.)

Cashier: “Okay, so that’s a Brie and bacon…” *spots my friend’s belly* “Oh. Oh, no, I’m sorry.”

Friend: “Sorry? Is there a problem?”

Cashier: “You can’t have this. I can’t sell this to you.”

Friend: “What do you mean?”

Cashier: “You’re pregnant. You’re not allowed to eat this.”

Friend: “Um, I think that’s my choice, don’t you?”

Cashier: “But… you’re pregnant.”

Friend: “Yes, and I’d like to have that sandwich for lunch.”

Cashier: “But this has Brie in it.”

Friend: “I know. That’s why I chose it. I assume the cheeses you use are all pasteurised?”

Cashier: “Well… yes. I think so.”

Friend: “Well, then, the risk of me getting ill after eating that sandwich is negligible. And anyway, it’s my choice whether or not to eat it. Please just let me pay for it.”

(Eventually the cashier scanned the baguette and let my friend pay, but all the time she was muttering about how pregnant women shouldn’t eat Brie and she really shouldn’t be selling it to her.)

Compassion Does Not Register

, , , , , | Right | October 9, 2017

(I work at a clothing store, and am working on a new shipment at the back counter when I start to get double vision and can barely stand. My manager comes from the back. I tell her, we call an ambulance, and she goes to the back to print my register sheet. A customer has been shopping right next to us the entire time. She walks to the register and looks at me where I am now sitting and trying not to pass out. She tells me she is ready. I get up, stumble to her, stand in front of the register, and stare at her for a good two minutes, still trying not to pass out.)

Manager: *coming from the back* “What are you doing?! Sit down!”

Me: “I think she’s ready.”

(After the customer has left.)

Manager: “Wasn’t she listening to us the whole time while we called an ambulance for you?”

Me: “Yup.”

Manager: “I hate people.”

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