An Eye For A Tooth

, , , | Right | August 14, 2017

(I work as a receptionist for an eye doctor and one of my main duties is answering the phone and speaking to patients. A patient calls in.)

Me: “[Name] Optometry. How can I help you?”

Patient: “Hi, this is [Patient].”

(I look him up in our system to find that he is indeed a patient at our office.)

Patient: “I wanted to confirm my appointment with [Doctor] for this Tuesday for a tooth extraction.”

Me: “Sorry… did you say ‘tooth extraction?’”

Patient: “Yes?”

Me: “This is an OPTOMETRY office.”

Patient: “Oh… Sorry.”

(We both laughed and he went to find the number for his dentist. The weirdest thing is, the doctor he mentioned DOES work here, but you certainly wouldn’t want him to pull any of your teeth!)

You’re A 100% Chance Of Being An Idiot

, , , , | Learning | August 14, 2017

(I am a teacher providing a tour for parents of new students in the next year. There are two in the group who are very vocal. The atmosphere is pretty casual, and parents are free to ask questions whenever they like.)

Parent #1: “Excuse me? How often is there a nurse in the school?”

Me: “We have several first aiders who are present at all times, so immediate care can be given. As for the nurse, we have two who tend to switch. Thursday are usually their days off. Generally we have both on hand with tasks needing more involvement, like shots and and lice checks.”

Parent #2: “Shots as in vaccines? Oh, no, no, no. My son won’t be doing those. It’s so dangerous.”

Parent #1: “Yes. How could people be so careless! Did you know that the MMR vaccine has a 100% chance of causing autism?! I refuse to left my son be a r****d!”

Me: “I guess I’m a r****d, then.”

(Neither parents looked too happy with my retort, and one of them pulled their student out of the school. The other, however, attended school and gladly had his vaccinations. Apparently there was some words exchanged between his mother and father, to which I assume the father won.)

The Shopping Dead

, , , | Right | August 11, 2017

(I am a fitting room attendant at a big box store. A customer comes in to try on some clothes. The customer is putting the items back into her cart when a coworker comes along. The customer’s back is to us. Coworker accidentally bumps into her.)

Coworker: “I’m so sorry.”

(The customer doesn’t respond.)

Coworker: “How are you doing today? Are you finding everything okay?”

(The customer doesn’t respond. A few minutes after that customer has left:)

Coworker: “She was rude.”

Me: “I think she was deaf.”

Coworker: “Oh.”

An Alarming Lack Of Alarm, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | August 10, 2017

(I take a telephone call from a female caller.)

Caller: “Hello. My partner’s having a pacemaker fitted and for personal reasons, I’d like to know where he is on the list.”

Me: “I don’t know that. Have you tried speaking to the consultant’s secretary?”

Caller: “I’m not ringing her. Can’t you tell me?”

Me: “But she would be the best person to help you.”

Caller: “I don’t know if she’s Australian or Canadian, but she’s never there. She’s either on holiday or off sick.”

Me: “She would still be the best person to ask.”

Caller: “But can’t you tell me?”

Me: “I don’t know that information. Would they even know the surgery lists at this point?”

Caller: “Yes, they would.”

(The fire alarm starts to go off.)

Me: “Can I take your number and try to find out and give you a ring back.”

Caller: “What’s that noise? It’s hurting my ears.”

Me: “That’s the fire alarm. We may have to evacuate the building.”

Caller: “You don’t have to go. It’s probably just a practice.”

Me: “We’ve not been told it’s a practice. If I can take your phone number, I can try and find out and call you back.”

Caller: “No, don’t call me back. I want to know when he’s having his pacemaker fitted.”

Me: “Sorry, madam, we are actually evacuating the building.”

Caller: “But you can’t. I want to know when his pacemaker’s going to be fitted.”

(The best bit? I found out from a colleague that the order of patients is decided on the day!)

Nailed That Work Safety Lesson

, , , , | Working | August 9, 2017

(The interior of our office gets new paint. As our boss is known for being notoriously cheap he asks us employees to carry out some furniture on our way to our lunch break. Another coworker and I pack a desk and carry it to our storage room. I’m the one who’s walking backwards and halfway into the room I feel a short pain and it gets warm inside my shoe. I put the desk down and see a plank with a nail sticking THROUGH my foot.)

Coworker: “Oh, no! Stay put! Don’t pull the nail out. I’ll inform [Boss] and get somebody to carry you to my car. Guess we’re spending the afternoon in the hospital.”

(A few minutes later my boss and two coworkers arrive.)

Boss: “Wow! Well, at least we can learn something about workplace safety here. [My Name], you really ought to be looking more carefully where you step.”

(I waited some seconds for him to start laughing but apparently it was no joke. Yep, totally my fault.)

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