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Women Are, In Fact, Very Much Human Beings

, , , , | Working | January 19, 2023

I am one of two women in a job with an otherwise-male staff. Though I expected that to make things troublesome, the work environment is actually quite pleasant. However, there are some coworkers who are a problem — they are a problem to EVERYONE — and there is exactly one instance when my gender actually causes an altercation.

I go to the bathroom at one point during the day and come back to find [Coworker] standing at my desk, looking annoyed.

Coworker: “Where were you?”

Me: “Sorry, I was in the bathroom. Did you need something?”

[Coworker] glares at me but focuses on the task he needed me for and leaves.

As the day is winding down, I am called into [Manager]’s office to find [Coworker] already there, looking upset.

Manager: “[My Name], sorry to keep you. [Coworker] tells me that you were slacking off shortly after lunch. Care to tell your side?”

Me: “Shortly after lunch… You mean when I was in the bathroom?” *To [Coworker]* “I told you I was in the bathroom!”

Coworker: “There’s no reason you’d have to be in the bathroom!”

Me: “It was right after lunch! I had to take a s***!”

Coworker: “Women don’t have to s***!”

There is silence in the room for a long while. [Manager] and I trade looks of befuddlement, both of us trying to understand what [Coworker] has just said.

Manager: “…[My Name], you can leave now.”

I left the office as [Coworker] started speaking to [Manager] again, trying to imagine what kind of life he must have lived to be a grown man who thought that women don’t need to s***.

Little Kids Like To Flap Their Gums

, , , , , , | Right | January 18, 2023

A mother and her young son are checking out at my small convenience store. The little boy has seen the selection of chewing gum and wants some.

Mother: “No, [Son]. Those aren’t candies. You can have them when you’re older.”

Son: “But I want some!”

Mother: “No. You swallowed them last time, remember? You’re not meant to swallow gum. If you swallow too much, it will stay in your tummy forever and you’ll be all round from too much gum!”

With uncanny timing, a very heavily pregnant woman walks into the store. The boy locks eyes with her baby bump and then looks up at the woman.

Son: *Pointing* “I know what you’ve been up to!”

And with that, the mom shooed her son out of the store, abandoning their purchases.

A Thriller With Vanilla

, , , | Working | January 18, 2023

I work at a restaurant with very tall, very good milkshakes. Most of my coworkers are in agreement that the shakes are exceptional… save for [Coworker #1], who is allergic to dairy, and thus feels she has no business commenting on the shakes beyond the price per volume.

[Coworker #2], for reasons I do not and will never understand, is convinced that [Coworker #1] has to try one of these shakes, allergy be damned. [Coworker #1] has attempted and largely failed to get [Coworker #2] to back off until this exchange.

[Coworker #2] approaches [Coworker #1] with a vanilla shake in hand.

Coworker #1: “How many times do I have to tell you no?!

Coworker #2: “Come on! Just try it, will you?”

Coworker #1: “If you try and feed me that shake, I will vomit on you.”

Coworker #2: “Come on! You’re exaggerating.”

Coworker #1: “No, I’m threatening you.”

[Coworker #2] abruptly went quiet, turned, and walked away.

This Bronco Bucked Back

, , , , , | Right | January 17, 2023

I answer the phone at the restaurant.

Customer: “I ate there yesterday, and you got me sick! What are you going to do about it?!”

Me: “I’m so sorry. When did you eat here, and what did you eat?”

Customer: “Fish and chips. I ate it during the football game.”

Me: “I’m so sorry. Did you see a doctor?”

Customer: *Long stream of swearing* “I want you to pay me.”

Me: “Wait, did you say during the game?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “The Broncos?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t open until 5:00 pm. The kickoff was at 11:00 am. There is no way you ate here during the game.”

Customer: “…s***.” *Click*

She Couldn’t Have Just Tickled Their Foot Or Something?!

, , , , , , | Working | January 16, 2023

CONTENT WARNING: Car Accident, Serious Injury

 

I used to work at a store but quit to get a job outside of retail. About a year after I left, I was in an awful car accident. I was paralyzed from the waist down, and my partner nearly died.

About six months later, I visit some friends at the store where I used to work. Obviously, I am in a wheelchair.

Me: “Oh, hey, [Manager]!”

The manager in question disliked me, but nobody was quite sure why. She gives a partial wave and then wanders off, texting on her phone.

Friend: “Yeah, she’s been bad about being on her phone lately. At least it keeps her from messing up training new hires.”

Me: “Oh, geez. Is she still doing that?”

I notice the manager coming around the other side of me but don’t think much of it. Suddenly, my wheelchair is tipped forward, and I’m dumped onto the floor. I look up to see the manager holding my chair.

Me: “What the f***?!”

Manager: “Oh, I thought you were faking it. I wanted to see if you really were hurt.”

She wanders off. I have to have a friend help me get back into my wheelchair.

I end up calling the store manager later, and she is horrified to hear what happened.

Store Manager: “[My Name], I am so sorry! Back when we heard about the accident, she mentioned thinking you were lying for attention, but I didn’t think she’d go that far!”

[Manager] ended up getting fired. I had the option of pressing charges, but I decided it wasn’t worth the hassle.